Mario8
Banned
That sounds great in theory, but ill believe it, if I see it :sad: i`m actually tempted to send you a pic just so that you will understand me a little more, but I don't have the guts for that.
How would I accept being single forever?
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That sounds great in theory, but ill believe it, if I see it :sad: i`m actually tempted to send you a pic just so that you will understand me a little more, but I don't have the guts for that.
gummybear22
Well-known member
Oh I see now. So you take things literally? well that explains iti`m so glad you mentioned this though because I was starting to get worried. Well, what I meant what that I was trying to be ironic.
May I ask... how come you take this so seriously? I mean.. maybe this is just my own defensive mechanisms that make me take things as lightly as I can on the internet, but it just seems unusual for me to meet someone that takes things so literally. That... must be confusing.
i'm just a very literal person. have been for all of my life i guess. i do use sarcasm occasionally, and have gotten better at noticing it, especially since 9th grade, lol.
do you think i am not one who will get past it? if so, you belittle me.
Mario8
Banned
Than perhaps its time for a change!
you can`t go through life being so serious all the time. Ive heard it shortens life. Not to mention the wrinkles :thumbup:And you see? this is what i`m talking about. "you belittle me". Who say`s that? XD I know that your not a shallow person, and I would believe your intentions are real. However. Be that as it may, if you wanna go all hypothetical, I doubt that you would be interested romantically in someone like me (again this is a hypothetical notion). Id hate to "belittle you"
That`s a good one! ill remember that line! 
InvisaLady
Well-known member
I wouldn't mind seeing a photo of you.
OceanMist
Well-known member
Well, do you want to be single forever? Do you care if you are single forever?
Something I've noticed is that if you never make anything happen and you are a shy guy, it is possible to never get with a woman.
If you truly want to get in a relationship, it is definitely possible. The hard part is you'll probably have to make it happen, meaning trying online dating or walking up to women you don't know in a bar, or meeting women through friends for instance, or some other type of social setting.
It also depends on your standards. If your standards are too high, you'll be alone forever.
You are totally wrong that all women don't want you. There are millions of single women in the world, and there are enough of those women that would be interested in you to where it would be possible to get with one of them. It's a matter of odds, and probably the only way you'll get those odds in your favor is if you start talking to enough women to give yourself a chance.
It could take a while, or it could not take long, it really depends on luck, who you are, what you look like and sound like, etc. But it is possible.....is what I'm saying.
OceanMist
Well-known member
One of the biggest things in dating are looks. That goes for both genders.
To say people look past looks is kind of arguing against nature.
As humans, we are programmed to go after what we find physically attractive.
I'd like to say that people don't care about looks, but that would be a fantasy.
truffleshuffle
Well-known member
Looks are important to and extent but its not the biggest factor I don;t think. Peoples perseptions change with time of what is attractive. The problme is getting your foot in the door to give you the chance. You need something other than a good personality and I my self know I am not that great looking at all and I defenlty think im on the lower side of the chart of looks. what I think stops me getting my foot in the door is I don;t have much to offer. I think people who have more to offer they stand a fighting chance even if they don;t have the looks.
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truffleshuffle
Well-known member
I totaly agree with this Mist its one of the only times I have agreed with everythging you posted on a post. That is one of my biggest problmes Its hard for me to talk to women. I don;t go out to bars or places like that so I don;t meet alot of women. The other problme is that the women I do meet usualy don;t give me the time of day.
Mario8
Banned
Yes the one girl that asks to see my picture - has a boyfriend. Great.. :thumbup:
I`m just kidding of course! I know you wouldn't mind. But I would. Even if I would consider it, there`s no chance in hell that I would post it publicly. I honestly don`t wanna get ridiculed. Years of verbal and physical abuse to due one`s looks, teaches a person a few things. One of which being knowing where NOT to be seen. I know how this would go down, and it would be annoyingly simple.
Here`s how it usually goes down:
I post a picture, then the trolling and pity comments begin.
I get upset. I retaliate harshly with verbal lashes. More trolls come on. Mods jump in, claiming it as my fault, somehow. I get shown the site`s regulations. I tell everyone to go "f" themselves with a door nob because I have a right to defend myself. Forum politicking kicks in. Thread gets closed. Mindless pettiness and arbitrary opinions start coming in, accompanied by two bid cliche`s and politically correct forum nonsense people say just for the sake of saying something. People start to hating me. I start hating them, becoming more and more sarcastic and offensive with every reply I make, regardless of context, and to the point of direct insults, even without being provoked. This happens when a person is pushed to the point where they stop caring about everything around him. I get banned eventually. Then the search goes on. That`s how this story usually goes, and i`m honestly too tired to start defending myself, needlessly.
And no i`m not being sarcastic. This is really how these things usually go down for me :sad:
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Mario8
Banned
Considering how fickle human psychology can become due to a person`s circumstances, that line in specific was the most relevant, and correct one. Thank you for saying that!
