Luck on dating websites

[AsTimeBurns]

I've tried a few - OkCupid and Plenty of Fish mainly. I send out messages occasioanlly to people in my area who look alright and have interesting profiles. I never know what o say really though, so tend to just ask something to do with one of their hobbies or interests that they mention. Sometimes I get replies, but it usually peters out after a while and they stop responding, or they give replies without any follow-on questions to keep the conversation going easily.

Seems that unless you're willing to admit to yourself that you're a total loser and send out hundreds of messages in the hope that 1 or 2 might reply, you won't get anywhere. But I just hate to think of the possibility of my messaging someone, them ignoring it or replying then getting bored, and then running into them in real life. That would be extremely embarrasing.

 

[A friend]

On dating sites, some people may experience less fear than they would in real life, but the luck might not be any better. If you're the type of person who stresses out from feeling significant amounts of fear from talking to a beautiful woman in real life, then online dating is the best option most likely.

:|

 

[GoBlue72]

I've tried a few - OkCupid and Plenty of Fish mainly. Sometimes I get replies, but it usually peters out after a while and they stop responding, or they give replies without any follow-on questions to keep the conversation going easily.

Seems that unless you're willing to admit to yourself that you're a total loser and send out hundreds of messages in the hope that 1 or 2 might reply, you won't get anywhere. But I just hate to think of the possibility of my messaging someone, them ignoring it or replying then getting bored, and then running into them in real life. That would be extremely embarrasing.

I don't worry too much about running into them in real life, or if I did I'd see it more as an opportunity to show myself in person. However, I agree with your description of conversations "petering out" or them not responding. That's what I've run into as well in the past. I remember that happening years ago, before texting became a big thing in the US. But nowadays, there's no reason for it. Just stop responding or respond that day or the next. Jebus! That was the reason I gave up in the first place. I don't have enough money to keep paying when I'm getting two emails per week, and one a week later once I reply to both of the originals.

Well, I guess the "message as much as possible" technique is my next step, then. Prove my thinking wrong or right as far as return on investment. Of course, when you're not paying it doesn't matter much. Just a matter of spending your time.

Onward, SA Soldiers!

 

[girlinthecorner]

I think to get the most out of dating sites you really have to put the time and money into it by getting some decent photos of yourself and putting them on there, writing a good interesting description (most descriptions are so boring and samey.....e.g. "I like going out with my friends but I also enjoy a quiet night in with a bottle of wine"...yeah, so does every other girl on here....sheesh

I always felt like I didn't get that many responses because I didn't write things like that. From reading other people's descriptions, I felt like that's what's normal and got responses (Going out with friends, loving to go party, having a life, etc.) and it made me feel weird not being able to put stuff like that.

I tried OKCupid last year. I met a couple of people but it didn't work out. I never even got to the meeting part. That part terrifies me. And I know I shouldn't even be using dating sites if I'm not even sure if I could go through with meeting them, but online dating seems like my only option since I never meet anyone anywhere else. I was thinking of trying it again.

 

[ilmatross]

Seems like people who have social anxiety need a social outlet to get together, you'd be a lot more relaxed around someone who has SA too wouldn't you?

just a thought

 

[Waybuloo]

It's important to post a picture because not only do people judge on looks for superficial reasons, but it's helpful to see what kind of person you are. If you are posing with some 'hot chicks' then you're probably just a player or very superficial, if you are posing in a cafe, relaxed and smiling, that means you are probably approachable. If you are in a nightclub then you might appeal to a certain type of women. All of them might not be correct stereotypes but that's what people do, judge on first impression from photos. You can also tell how self conscious or vain someone is by the way they pose, rather than relaxed and easy going.

When a profile doesn't have photos most people would jump to the conclusion that the user is either too ugly, or there is something wrong with them. Of course you might just be too self conscious to put a pic up, but the majority would think the above.

 

[Tiercel]

Seems like people who have social anxiety need a social outlet to get together, you'd be a lot more relaxed around someone who has SA too wouldn't you?

That's why I come here. Not because beautiful women fawn over me, but because I don't feel like I need to escape.

Plus, it's much less stressful sitting in front of a computer screen than another person.

 

[theslowesthand]

I belong to 20 or so dating/connections sites (& a few "friendship" sites, which can double as dating sites). Have been so for several years now. However, initially when i join a site, it's due to rash/impulse/emotional urges. When that (quickly) passes, I am left with the satisfaction that I have added another to my "collection", and so I can then investigate it's inner workings, compare all its features to other such sites, and so on. That is, I tend to "get off" not on the women on those sites, but on the actual workings/system that each site uses - it satisfies the (major) part of my mind which craves/loves order/system/control/analysis. And I think that makes much sense, that I love objects more than people, as I have Asperger's (& SA/etc).
Also, there's just too many hurdles that prevents me from trying to strke up even an online friendship, let alone online relationship, let alone real-life relationship. Too many fears/worries. I guess that means "i'm not ready" for a relationship. But that's fine as I have no real desire for one.