How are you feeling?

[FountainandFairfax]

My resurrection is still in the skeletal phase, I can't possibly bear the weight of anything romantic right now. That's the mistake I've always made in the past: get the weight off, go out with the first girl who shows interest, crash and burn because my social phobia wrecks it, then spiral back down into a pit of depression and overeating. My defensive aloofness and superficial bad boy bullshit will dissipate within seconds of any real encounter with her. I'll be exposed for the phobic, emotionally stunted man I really am... almost instantly.

"Know thyself" right? Well, I finally do... kinda. Never-mind that I'm scared shitless, of her... it's just not the right time.

BTW, this is literally her:

(image removed for paranoia)

See what I mean? There's NO WAY I'm ready for this. Maybe a year or so from now, after I get back into therapy and remember who I was, but no way right now.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

There's a reason this guy is my hero, "I don't want to get involved."

 

[Kiwong]

A girl is pursuing me but my social phobia won't let me do anything about it. I mentioned it to my cousin and he happens to know her. Apparently she used to go to our gym but quit right before I started. He's trying to get me to ask her out but there's simply no way. The best part? She lives two doors down from me, so I can't even go outside without having to dodge her, she almost always comes out and tries to talk to me whenever I go to my car. I find myself staying inside all day just to minimize the chance of an encounter.

If I had to stop and talk to her for any amount of time she'd see how weird I am and then things would really get uncomfortable. She's young and beautiful, though... so hopefully she'll lose interest and move on soon.

What a thing to hope for, right?

Hell and damnation.

I feel for you Jedi. She might like your "weirdness'. You should do the opposite and embrace conversation with her. It could go well, and that feels good man!

One day you might regret not trying.

 

[Kiwong]

There's a reason this guy is my hero, "I don't want to get involved."

Chicks dig him, but in real life he is a pork chop.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Chicks dig him, but in real life he is a pork chop.

Like I said.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I feel for you Jedi. She might like your "weirdness'. You should do the opposite and embrace conversation with her. It could go well, and that feels good man!

One day you might regret not trying.

I regret it already, but that regret is nothing compared to being shot-down. Rejection validates all my suspicion about myself.

I'll wrap my loneliness around me like blanket. I'll be alright.

I think she's already figured out that something's wrong with me and has moved on.

 

[Kiwong]

I regret it already, but that regret is nothing compared to being shot-down. Rejection validates all my suspicion about myself.

I'll wrap my loneliness around me like blanket. I'll be alright.

I think she's already figured out that something's wrong with me and has moved on.

Yeah, rejection is tough. A big part of anxiety for many I suspect. She probably won't shoot you down, women are often caring and forgiving. I found out that after my stroke, they cared about me. Not only will you miss out, they will too, you're a cool guy Fountain.

At 57, I have been able to talk to women, even ones I am attracted to. It feels great to connect.
I even ate dinner with 4 ladies from work, and got hugs at the end! They like me, for all my eccentricities.
I have been going on runs with two ladies from work, there are plans to travel together to a fun run together.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Yeah, rejection is tough. A big part of anxiety for many I suspect. She probably won't shoot you down, women are often caring and forgiving. I found out that after my stroke, they cared about me. Not only will you miss out, they will too, you're a cool guy Fountain.

I'm only cool with people I'm comfortable with, though Kiwong. I'm a stilted weirdo otherwise.

And she's not a woman, she's a girl. I don't even think she's 20 yet. She's Generation Z, she's a Zoomer.

Fig. 1 - This GIF represents a 19 year-old girl's concern over my Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I'm just gonna continue to focus on my physical fitness and mental-health journey. If ZOOM wants to gradually get to know me on my schedule, great. If she wants to hop aboard the Fountain Express, cool; but this train ain't slowing down for nobody, and it's definitely not going to get derailed.

I hope.

 

[SilentAndShy]

Uncommunicative, uncaring and actually keen to get back to the office next week, which considering I'm not too enthused by keeping company with people at work, that says volumes. Sometimes doing the aforementioned means I don't do the things that give me anxiety (driving mainly) but results in pissing off the people around me. Plus, I've got an intray of issues I need to initiate to resolve and having conversations with people I'm very distant to and have no idea how to do it so, just letting it all stew rather than do anything about it. FFS

 

[Kiwong]

I'm only cool with people I'm comfortable with, though Kiwong. I'm a stilted weirdo otherwise.

And she's not a woman, she's a girl. I don't even think she's 20 yet. She's Generation Z, she's a Zoomer.

Fig. 1 - This GIF represents a 19 year-old girl's concern over my Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I'm just gonna continue to focus on my physical fitness and mental-health journey. If ZOOM wants to gradually get to know me on my schedule, great. If she wants to hop aboard the Fountain Express, cool; but this train ain't slowing down for nobody, and it's definitely not going to get derailed.

I hope.

good onya Fountain. I reckon practising connecting with a whole bunch of people is a good way to go. Independence rules, I'm not looking to settle down.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Pretty down.

Why can't I just live the way I want and be accepted with no judgement? I don't hurt anyone..
I'm happy not being social - well at least not overly social.. but I keep getting invited out to stupid social events where people stand around drinking. The latest one- a wine tasting event where you - surpise surprise- stand around drinking and talking crap.
Apart from having zero interest in doing that, I don't like turning people down. So in the end I'm the one that feels bad about it. Either way.
I feel shit about knowing I won't enjoy going to those events and I feel shit turning people down.
Stuck in the middle. Its really tormenting me and getting me down. For the first time in a while opting out has run through my thoughts again.
Fk it. Fk it all.

