How would I accept being single forever?

[dean01]

well the girl looked so closeley at her face she thought she had face fuzz, but it led her to believe things arent right so shaved until she bleed. the fact is she was an absolutley stunning woman and there was no face fuzz to start with she imagined the whole thing.
it can also be a certain part of the body like your hands, weight, looks etc. it can drive us to do mad things as it haunts us and no matter how many times someone tells you its alright you just dont believe them.

 

[gummybear22]

i guess it's like someone not thinking they're good looking even though others tell them they are, and then the person does stuff to try and look better but it's to the extreme. that's what i get from it now.

 

[dean01]

i guess it's like someone not thinking they're good looking even though others tell them they are, and then the person does stuff to try and look better but it's to the extreme. that's what i get from it now.

its pretty close but i guess you have to have it to fully understand

 

[dean01]

Many people have times when they feel unready to be in a relationship because of things going on in their life. Maybe you're there now. But that doesn't mean you can't make the progress necessary to feel ready later.

thanks for the support but scars run deep for me im pretty sure i be alone for ever

 

[gummybear22]

having friends and family isn't being alone

 

[coyote]

just because you're alone now, and have been until now, doesn't mean you will be forever

it can literally change overnight

everyone is alone until they meet that one person they decide to spend the rest of their life with

it's happened to me three or four times

 

[gummybear22]

so no spending the rest of your life with any of them...and no one person for sure.

(this is in reply to coyote's above post)

 

[Flanscho]

Well, to some degree, it's a matter of luck. Maybe if you'd have missed this bus and taken the next one, you'd have met at the bus station, while waiting, the person you'd spend the rest of your life with? But it's mostly a matter of what you are doing.

As was said before, regarding the OP, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you consider yourself to be unacceptable as a partner, then your behaviour will make others think the same.

And it's a matter of probabilities. There are seven billion people on this planet, so it's quite unlikely that there is noone on this planet who'd choose you. If noone would ever choose you. So, I guess it depends on two things. a) what you got to offer, and b) how many new people you meet.

You can offer everything in the world, if noone will ever know it, because you constantly hide at home, it doesn't matter. If you constantly meet new people, but got nothing to offer at all, it's unlikely that people will be interested.

With "stuff to offer" I don't necessarily refer to material goods, though they play a role as well. What I mean is, for example, humor. Or looks. And I don't mean with looks that you are born as a super model, but rather how well you care for yourself. Are your teeth in good shape? Do you smell good? Do your clothes look acceptable? Ain't you too skinny nor too obese? Or do you live at your parents, or do you have your own place? Sure, that seems surficial, but it all plays a role in how people perceive you.

And meeting people is also mostly a matter of habits. For example, by taking courses as public schools for adults, and meeting people there who are interested in the same stuff. Acquire hobbies, meet people who have the same. And so on and so on.

So I guess that it's like to 2% luck and to 98% what you do, that decides on whether you find a partner or not.

Yep, a small number of people are unlucky, and won't find anyone. Then you got to learn to gain happiness not through others but through successes you achieve yourself in work or hobbies.

 

[jc82789]

what is it that makes you think that every woman on earth would rather die a painful death than be with you? thats a little extreme

 

[Ben19]

I have managed to override the depression caused by this, however, the desire has not gone away.

But I have realized that (excuse me if this sounds grim) every single female human being on the face of this planet would rather die a very painful death than have anything to do with me when it comes to romance.

Again, sorry if that sounded offensive, although I did need to state that fact (I feel that it was necessary).

Anyway, like I said, the desire hasn't gone away but I want to know how to accept being single forever now before the depression/sadness manages to return.

The simple fact is, not even God has the capability to make a woman have romantic interest me, so therefore I highly doubt that I'll ever have a lover.

This is very upsetting at times, but you know, we can't alter the laws of reality just like that.

So how do you guys and girls think I can accept being single forever, and prevent the sadness from returning?

