Luck on dating websites

[GoBlue72]

I saw there was a previous thread on this issue, which has been dead for a few months or so. I wondered if anyone had any good experiences with the dating websites out there? I tried a couple of them many years ago, with very little success. I was checking out some of them recently and posted a profile. It got me wondering if other people were having luck and just not me. I hear a lot of people knowing someone who has had great luck with this, and others who have had luck with it themselves. Do you think it's similar to dating in the real world? Or is it easier for you? Or is it even tougher because it's so easy to reject someone by hitting a key on your keyboard?

My results: 6 months paid membership on match.com and 3 months paid membership on eharmony. I got one date off match.com and emailed many women with maybe two responding back in six months. I emailed several women on eharmony with nothing ever happening, and I couldn't continue to pay the web fee, and got no dates. Is this pretty standard do you think? I know without posting pictures I got zero inquiry, and most of the inquiries later on were spam or scams from Russia. I wondered if maybe the most attractive profiles were getting 90% of the traffic and the rest of us were just waiting around. Any opinions? Am I overthinking this and just didn't give it enough time? Even the people saying they are looking for friends to talk to, seem to not respond even though I can see they viewed my profile.

 

[JamesSmith]

I'd say that is pretty standard. It's because you are a a guy. If a woman looks the slightest bit attractive, she is bombarded with hundreds of messages. Being a guy is tougher online as it is in real-life for dating. I have an OKCupid account and I must have had about 80 visitors, maybe more than that, and I've only gotten like 5 messages, and 4 of those were from woman outside of my city. I haven't been on a date before with anyone from this site. A big complaint I have is that there are very few attractive woman on these sites. The reason for this is in most cases, attractive women don't need these sites. They can just go to a bar and have men flock to them and then she can just take her pick. There is more I could do to try to find someone on here though, I guess I haven't done all i could. It's really hard for me cuz I don't know what to say to these women. But it is easier than just walking up to a woman that is a stranger and starting a conversation. Hopefully we can keep this thread going so we can update how we are doing. My main goal right now is to just make a friend from the site. I figured messaging men would be kind of weird and they may think i'm not straight, so I'm sticking to women right now.

 

[freestylemonster]

I'm on OkCupid and Plentyoffish. For every 20 messages I send out, I get like 3 replies. And most of the time nothing happens with those girls because they stop messaging me after a few days. I'm giving up :/

 

[Kiwong]

A long while ago I checked out the fitness singles site. I searched for people with running as a major activity. I emailed two people, only one replied. I replied again and I recieved nothing in return. My heart really wasn't in it, the thought alone of metting these people fired up my anxiety big time. Not for me.

I now realise I already share running with heaps of friends on running forums, my blog and facebook. That is enough of a link into the running world.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

A picture would really, REALLY help get responses. Not saying you will get a bunch, but you are going to get more with a picture than without.

I don't get very many responses and I am a girl. People always say how much easier it is for girls, but it's not easy for me. I maybe get one response back out of every 10 messages.

 

[EdgeCrusher]

i have tried many dating sites. i never really get any hits back in my area. on one of them i of course fell into the whatever percentile of people it couldnt find matches for based on my answers to their million questions.

 

[replica]

A long while ago I checked out the fitness singles site.

What site was this Kiwong?

 

[Kiwong]

Replica, it is called Fitness Singles, and is widely sponsored on the Internet. All the females my age look really old, which just goes to show I am old too.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I got plenty of responses from E-Harmony, but I was so shy that I could never actually meet any of the girls. I was about 26 or 27 at that time, so maybe being a little older helps things along. I say that because I think girls kind of start to freak-out as 30 approaches if they aren’t getting serious with someone and moving toward marriage and kids, so maybe that greased the communication wheels a little.

 

[AGR]

I have one account,didnt post any pics,people also probably judge more on looks there,I'd rather find someone in real life because she will know how I am and like me for that,but also really beautiful girls there which is intimidating,I did some profiling seems like most are Japanese girls,girls interested in comming to Japan,foreign girls already in Japan and some probably wanting to take advantage of a Japanese men for visa or money,also couple of shady profiles of course this is generalising,but not the place for me.

 

[HH]

I never really reply to girls who have used the old "send a message to everyone" feature that you sometimes get....I just think its a lazy way of getting in contact. I've been on pof for a long time and I sometimes get a message but its never gone any further.

I think to get the most out of dating sites you really have to put the time and money into it by getting some decent photos of yourself and putting them on there, writing a good interesting description (most descriptions are so boring and samey.....e.g. "I like going out with my friends but I also enjoy a quiet night in with a bottle of wine"...yeah, so does every other girl on here....sheesh

 

[GoBlue72]

Great feedback, guys. So far then, sounds like my results might be pretty typical I guess. Oh, and Msbuzz I meant to imply I didn't have a photo on mine when I first tried, but ever since I've included them. Yeah, I kind of assume if there is no photo than the person is hiding something. My mom even mentioned yesterday about someone telling her about their friend. The friend was in a car accident and required 24 hour care due to being paralyzed from the neck down. She ended up meeting a guy on facebook and never let him know about her condition/needs. She had her sister take her to meet him in person somewhere for a date. I guess the guy spoke with her for awhile, left to use the restroom and never returned. Sad story, but just shows you have to be up front at some point.

