How would I accept being single forever?

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A friend

Well-known member
#1
I have managed to override the depression caused by this, however, the desire has not gone away.

But I have realized that (excuse me if this sounds grim) every single female human being on the face of this planet would rather die a very painful death than have anything to do with me when it comes to romance.

Again, sorry if that sounded offensive, although I did need to state that fact (I feel that it was necessary).

Anyway, like I said, the desire hasn't gone away but I want to know how to accept being single forever now before the depression/sadness manages to return.

The simple fact is, not even God has the capability to make a woman have romantic interest me, so therefore I highly doubt that I'll ever have a lover.

This is very upsetting at times, but you know, we can't alter the laws of reality just like that.

So how do you guys and girls think I can accept being single forever, and prevent the sadness from returning?
 

MNM322

Well-known member
#2
i just accept it. it suks at times and i do get sad but i just tell myself that not everyone is meant for someone... some of us are meant to be go on our own, and thats me. it is what it is.
 

A friend

Well-known member
#3
i just accept it. it suks at times and i do get sad but i just tell myself that not everyone is meant for someone... some of us are meant to be go on our own, and thats me. it is what it is.
Yeah, it sucks that it has to be this way. It does make me wonder why it's programmed in us as human beings if it can cause this much pain, even if you're not in a relationship.

Right now it can't be a top priority in my life to begin with (current financial and living situation), and it wasn't initially to begin with.

I will admit, I did have the desire for it, but I realized that every living female human would literally rather do ANYTHING than be my lover. And I do in fact, mean ANYTHING.

So that's why I made this thread, I want to learn ways to accept being single to prevent the depression from returning.

I know I'll still feel some negative repercussions from it, but I am confident that the other users here can help me.
 

MNM322

Well-known member
#4
I wish I had good answers for you. I cant even get guys to be friends, let alone more than friends, LOL

I am 30 so at this point in life, I just figure, whatever, it is what it is. I do hate it at times though... luckily I dont have friends who sit and talk about their lives etc to make it worse, as I have no friends
 

surewhynot

Well-known member
#5
Self-fulfilling prophecy my friend.

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true, by the very terms of the prophecy itself, due to positive feedback between belief and behaviour.

Something that we have studied in psychology. It's pretty simple: surely, you'll never end up finding a significant other if you keep telling yourself that it is impossible. Thing is, it is possible, and as a matter of fact, odds are that, with the right attitude, you can make it happen. Look at it this way: women outnumber men.

First step is to get over that self-pity stage. Then and only then can you start working towards achieving what you desire.

I am terribly sorry if any of that came off as mean, I just find it truely saddening seeing people who do not realize their true potential. I do sincerily wish best of luck to anyone reading this. :)
 

A friend

Well-known member
#6
Self-fulfilling prophecy my friend.
It's not a prophecy, I'm acknowledging a fact. No matter what I do, I can not alter how women feel about me, which always seems to be negative, despite my positive attitude that I display in public.

I do not act like a creep around them, I talk to them like I would men, which is in a respectful, polite, appropriate manner.


Something that we have studied in psychology. It's pretty simple: surely, you'll never end up finding a significant other if you keep telling yourself that it is impossible.
I did, at one point, tell myself it was possible. Yet, I have not met one woman in my entire life who had legitimate romantic interest in me.

Thing is, it is possible, and as a matter of fact, odds are that, with the right attitude, you can make it happen.
Em...not to be a jerk here (I am VERY sorry if I sound like one or am offending you), but that's the most mythical statement I've seen anyone put here on this forum.

No woman I know of would be willing to be with a guy like me, even if I had NO problems at all. That's just how life is. Some guys are undesirable to the opposite sex, even if they'd make excellent boyfriends/husbands. Even if they could make those women the happiest sentient beings in the universe.

Some guys never have lovers in their entire lives, no matter how badly they want one, no matter what attitude they have, no matter what mood they typically carry around, no matter how hard they try...regardless of any circumstance.

