online dating

[OceanMist]

Indeed. It just seems like he wants to focus on the negatives no matter what, which in turn will always make him feel sorry for himself.

Online dating has been a huge help to me, and it hasn't even resulted in any relationships or sex. But just going out with a bunch of women has made me much more comfortable/confident around them then I was before.

Sucks for him he'll never feel the way that I do since he's apparently only going to focus on the negatives.

To tell me I'm always being negative is a false statement. I do often come on here to express my complaints because I think of this site as a therapist. I am happy I'm getting experience, and there was a time where I thought I was never going to get a date again and I proved myself wrong by getting what looks like 4 different women to date me in 4 months. That's a huge positive.

I don't really understand why you would tell someone they shouldn't desire monogamy. Anyone has every right to desire and expect monogamy, it's a morally correct thing to want. It doesn't matter if the first date hasn't even happened, wanting a monogamous relationship is not a wrong thing to expect.

I do think the experience I'm getting is helping. I don't see why there is something wrong with being truthful about my feelings. When someone rejects someone that they agree to go on a date with, I don't care who it is, it's not going to feel good. To tell me to take it in silence and forget about some obvious cliche lie is BS.

Nobody likes getting rejected. To tell someone they can't get angry about it is telling them they can't feel something they have every right to feel. Maybe you handle rejection well, good for you, but many people don't handle it as well as you and I think you need to understand that.

It's not like I'm beating these women. All I'm doing is texting them ONE texting session that doesn't even last more than 10 or 15 minutes and asking for some honesty instead of some bogus lie about being too busy to date when what they are doing is dating someone else. I think you have blown what I'm doing out of proportion and are trying to make me look like the bad guy here.

Don't forget, I'm the one being lied to. I'm the one being rejected. They aren't. If I want to get angry, I have right to get angry. Just because you don't get angry in that situation, doesn't mean I can't.

 

[OceanMist]

Related to discussion further back but: nobody is ever too busy. It's a completely translucent excuse. If you really want to do something you'll strive to either find the time, or make the time

I know! Thank you so much for agreeing with me. I was starting to feel like I was alone with that thought.

These women keep feeding me this line. It's like, everything in your is more important than a friend or a date? That's impossible unless they are fighting a war in the Middle East.

 

[OceanMist]

Back when I was new to online dating, being rejected by even fat and ugly girls after meeting them in real life was a serious blow to my self-esteem.

Exactly. It doesn't matter who rejects someone, it's not going to feel good.

I don't see why it's such a shock to some people when someone gets angry about being rejected. I'm not the first person to get angry about rejection, lol. A lot of people get mad about rejection, and they have a right to.

 

[sullyS25]

Well then I digress, I guess I didn't read those I apologize.

What those quotes show me in combination with your complaints or "venting" show to me is that looking for happiness through other people will never work....Happiness comes from within...Not saying you aren't happy either just my own personal observation....You felt so great because of what had happened with certain girls....then it changed and you vented your anger...I have done this too

 

[twiggle]

I know! Thank you so much for agreeing with me. I was starting to feel like I was alone with that thought.

These women keep feeding me this line. It's like, everything in your is more important than a friend or a date? That's impossible unless they are fighting a war in the Middle East.

There'll be times when people genuinely are really busy, like if they are having a really stressful time at work, or if they've got children, or a sick relative etc, but you're always able to know because if they're genuinely busy they'll give a valid reason which you don't find yourself questioning at all, usually followed by an alternative suggestion to meet up. It does sound in your case as those these women were BSing you.

I can understand why you'd rather the women be truthful with you instead of using the I'm busy adage, but I guess maybe they're unsure of how else to say that they don't think you're right together, maybe they're worried of upsetting you, maybe they have contrasting opinions about when a relationship gets to the point in which each other has to be truthful and honest with the other. I don't think you're alone in your opinion about honesty or monogamy, OceanMist. A lot of people crave somebody who isn't going to be running around with others. Personally I don't believe in dating multiple people at a time... rather taking it one by one else what happens if your feelings intensify for multiple people at the same time? But I can also understand the other viewpoint too. I think this thread highlights the fact that everybody has different dating standards and mannerisms and that's why the trick is, as coyote says, to try and meet as many people as possible so that you increase the chances of finding somebody you're more likely to connect with.