Anyhow, I know some of my past online experience was only half-hearted anyhow. And my recent attempt only just started, so I need to give it some time. I recall reading many of the articles on how to get more responses to your profile. One study even found guys got more feedback on photos with them not smiling or looking mysterious(maybe that was from that pickup artist book?).

 

[Sial Axetder]

Great feedback, guys. So far then, sounds like my results might be pretty typical I guess. Oh, and Msbuzz I meant to imply I didn't have a photo on mine when I first tried, but ever since I've included them. Yeah, I kind of assume if there is no photo than the person is hiding something. My mom even mentioned yesterday about someone telling her about their friend. The friend was in a car accident and required 24 hour care due to being paralyzed from the neck down. She ended up meeting a guy on facebook and never let him know about her condition/needs. She had her sister take her to meet him in person somewhere for a date. I guess the guy spoke with her for awhile, left to use the restroom and never returned. Sad story, but just shows you have to be up front at some point.

Anyhow, I know some of my past online experience was only half-hearted anyhow. And my recent attempt only just started, so I need to give it some time. I recall reading many of the articles on how to get more responses to your profile. One study even found guys got more feedback on photos with them not smiling or looking mysterious(maybe that was from that pickup artist book?).

Really? Not smiling is natural for me.

 

[Luke1993]

We have had users here on SPW who have had relationships via dating sites and one I remember met her husband on a dating site. It can definitely happen

 

[bsebring]

If you don't post a picture that just takes away trust and instead of focusing on meeting someone then people are more focused on why they are too insecure to post a picture. Plus, You really don't know a lot about the people on these websites which is also a factor.... The more information you can give the more open people become.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

My mom AND my aunt like to butt into my life a little bit...
I told them that I am not interested in dating at all, but they both set up multiple dating profiles on several different sites - with pictures.

How many messages have I gotten?
8. Most of them from the same 60 year old man.
lol
(I have not checked them, but my aunt likes to call me up and laugh about how weird it is. thanks, auntie.)

I don't check the profiles because I don't want a date even if I could get asked out. I think another thing that should maybe be remembered when it comes to dating websites--- is that profiles can be completely fake (i.e. a little kid who thinks it's funny to send old people dirty messages. < I knew lots of people who did it when I was a tween. creepy.) profiles can also be made up by a 'friend' or 'family member of the person the profile is actually for. There arent really restrictions while you are making the profile that says it *has* to be you-- there's no way to check.
So; take that into consideration when you sign up-- a percentage of the profiles that exist may not be maintained at all.

 

[Shift]

Great feedback, guys. So far then, sounds like my results might be pretty typical I guess. Oh, and Msbuzz I meant to imply I didn't have a photo on mine when I first tried, but ever since I've included them. Yeah, I kind of assume if there is no photo than the person is hiding something. My mom even mentioned yesterday about someone telling her about their friend. The friend was in a car accident and required 24 hour care due to being paralyzed from the neck down. She ended up meeting a guy on facebook and never let him know about her condition/needs. She had her sister take her to meet him in person somewhere for a date. I guess the guy spoke with her for awhile, left to use the restroom and never returned. Sad story, but just shows you have to be up front at some point.

Anyhow, I know some of my past online experience was only half-hearted anyhow. And my recent attempt only just started, so I need to give it some time. I recall reading many of the articles on how to get more responses to your profile. One study even found guys got more feedback on photos with them not smiling or looking mysterious(maybe that was from that pickup artist book?).

This article?
The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures OkTrends

I have an okcupid account. I get a lot of messages because of how I look. I've met up with a couple of people and been on a few dates, but nothing has panned out because I am too quiet and socially awkward in person.

 

[JamesSmith]

I think girls kind of start to freak-out as 30 approaches if they aren’t getting serious with someone and moving toward marriage and kids

This is something that really bothers me. I don't want to be a woman's "last resort." I'm 26 now, and the older i get, the more people my age are getting married. Considering I don't have a job right and have practically no success with women in any aspect of socializing or dating in the past and have very little experience with women, I'm assuming I'm going to be a late-bloomer and if I do get married it will be at least in my mid-thirties, and there's a decent chance it will be even later than that. By that time, many of the women left are going to be desperate and will be just wanting to get married so they aren't alone for the rest of their life and so they can have kids. I'm afraid they won't marry me because they love me, they will marry me out of fear that they won't have kids and a husband like most other people have. I want to get married because the woman is my soul-mate and we love eachother, not because she's grabbing on to her last chance at marriage.

 

[GoBlue72]

This article?
The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures OkTrends

I have an okcupid account. I get a lot of messages because of how I look. I've met up with a couple of people and been on a few dates, but nothing has panned out because I am too quiet and socially awkward in person.

I don't think that WAS the article, but it kind of implies what I read elsewhere. Thanks, Shift. That entire article was interesting reading. Especially where they said showing your face had no effect on whether or not you got more messages. And they based their study on the most average rated users, so as not to throw it off with the below and above average by attractiveness ratings. I hardly worry about the actual dating part anymore, I'd just like to actually talk to some of the people on the site. Especially if they say they are looking for friends to talk to, and we have a lot in common.

Thanks again.

 

[Minty]

Tried PoF and you get nothing without a picture. I did get to know one guy a little bit, added him to MSN and finally got around to showing him some pics. A couple days later he said our friendship wasn't going to work and we stopped talking to each other. Lol.