And that is exactly how it seems for me right now. All women on this planet would rather die than be my lover.

All of them. Not just one, not just two, not three. Every single female human being alive, or who has ever lived. It's a fact. They don't like me, and there's nothing I can do about it.

First step is to get over that self-pity stage.
That's not hard, I don't feel bad for myself in this area because many other men are struggling with dating, but are failing to get over it. I'm not the victim here.

Then and only then can you start working towards achieving what you desire.
How?

I am terribly sorry if any of that came off as mean,
Hey, that's not mean. I've seen users that are so cruel it'd make your head spin.

I just find it truely saddening seeing people who do not realize their true potential.
I also feel that way too, it is indeed a shame.

I do sincerily wish best of luck to anyone reading this. :)
And that is appreciated, thank you.
:)
 
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#7
my friend was treated with this kinda problem, can throw some light on it if you want,
Do you think you look too ugly or feel hated just because of your appearance and behavior? Or you look good/normal and some other thing is keeping you from being in relationship
 
#8
Well, I think you're being a little hard on yourself. If you're anything like me then it may be true that people like us will find it harder to find partners than most other people, but it's definitely not impossible. If there are men like us in the world there are going to be women like us too.

But with that said, I think you're right to try to accept being single first. Then if you do find love you'll see it as a bonus. I don't think being single your whole life is as bad as some people make it out to be;

Firstly, I think there's plenty in life for a person to enjoy without needing a partner. There's plenty to be grateful for. I don't see why a person needs a girl/boyfriend in order to live a fulfilled life.

Secondly, many people throughout history, particularly in religions, have seen the single life as a higher calling. You're able to keep your mind free to focus on other things in life.

Thirdly, don't forget the importance of friendship and other types of relationships. Every relationship we have varies in intimacy. Perhaps the love most people dream of is like the jackpot of finding your soulmate and falling in love etc, but family and friends can also be sources of meaningful connections. Plus most of the ooey-gooey lovey feelings that people feel when they "hit the jackpot" wear off over time and they're left with the same kind of commitment love that we have with family and friends anyway. Some may even argue that it's this commitment type of love that is the real true love in life anyway, and you can have that with anyone.

Fourthly, there are huge amounts of benefits to being single. How many times have you heard married couples refer to their partners as a "ball and chain"?! You have huge amounts of freedom when single. You don't have to compromise your lifestyle choices. You don't have to sacrifice careers and dreams for anyone. You're free to travel and move around. You save loads of money. Plus you can lounge around your house in your sweats and eat chocolate and play video games and not have to care what others think! :D

There's probably even more reasons but that's all I can think of for now. Hope it helps!
 

drganon

Well-known member
#9
I can highly relate to what you posted. The way I deal with it is buy keeping myself busy.
I'm still holding out hope that I'll eventually meet someone, but I'm not getting hopes up either.
 

twiggle

Well-known member
#10
I'm single at the moment and honestly speaking - I'm actually quite happy this way. I've recently had chances to 'be with' people and I've turned them down.

I'm not sure how or why everybody seems to have this idea that they must be with somebody, or their life isn't worth living. I can only apportion the blame on all this traditionalist stuff that seems to imply that essentially we're born, we marry, we reproduce and then we die. Is it not possible that there are other things to live for besides reproduction? What about doing good for the environment, or seeking to make peoples' lives better by investing our time into noble causes?

Most of us dream of finding someone with whom we can be intimate for the rest of our living lives, but you can't centre your whole lifeplan around this. You need to think outside the box, see the bigger picture and work out what you can give to the world. What's your aim in life? What are you here to do? And more to the point - how can you have FUN? What do you enjoy? How can you schedule your life in a way which permits you to have this fun?

Relationships should never ever be seen as a form of self-validation - a relationship that is, is not a real relationship at all. It's a one-sided convenience - nothing more, nothing less.

