I Never Get Any Attention From The Girls...

[Kiwong]

My favourite move is escaping through a window in a blind panic.

My body language is talking to the roof or the wall, with eyes as wide as dinner plates.

I'm not a normal gent, I have a mental illness, although i mean well, and if ever given the chance I would treat women with respect.

 

[R3K]

So I enter a grocery store and see a cute chick cashier working… I go looking down the aisles for the product I need…

hmm should I go to her checkout lane and try chatting with her for a bit? I find my item and begin heading toward the checkout lanes…

Wait, there are so many people in here, what if I sound like a dork when I try to talk to her?

I turn down a random aisle and grab another item (so I look like I know what I’m doing) while I deliberate and attempt to summon confidence…

Calm down, you’re overreacting, it’s real easy, you just act casual and—****, what if it totally seems obvious that I’m choosing her check-lane? Everybody will think I’m a shallow womanizer.

Chill out, just approach the checkstands casually and slowly and make it look like you didn’t pick her checkstand lane on purpose…

So I take a deep breath (bad idea, causes heart rate and shaking hands to go crazy) and begin casually meandering toward her checkstand--

Wait a minute! I quickly turn around and head down another aisle, grabbing a random item… what if her line is longer than the other checkstands and everyone thinks I’m just weathering the long wait so I can be rung up by the hot cashier girl?

Ok, I’ll pretend I’m checking my messages on my phone while I’m waiting in her line, so obsorbed in my text messages I won’t seem to notice that other lines are shorter…

So I flip out my cell, try to slow my excited heart rate with will power and begin heading up there—

Crap wait! I spin around and go to another random aisle and pick up something I don’t even need… What if a cashier from the next lane steps around to me and says she can help me in her lane? (I’ve seen this happen many times before)… I’ll look like a shameless horndog for sure if I refuse, everyone’ll know I just want to wait in the hot chick’s line.

Screw it, I don’t even want to talk to her no more... So i go to the old lady's checkstand and buy my one item plus the $20 of extra crap I was carrying that I don't even want or need.

FAIL ::.

 

[UnOccupied]

Try putting yourself out there a little more. You need to get rejected a few times before you can have any real success. When walking by girl your attracted, instead of waiting to see if she is acknowledging you, acknowledge her, but maintaining eye contact, and give her a simple smile when she looks up at you. If you maintain your cool, and remain relaxed and loose, she will look back at you. If she smiles back, thats great! If she doesn't, who cares, be proud of yourself for trying. It is a success in and of itself just for taking that step towards meeting some more girls.

Like i said, you may get rejected a few times, but you need to focus on the fact that you tried something new. But, it is most likely that if you smile at a girl, she will smile back. Hope this helps a little.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

So I enter a grocery store and see a cute chick cashier working… I go looking down the aisles for the product I need…

hmm should I go to her checkout lane and try chatting with her for a bit? I find my item and begin heading toward the checkout lanes…

Wait, there are so many people in here, what if I sound like a dork when I try to talk to her?

I turn down a random aisle and grab another item (so I look like I know what I’m doing) while I deliberate and attempt to summon confidence…

Calm down, you’re overreacting, it’s real easy, you just act casual and—****, what if it totally seems obvious that I’m choosing her check-lane? Everybody will think I’m a shallow womanizer.

Chill out, just approach the checkstands casually and slowly and make it look like you didn’t pick her checkstand lane on purpose…

So I take a deep breath (bad idea, causes heart rate and shaking hands to go crazy) and begin casually meandering toward her checkstand--

Wait a minute! I quickly turn around and head down another aisle, grabbing a random item… what if her line is longer than the other checkstands and everyone thinks I’m just weathering the long wait so I can be rung up by the hot cashier girl?

Ok, I’ll pretend I’m checking my messages on my phone while I’m waiting in her line, so obsorbed in my text messages I won’t seem to notice that other lines are shorter…

So I flip out my cell, try to slow my excited heart rate with will power and begin heading up there—

Crap wait! I spin around and go to another random aisle and pick up something I don’t even need… What if a cashier from the next lane steps around to me and says she can help me in her lane? (I’ve seen this happen many times before)… I’ll look like a shameless horndog for sure if I refuse, everyone’ll know I just want to wait in the hot chick’s line.

Screw it, I don’t even want to talk to her no more... So i go to the old lady's checkstand and buy my one item plus the $20 of extra crap I was carrying that I don't even want or need.

FAIL ::.

I've been there.

Something important to keep in mind about girls--if there's going to be any chance of anything happening with her, she has to be aware that you like her. So not only is it okay if you're being obvious, it's actually helpful.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Okay gents listen up! XD

So My best friend is a master player. I hardly ever seen him with the same girl twice. Hes not the most attractive guy in the world.. but he pulls chicks like nobodys business. He says that these fews tricks/tips are practically fool proof.

1.The worst she can do is say no Why agonize about going up to a girl and saying "hey wanna dance?" or "Can I buy you a drink?" The worst thing she can do is say no. and unless you live in a town with 400 people you will NEVER see that chick again. So always keep that in mind.

...

