"If I were you..."

twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
... Do you ever wonder what other people would do if they were in your position? And I mean, exactly your position? Same kind of anxieties, same kind of upbringing?

I have my way of trying to deal with my SA but so many times I wonder if I'm completely off-track. It seems that there are so many different ways of seeing the same thing and as such I find it so hard to ever put full faith in my approach. It's not just limited to trying to overcome S.A, but all things in life. Career pursuits. Social pursuits.

Can anybody else relate to this? That feeling of uncertainty, being unsure that you're doing the right thing, wondering if any progress you make will last... and then wondering if somebody in a pair of similar shoes would shriek in horror at the way you do things?
 
kihira

kihira

1
Yes, I feel like I'm a scared passenger in the backseat of an out-of-control car and all around me are people confidently driving to wherever they want (if that makes sense)
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
If yuo were me, then id be YOU! and id use YOUR body to get to the top of the mountain!!

mwhahahahah!
 
Invisibleman

Invisibleman

Well-known member
I have that feeling of uncertainty all the time. Its a terrible way to be but im somebody who doesnt enjoy getting help from others, I always try to play mr fix it upon myself without an instruction manual. Im always worried that im going about it so wrong and that my end result will have not moved from square one after so much effort.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Well, no.

I've been trying to do some very unorthodox 'weird or wonderful' things that not many people actually attempt (or even get crazy enough to try).
I've often wondered if other people would do things differently, or could do things better than I (probably yes), but no one has actually attempted to do (some of) those things, if you get what I mean?
I get interested in soo many things, most people just get interested in one or two (?)

When I read or heard more about PTSD or effects of upbringing etc I sometimes wondered how come I was brave enough to even do some of the things I did.

But I was often supercritical and expected more of myself. And wondered if my efforts will ever have any 'real' effects (?) So, hm, I can relate to some of what you say.

I think that in living Life there are no 'right or wrong' questions, it's a 'multiple answers' or open-ended path possibility... You learn something no matter which road you take... (Though some relatives or friends would wish you to take different roads sometimes, at least in my case!!)

You're working, living... I think you're doing great!! :)
There's no 'manual' on how to go about things... so I don't know why people would need to 'shriek in horror'?? (my mum sometimes does, but that's personal opinion - I'd do some things differently if I were living her life too!! We are human beings with personal freedom and free will, not clones or robots!!) :)
 
MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
I would think that if someone were in the exact same position as me, with all my same personality traits and my same upbringing... they would make the same exact choices I do. I mean, they are literally me in that scenario.

I can definitely relate to those feelings of uncertainty. I think that is a pretty common feeling. There are a lot of different ways you can go about things and different decisions you can make. There is the fear that I have made the wrong one or I am doing something stupid. I think if someone else didn't have my upbringing and anxiety they may look at the way I do things and might shriek in horror for the way I do things. But that would only be because they can't relate.

I think decisions should be made based off of what works best for you. Not everything works for everyone else. Everyone is different.
 
SilentBird

SilentBird

Well-known member
If you met yourself as another person, would you encourage, reassure and be patient with that person?
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I would LOVE my best friend to take a walk in my shoes for a week. I would be very interested to see what he would do. He never seems to understand why I am the way I am so it would be a good learning curve for him.
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
Sometimes I do actually ponder what others would do. Merely to see what they would do, and if they would consider the lifestyle to be better, worse and not-so different from the norm.

What I'd be most interested in would be to know whether they find my direct personal experience and processing of my surroundings a delight or a huge shock. And if they return to be their regular self, what would they do? Would they understand or judge even harder and more severe?

It would be the ultimate sociological experiment for me, and it would be a leap forward in my study of this so-called 'human nature'.
 
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K

Kinetik

Well-known member
I think most others, if in my shoes, would engage in social pursuits, be proactive with life in general, be outside far more often, and establish healthy and self-satisfying routines. I live very marginally - sometimes I stay indoors for days at a time, most days I only eat two small meals (I'm underweight) and I don't really treat myself to anything at all. I work from home, and I also exercise at home. If I mess up socially or embarrass myself somehow, I find some way to punish myself (like I will set a rule, for example that I'm not allowed to buy anything nice for a month). I don't know how to be kind to myself. I live like a prisoner.

I know how to come across as a normal, laid back guy in person and most people don't notice anything different about me, but as soon as I'm home I'm back to my own marginal world. I'd be interested to know if anyone at SPW also lives a very narrow, self-imposed life of regimentation.
 
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twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
Some very interesting replies here. From another angle and similar to Mikey's point I also wonder what people without SA would think if they had my brain for a day. Or even, what another SA sufferer would think. Would they think my problem was more, or less, severe than I think it is?

I guess that even then it doesn't necessarily mean the other person is correct. I just feel that there are so many different ways of interpreting things... and it can be confusing when trying to work out what to do next.

I guess it's a bit like cooking. You can try and make the same dish but everyone has their different 'secret' ingredients that affect the overall flavour... you might think yours is the tastiest but then you try another person's and you think, 'wait, actually, I should have put some lemon juice in mine, too'.
I should probably shut it with the analogies all the time.
 
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kilojoule

kilojoule

1
MikeyC said:
I would LOVE my best friend to take a walk in my shoes for a week. I would be very interested to see what he would do. He never seems to understand why I am the way I am so it would be a good learning curve for him.
Click to expand...

Yes! Definetly! I think he could stand to learn a bit. I know hes your friend but he does take the piss at times. I would also like him to walk a mile in your shoes or. ...Or...failing that...I could walk over him for a mile in my shoes :D yknow whichever, main thing is he learns to be a bit more understanding
 
gustavofring

gustavofring

Well-known member
It's difficult to say. If someone had my physical brain and everything going on in it chemically, they might possibly act exactly the same. How much of our behavior is caused by messed up brain chemicals or other difficult to diagnose illnesses? I don't know.

However if someone with a more rational and social mind somehow implanted in my body then they would probably be shocked at my life and start cleaning my act up.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
This is too confusing to think about. Too many factors.

All I do know is if anyone is given a bad anxiety genes like me and my siblings have, they are going to have issues throughout their lives. All of my siblings have had anxiety problems, and so would everyone else if they were placed in our bodies.

Anxiety just isn't something that can be entirely avoided. It's something that has to be controlled so life is enjoyable to a pleasant enough extent.

I've had a friend say he wishes he was me. It's easy to say that when he's outgoing and extroverted right now in his body. If he had to take my anxious, introverted body, he wouldn't feel the same way. Something many people don't understand is that if you are a guy, looks don't just magically get you a great social life or a g/f.

There are famous people that could have anything they want but chose to take their lives due to anxiety and depression problems. That's how powerful anxiety and depression are. It can make anyone feel bad.
 
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coyote

coyote

Well-known member
if someone else were in my place

they'd probably take better care of themselves, their lives, and the people they care about
 
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