How am I feeling...?! Happy and accomplished.
Really happy. 
Why?! Because, and I'll quote her verbatim:
"I got my old mother back today". Yesterday, she said she'd help me tidy out a corner my bedroom, and hoover it for me.
So, when I came down this morning and asked if this was still the plan, saying that I'd have move some boxes out from the corner if she want to hoover. And, instead of complaining to me as she has done these last few years whenever I asked for her help. Or putting it off for another days, she actually got up and helped me.
Then once, we were done and completely knackered from tidying and throwing stuff out, and getting the boxes I'd moved stacked up, she goes:
"Aw, that's that done. Great! Ah didnae think we get that done. We'll get under your bed clear oot this week".
And upon me thanking her for helping me, she proceeded to tell me that, yesterday, while I was out of the house for a walk with my oldest sister. My mum went and got the bins in (ours and our neighbor's who lives across from us). This was something that she used to do regularly, ever week after they'd been emptied. Usually chatting to our neighbour for a wee bit before coming back in the house. But due to her anxiety, my oldest sister would get the bins when she came round, which was usually Friday afternoon.
But, as my mum said: she did anyway, because she doesn't want to be housebound like she's been the last 4 or 5 years. Because she was never like that, she'd always get out the house. Even if it was just going to the Red Cross charity shop, which isn't far from our house.
And, the fact she's done all that just days before her first in-person counselling session has made me really proud of her and hopeful that she'll overcome her anxiety struggles.
Just trying to distract myself and focus on other things in my life. Even if it does trouble me greatly that my mother refuses to talk back to my older sister in same way she does to me when I tell her to eff off on the occasions when we do argue. Like, why did it have to be me who got it worst growing as far the physical, verbal and emotional abuse?
My mother insisted we got my bedroom tidied and uncluttered on Sunday there. So that's it done. Then, yesterday, we made a start on tidying her bedroom.