4. if a girl says no.. move on theres gonna be like 100 chicks out there.. if one girl doesnt want to dance with you, just turn around.. i bet you one of the 80 other girls on the floor will.

I used to know a guy who operated on exactly this principle. He would literally work his way around a club approaching different girls. If they rebuffed him, he'd just shrug it off and move on to the next one until he found one who was interested. People who never witnessed his technique first hand would be impressed by the number of different girls he dated (just like your friend, he wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world) but that was because they only saw his successes, and never his failures.

While this approach does work, you have to be the kind of person who doesn't take rejection to heart. I think you have to have a great deal of self belief and confidence in yourself as a person, and I think a lot of guys with SA issues would find it hard to just brush off the rejections and not take them personally.

 

[mismeek]

very true Rem.

I also agree with Nathaniel. Sometimes its flattering when you notice a guy going out of his way to say hi to you.

 

[coyote]

Something important to keep in mind about girls--if there's going to be any chance of anything happening with her, she has to be aware that you like her. So not only is it okay if you're being obvious, it's actually helpful.

you mean....

they can't read our minds?

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

you mean....

they can't read our minds?

Fortunately not, because those slaps across the face really start to sting after a while.

 

[coyote]

I used to know a guy who operated on exactly this principle. He would literally work his way around a club approaching different girls. If they rebuffed him, he'd just shrug it off and move on to the next one until he found one who was interested. People who never witnessed his technique first hand would be impressed by the number of different girls he dated (just like your friend, he wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world) but that was because they only saw his successes, and never his failures.

While this approach does work, you have to be the kind of person who doesn't take rejection to heart. I think you have to have a great deal of self belief and confidence in yourself as a person, and I think a lot of guys with SA issues would find it hard to just brush off the rejections and not take them personally.

I have used this analogy before - getting dates is much like working in sales.

The most successful salespeople are not the ones who are the smoothest talkers that can talk people into buying stuff. The successful ones are the hardest workers who approach the largest number of potential customers in the first place.

It's all about the numbers. A good saleman knows that out of 100 people he approaches, he may get 30 people who are interested. Out of that 30, he may get 10 who will listen to the sales pitch. Out of that 10, he may get 3 who will buy. So, to make three sales, a salesman figures he has to knock on 100 doors - that's how he plans his work day.

The same principle works for dating. Out of the 100 girls you approach, only 30 may be interested. Out of those 30, maybe 10 will give you a phone number. Out of those 10, maybe 3 will actually go out with you.

You don't have to be the best looking, smoothest, suavest guy to have the most dates - you just have to be willing to approach the most women.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

(Generally) the guy pursues first so....

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I have used this analogy before - getting dates is much like working in sales.

The most successful salespeople are not the ones who are the smoothest talkers that can talk people into buying stuff. The successful ones are the hardest workers who approach the largest number of potential customers in the first place.

It's all about the numbers. A good saleman knows that out of 100 people he approaches, he may get 30 people who are interested. Out of that 30, he may get 10 who will listen to the sales pitch. Out of that 10, he may get 3 who will buy. So, to make three sales, a salesman figures he has to knock on 100 doors - that's how he plans his work day.

The same principle works for dating. Out of the 100 girls you approach, only 30 may be interested. Out of those 30, maybe 10 will give you a phone number. Out of those 10, maybe 3 will actually go out with you.

You don't have to be the best looking, smoothest, suavest guy to have the most dates - you just have to be willing to approach the most women.

I agree, but making sales isn't quite the same. It's a job, and if 97 out of those 100 people don't want to buy the widgets you're selling you aren't going to take that personally. When you approach a girl, ask her out, and get a very firm rejection, that's a rejection of you as a person. It's tough to harden yourself to that and not take it personally, especially so if you are someone who has low self-esteem to begin with.

 

[Falkor]

Maybe you can train your confidence?, like becoming more confident?
I know people like confidence a lot. it's one of the attractions,, and thats hard for us sa people, but we should find a way to feel more confident around girls and boys. Some people do get attention alot, some get some attention, some don't get attention, but only very often.
It depends on..

1.How confident you are, if you look happy with yourself, people are happy too
2.Your looks (argh, yeah. that sucks, it's like were modelling, all the time, people are like jury's, we need to look nice. :/
3.Personality, people find it very important to find a partner who matches their's personality factors.
4.Good Sense of Humour, people like jokes. and to lighten up their day. and that you bring a smile on her face.
5.Lifestyle facts. like if you are unemployed they might reject, or what study you do, or what work you do. or your clothes, your own rules or decisions in life, your own opinions about things, your own ideas.
6.Trust, people want to trust you, win your trust, and talk with you about their life and your life. Tell them who you are, don't be afraid. and ask questions.
7.Similar interests, or the different person, like how do you spent your time?, do you like music, art, sports, soccer, cook, fitness, reading, going out. etc
You should have hobbies, people like that, you have something to talk about.
8.Love types, like macho, tough, sensetive, romantic, sensual, flirtious, sexy, shy, outgoing. people search something about you, what type they want.
9.Time, make time for the person you like, text him, call him, go on dates, don't let time fly over, like you don't wanna spent time with your crush.
10.Love yourself, people will love you more, if you know you're worth it, but even if you don't think so, people can DO like you, but more if you feel aware of your own confidence, it will make you look happier , and stronger on your feet.