There is so much more out there waiting to be found.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
#11
I'm sort of the opposite of you. I am afraid of getting into a relationship and will probably remain single as long as possible. I know there are benefits to being in a relationship (love, sex, kids, support), but I am a very very private person. I don't want people to find out about my bathroom habits, my sleeping habits, or my internet browsing habits. And, there are many more issues to consider, such as farting. What if I accidentally farted in front of my partner and ruined the whole relationship "mystique"? I would die of embarrassment!
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
#12
I'm single at the moment and honestly speaking - I'm actually quite happy this way. I've recently had chances to 'be with' people and I've turned them down.

I'm not sure how or why everybody seems to have this idea that they must be with somebody, or their life isn't worth living. I can only apportion the blame on all this traditionalist stuff that seems to imply that essentially we're born, we marry, we reproduce and then we die. Is it not possible that there are other things to live for besides reproduction? What about doing good for the environment, or seeking to make peoples' lives better by investing our time into noble causes?

Most of us dream of finding someone with whom we can be intimate for the rest of our living lives, but you can't centre your whole lifeplan around this. You need to think outside the box, see the bigger picture and work out what you can give to the world. What's your aim in life? What are you here to do? And more to the point - how can you have FUN? What do you enjoy? How can you schedule your life in a way which permits you to have this fun?

Relationships should never ever be seen as a form of self-validation - a relationship that is, is not a real relationship at all. It's a one-sided convenience - nothing more, nothing less.

There is so much more out there waiting to be found.
What a great post! I can relate to a lot of this. Relationships are cool and it's nice to have someone there to care for and to care for us, but at the same time it shouldn't be the be-all-and-end-all of our existence.

What if I accidentally farted in front of my partner and ruined the whole relationship "mystique"? I would die of embarrassment!
Haha! :D When a couple can fart in front of each other, that's a sign that you are comfortable. :)
 

satstrn

Well-known member
#13
This guy is giving up, and looking for sympathy. I'm happy to give you sympathy, if thats what you want. But its not going to change a thing. You cant possibly claim that its a fact no woman will ever be attracted to you, thats a shockingly arrogant statement. The reason you wrote all that crap was because you want a woman but are held back by self limiting beliefs. It sounds harsh, but with that attitude you are pretty much ****ed. Youre in a loop...your messed up beliefs determine your perceptions about women and you in turn strengthen your beliefs about those incorrect perceptions. Eventually you have to break the loop somewhere, and seeing as you cant control what women think of you, Id start by getting your thoughts clear and changing those negative beliefs. Do it or dont.
 

Agon

Well-known member
#14
But I have realized that (excuse me if this sounds grim) every single female human being on the face of this planet would rather die a very painful death than have anything to do with me when it comes to romance.

This is very upsetting at times, but you know, we can't alter the laws of reality just like that.

So how do you guys and girls think I can accept being single forever, and prevent the sadness from returning?
I'm sorry, but I think your view of reality is skewed. You can't possibly know this so-called "fact", because you've never met every single woman in the world. D: It's very easy to fall into believing in a never-ending pattern of rejection because of negative experiences in the past, but I prefer to think of them as opportunities for growth (I'm sorry if this sounds preachy). The sheer number of people on the planet (and even in my country) makes me hopeful that I'll find somebody decent.
 

A friend

Well-known member
#15
I'm sorry, but I think your view of reality is skewed. You can't possibly know this so-called "fact", because you've never met every single woman in the world. D:
There isn't one guy like me on this planet who has a lover, or ever had one in the past to begin with.

Unless I see proof that the "fact" is false, I'll believe it's reality.

It's very easy to fall into believing in a never-ending pattern of rejection because of negative experiences in the past, but I prefer to think of them as opportunities for growth
It doesn't necessarily help develop me, rejection only kills my confidence, and that of course contributed to me gaining this belief, along with seeing guys like me remaining single their entire lives.

Attitude had nothing to do with it, they were happy every single day and didn't exhibit morbid behavior.

(I'm sorry if this sounds preachy).
It's fine.

