men/women/weight issues-*may be offensive to some* Apology in advance

[cowboyup]

I apologize if this may be offensive to some; I am repeating only what my SIL and I were discussing.

My SIL and I had a conversation the other day (yes, we do have civil times in the house-whoa!) and she was telling me about a meeting at work she had attended. After the meeting, Some of the teachers were talking about how there is a 'trend' or something going around where men are telling/or rather, demanding, their girlfriend/wife to stay thin - like within a certain weight range. Fluctuation in weight during the month is 'allowed' but if the woman gains over a certain amount, the man will leave her.

SIL was talking to a teacher who brought this subject up and the teacher was saying that her daughter (who is in her late 20's) has a boyfriend and he told her he'd "leave her a**" if she gained 40 lbs or more because he doesn't like fat people. A few pounds here and there is OK as long as the woman does not get 'fat' and the guy looks at this as the woman not taking care of herself - just being a lazy slob.

According to my SIL, other teachers encountered similar things with their daughter or know of someone who this has happened to. One teacher said she overheard a friend of her daughter say that her boyfriend was boasting how he actually had past girlfriends say that he had given them a complex and were afraid to even gain a pound and I guess he was laughing about it.

This is quite disturbing, in my opinion. Like women/girls/teenagers don't have enough eating disorders, now this?

What are your thoughts? Have you ever heard of this before? Even though the women may of legal age, should the parent say something?

 

[nicole1]

It is shallow, but I don't think women should just let themselves go. I've let myself go but it is partially due to health that I'm having trouble, but I'm not happy. But I'll be damned before I let some guy just give me a complex over my weight.

I think these women have a choice in dating some men. If they are shallow, don't date them. Problem solved.

I had an ex that did not like the weight I gained, and I didn't blame him. But it's the approach and whether it is genuine care versus being a shallow *******.

 

[cowboyup]

It is shallow, but I don't think women should just let themselves go. I've let myself go but it is partially due to health that I'm having trouble, but I'm not happy. But I'll be damned before I let some guy just give me a complex over my weight.

I think these women have a choice in dating some men. If they are shallow, don't date them. Problem solved.

I had an ex that did not like the weight I gained, and I didn't blame him. But it's the approach and whether it is genuine care versus being a shallow *******.

Yes, definitely, I understand. Apparently, by the way the teachers were talking, it was more of a demand, not out of concern. I understand different strokes for different folks, that's what makes the world go around. However, the way she was describing it is that the guys were so demanding at them not gaining weight - not over any health issue nor genuine care for the person or anything, just because he was, like you said, shallow *******.

I could actually see if the guy were saying it out of concern for the person and their health. For example, when my mom wouldn't quit smoking and had gained weight, she was having more health problems - therefore I tried to help her...to no avail, but still...

 

[Flanscho]

I think that what your sil said is wrong.

In each society, since mankind exists, there have been certain preferences that people have for a partner. It's not a recent trend, it's been there since several hundred thousand years.

Many men demand certain traits from their partners. Many women demand certain traits from their partners.

Just look at dating sites such as OkCupid. Sometimes, I read there through a profile, and think "oh, that person sounds really nice, we have a lot in common, maybe I should message her". And then I scroll to the bottom of the profile, where is written "only men taller than 1.80m". I'm 1.74m. Well, tough luck. I guess I have to do it like certain people in china: break my bones, stretch the gaps a bit, and let them grow back together, to please the preferences of certain women. Other women only want rich men, or only men with full hair, or only men who look like body builders.

What I'm trying to say is this:
it is no trend. It is not a thing that the "evil men" planned to make life for women harder. It's the way some people in the society think, regardless of the gender, the location or the time. Whether you stick to those people and try to meet their demands, or whether you search on for those intelligent enough to look past such temporarily surficial nonsense, that is up to you.

Or in short:
any woman or man is responsible for the kid of relationship they end up in.

 

[doctor_who]

this is crazy!, just men trying to rule of woman.

At school yes I heard guys say they would never date anyone over size 12 but if you asked them what a size 12 was they probably wouldn't know...and I know some girls who are a size 12 and they are so skinny!.

I am in a relationship at the moment and my boyfriend says he loves the way I am, and did mention to me that I've put on weight since he met me, and I said its just because ive been comfortable around him but not once has he said he will leave me, infact he says if I want to loose weight then he will support me 100% when I get down about my weight but he always says im beautiful.

I don't understand men who say this to woman, makes them feel rubbish about themselves so woman constantly worry about their weight and guys just get fat. Its about time guys wake up and see if they can't change and support their girlfriend or wives then the girl will leave for someone who treats her like she deserves to be treated.

I know everyone should be healthy but to threaten someone and say i'll leave you if you get fat is just sick, nobody should be in that time of relationship if I was those woman i'd say get to france and lead a very lonely life with your hand.

this is made me quite angry, I think all woman try to watch their weight, I know I haven't been watching mine since ive been in a relationship but I looked in the mirror and want to change and loose weight for me, my boyfriend has nothing to do with it!

guys are so shallow, and those people deserve to be alone.

the end of my rant

 

[Flanscho]

this is crazy!, just men trying to rule of woman.