I will tell you the truth straight to your face. Girls don't like you because of your attitude. No girl will ever date a guy that hates himself and thinks that he's nothing. If u don't like yourself no one else will.
Both nice and jerks get girls, both good looking and ugly people get girls.
I've seen guys that treat girls like **** and they get laid..... I've seen hairy guys, fat guys and insanely ugly guys get laid.
I used to have a friend back home, before I moved to Canada, this guy looked like a monkey- he was the ugliest guy I've ever seen and he got laid more than anyone else I know. Why? Cause he has confidence, he loves himself and he knows he deserves it.
I don't know how u look so I'm not gonna lie to u, I don't know if you're fat or skinny, ugly or good looking but either way that should not be a problem.
By the way, maybe that doesn't matter however hygiene is very important- keep yourself clean.
The problem that you're facing right now is something I had to face twice in my life, first when I was in high school- when I was 14 I had my first kiss, she came on to me, even though I was really shy somehow it didn't reject her lol
Anyway after that I tried to hit on 2 girls and they both rejected me. It took me 2 years to have the courage to go after girls again, and I did it. And I had fun, and when I was 17 I lost my virginity, between the ages of 16 to 19 I had 5 girlfriends and some dates. And u know what happened then? my ex broke up with me saying that I'm not good looking enough for her. Man.. the hurt like hell. I felt humiliated, and guess what? another 2 years without any girl, until I had the courage to hit on someone again.
I know exactly where you are, you're gonna have to get over it and learn to love yourself first of all, love or at least accept the way you look, if there's something that you'd like to change about your appearance (and it is changeable) then go for it. Don't settle for someone u don't want to, believe that u deserve the best. everybody does. And if someone rejects you forget about her and move on, don't let it bring u down- even guys that slept with 30 different women have been rejected at least 100 times. That's life, if u wanna have sex and/or relationship you're gonna have to deal with that.
And most important thing, don't make excuses. I used to do it too, "I just started a new job I wanna focus on that.." or "I don't have a car" or "I'm not good looking enough"....... you'll always find excuses and reasons to not face your fears, but as soon as you get over your fear you realize that it isn't as bad as u thought plus when u reach your goal you'll be so happy that you'll ask yourself how could u be so stupid for so long, wasted your time on self pity instead of enjoying life.
No one can change you, it has to come from you, if you really want to do something you can do anything, and if u can't- then u don't want it enough.
Make a list of the things u want to achieve and your goals and start thinking on how u do it by steps. that'll make it easier.
Every morning read the list and remind yourself.

Good Luck, if u need any help u can send me a message.

 

[NP88]

Well to throw my opinion in here. I think you've really errored in the thought that you need to accept a life of loneliness in the sense of a romantic relationship. If you think that way sure your always going to be lonely. It may be easier to give up the search and even the hope of finding someone but it certainly isn't the best choice. The direction of your life always comes down to the way you think it will go. Don't deny your potential, and definitely never give up on the things you want. It may not be easy but the rewards will come.

 

[Mario8]

Oh ive excepted the fact that I will most likely be single forever. Not to mention that even if I did believe I could get someone, I would probably have no idea of what to do with her, in the long run. The way that most modern young women go about this business honestly terrify`s me. Young women today are so up on the beat, plugged in the fast lane, that to me that just seems so... whats the word? "alien"? oh well. I dont look good, so its not really a lose for anyone else but me. Guess that`s why we invented vodka XD.

 

[gummybear22]

"no idea what to do with her" o_0 that sounds like she's just a toy >:|
how about all the women who aren't 'in the fast lane'? it might be harder finding one since they probably wouldn't be as social as the fast laners, but it's not uncommon to see someone who isn't like that.
if you don't think you look good, which seems to be an important issue to you, why not do something to make yourself look better? i'm not talking about something drastic like plastic surgery, just something like some new clothes, haircut, new facial hair style, etc. and be sure to stay clean-->shower everyday, brush teeth everyday, that kind of thing. i'm not saying you don't, but alot of people don't and that's definately a turn off for people.
(this is all to Mario8)

 

[recluse]

to be honest women scare the crap out of me, well perhaps im not afraid of them per se but im afraid of getting involved with them. Modern society has given the notion that men have to perfect and fit the attributes that women look for; good looking, tall, good body, great sense of humour, ambitious, succesful, good social skills etc. I had one girl tell me that the guy had to be religious, mentally strong, and could cook when she turned me down. I honestly think that women are asking for too much and are too demanding. My mother has put me off too because of the way she is constantly nagging at my dad.

 

[sullyS25]

to be honest women scare the crap out of me, well perhaps im not afraid of them per se but im afraid of getting involved with them. Modern society has given the notion that men have to perfect and fit the attributes that women look for; good looking, tall, good body, great sense of humour, ambitious, succesful, good social skills etc. I had one girl tell me that the guy had to be religious, mentally strong, and could cook when she turned me down. I honestly think that women are asking for too much and are too demanding. My mother has put me off too because of the way she is constantly nagging at my dad.