The sheer number of people on the planet (and even in my country) makes me hopeful that I'll find somebody decent.
Although I live in a heavily populated area, most of the women here are taken.

And the ones who aren't, I can't find anywhere. Even so, they have none of the interests that I have, nor do they have any reasonable preferences.

Ultimately, despite being in my 20's, I don't see any chance of finding a lover now, or any time in the future.

There is not one guy like me (or even remotely similar) who has ever had a woman in his entire life, and I doubt that will ever be the case.

That's why I started this thread, to learn how to accept being single forever and to know how to prevent the depression caused by it from returning.

The depression created from it is so intense to the point where it causes headaches and evolves into severe physical pain, so I'd like to learn how to prevent myself from becoming sad as a byproduct of never having a romantic partner.

Look, there is not one female human being who would want to be my girlfriend/wife. If my attitude was a factor here, then this wouldn't be the case, because I'm usually in a pretty positive mood when I go into public.

That being said, my perception of this topic is valid. Unless I gain proof that none of this is true, then I'll continue thinking the way I do.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
#16
Originally Posted by Agon View Post
I'm sorry, but I think your view of reality is skewed. You can't possibly know this so-called "fact", because you've never met every single woman in the world. D:
You're right, but A_friend can also be right that he won't ever find someone in his life. It's impossible to meet every single woman in the world, in 1 lifetime. Moreover, nobody can see into A_friend's future so nobody knows if he'll actually find or not find a girl in the end. Given that there are around 7 billion people on the planet and about half of them are women, there is a very large probability that A_friend will find a woman who likes him. But, there also exists a very small probability that all the women in the world refuse to be with him. I'm not trying to be intentionally negative here; I'm talking probabilities, statistics.
 

JackOfSpades

Well-known member
#17
But at some point probabilities start to become small enough that they almost have to be dismissed lest they skew someone's approach. Which I think it is doing.
 

gummybear22

Well-known member
#18
First of all, God is capable of doing anything. Second of all, having a 'lover' isn't everything. It causes a load of mess for tons of people. Third of all, 1 Corinthians 7, verses 1, 8, and 32 through 35. New Living Translation. Paul is writing to the church at Corinth, and he is one of Jesus's apostles, so he's telling everything in truth. verse 1: Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. verse 8: So I say to those who aren't married and to widows-it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am. verses 32-35: I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please Him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord the best, with as few distractions as possible.

In short, it's better to stay single because you can spend more of your time doing things for Him rather than worrying about husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend junk. Better to focus on having close friends than a girlfriend or whatever.
 

Solitudes_Grace

Well-known member
#19
I'm single at the moment and honestly speaking - I'm actually quite happy this way. I've recently had chances to 'be with' people and I've turned them down.

I'm not sure how or why everybody seems to have this idea that they must be with somebody, or their life isn't worth living. I can only apportion the blame on all this traditionalist stuff that seems to imply that essentially we're born, we marry, we reproduce and then we die. Is it not possible that there are other things to live for besides reproduction? What about doing good for the environment, or seeking to make peoples' lives better by investing our time into noble causes?

Most of us dream of finding someone with whom we can be intimate for the rest of our living lives, but you can't centre your whole lifeplan around this. You need to think outside the box, see the bigger picture and work out what you can give to the world. What's your aim in life? What are you here to do? And more to the point - how can you have FUN? What do you enjoy? How can you schedule your life in a way which permits you to have this fun?

Relationships should never ever be seen as a form of self-validation - a relationship that is, is not a real relationship at all. It's a one-sided convenience - nothing more, nothing less.

There is so much more out there waiting to be found.
^These words are very wise. I couldn't agree with them more.
 
#20
This is very upsetting at times, but you know, we can't alter the laws of reality just like that
True .. but one can follow the "universal laws of life". Such as "law of attraction" (see book "the Secret"). Or maybe it could also be that women are not "seeing" in you the primary things that women typically are looking for? (another kind of law of attraction).
 
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