If it only took a couple of goes to find the 'special one' then I think that would negate the concept of how unique and special relationships are, because you could wonder if you kept on looking, you might find more and more people with whom you have this 'special bond'.

 

[OceanMist]

Well then I digress, I guess I didn't read those I apologize.

What those quotes show me in combination with your complaints or "venting" show to me is that looking for happiness through other people will never work....Happiness comes from within...Not saying you aren't happy either just my own personal observation....You felt so great because of what had happened with certain girls....then it changed and you vented your anger...I have done this too

No, it's okay, this has been a long thread, it's tough to know all that has been said. Looking back can be a hassle.

I see why we are in disagreement, because you think happiness comes from within only, whereas I believe happiness comes from both within and other people. We must have both other people giving us approval and must have our own approval to find true happiness imo.

I mean, that's why many people search for love. If we didn't need other people to be happy with ourselves, then nobody would care about love. Nobody would need friends, either. I guess the whole world would want isolation, which would be weird.

I think validation depends on successful personal relationships with humans and also lies within. I believe that is human nature.

 

[Pookah]

:3 Online dating....

I hope it works out. >_<

 

[OceanMist]

Haha, speaking of excuses, just got an excuse for my date tonight. This woman claims she caught the flu.

I'm not saying she's lying, so nobody jump down my throat. I'm not saying she's telling the truth either.

I really don't know what the truth is on this one. Any ladies wanna take a stab at this one? You think she's telling the truth?

A little background info on this one, we met online on saturday night and we started texting and I asked her out for tuesday, tonight. I don't really have any more info that I can think of.

This is a little different than the I'm busy line.

 

[sullyS25]

I think you can't have a successful relationship until you learn to love yourself. How can you show love for anyone else if you dont know how to love yourself....When I give myself approval, the approval from others will follow

 

[Sial Axetder]

:3 Online dating....

I hope it works out. >_<

This post was easy to read. Outstanding, 10 points ::

On a side note, I detest the notion we must use smiley pictures.

Do people think we who don't smile much or have a disgraceful smile (which would do the world a favour by not smiling) are in nature a psychotic lunatic that has and is no fun?

 

[SM1010]

Well I'm going out with a woman from a dating site for the 2nd time tomorrow. She seems nice, and definitely attractive. It also seems like she's pretty into me by her behavior in person and texting.

Second date means it's about that time to start thinking about making a move, which is the hardest part for me. Even when it's fairly obvious they're into me it's still hard, some kind of irrational fear there.

Just gotta keep it in the back of my mind and I make myself go for it when it's there. Easier said than done.

 

[OceanMist]

I think the reason I'm getting so mad may be because i don't even hang out with friends right now. I think I'm putting my eggs all in one basket with this online dating thing, which is a plan that can easily fail.

I need to get some friends man, lol, seriously. At least when I have friends and I get rejected, I can just go hang out with them.

See, what I've been doing is only seeing a girl maybe once every two weeks then getting rejected and that's my social life. That's not healthy, no wonder I was getting so mad. I'm going to look into social clubs and stuff and see what I can come up with, and try to get another job too. I just have way too much alone time right now and it's given me too much time to pout over this rejection.

 

[SM1010]

Well I just went out with the one girl for the 2nd time. She definitely wanted me to kiss her, and I actually did it.

I feel great for having done it but it was kind of awkward. I think I just suck at first kisses. I feel like I don't know how they like to kiss (since every girl is different), thus I just don't really know what to do.

Not sure how big of a factor an awkward first kiss is with women but I guess we'll find out because she seemed pretty clearly into me throughout the date.

 

[sullyS25]

SM1010, concentrate on how nice it was to kiss her and how nice it would be to do again. Playing the game of trying to read her mind will drive you crazy. Concentrate on the positives and not what could have gone wrong I.E you being an awkward kisser. Anyways if she really is into you that shouldn't matter anyway.