 

[Graeme1988]

The usual... miserable as f…k! Not that anyone cares, like. But that’s just how it is.

I just want my life to end. No even saying that to overly dramatic or get sympathy. I truthfully want it to f…kin’ end,

I just don’t care anymore. I’ve had enough of this f…kin’ same ol’, joyless f…kin’ existence. Every time ah say how I feel, am lying or attention seeking. Any time ah tell it is from my perspective, am wrong. Cuz men are inconsiderate, useless b@$%@*!$. Or, at least, been that the predominant narrative I’ve heard for the better part of 2 decades. Probably why I’m as fuct as I am...

This f…kin’ neurotic, anxious, insecure, fearful, self-loathing, people-pleasing, broken shell of a man.

Music does’nae even make me happy anymore.

 

[Kiwong]

Pretty down.

Why can't I just live the way I want and be accepted with no judgement? I don't hurt anyone..
I'm happy not being social - well at least not overly social.. but I keep getting invited out to stupid social events where people stand around drinking. The latest one- a wine tasting event where you - surpise surprise- stand around drinking and talking crap.
Apart from having zero interest in doing that, I don't like turning people down. So in the end I'm the one that feels bad about it. Either way.
I feel shit about knowing I won't enjoy going to those events and I feel shit turning people down.
Stuck in the middle. Its really tormenting me and getting me down. For the first time in a while opting out has run through my thoughts again.
Fk it. Fk it all.

Standing around talking with drinks is crap. I don't drink. Eating a meal at a restaurant is better. Talking is good when it gets less scary.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Standing around talking with drinks is crap. I don't drink. Eating a meal at a restaurant is better. Talking is good when it gets less scary.

I agree mate, eating a meal is better.
I don't have an issue if people want to stand around, drink in hand talking BS.
If that's what they like, more power to them. But because that's not for me, I'm judged on it.
And I hate that.

 

[Kiwong]

I agree mate, eating a meal is better.
I don't have an issue if people want to stand around, drink in hand talking BS.
If that's what they like, more power to them. But because that's not for me, I'm judged on it.
And I hate that.

Funny you say judged. I went to a works drinks, one of the few who didn't drink. I discovered the people who where there didn't even notice I was there, they were too busy getting sloshed.

 

[vj288]

I feel relieved. I can spend the next week just putting my head down and working, without any obligations, social or otherwise. I more or less don't have to see anyone if I don't want to, or worry about things I need to get done.

This is usually how I feel around new years, but I guess I'm a few weeks late this year either way, I welcome it.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I feel pretty good. Things could always be better, and I'm not getting any younger, but the main thing is staying positive.

 

[Phoenixx]

Sad, disappointed, depressed. I'm hating the system at my job. I'm not happy. I'm trying really hard to make this work, and I want to try to make this work, but I feel like I'm going in circles. Two weeks ago I was feeling really good about it. Last week was hectic, but I was feeling content and thought I was doing a fairly decent job keeping up with everything and how busy it all was. Yesterday two of my coworkers talked to me and apparently I'm not doing as good of a job as I thought I was doing and I'm doing too much, despite being originally trained to be on top of things. My boss is having to take notes in appointments, I was told. There were a few times I couldn't take notes because I was doing another task, or that something wasn't stated clearly enough for me to write down.

But I think what's disappointed me most about all this is two coworkers talked to me about it. Why are they talking about it to me when I work directly under my boss? I'm her assistant, shouldn't she be talking to me about it? Because this means she talked to them about me. Which is essentially talking about me behind my back right?

We had a break yesterday in between appointments because someone cancelled last minute. We were in the room together, she checking her emails, me setting up for the next appointment. I waited a few minutes to see if she'd bring up anything or talk to me. She didn't. So I brought up a generalized apology to see if I could get something out of her. I apologized and said, "Sorry I've been walking out of the room so much. I'm really sick today and I have to keep blowing my nose and washing my hands." (Which was true, I'm fighting a hell of a nasty head cold the last few days and feel miserable on top of all this.) She said that was fine, and then brought up what my two coworkers talked about. In the middle of our conversation, one of the two coworkers walked in the room and joined the conversation. Why? Why does this have ANYTHING to do with ANYBODY ELSE?

I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. I feel so confused. There were no rude words passed. It was just criticism, and I know I don't take criticism well. So why do I feel so bad?

 

[SilentAndShy]

Isolated. Other people don't notice the 'slights' I feel from other people at work - that's what being anxious does I presume. I wanted to start 2020 with positivity in my behaviour at work, but now 22 days in, I'm inclined to sit in my office and not bother with any of them minus one good friend.

It's me who is expected to come out and engage in conversation (knowing how awkward I feel when some people don't bother to engage with me) and somehow know what everyone is talking about and be in the loop, me who is supposed to be starting topics with everyone else, me taking an interest in others, me asking others if they want a drink or an item from the shops.

Is it not possible that everyone else can do the same for me? Just because I sit in a smaller office away means you can't either take a few steps, or shout me to involve me.

Then I get a reputation for being distant perhaps, and wonder is there no self-reflection by anyone else? Even the boss is keen to engage and be 'pally' with others which is cringe worthy.

Anyways, need to write this down to get it out and try and focus on work tasks.

 

[vj288]

I am in a funk.