Are you kidding me? Men try to rule women by having some men say that they like thin partners? Seriously?

I've put on weight since he met me, and I said its just because ive been comfortable around him

How does the presence of a person you like make you gain weight?

I think all woman try to watch their weight

Nope. There is a number of people who do not watch their weight at all.

guys are so shallow

Do you know how shallow it sounds when you say "guys are so shallow"?

If I'd have a partner who'd seriously think something in the likes of "all men are evil because blablabla", I'd leave her.

I can't stand superficial people who generalize everything and everyone. "Men bad!! Women good!! Ugh ugh!".

 

[Shenmue]

On these dating sites, when a woman prefers to go out with a certain type of guy, you know what I'm thinking, I think good for you! What business is it of mine if she prefers a certain type of guy. And when people say, oh but she is being so shallow for wanting a guy that has etc, etc, etc - so what, that is their choice, not mine.


It's a competitive world out there, with nearly 7 billion people on this planet, and we are all in some way vying for the same resources - such as food, water, shelter, jobs, potential mates, and cans of spray cheese whiz. And let me be honest with you for a second, we aren’t all born equal. There are those out there that have been shortchanged in the looks and intelligence department. It's only natural that some of these folks are going to feel a tad disgruntled about the hand that life's dealt them. But you know what I say, instead of feeling bitter about ya life, why don't ya try and improve on what life's given ya instead. And for those insecure men (and some women) that beat the crap out of their partners, all because they aren’t getting the respect they think they deserve, I say take a long look in the mirror, and I hope you get to see what a *huge cough* winner you truly are in life.


In summary, I'm not saying it's a great thing to be materialistic and shallow. It all comes down to personal choice, and not treating someone else like they are your personal property. But when it comes to marriage, there are those out there that really treat their spouses like their own personal property. You only have to read a few news reports to hear how some husbands and wives go ape **** when they try to end the relationship. But of course emotions are a funny thing and some people are able to handle them better than others. So I will just end this by saying, as long as someone isn't being a complete douchebag, just let them live and let live.

 

[doctor_who]

Are you kidding me? Men try to rule women by having some men say that they like thin partners? Seriously?


How does the presence of a person you like make you gain weight?


Nope. There is a number of people who do not watch their weight at all.


Do you know how shallow it sounds when you say "guys are so shallow"?

If I'd have a partner who'd seriously think something in the likes of "all men are evil because blablabla", I'd leave her.

I can't stand superficial people who generalize everything and everyone. "Men bad!! Women good!! Ugh ugh!".

I am not superficial and far from shallow, I don't care about looks when choosing a partner its if they are nice to me or have a nice personality...no they are not choosing to have thin partners, they have a partner and threating them to stay thin/not to put on weight or else they will leave, well then they should leave! cause when you are in a relationship you are both equal, I would not put up with someone who criticizes the way I look and makes me feel **** about myself because I put on a few pound, you aren't meant to make someone feel **** that you care about. All I am saying is people change from when they first meet each other, really say a 16stone guy can't really say to the woman he is with to loose weight if he is not going to loose the weight himself...I want to stay thin but i'll get bigger and I wont help you. If you are not happy with your partners appearance or how thye have become you should leave that relationship if you aren't happy not make someone feel so self concisous and comment "you fattie, I think you should loose a few pound"....I am furious at this, how controlling someone could be and its funny cause one day a big guy said to me (that I was interesting in fyi)"I wouldn't date you cause you a fattie" well mr...go look in the mirror....
also these guys aren't saying it for health reasons like "babe you don't need to loose weight but It would be best because i'm worried" along those lines...they are doing it because what would everyone else think if these douchebags were dating fat lassies.....scum! the lot of them they do deserve a lonely life...and to grow up! cause humans come in all shapes and sizes...and to be honest i'd rather have a fat partner with a nice personality then a stick thin partner who was bitchy and had no personality...but that's just me! this topic has frustrated me.

 

[Flanscho]

no they are not choosing to have thin partners, they have a partner and threating them to stay thin/not to put on weight or else they will leave, well then they should leave!

Yes, some do that. Some. Not all of them. When you write "men are blablabla" and "guys are blablablabla", then it sounds like you condemning half of the population of this planet, because they are all evil and satan incarnate.

Example: when I talk about an unfriendly salesgirl, then I'm saying "that unfriendly salesgirl at shop xyz was so rude!". I'm not saying "women are so rude!". See the difference?

Yes, some men are threatening to leave their women when they gain weight. And some women also gain lots of weight as soon as they are married, because they think they now have a provider. And some women threaten to leave their husband if he doesn't earn enough money or buy them a new car, or they threaten to divorce and take away the children from the husband, because he doesn't get a hair transplant because he is balding.

So what? Does that make me say that all women are evil?
Yes, some men are *******s. Some women are *******s. That's how life is. We wouldn't be able to know what is good if bad wouldn't exist.

If someone is in a relationship with an abusive person, then that person can quit that relationship. If she/he doesn't want to, then he/she should get some support. And if he/she doesn't do that either: tough luck.

