How are you feeling?

[FountainandFairfax]

A girl half my age caught me looking today, while I was shopping, and came over to say hi.

I said "Hey hey!" and took-off like I had to catch the last train to Loserville. I didnt even buy anything, I just left.

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't know what's wrong with me. I've been feeling really anxious these past couple of days, and this wait for my mother to be diagnosed with whatever's wrong with her has just made my anxiety flare up. I don't think I've felt the level of anxiety that I'm experiencing lately since around 15.

I've been putting off contact that singer as a result, but I need to do it if I want this song collaboration to move forward and not fall through. Because I don't think she got my WhatsApp text messages that I sent in response to her voice memos the other day regarding song ideas.

Cannae believe I'm nervous about leaving a WhatsApp voice memo for someone that I only had a brief online interact with a start of this year until 3 days ago. It's not as if I met her via a dating app, we were messaging each other via frickin' SoundCloud.

 

[planemo]

A girl half my age caught me looking today, while I was shopping, and came over to say hi.

I said "Hey hey!" and took-off like I had to catch the last train to Loserville. I didnt even buy anything, I just left.

You mean, caught you looking at her? I think you're kinda lucky, the fact that she approached you shows she wasn't put off by your attention, but perhaps wanted to reciprocate it? I don't think you should feel like a loser. I know, I believe that no woman would ever find me the least bit attractive, but deep down I know that's irrational. I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. If it's an age related thing, I understand, but you're no loser.

 

[Graeme1988]

Nae better but not any worse. Which is the only positive I can find in my current circumstances. Though I feel like breaking down in tears, just over the last few days alone. Mainly because my mum's health issues. Those couldn't have picked a better time to worsen. I even feel kinda guilty saying that. I get this really exciting opportunity to do something I've never done before, and my mum's health starts going to $h!%.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

You mean, caught you looking at her? I think you're kinda lucky, the fact that she approached you shows she wasn't put off by your attention, but perhaps wanted to reciprocate it? I don't think you should feel like a loser. I know, I believe that no woman would ever find me the least bit attractive, but deep down I know that's irrational. I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. If it's an age related thing, I understand, but you're no loser.

Thanks, planemo.

I just hate it because I'm so shy that I can't do anything about it. I spent the better part of my life overweight, and now that I'm healthy I feel like I have this small window in time left and I still can't overcome my anxiety.

I just need to get back in therapy.

 

[planemo]

Thanks, planemo.

I just hate it because I'm so shy that I can't do anything about it. I spent the better part of my life overweight, and now that I'm healthy I feel like I have this small window in time left and I still can't overcome my anxiety.

I just need to get back in therapy.

I understand. Just know that, the vast majority of the time, the way we see ourselves, is not the way others see us.

 

[PugofCrydee]

A girl half my age caught me looking today, while I was shopping, and came over to say hi.

I said "Hey hey!" and took-off like I had to catch the last train to Loserville. I didnt even buy anything, I just left.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, that was fun!

I agree to let my oldest sister take me for a wee trip around town in her car just get me out the house for a wee while. And what does she spend of the car ride talking to me about? The weather? A recent news story? Music or films? Nope! She spent the whole journey go on and on about fucking Parkinson's disease. Because that's what she thinks our mother has, even though mum has even had any tests done to confirm that's the case.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Well, that was fun!

I agree to let my oldest sister take me for a wee trip around town in her car just get me out the house for a wee while. And what does she spend of the car ride talking to me about? The weather? A recent news story? Music or films? Nope! She spent the whole journey go on and on about fucking Parkinson's disease. Because that's what she thinks our mother has, even though mum has even had any tests done to confirm that's the case.

How old is your mom, Graeme? Is there a family history of Parkinson's?

 

[Graeme1988]

How old is your mom, Graeme?

About the same age as Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford.

Is there a family history of Parkinson's?

Not that I'm aware of.

 

[F0AM]

View attachment 5675

*My ugly ass looking behind just in case*

 

[F0AM]

Thanks, planemo.

I just hate it because I'm so shy that I can't do anything about it. I spent the better part of my life overweight, and now that I'm healthy I feel like I have this small window in time left and I still can't overcome my anxiety.

I just need to get back in therapy.

That's it buddy, with some therapy help you'll overcome this in no time. Show them ladies who's running away next time!!

Tbh, being healthy after being overweitght is one hell of a fight, so you're already strong enough

 

[Graeme1988]

Pissed off that, every time I ask for help or trying and help my family, they're so fuckin' unsupportive and ungrateful.

Like, it's fine for them to burden me with their problems and complaints about how they're struggling in life. But the moment I start speaking about how ah feel trapped, how I feel like I'm existing rather than living, they're telling how I should and shouldn't feel and invalidating everything I've said. Even though that's how I genuinely feel. As if I've got this privileged life, where I don't have to make an effort, don't have a care in the world, and everything is just given to me. As I've got no reason whatever to feel as depressed and frustrated as I do at times about how my life turned out.

 

[Graeme1988]

Dumbfounded.

F__kin' hell !! What in the name of the wee man huv ah just went n' agreed to? Dinnae even give it a second thought, ah just went: "Aye, ah dae it". Nae hesitation whatsoever. That's no like me at all.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Dumbfounded.