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JackOfSpades
Well-known member
I defend the bar/club scene still as a viable option for finding someone you connect with. But I think each meeting place has a different set of things that are going to play well there. I think looks may be more important in bars/clubs than most places. Whereas at a book reading, or cultural event they may be less important.
gummybear22
Well-known member
i know that looks matter, but the amount they matter to someone is different based on the person and the circumstances. just because the general thing is putting alot of value of looks doesn't mean that everyone follows that. i don't see why you don't understand that. just because you haven't found someone yet that can get past it doesn't mean that plenty of them don't exist. there are over 7 billion people on this planet, and how many have you talked to? not even a drop in the bucket's worth. amazing how ignorant some intelligent people can be.
gummybear22
Well-known member
Than perhaps its time for a change!
And you see? this is what i`m talking about. "you belittle me". Who say`s that? XD I know that your not a shallow person, and I would believe your intentions are real. However. Be that as it may, if you wanna go all hypothetical, I doubt that you would be interested romantically in someone like me (again this is a hypothetical notion). Id hate to "belittle you"
>:| i don't like being made fun of even with slights. seeing as you say you've gone through alot of bullying, i'd think you'd not want to pass it on, but i'm wrong sometimes. and i've talked to you alot and i thought you wouldn't make fun of someone who's given you the time of day. yeah it might seem i'm overreacting, but i take things seriously, remember. including slights.
and i'm not interested in you romantically without seeing you, so that wouldn't change from seeing what you look like even if you were good looking. we don't jive that way, and especially not after your junk to me.
Mario8
Banned
Wow you've got this all wrong - I wasn't making fun of you, believe me. If anything - I was trying to laugh - with - you. Because you seemed so uptight, for some reason. I.. thought that this was rather obvious :sad: I`m sorry if I have hurt your feeling. If that was my aim, you would know, and i`m sorry if you have gotten wrong impression, and that your feelings were hurt. Though I really find it hard to understand how come your taking everything so seriously. Even something like this. I was sure that you had tougher skin. Perhaps I was wrong. And my question was hypothetical, and it was meant to prove a point. It wasn't to be taken literally. And in case your wondering, no, I wouldn't "hit" on you in such ways because that`s not my style. And about bullying, it has nothing to do with this. I am sarcastic by nature, and i`m used to be made fun of. So, naturally, someone like me will be a little rouge on the edges, in general. I don`t take everything seriously. And in case your wondering, I have yet to really get pissed off at someone here, and i`m far from being the approval seeking type. Oh sure, I got annoyed once at this forum, but i`m sure that you can imagine that if what your seeing here is me being nice, then me going all out would be a different story entirely. And, again, this has nothing to do with this - I have always been a sarcastic person which likes to joke around alot - even before I got traumatized - that`s just how i`m wired.
Look. Bottom line is, I didn't think that you would overreact like this because this was honestly an attempt at friendly conversation (don't believe me? bring a mod to judge. Or anyone, for that matter). This.. has some went down wrong. I knew that you were sensitive, but given the previous context, I honestly didn't think that you would get angry from this. Anyway. Sorry. Ill choose my words more carefully with you.
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Mario8
Banned
I never said that EVERYONE has the same standards. But even you wouldn't go out with someone who you were not attracted to physically. Like, at all. Basic psychical attraction cannot be over looked. To better understand of what i`m trying to say here, try to imagine yourself dating someone who has a heart of gold, but is generally considered to be unattractive by most people. No. Wait. That`s too easy. He may still be decent enough for further argument. Lets say that, that person would be fat, short, bald, lazy eye`s, hunchbacked, zit infested, unshaven, and posses some odd ideological issue against personal hygiene (someone that refuses to take showers, brush their teeth, etc). Plus, just to make it even more impossible to manage, lets say that this grotesque hypothetical person is also bad in bed. Like, that he`s terrible. Couldn't tell a woman from a sock. Terrible in bed, and has a super small penis. Yup. I believe that should cover it. I bet you that even if you somehow fell madly inlove with his personality, you still wouldn't touch him. Even with a ten foot poll. And you most certainty wouldn't wanna be seen with him in public, let alone, marry him.
And of course I didn't talk to to every person on the planet. Even if I wanted too, how could I? that would take me several lifetimes, and energy which I will never have. But lets just say that when I was interested in trying to get to know someone romantically (an idea which I have given up on along time ago), its not like I tried talking to one or two women. And being as I cannot leave the house, I can safely tell you that I have spent countless hours online trying to find someone which would not get disgusted by me. And this has happened more times than you can imagine. I used to be very energetic, and believe me there is a big difference between the way that I talk here, and the way that I talk on more convenient places like Skype, where i`m not limited by my grammar (being as I speak English much better than what I type). But what can I say? no luck so far, and i`m really at my wits end.
So, again, as I told you before... I only believe in that which cannot be mistaken for something else. And after seeing and experiencing many disappointments during these last couple of years where I have been trying (which has been a living hell for me because i`m not really a confidant person), I just gave up.
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OceanMist
Well-known member
[QUOTEtruffleshuffle]Looks are important to and extent but its not the biggest factor I don;t think.
Um, I never said looks were the biggest factor. I said they are a very big factor.
Peoples perseptions change with time of what is attractive.
Actually, there is a general consensus on what people find attractive.
