I'm doing alright at the moment. I can't really complain about my day. I've been volunteering at the local community services. We had a luncheon today in honor of the teens who have been hired for the summer and for some volunteers.
I may have appeared awkward because I prefer to eat my meals in silence. Everyone else was chatting and socializing. I felt really out of place so as soon as I was done eating I went back to work. I always feel out of place wherever I go and it doesn't help that most of the people who work or volunteer there happen to be older women. As a younger, attractive female, I've rarely fared well around other women (more likely older women).
I don't mind not fitting in so much, but I do realize that I have to network in order to get ahead. I'm still going to give it a try regardless. I still wanted to point out how awkward I felt not laughing at the same things that everyone was laughing at. I just didn't happen to share their sense of humor but I think that I may come across as standoffish or snobby because of this. Well, I'm not about to behave in a phony manner either. I figure that all I can be is myself and for the most part, it's more than good enough for me. Unfortunately, I'm never going to get anywhere if I don't make an effort.
One woman asked me if I am a volunteer and I replied, "yes", but then she didn't talk to me so I think that I may have given off a leave me alone vibe, but that's only because I want to eat my food in peace. It wasn't even out of anxiety.
Then I overheard the three women sitting next to me talking about me. The one sitting to my right asked the other two who I was because I heard one of them giving her my name. She couldn't introduce herself considering she was sitting right next to me? I find that a little annoying when people talk about you (even if it's not in a bad way) as though you're not there. I just pretended not to hear.
I normally hate small talk because it's so tedious. It's always the same s*** that normally begins with, "So, what do you do?". I really don't care to know what the other person does anymore than I care to divulge what I do and that goes for all the other annoying small talk questions. People will sense that I don't have a genuine interest in them if I start asking them the same questions. I hate having to tell people where I'm from, what I do, my marriage status, what my husband does, whether I have kids, where I live for the hundredth time. It feels awkward because it feels so rehearsed. Also, I feel that I shouldn't ask questions that are non of my business. I realize that most people do not think the way I do and this is going to keep me from getting ahead in life so I've decided that I'm still going to try and get some practice. The worst that can happen is people will reject me and at this point, I really don't care. As strange as it sounds, I really don't care and it feels good to not care.