F__kin' hell !! What in the name of the wee man huv ah just went n' agreed to? Dinnae even give it a second thought, ah just went: "Aye, ah dae it". Nae hesitation whatsoever. That's no like me at all.

Sometimes we can surprise ourselves

 

[Graeme1988]

Sometimes we can surprise ourselves

Indeed! Sod it, I can't sleep, might as well elaborate on my previous post.

So, that singer that I mentioned previously and I have been exchange songwriting idea via WhatsApp since Wednesday. As well as discussing our anxieties related to performing music, our past failed experiences trying to form and find out where each is from. I told I was Scotland, and she's from Europe but lives down in Bristol, England. So, I don't hear from her again until yesterday evening, when she leaves a 3 and a half minutes voice memo, giving me her perspective on Scotland, what she thinks of the country and the people. As well as an accurate observation about weather, which me laugh.

Skip to yesterday afternoon, around 1 o'clock, she's messaged me again with her email address, saying to get in. So, I email her. Next thing I know, she offering me another collaboration, a completely different style of song. Anyway, she's asks me if I could help fix this song she had produced but hasn't released, because she isn't happy with it. The guy original she had produce it gave her different music than what she specifically outlined.

I go: "Yeah, I'll give it a go and see what I can do"

So, I agree and replies saying it not a rock, and I ask if still want to help with it. I reiterate what I said, adding that I also like electronic music - the genre style of this song I agreed to help - and that I could use a break from coming up with guitar riffs for a wee while.

Here's the bit where ah said to myself: "Wait, what?". She responds to me saying that I'd get a songwriting credit on this other track under my real name and a featured artist credit after the title of the song under my band moniker. And that she plans to try n' get this other track playlisted to mainstream radio once it's released.

And before I even have a chance to take in what tha fuck I just agreed to, she emails me... again! The full lyrics, an audio file of her singing some of the lyrics, telling me how the vocal melody goes. And, about 6 songs to use as point of reference to give me an idea what the should've sounded like in the first place.

I just hope she trusts me enough and this goes well for both of us. I don't want to fuck it up, like that other c%* who clearly forgot what the role of a music producer is when working with a singer or band.

 

[Graeme1988]

Really excited, but a wee bit nervous about this song collaboration. I don't know why the nerves — maybe because I'm doing something new that I've done before?

I also need to, somehow, get over my self-consciousness about my voice, or my worry that I'll just ramble on, and leave those WhatsApp voice memos. Can't just keep texting all the time. And I need to explain and clarify a few things afore we get started on coming with music and lyrical ideas. I guess it's more the talking someone I barely know that's making me anxious.

I hate that I'm letting negativity to cloud my thoughts though. I mean, this is going to be great experience for me and the singer I'm collaborating with. I'm getting to write songs for someone else for a change. And she's get a producer and instrumentalist who will actually take on board what she says when she talks about the direction or sound of the song.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah cannae git anything done when the weather is like this. The heat... Jeez! I'm roasting!

It's too warm! Being Scottish, I'm not used to these sorta temperatures. More accustomed to the weather climate normally associated with Scotland. Y'know, the black clouds, freezing temperatures and horizontal rain.

I'd apologise for being true to the stereotype, but we always complain even if we have a day of sunshine.

Hopefully, my shower will get fixed today. I went get one yesterday, and it wasn't working properly. Called a plumber and they should be out to fix it sometime this morning.

 

[Phoenixx]

It's too warm! Being Scottish, I'm not used to these sorta temperatures. More accustomed to the weather climate normally associated with Scotland. Y'know, the black clouds, freezing temperatures and horizontal rain.

I'd apologise for being true to the stereotype, but we always complain even if we have a day of sunshine.

I complain about too much sunshine too. Just like I complain when it's too hot and it's too cold or if there's too much rain. I love cloudy weather, I love seeing clouds and I love gray days too. The weather has been a bit odd this month. We've already had a handful of 90 (32C) degree days and it's barely June, and the days where it's not around 90 degrees, it's been a bit brisk and rainy. Can't get anything done outside with weather like this. (I try not to work outside much on the hot days because I burn to a crisp even with sunscreen.)

 

[Phoenixx]

I feel like a mess. Or the aftermath of a mess. I don't know. I know part of it is all PMS crap, but I just really haven't been in a good place the last couple weeks. Tired of being angry, tired of being sad, tired of feeling jealousy, tired of feeling lonely, tired of feeling tired.

By the end of this week I'll have worked around 50 hours. I already had 2 hours of overtime scheduled, but the other day I wasn't even out of bed an hour and I got phoned into work out of desperation since a coworker called in and has been repeatedly causing issues for everyone else recently. My sleep is still sucking, but getting a little bit better at the moment. I know it won't last. But I just ordered a weighted blanket to hopefully help with my anxiety at night. We'll see how that goes when it arrives next week.

These hours worked wouldn't be bothering me so bad if 1) I actually got a full night's sleep and wasn't woken up continuously at the buttcrack of dawn and 2) if I didn't have such a workload to wake up to every single day. I don't mind having what I have, but it's not shared work like it's supposed to be. I won't dump my personal life on here or go into details. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to living a life that feels like a single life, yet I'm picking up after a roommate and doing their workload too. A roommate who's parents are also completely ignoring my existence for absolutely no reason that I'm trying my best to just let go and let them be petulant children about whatever stick is up their ass this time.