Lol I looked at your profile and see ur a cheese-head …we are neighbors now 😛
Your profile says Falkreath Hold... Was Falkreath moved into or near Wisconsin at some point? I thought it was near the borders with Hammerfell and Cyrodiil. 😐
Everything was going great... until yesterday. When my oldest sister had massive row with one of my cousins with our mother caught in the middle.
So, needless to say I'm raging. But not allowing to say owt, because it'll just started another row and my mum does'nae want the stress. Because, inevitably, me opening my big mouth will start another row. Since I don't tend mince my words during arguments.
But it funny, how I'm never allowed to say how the arguments affect, and have affected me. My mum can breakdown in tears and go about not being able to take anymore, but I'm just supposed to pretend like nothing's happened? And pretend we all get along; when the only yin I get along with, really, is my mother.
Ah mean: is it normal to do that? To keep internalise yer feelings and just letting negativity build n' build? Staying quiet when y'know you should speak up? Because I've been doing that with my family for well over 20 years, as sad as that is to admit. But then I'm always putting myself last as far as my needs, happiness and my well-being going.
It's no exactly great huvin' tae always put on this fake front of "being fine" cuz every time am asked by muh family: "How ye keepin'...?" And I answer that question honestly, the response is either a short Ha! laugh followed by "Aren't we all...?" as if me saying I'm depressed is somehow so relatable?
Yeah, ah doubt everyone's depressed for the reason as me, eh? Realising that nothing's really changed; aside from my relationship with my mother. Other than that: my family is still as dysfunctional as when I was growing up.
Or the other react will a 🤬kin' lecture about how I have no reason to depressed? 😠 Aside from being born disability, the dysfunctional family, and having a difficult relationship with my mother up until my early 20s.
Och well, it was a great, happy and productive few days there. The Saturday to Tuesday just passed there. Now it's back to being sad, quiet and miserable. 😔
I hope you feel better soon!
Nowadays I go to walking groups and the weather is getting better so that's great! there's also a bike riding group to go to so that'll be fun for me too. I also have bible studies to go to as well.
Nowadays I go to walking groups and the weather is getting better so that's great! there's also a bike riding group to go to so that'll be fun for me too. I also have bible studies to go to as well.
Cool ! Glad to hear you're getting out for walks and bike rides when the weather is good, lily. Along with going to bible studies.
I've been feeling pretty exhausted lately. Like, really fatigued. 😴
My first mother's counselling session went well at the start of the month, her next one is on Monday. She even got out for a walk and didn't feel anxious or lightheaded once she was out the house.
Anyway, the first one went so well that we got my bedroom tidied out in under a week. "Ah wus jist thinkin' about it, so let's get it done while it's on muh mind", she says...
Got the storage box that was take up space moved into little room upstairs that I converted into a recording studio. Under my bedroom cleared. Found my old Playstation games, guitar books and magazines, and DVDs I forgot I even owned. 😆 Cleaned the skirting boards and walls. Vacuumed under the bed.
But she didnae want to stop there, we got some of her bedroom tidied out as well. And found the guitar backing track CDs for the Total Guitar magazines I still have. Going way back, 20 years now, to as far as May 2002. 😲
So, my mother has achieved her first goal that she was set by her therapist: doing the housework more routinely. And she's made a partial start on her 2nd goal which is getting out to the shops, but going for walks is a start a least.
Aside from that, my oldest sister and cousin still aren't speaking since their massive row. My cousin has unfriended her on Facebook, or they've unfriended each other, ah don't know what going on...?! Anyway, I've been sworn to secrecy by my mum to not tell my oldest sibling that our cousin was over to visit. And that's despite a visit from her (my cousin) recently. And related to all that, my mum finally explained why it is that she's more aggressive with me verbally when we argue. It's because I don't take what she says to heart or perceive her criticism of me as a personal attack. Oh, the pure joys of having a dysfunctional family, eh? Ah still don't get how I turned out to be the more caring, empathetic, "sensitive" one, though? Or is that just what that type of family turns you into? I don't know...
Cool ! Glad to hear you're getting out for walks and bike rides when the weather is good, lily. Along with going to bible studies.
I'm glad^ And thanks
I would like to post what I sent to you in PM so that my thoughts on God and Christianity are out there to all^^
lily said:
Take care and cast your burders on the Lord (God) for he cares for you. it says that in the Word of God and truth (the bible). God gave us a book of instruction and promises. He created the heavens and the earth and all that is in it but he is also beyond our understanding.
Ok there, haha! I also believe in God when I see my existence and everything around me. I'm not going to say I understand everything but I once had a debate on a forum and I liked it! It went well. lol I had a response to everything until it was locked. it was me and my knowledge, against the others and nonsense, ha! it became disrespectful. I didn't say it was nonsense 'cause it was nonsense to me but I was respectful and there's such thing as respectful conversation. I'm now afraid I will be attacked by something I said here so I'm going to say sorry if I offended you in any way, it's just how I see things. Sorry
it could be partially the coffee, too much coffee today so that's probably why I would be so easily stressed. I'm now craving for macaronni and cheese. I'd have to think of what to eat to ease the stress. it has to be something that has fat in it but is a good fat to eat.