I think that is generalizing women too much. Not all women are like that. I dont doubt that modern society has given you that notion through popular tv programming and all that crap but not all women are into that stuff, I can assure you of that.

 

[takeheart]

I personally have accepted that I will be single forever. OP Just try to live life and not think of having gf, perhaps one day a girl will approach you, you never know yano.

 

[Mario8]

"no idea what to do with her" o_0 that sounds like she's just a toy >:|
how about all the women who aren't 'in the fast lane'? it might be harder finding one since they probably wouldn't be as social as the fast laners, but it's not uncommon to see someone who isn't like that.
if you don't think you look good, which seems to be an important issue to you, why not do something to make yourself look better? i'm not talking about something drastic like plastic surgery, just something like some new clothes, haircut, new facial hair style, etc. and be sure to stay clean-->shower everyday, brush teeth everyday, that kind of thing. i'm not saying you don't, but alot of people don't and that's definately a turn off for people.
(this is all to Mario8)

Its a figure of speech XD and ill tell you what.. your right. Its likely that not all women are on the fast lane, but ill agree to what your saying, if I see it myself. After all, everything is nice and sounds well in theory. But when it comes to finding out, well, I honestly wouldn't know where to look. And if you consider my condition, that just makes things ten times harder.

Though I must correct you about something. Its not that i`m superficial. Far from it actually. But looks are very important to most women. At least in its bare minimal, I think. And its not that I don`t shower or anything like that. Who doesn't? lol. I do take care of my physical appearance, thank you very much XD But little can be done about a person`s face. And people, especially women, care about that quite a lot. So unless wearing masks will become socially acceptable, i`m afraid that I will have to resort to being bitter. I`m sorry. I dunno what got into me today. I`m feeling more sarcastic that usual lol.

 

[InvisaLady]

to be honest women scare the crap out of me, well perhaps im not afraid of them per se but im afraid of getting involved with them. Modern society has given the notion that men have to perfect and fit the attributes that women look for; good looking, tall, good body, great sense of humour, ambitious, succesful, good social skills etc. I had one girl tell me that the guy had to be religious, mentally strong, and could cook when she turned me down. I honestly think that women are asking for too much and are too demanding. My mother has put me off too because of the way she is constantly nagging at my dad.

Wow, women in the UK must have higher standards than around here!:idontknow: Of that description my current BF only fits 2 of those things, tall - at least taller than I am and great sense of humor. I had to search high and low to find a non religious man!

I guess all I can say is, not all of us are shopping for the same "brand" of man.

 

[InvisaLady]

Its a figure of speech XD and ill tell you what.. your right. Its likely that not all women are on the fast lane, but ill agree to what your saying, if I see it myself. After all, everything is nice and sounds well in theory. But when it comes to finding out, well, I honestly wouldn't know where to look. And if you consider my condition, that just makes things ten times harder.

Though I must correct you about something. Its not that i`m superficial. Far from it actually. But looks are very important to most women. At least in its bare minimal, I think. And its not that I don`t shower or anything like that. Who doesn't? lol. I do take care of my physical appearance, thank you very much XD But little can be done about a person`s face. And people, especially women, care about that quite a lot. So unless wearing masks will become socially acceptable, i`m afraid that I will have to resort to being bitter. I`m sorry. I dunno what got into me today. I`m feeling more sarcastic that usual lol.

Perhaps you should post a photo of yourself and let the ladies here tell you what they think.
My BF never thought he was sexy until I told him that I thought he was. Maybe you are just being far too harsh on yourself.

 

[gummybear22]

no, i don't think posting a pic of yourself is going to help all that much, since they might, and you might think they, are telling you that you look good just because they're trying to make you feel better. some folks are like that, and some are honest. i don't know how completely honest everyone would be, but would people telling you that you look alright actually change how you feel about yourself?? b/c for me, it doesn't, and for others it also doesn't. and it's not like i'm saying that you don't look alright or good looking or whatever, b/c i don't know, but i'm rather going by what you've said since you are so adamant about your not looking good. and people are sometimes harsher than how they are in reality. (and of course there are those who think they're 'all that' but aren't, including in looks, but you aren't one of those.)