And so on..

 

[coyote]

I agree, but making sales isn't quite the same. It's a job, and if 97 out of those 100 people don't want to buy the widgets you're selling you aren't going to take that personally. When you approach a girl, ask her out, and get a very firm rejection, that's a rejection of you as a person. It's tough to harden yourself to that and not take it personally, especially so if you are someone who has low self-esteem to begin with.

Job or not, it's very tough as a salesperson not to take the rejection personally, too. Peoples say the rudest things, slam doors in your face, etc. Very difficult to work in sales unless you can overcome that - you definitely need a healthy self-esteem.

I guess that's my point, really - in order to "Get Any Attention From The Girls," you have to do the same thing - work on your self-esteem issues (and then do the leg-work). It won't do any good to waste time on all the other superficial things unless you can get to the point of actually putting yourself out there in the first place.

Then, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

I found that after working in sales for a while, and having to force myself to approach strangers, etc. in order to do my job, my self-esteem actually improved. Not only did my work performance and income benefit, but this also carried over into my personal life.

 

[Cynic]

Well, yeah, I've never really gotten any attention from any girls out there in the world. They all seem to just pass by, most of the time without even a look of acknowledgment. Sometimes I feel like I am invisible to the opposite sex.

Unless you are somebody you're bound to be invisible.

I used to worry about this too, until I realized that this doesn't mean women won't like you. You think because you get no acknowledgment that you're totally undesirable, but that's not the case. It's just that the world we live in decrees that men make the first move

True, though if a women hasn't looked at you in the first place, then chances are she wasn't interested to begin with, and may even accuse you of harrassment if you approach her.

There comes a point in your life when you have to look within yourself, and ask do I really have something to offer a women? I'm not sure with my mental illness whether I have much of offer in the first place. To my mind it would like seeling faulty goods.

Right.

The worst she can do is say no

Nonsense! They can accuse you of sexual harrassment and/or assault. I've seen stories to that effect on this very forum.

Last Saturday, while I was on my way out of the pub, a guy shouted out, "Hey, baby! Do you want some c***!?". The only thing attracted to him was my middle finger

LMAO! Good one!

I didn't know they had pubs in America. Don't they call them bars rather than pubs?

 

[Sial Axetder]

Interesting thread. Never really bothered to care if attention is given or not.

 

[coyote]

I didn't know they had pubs in America. Don't they call them bars rather than pubs?

bars, pubs, taverns, saloons - we got 'em all

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I didn't know they had pubs in America. Don't they call them bars rather than pubs?

Oh, they even have Irish pubs in Saudi Arabia. Or so that's what a friend of mine who's traveled there has told me.

 

[Lexus199]

for you i would suggest a bookstore. I see guys chatting up girls there all the time. Just ask them about a book they've picked up, or ask them to suggest a book for you. like "Hey I see you're looking at [insert authors name here], and i heard they were really good can you recommend any other books by them? then just continue the conversation from there. Or you can just do the classic move and ask them where a certain book section is and then try to start a convo that way.

I figure it couldn't hurt to get some feedback from the fairer sex so I'll ask this. :: Would you say that it's rude to talk to a girl if she seems really focused on that book she's reading or looking for? It'd be nice to make casual eye contact and get a smile as a reply to my smile. However, that doesn't always happen and it's not because they're averting their gaze. It's just that they seem distracted by what they're doing. At least that's my observation.

 

[Sial Axetder]

bars, pubs, taverns, saloons - we got 'em all

Oh, they even have Irish pubs in Saudi Arabia. Or so that's what a friend of mine who's traveled there has told me.

Is it worth going to one? Alone? Not sure why I ask. Perhaps I mean is it a wise decision? It would certainly exercise my ability at controlling AvPD.

I think one friend does this. I don't know this person well, they are too busy and I forbid intrusion. So it must be alone.

Never mind, I seemed to have answered my own troubles. No, great, now I don't know. I'm fine.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Is it worth going to one? Alone? Not sure why I ask. Perhaps I mean is it a wise decision? It would certainly exercise my ability at controlling AvPD.

I think one friend does this. I don't know this person well, they are too busy and I forbid intrusion. So it must be alone.

Never mind, I seemed to have answered my own troubles. No, great, now I don't know. I'm fine.

I went to the pub alone last Saturday. It was actually quite nice. I sat at the bar, had a few drinks, had my headphones in and occasionally looked up at the tv to read the headlines on CNN. Next time, I think I'm going to bring a pen and pad and write. I'd actually like to do this again sometime. However, I'm probably going to go earlier than ten like I did last time so I can avoid the drunken idiots who want to chat up the girl sitting alone at the bar.

Oh, almost forgot. It's usually not a wise decision for a female to go to bars alone, but it's safe here and I can take care of myself. I won't get plastered while I'm alone. I'm pretty sure guys can be safe. A lot of the guys I know come to the pub alone and if they meet someone then great if not they just have their drinks and wander around all night. I was inspired by them. I want to be able to go out alone and be happy.