Imagine your ideal relationship...

[A friend]

It seems like that's for it is for most people I've been speaking to...

 

[Anti Matter]

My ideal relationship....not getting called a massive failure would be nice. Or ridiculed in front of my acquaintances for me being a boring person.

You know, something nice would be awesome.

 

[A friend]

If people insult you (if you didn't do anything to them), then they're probably the boring ones, and they are probably jealous because they may realize that you're a better person than they are.

 

[Anti Matter]

If people insult you (if you didn't do anything to them), then they're probably the boring ones, and they are probably jealous because they may realize that you're a better person than they are.

2 people saying the same exact thing to me?

I dunno, I have this aura of boringness and no motivation to do anything new.

Who knows.

 

[WriterChick3]

...
That sounds just like how I am (except for the trumpet and wanting kids part).

:|

Then I guess someone out there like this does exist, eh? XD Maybe I'm not so crazy after all ... There must be more out there!
*Is tired and not making sence*

 

[philly2bits]

It's hard not to fantasize at all. I can't help it. It kinda makes me happy, at least for a little while. I'm well aware the things I dream up are probably unrealistic. But it's good to have some idea of what you want and don't want. I'm not willing to settle. There are certain things I require and certain things I just won't put up with. I don't think anyone can really know what they want until they find it. I just think if I'm truly happy, I'll know.

I'm not saying having an idea of what you want is bad. In fact it is a must. You can't just wing a relationship with someone. There must be some core values you can not give an inch on, or you'll be miserable. But that is different then idealizing a relationship. By definition, an ideal relationship is unrealistic. As such, it will always win over a real one.

I'll know because it's something I've never experienced and it's going to feel different. But that may not happen anyway. Realistically, I'll probably live my life alone. I'll be lucky if I even get a few dates or short lived relationships. Actually finding someone to fall in love with and spend my life with is highly unlikely.

I won't lie to you and tell you that you are wrong and everyone finds someone and all that jazz. As much as an overly negative attitude can hamper progress, so can an overly positive attitude. Sure you may feel better, but as with the idealized relationships your expectations will not match reality and you'll be worse off. It's best to go for a as much as a neutral attitude as possible. Of course that is a topic for another thread.

 

[BlackPuma]

Someone that gets my coffee right. ::

No seriously, that's pretty much rocket science.

 

[planemo]

She would have to be...

- a person I just feel comfortable around. (Which is possible, though rarely happens)
-One who cares of my feelings, and wants me to make progress with my difficulties.
-Someone I can love easily. (This is virtually impossible)

 

[Phoenixx]

A guy who is my best friend, who understands and knows me completely. Someone who can make me laugh anytime. Just someone who I can be completely comfortable around. Dark hair is just an added bonus.

 

[Dr. Doom]

Someone who would listen to me, someone I could laugh with and hold hands with on walks. We would experience things together. She would see through me, like my BS. She would want me in her life as much as I'd want her. Short hair, like winona ryder from alien resurrection would not be bad either.

 

[Kinetik]

I have this horrible habit of thinking of new/different girls whenever I'm with someone; either that or I start feeling like my life is over and that I'll never meet anyone else. I suppose it's just as well that there's no ideal relationship in my mind, because even if I did meet someone great I'd still have those problems.

 

[Liam17]

Not really thought about it, but i think for it to work, you both need to be happy.

However. I'm meant to be alone, so i'm just dealing with it and accepting it.

Something might happen, but theres no point in hoping.

I'm slowly recovering, to make myself happy.

 

[Feathers]

I have this horrible habit of thinking of new/different girls whenever I'm with someone; either that or I start feeling like my life is over and that I'll never meet anyone else. I suppose it's just as well that there's no ideal relationship in my mind, because even if I did meet someone great I'd still have those problems.

Kinetik, have you heard/read about Relationship OCD? - I've had a bit similar problems sometimes and I started to think if it could be ROCD maybe or something like that.. (?) or just wasn't the right person at the time..

Liam, it's great that you're slowly recovering!! It takes time, and you are still young!!

As for everyone in the thread, I don't think you are wishing for 'impossible' things - it may just feel that way because of the SA and all...

 

[Kinetik]

Haven't heard of it, Feathers, but will look into it now that you've mentioned it. I have some other symptoms that surface whenever I'm involved with someone and it looks like it may all be related. So thanks.

 

[Snowdrop]

He understands and knows me fully, he doesn't question, doesn't judge. We can laugh together, and be at ease.

 

[goldenholds]

Then I guess someone out there like this does exist, eh? XD Maybe I'm not so crazy after all ... There must be more out there!
*Is tired and not making sence*

Funny, I was just going to say the same thing as "A friend in need", except minus the freckles too. And I can make my piano sound like a trumpet if that counts, and I love kids, I just don't don't plan on having or raising any myself. Close, real close.

 

[WriterChick3]

Funny, I was just going to say the same thing as "A friend in need", except minus the freckles too. And I can make my piano sound like a trumpet if that counts, and I love kids, I just don't don't plan on having or raising any myself. Close, real close.

lol, that makes two!
And I like many instruments, I didn't list them all, though. I have too much for an ideal guy!

 

[talisman]

Ok this is more a description of the partner than the relationship. I'd want them to have the same qualities as a best friend. I'd want them to be happy, playful and fun-loving, not depressing and reclusive and hopefully someone who can drag me out of my shell, but nor do I want them to be really outgoing or experienced with life. I'd like to have someone I can 'learn'/'grow' with.

Also for me it's important that they're open-minded about almost everything. Over-confidence and unhesitating certainty aren't really attractive qualities imo. It would also be nice if they were open-minded in the bed room and perhaps not constrained to the traditional ideas of monogamous relationships or marriage but I guess that's asking a bit too much.

The relationship: well in short it would be one of trust and friendship, but not constraint.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Yeah, i'm not sure. Fantasizing about the ideal is what's made me so unhappy with all around me... so

With a hobo who spits in my face as an anniversary gift.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I'm not saying having an idea of what you want is bad. In fact it is a must. You can't just wing a relationship with someone. There must be some core values you can not give an inch on, or you'll be miserable. But that is different then idealizing a relationship. By definition, an ideal relationship is unrealistic. As such, it will always win over a real one.

I won't lie to you and tell you that you are wrong and everyone finds someone and all that jazz. As much as an overly negative attitude can hamper progress, so can an overly positive attitude. Sure you may feel better, but as with the idealized relationships your expectations will not match reality and you'll be worse off. It's best to go for a as much as a neutral attitude as possible. Of course that is a topic for another thread.

Good points. Thank you.

Just someone who I can be completely comfortable around.

THIS. That's what I want the most in a relationship. Someone who I can feel completely comfortable around. But that's sort of an all-encompassing thing. I'll only feel comfortable if a lot of other things fall into place. However, this is also why I think it's unlikely I'll ever find someone. It's so difficult for me to open up and feel comfortable with anyone. I keep a lot inside. It would take a very special and rare sort of person for me to ever feel comfortable.