Living in the past

[Agent_Violet]

After my divorce I did the obligatory "soul searching" thing. I didn't get much out of it lol

But I did realize one important thing about myself that i needed to fix. I was constantly living in the past. Holding on to regrets,resentment,bitterness,etc. constantly torturing myself by remembering all the wrongs that were done to me. Remembering all my mistakes. Pouting over things that happened.

Why do we do this. Why can't we just live in the present and the look to the future?

Wouldn't leaving all the negativity behind leave room in your head for positive things?

Now I crack the whip on myself mentally when i catch myself living in the past.
Im not totally able to stop myself but I can tell you that even the smallest attempt to live in the present makes a HUGE difference in the way you see yourself and others.

Anyone have any tricks or tips for how to just be present instead of dwelling and letting the past rent space in your head?

 

[market.garden]

Wouldn't leaving all the negativity behind leave room in your head for positive things?

Yep, good point. It can be so destructive to fixate on mistakes or regrets or humiliations in the past. All the time spent on thinking back on things that have long gone is time that could be spent on moving forward.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well, usually when we re-hash, it's because something happened that we hated or didn't have a satisfiable ending to. For example, I can't stop thinking about a girl who I met when I was a child. I do so because my last action to her was to have my friend tell her that I thought she looked when I wanted to tell her that myself. I chickened out and never forgave myself for it; I keep wondering, "What if I didn't chicken out?" or I call myself a coward for doing so. The point of that superfluous filibuster:: was that maybe you need to resolve what happened in the past. Another option is to tell yourself that it's over, no matter the ending, and resolve to move forward. I don't know how to do it, per se, but I know it can be done.

 

[Agent_Violet]

^^^^ awesome quote Phocas thank you!!

 

[lonely_drummer]

It's easy to live in he past because it has already happened, so it doesn't take much mental effort to bring these memories back compared to try and look into the future. With the future your mind has to work harder, it has to analyze the present in order to make up what will be in store for the future. And living in the now state is a definitely the most difficult because in order to do that, your mind needs to forget about both the past and future in order to breathe for that split second. Plus, when we live in the past, we never fully relive it the way it really happened. We remember some of the past being better or worse than it actually was. Especially if we trick ourselves into remember the past being good, then it's hard to try and live well right now because we're constantly remembering how good things used to be. And the present always feels like its s h i t because we don't know how to really live in the now. And when the present feels like crap, it makes looking into the future very difficult. I don't have much advice on how to live in the now since I'm still trying to figure out how as well but I wish you luck

 

[bcsr]

Let me quote my favorite fictional character...
"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Andy Dufresne

 

[Hoppy]

It is something I've learned at work recently. If something go wrong, the most important thing is to repair the mistakes, and that must happen now. The next important step is to figure out what went wrong and what to do to ensure that it doesn't happen again. Recriminations and witch-hunts only hurts people and destroy energy.

I am slowly teaching myself to live in the moment, and look forward. It works amazingly well.

 

[MikeyC]

But I did realize one important thing about myself that i needed to fix. I was constantly living in the past. Holding on to regrets,resentment,bitterness,etc. constantly torturing myself by remembering all the wrongs that were done to me. Remembering all my mistakes. Pouting over things that happened.

This is something I need to work on, too. Unfortunately I don't have any advice to stop this but you're a more determined person than I am and I know you'll give it your best shot.

 

[Daniel089]

Well I think you need to spend more time with your friends to forget your future.
My sister was 30 when she divorced around 10 years ago, because her husband was a slacker, with no real job (just a talent for music, because he was in a band) and my sister had to get money and on top of that she went to college as well and travelled a lot because she have friends abroad. So after my ex-brother-in-law defeated cancer they got divorced. My sister went to Italy to her friends for a longer period and a few months later she met her argentinian husband. They married 2 years ago and now they have a baby.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I think I focus more on the 'great things' I did in the past.
Re-living my glory days so to speak; because I'm at the bottom right now and I suppose I've gotten comfortable here.

I blame myself for everything, though I could easily place the blame on a specific line of events I choose to hate myself rather than anyone else. My decisions; my mistakes; my failure.

That's a whole other frame of mind to straighten out and I'm not sure how to start.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I think I focus more on the 'great things' I did in the past.
Re-living my glory days so to speak; because I'm at the bottom right now and I suppose I've gotten comfortable here.

Same here! I think about how much better looking I was when I was younger (even though I still thought I was ugly back then!) and that nobody would like me these days. I can't go back in time so need to try and focus on the here and now, and look at the good things I do have.

 

[mikebird]

Yep

I've been this way for a couple of years. Time does tick by at a constant rate you can't alter; there's a factor for being born at the wrong time that reigns my life. Glad i'm onto the issue. Music & photos are a big part of clinging on, remembering how good life used to be. Never thought Mum's death would affect me, and I was right. After six years of Dad living alone, and me alone, we have that in common.

It's when in hospital for a few months, there is time to let go and laugh about what's next? Then back to normal and chasing opportunity. I want to succeed professionally and impress Dad before it's too late

Being in a bomb, plane crash, war, or plague beyond my condition makes me think of letting go, as a fantasy, but i am determined to succeed!! I have to be sure I don't cause anyone to be born to parents of the age mine were. Getting much too late

 

[da_illest101]

I have the same problem, I can't get over the fact that my life was better, more fun when I was younger. All i'm doing now is work and I hate it.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I mis-read Phocas's quote as "IF you can't start the next chapter of your life, you keep re-reading the last one" is it equally as true that way?

And I have a feeling that it has something to do with unwillingness to accept the past, a weird false belief that we can still somehow change it, and something to do with forgiveness, fault, guilt, and all of those words that mean nothing because i really don't know how to apply them in this case

 

[Shenmue]

I'm squatting back there in my metaphysical tent.