We, at least in the developed nations, can choose with whom we share our life. If you choose to share it with an *******, then that's your decision.

If a woman gets together with a guy who is mean, while she herself is a very nice person, then she should quit that relationship, and learn how to get to know people better. The same way if a nice guy is in a relationship with a mean woman.

 

[jaim38]

I know some men who wouldn't date overweight women, and that's completely alright with me. Likewise, some women wouldn't date men who are not taller than they are. Each person has his/her own preferences when it comes to finding a mate.

In a relationship, if the girlfriend gains a few pounds here and there, I guess it's alright. But if the girlfriend becomes overweight and the boyfriend finds himself not attracted to her anymore, then I guess it becomes a problem.

On the other hand, there are men who pressure their girlfriends to gain weight. I remember watching this talk show about several obese women whose boyfriends wanted them to gain more weight. The fatter the better. It got to the point where it has become very unhealthy.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

While I don't think that's unreasonable to expect your SO other to mantain a certain degree of care regarding their appearence, as physical attraction is also part of a healthy relationship, the type of attitude you mention is just typical of mysoginistic men who see women as object or trophies to be paraded. Scum truth be told.

But it's also the job of a woman to not allow herself to be used and manipulated by such terrible men. Woman are not helpless naive victims whom can be controlled by any men with a little charisma, and if any man tells his girlfriend that she should "lose weight or get dumped" and she doesn't leave him right away, then I'm sorry, but she's also not helping herself.

 

[ForeverTheWeirdKid]

In Atlanta an oversized girl is seen as exotic. Big women are like models here.

 

[MollyBeGood]

In Atlanta an oversized girl is seen as exotic. Big women are like models here.

wow that's cool :bigsmile: I think the skinny look is ridiculous to try to adhere too.

people are too superficial and hypocritical for my taste-hence why I am a loner

take my ex...he used to be over weight I never said anything to him about it ever. We break up he looses weight and now won't date anyone who is "fat". I have btw never let myself gain more than a few lbs. I have been with men who are considered overweight and it doesn't bother me but they would want nothing to do with me if I was heavy-this bugs me a lot.

 

[Hellhound]

In Atlanta an oversized girl is seen as exotic. Big women are like models here.

I wish I lived there.

 

[Hellhound]

That is the reason I ceased eating (I do eat, but maybe once every two days)

Maybe I'll find some friends that way.

I usually say I'm not a people pleaser, and then I starve over societal norms. I'm such a hypocrite, aren't I? Haha.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I think shows like King of Queens and the like promote the idea that it's ok for men to be obese-they can even have hot wives...how many shows have large women with GQ looking husbands?......anyone know of any????!!!...I should say that this is only likely IRL if the obese woman is wealthy, but the average poor working woman with a weight problem with a very attractive skinny guy on a show on t.v. no way.
I don't watch t.v. anyways it's total Crap!

 

[BlackPuma]

Fat is a nutrition backup source. If anything it is beneficial to have little extra (provided you also see to it that you get all your vitamins, minerals and keep your cholesterol in check).

And besides that, I think men and women with a bit of chub are sexy. Not fitting through doors and the likes is one thing, but not fitting in the smallest size jeans is perfectly acceptable in my book.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I'm a women and I think it's a responsibility to remain healthy for both genders. If you drastically lose or gain a ton of weight it isn't attractive imo, but also it indicates something is wrong. If someone is naturally skinny or big naturally and is healthy that's different and the partner should already understand and be attracted to that.

 

[vj288]

The nature of relationships it seems to me is a give and take, meaning you are giving something (or multiple things) to someone and in return receiving something (or multiple things) from them. I'd like to think in most relationships the main thing being shared between the two people is love or a feeling of love, but for some there are other equally or more important qualities that can also be "deal breakers." If they don't want kids but you do, you want to live in the country but they the city, or I guess in these people's case keeping a certain weight.

Personally to me it seems like a shallow standard, and placing so much importance makes the other person seem insignificant and dispensable. That looks matter more than who the person is. We all have preferences, whether it be in regards to physical appearance or personality traits or common interests or whatever. But a preference is a far cry from a necessarily quality. To me, it just seems silly to have that as one of the most important qualities that a relationship is balanced on, especially the longer and deeper the relationship becomes. If you've been together for 10 years and then she gains 50 pounds, is it really something to break-up over? To some it is I guess, and I wish them good luck in life, I know that's something I'll never care about though.

 

[thegunners21]

40 lbs isn't a small weight. A 40 lbs weight gain is HUGE and would be concerning.

Look, I believe in fitness ad taking care of myself. Now, I wouldn't expect my partner to be as dedicated, but would expect her to be somewhat in shape. If she gains weight where she's pushing a 40 lb gain, I would try and help her lose the weight, but if she's resistant on doing so, I would have leave her. (again 40 lbs is a huge gain)

You can call me shallow, I honestly couldn't care less. A woman in shape shows me that she is dedicated and willing to work hard for her goals.

I also don't see how this would be any different from a woman leaving a man if he became broke all of a sudden.

Both gender have ****ty people, and I see it as a cop out when everything is blamed on patriarchy.