I Never Get Any Attention From The Girls...

I

Interzone

Well-known member
Well, yeah, I've never really gotten any attention from any girls out there in the world. They all seem to just pass by, most of the time without even a look of acknowledgment. Sometimes I feel like I am invisible to the opposite sex.

I do have some self-confidence and self-image issues but I don't think I look that bad. Nor do I think I go about the world with a bad attitude. I try to look up, I try to keep a friendly demeanor most of the time yet I get nothing.

In the end, this lack of attention from the opposite sex only further hurts my self-esteem. I don't know what I am doing or not doing. I am not saying I want to be a "chick-magnet". But at least some genuine interest in me from opposite sex occasionally would be nice. I can't even get any on dating websites. Go figure.

Really, is this so much to ask for? And no, I do not smell bad and no, my appearance is not intimidating or anything.
 
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Tiercel

Tiercel

Well-known member
I wish I had some tips for you, Interzone, but I'm in the same boat.

I don't know if this is true for you as well, but I've noticed that I don't really make an effort to give girls any attention. My problems are approach anxiety and fear of rejection, and they've effectively kept me single thus far.
 
Lexus199

Lexus199

Well-known member
Tiercel said:
I wish I had some tips for you, Interzone, but I'm in the same boat.

I don't know if this is true for you as well, but I've noticed that I don't really make an effort to give girls any attention. My problems are approach anxiety and fear of rejection, and they've effectively kept me single thus far.
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I can relate. It seems like we're in a rather large boat given the number of us dealing with this issue. I'll second what Tiercel more or less said though. Girls won't come to you. You have to come them. Society generally expects guys to be ones who do the pursuing. Yes, I know it's much easier said than done.
 
kihira

kihira

1
Clothes? Hairstyle? Personal hygiene stuff (you know, nosehairs, toenails:p)? Its amazing what a diff these things can make
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Crikey! If women started to show interest in me at this late stage of my life, I'd probably freak out, and not know what to do.

If a woman appears to smile at me, I look over my shoulder to see if there is someone else walking behind me.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
Looks play a part, but I have always believed that confidence, charm, humour and making a girl feel at ease with you is more important than anything else. How you actually do this is a complete mystery to me however. Another key point is that desperation puts women off too...they can sense it, so keep it to a minimum. You also have to realize that everyone gets rejected at some point, and the trick is to not let it affect your self esteem... easier said than done though...

Feel free to disregard everything I have just said, the world and human behavior is far too complex for any hard and fast rules. my own humble experiences have led to these conclusions.
 
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Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I think you've got to be a decent person with something to offer, kindness, sincerity, frienship. A bit of shyness and modesty is OK I think. Women probably want someone they feel relaxed to be around with.

There comes a point in your life when you have to look within yourself, and ask do I really have something to offer a women? I'm not sure with my mental illness whether I have much of offer in the first place. To my mind it would like seeling faulty goods. It's probably best that I keep my own company, which I don't mind too much anyway.
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
I used to worry about this too, until I realized that this doesn't mean women won't like you. You think because you get no acknowledgment that you're totally undesirable, but that's not the case. It's just that the world we live in decrees that men make the first move, and it's rare to get validation based on appearance alone because women are mainly communicative, as opposed to men who see something nice and salivate. That means nearly everything stands or falls with what you say and how you say it. You can bolster your chances by cleaning up your appearance and making yourself a little more striking (whether it's a new hairstyle or some fresh clothes) but it still comes down to you taking initiative and making her feel interested.
 
I

Interzone

Well-known member
Well I guess this is juts one of the problems faced by some of us with social anxiety. I must admit, my social anxiety has lessened in the past year or so but it still leaves me with many problems.

One of which is extremely handicapping, lack of experience. I've never experience many of the things others already have and this makes it extremely hard to relate and also to perform some actions with a smidgen of confidence knowing you've done it before.

Obviously, everyone has to start somewhere but it's quite hard when if you know you fall down and need someone to talk to you have no one and end up hating yourself more and perhaps regressing in your condition because you have no outlet.
 
U

userremoved

Guest
Kinetik said:
I used to worry about this too, until I realized that this doesn't mean women won't like you. You think because you get no acknowledgment that you're totally undesirable, but that's not the case. It's just that the world we live in decrees that men make the first move, and it's rare to get validation based on appearance alone because women are mainly communicative, as opposed to men who see something nice and salivate. That means nearly everything stands or falls with what you say and how you say it. You can bolster your chances by cleaning up your appearance and making yourself a little more striking (whether it's a new hairstyle or some fresh clothes) but it still comes down to you taking initiative and making her feel interested.
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Exactly, I'm willing to bet my right arm that thats the main reason guys here remain dateless. Because it's not like ya'll look bad. But since our particular problem practically cripples the area of our life culture dictates is sexy in men, (social skills) we kinda get shafted. I know some of ya'll may be tired of hearing this lol but we wouldn't gripe about it so much if it wasn't such a big deal to us.
 
Hastings & Main

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
Kinetik said:
I used to worry about this too, until I realized that this doesn't mean women won't like you. You think because you get no acknowledgment that you're totally undesirable, but that's not the case. It's just that the world we live in decrees that men make the first move, and it's rare to get validation based on appearance alone because women are mainly communicative, as opposed to men who see something nice and salivate. That means nearly everything stands or falls with what you say and how you say it. You can bolster your chances by cleaning up your appearance and making yourself a little more striking (whether it's a new hairstyle or some fresh clothes) but it still comes down to you taking initiative and making her feel interested.
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Pretty much this.
When out on the streets or in the mall or wherever, don't just pay attention to the women - pay close attention to the men and study what they're doing (the ones with women, or ones approaching women): body-language, eye contact facial reactions etc, take mental notes and practice situations either mentally or act them out in your room/apt. This is what I learned to do. (Unfortunately, my eyes shoot away from contact with others' reflexively, something I'm starting to overcome through practice)
 
I

Interzone

Well-known member
I don't wanna be an *******, which is what most guys seem to do in order to attract women. Aside from that, I feel like I am missing out on useful relationship experience early in life when its ok to try things out and not get too serious. As opposed to doing the same later in life when women are looking for something a bit more serious, maybe even permanent. I just feel like I am missing out on experience that would be helpful later on in life.
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
Interzone said:
I see it every day. But I refuse to be an ******* and I don't know of any other way.
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Most girls I know stopped liking @ssholes after they graduated from high school. These a-holes were mainly wannabe gangsters who copied off whatever they saw in MTV's music videos or reality shows (but who weren't really 'tough' or 'masculine' per se).
 
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