 

[SM1010]

Yah of course. I feel great for having went for it. That's definitely a win.

I'm just concerned moving forward. I need to get better at first kisses/kissing in general.

I'm wondering if I should straight up tell this girl I'm not that experienced, and if she could "teach" me a few things. Some women are actually turned on by the inexperience factor.

Either way, having went for it and it being awkward is certainly a positive step forward from what I usually do (which is be passive and not make a move).

 

[OceanMist]

Yah of course. I feel great for having went for it. That's definitely a win.

I'm just concerned moving forward. I need to get better at first kisses/kissing in general.

I'm wondering if I should straight up tell this girl I'm not that experienced, and if she could "teach" me a few things. Some women are actually turned on by the inexperience factor.

Either way, having went for it and it being awkward is certainly a positive step forward from what I usually do (which is be passive and not make a move).

Good job man. That must have felt good to do what you planned on doing.

It probably doesn't matter if it was awkward. The fact that you went for it speaks volumes. It says that you interested in her intimately. It says more than words could.

 

[SM1010]

Thanks.

I'd say it was the first legitimate time I've initiated a first kiss. Technically there were two other times, but one woman was extremely aggressive and couldn't have made her intentions more clear and the other was just a really weird situation I don't wanna get into.

But all this girl gave me was the typical very subtle signs most women give and I really had to do all the initiating.

Oh and Ocean sorry about getting on you for negative at times in this thread, it just reminds me when I used to be really negative and how it hindered my social progress.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy really has worked for me. CBT is working on changing your negative thought patterns into being more positive over time. I've been doing that the last couple years really has worked wonders for me. It gives you confidence to do things you used to be too scared to do.

And because I feel so great about initiating that kiss last night I've decided I'm going to straight up tell this woman how inexperienced I am. Worst case she loses interest in me, which isn't even that bad. Yah she's pretty cool and attractive but I'm not in love with her or anything and I'm finally reaching the point in my life where I don't care what people think of me. I am who am and you can take it or leave it.

Plus I can categorize my dates with her as a win, since I accomplished a first. So even if she does lose interest I come away from the whole situation feeling good about myself.

EDIT: Reading over that again makes me realize that I use the word "really" too much lol.

 

[nafadda]

I think you can't have a successful relationship until you learn to love yourself. How can you show love for anyone else if you dont know how to love yourself....When I give myself approval, the approval from others will follow

so true..I think some people I have seen here should work out their own issues first before they even think about dating.

also some need to understand this is reality and if you think the person with the movie star good looks is just going to fall into your life,well chances are you may go around lonely or just get used and tossed away and over look some really nice people.

 

[SM1010]

so true..I think some people I have seen here should work out their own issues first before they even think about dating.

Disagree completely. Dating can give you confidence and help you progress socially. It certainly has for me.

Hiding from your problems never gets you anywhere. If you're not good with women dating is essentially working on your problems.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Thanks.

I'd say it was the first legitimate time I've initiated a first kiss. Technically there were two other times, but one woman was extremely aggressive and couldn't have made her intentions more clear and the other was just a really weird situation I don't wanna get into.

But all this girl gave me was the typical very subtle signs most women give and I really had to do all the initiating.

Oh and Ocean sorry about getting on you for negative at times in this thread, it just reminds me when I used to be really negative and how it hindered my social progress.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy really has worked for me. CBT is working on changing your negative thought patterns into being more positive over time. I've been doing that the last couple years really has worked wonders for me. It gives you confidence to do things you used to be too scared to do.

And because I feel so great about initiating that kiss last night I've decided I'm going to straight up tell this woman how inexperienced I am. Worst case she loses interest in me, which isn't even that bad. Yah she's pretty cool and attractive but I'm not in love with her or anything and I'm finally reaching the point in my life where I don't care what people think of me. I am who am and you can take it or leave it.

Plus I can categorize my dates with her as a win, since I accomplished a first. So even if she does lose interest I come away from the whole situation feeling good about myself.

EDIT: Reading over that again makes me realize that I use the word "really" too much lol.

what signs?
I am totally blind to these things. :-/