I'm glad^ And thanks
I would like to post what I sent to you in PM so that my thoughts on God and Christianity are out there to all^^
Ok there, haha! I also believe in God when I see my existence and everything around me. I'm not going to say I understand everything but I once had a debate on a forum and I liked it! It went well. lol I had a response to everything until it was locked. it was me and my knowledge, against the others and nonsense, ha! it became disrespectful. I didn't say it was nonsense 'cause it was nonsense to me but I was respectful and there's such thing as respectful conversation. I'm now afraid I will be attacked by something I said here so I'm going to say sorry if I offended you in any way, it's just how I see things. Sorry
On the other hand, I'm feeling really stressed about something today and I'm afraid of getting older and uglier bc of it. I hope that doesn't happen. I prayed to God about it. I pray everyday. I thank God that he has given me so much more knowledge about Him especially when I needed Him the most. I feel better but still feel the tension. I want it to go away. it should go away 'cause I repented from what I'm not sure if God didn't want me to do or if it was just me. Thanks for support.
it could be partially the coffee, too much coffee today so that's probably why I would be so easily stressed. I'm now craving for macaronni and cheese. I'd have to think of what to eat to ease the stress. it has to be something that has fat in it but is a good fat to eat.
Sorry to hear that you're feeling stressed, lily. I hope you feel better soon.
I increased my medication a bit and then I felt the anxiety decrease a lot but also I got peace after, prior to that bc I know I will never do what made me anxious again and I don't want to anymore. There will also be perhaps a time when I will want to do the other thing that made me anxious but I will not do that again either so I should have peace in that now too. 🙁 I e-mailed a Christian friend, she's kind of like a friend, really nice and I'll see what her opinion is. gathering opinions right now
I've been feeling pretty exhausted lately. Like, really fatigued. 😴
My first mother's counselling session went well at the start of the month, her next one is on Monday. She even got out for a walk and didn't feel anxious or lightheaded once she was out the house.
Anyway, the first one went so well that we got my bedroom tidied out in under a week. "Ah wus jist thinkin' about it, so let's get it done while it's on muh mind", she says...
Got the storage box that was take up space moved into little room upstairs that I converted into a recording studio. Under my bedroom cleared. Found my old Playstation games, guitar books and magazines, and DVDs I forgot I even owned. 😆 Cleaned the skirting boards and walls. Vacuumed under the bed.
But she didnae want to stop there, we got some of her bedroom tidied out as well. And found the guitar backing track CDs for the Total Guitar magazines I still have. Going way back, 20 years now, to as far as May 2002. 😲
So, my mother has achieved her first goal that she was set by her therapist: doing the housework more routinely. And she's made a partial start on her 2nd goal which is getting out to the shops, but going for walks is a start a least.
Aside from that, my oldest sister and cousin still aren't speaking since their massive row. My cousin has unfriended her on Facebook, or they've unfriended each other, ah don't know what going on...?! Anyway, I've been sworn to secrecy by my mum to not tell my oldest sibling that our cousin was over to visit. And that's despite a visit from her (my cousin) recently. And related to all that, my mum finally explained why it is that she's more aggressive with me verbally when we argue. It's because I don't take what she says to heart or perceive her criticism of me as a personal attack. Oh, the pure joys of having a dysfunctional family, eh? Ah still don't get how I turned out to be the more caring, empathetic, "sensitive" one, though? Or is that just what that type of family turns you into? I don't know...
I hope you're not still feeling exhausted, fatigued. I have to put up with that with the medication I'm currently still on, lack of motivation to do the bigger things, wanting to lie down and sometimes tiredness/fatigue. I really want to get into the herbal medicine! I'll update on it.
we all have to accept whatever bad thing that's on our back. Everything is for a reason. God is still with us, He promises us that 'no weapon formed against us will prosper' and to rejoice in our suffering for when I am weak, You are strong.
I hope you're not still feeling exhausted, fatigued. I have to put up with that with the medication I'm currently still on, lack of motivation to do the bigger things, wanting to lie down and sometimes tiredness/fatigue. I really want to get into the herbal medicine! I'll update on it.
No, I'm not as fatigued. I've getting some rest these last few days.
we all have to accept whatever bad thing that's on our back. Everything is for a reason. God is still with us, He promises us that 'no weapon formed against us will prosper' and to rejoice in our suffering for when I am weak, You are strong.
I know... it's just difficult having to be strong for everyone else. 😔 The pillar of strength, the example. Constantly having to deal with dysfunctional family members.
No, I'm not as fatigued. I've getting some rest these last few days.
I know... it's just difficult having to be strong for everyone else. 😔 The pillar of strength, the example. Constantly having to deal with dysfunctional family members.
God also gives us strength through the holy spirit when we put our faith and trust in Him and follow Him. I know it's hard for you right now. I wish you the best. Take care.
I'm feeling accomplished. Today I didn't go for my group walk, it's a group walk of people with mental illness. I have social anxiety/phobia so I have a mental illness/disorder, but I DID attend a bible study. The other one I did was on the beatitudes, on who are the ones who will be blessed, an in-depth study on God. I'm proud of myself for attending but I missed one because I wasn't feeling well and was tired/fatigued. Thanks for listening and being a friend Graeme.
I find that sometimes I will get anxious and it seems like it's just me! I will think something that makes me anxious when I shouldn't be anxious about it 🙁 it's sad. I think it's because I got off one of my medications too early so I increased the dosage and felt better.
Things have been too hectic for me these days. I have a lack of motivation from my medication and I get fatigued/tired. it will be Mother's Day, that will be nice to send my mom a note w/ emojis. hehe
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