Television is a good example, most actors and actresses are attractive according to the general population. That's how they made it on tv.
I'm not saying one has to look like an actor, I'm just giving an example of attractiveness.
The problme is getting your foot in the door to give you the chance. You need something other than a good personality and I my self know I am not that great looking at all and I defenlty think im on the lower side of the chart of looks. what I think stops me getting my foot in the door is I don;t have much to offer. I think people who have more to offer they stand a fighting chance even if they don;t have the looks.
I think it's a matter of being socially confident, knowing you have something to say consistently. Like how you say you don't feel you have much to offer, you probably feel that way because as shy men, it's easy to feel that way when have less to contribute or at other times have nothing to contribute socially.
That's a big reason why it's so hard to walk up to women for a lot of us. Not having enough or anything at all to say.
You are right, looks usually aren't everything. With that said, I do know that some guys can get certain women just by putting their foot in the door due to looks.
Still, I see what you mean. It's tough.
Um, I never said looks were the biggest factor. I said they are a very big factor.
Peoples perseptions change with time of what is attractive.
Actually, there is a general consensus on what people find attractive.
Television is a good example, most actors and actresses are attractive according to the general population. That's how they made it on tv.
I'm not saying one has to look like an actor, I'm just giving an example of attractiveness.
The problme is getting your foot in the door to give you the chance. You need something other than a good personality and I my self know I am not that great looking at all and I defenlty think im on the lower side of the chart of looks. what I think stops me getting my foot in the door is I don;t have much to offer. I think people who have more to offer they stand a fighting chance even if they don;t have the looks.
I think it's a matter of being socially confident, knowing you have something to say consistently. Like how you say you don't feel you have much to offer, you probably feel that way because as shy men, it's easy to feel that way when have less to contribute or at other times have nothing to contribute socially.
That's a big reason why it's so hard to walk up to women for a lot of us. Not having enough or anything at all to say.
You are right, looks usually aren't everything. With that said, I do know that some guys can get certain women just by putting their foot in the door due to looks.
Still, I see what you mean. It's tough.
OceanMist
Well-known member
A couple things I want to say about this post.
As I told someone earlier, there is a general consensus on what men and women find attractive in the opposite sex assuming they are heterosexual, which in an overwhelming amount of cases, they are heterosexual.
Most people put value in looks. That's how dating works. If you do a poll of the top 5 thinks men and women look for, looks will be right up there.
If you are trying to find someone who cares nothing about looks, you are playing to very small field, my friend.
Also, there may be 7 billion on this planet, but all we have to work with is who is in our area, and our areas are a lot less than 7 billion. Most people don't have the time or money to travel.
JackOfSpades
Well-known member
Why do you keep speaking in definitive terms, black and white terms, and far end of the spectrum terms. Looks matter as does anything. And they matter different amounts to different people. It is a small crowd to search through if you're looking for someone that doesn't care about looks at all, but how did that even enter into the conversation? There are plenty of people that don't care enough to like all kinds of people. And if you're comparing yourself to television standards than you have a bad sense of what is realistic and what is expected of you by the masses in general. If celebrity is the standard, then why do anything? Surely no one would care if you're not good enough to be famous for it, right?
Your views on this are never going to lead you to where you want to be. You need to address some things or choose to remain bitter.
Your views on this are never going to lead you to where you want to be. You need to address some things or choose to remain bitter.
Atrus
New member
Hi OceanMist. Whenever we make statements like this, we should make a point to remind ourselves that the realm of sociology is defined through sweeping generalizations. It isn't a written rule that every person will care about looks and there are always going to be subjectivity. Everyone is going to have their own individually unique opinion and you just cannot plan for that, ever.
Although everything you said is correct, I guess part of your opinion really does boils down to the semantics, and your own interpretation of half full versus half empty. "You are playing to a very small field." Versus, "There is still some hope and there are people playing in the same field."
Sorry again for imposing. There's a personal interest in this discussion for me. I've been flirted with, hit on, and complimented many times. But I am someone who does not care about appearances because I actually have more important priorities in a relationship. People have judged me for being unconcerned with appearances and I think it's sickening that people would actually fault me for being 'too accepting'. - In their own words.
Maybe the only thing I wanted to do in my message is reinforce the belief that there are in fact people who do not prioritize appearances so much. I'm one of them, and there are women like this, too. I really don't know what the purpose of my message is anymore and I don't care.
Although everything you said is correct, I guess part of your opinion really does boils down to the semantics, and your own interpretation of half full versus half empty. "You are playing to a very small field." Versus, "There is still some hope and there are people playing in the same field."
Sorry again for imposing. There's a personal interest in this discussion for me. I've been flirted with, hit on, and complimented many times. But I am someone who does not care about appearances because I actually have more important priorities in a relationship. People have judged me for being unconcerned with appearances and I think it's sickening that people would actually fault me for being 'too accepting'. - In their own words.
Maybe the only thing I wanted to do in my message is reinforce the belief that there are in fact people who do not prioritize appearances so much. I'm one of them, and there are women like this, too. I really don't know what the purpose of my message is anymore and I don't care.
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