How are you feeling?

[LoyalXenite]

Well, I’m going to get ma name off the lease of my house next week.

Oh, and ma oldest sister phoned up about that £4,000 quid council tax the other day. And threatened to take the letter to her solicitor if this did’nae get sorted, to see if we’ve got grows to sue. Turns out it was a f…k up on their part, and I’m owed £2,000 quid cuz I’ve been slightly overpaying ma council tax. Ah think ah’ll treat ma mother to a new television with some o’ that additional cash.

 

[Graeme1988]

 

[Graeme1988]

Am done... cannae be arsed tolerating this family drama anymore ! Ah think ah’ll off masel’... cuz, apparently, even when ah do what’s asked of me ah still get it wrong or make a mistake, even though ah huv’nae.

 

[worrywort]

I was once forced into a small supervisory role years ago. The stress finally ended up causing me to "lose the plot", in a really bad way.
The constant pressure of a supervisory role on our anxious minds can feel like being rubbed with sandpaper every day. Well it did for me. Of course everyone's level of anxiety is different though.

Just keep evaluating the state of your mental health and don't let yourself get too close to "losing it". You need to measure up; "Losing Some of your Income" vs "Losing the Ability to Keep your Mental Health at a Manageable Level"

Thanks so much for this reply. Yes, I've made the same calculation and figured I'd do better with less income and less stress.

I think there's just something in the nature of a supervisory role that totally contradicts a certain core nature in myself, which is that I hate imposing my will upon other people. I don't mind asking, but I hate forcing. For this reason I think I exude very little natural authority. I also find honesty to be the only manner in which my brain allows me to converse, and being a supervisor it seems there'll be many occasions when I'll be called to keep my personal views private and to act as though the companies views are my own. Add to that all the little petty problems and pressures of expectation upon me, and I can very much imagine it feeling like being rubbed with sandpaper everyday!

So thanks for your advice. I contacted my area manager today to let him know, and I'm waiting for his reply. But I've made my peace with the reduced hours if that happens anyway.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Really annoyed, angry, full of despair and a sense of hopelessness.

What happened in NZ.. just disgraceful that there are actually people that will commit these kind of atrocities. It doesn't matter what 'side' they're on.
Whether it's islamic extremists, or a white power extremist.. a run of the mill person that commits murder or even Hitler for that matter. History has shown we are an inherently violent species and I can't see it ever changing. It's in our DNA.

So what's the answer? I don't believe there is one. We will go on killing each other for stupid reasons such as the amount of pigmentation in our skin, the shapes of our eyes, the languages we speak and the things we believe - no matter if they are true or not.

Perhaps the answer is to actually weed out these people that carry the violence genes over many generations? Those convicted of violent crimes such as murder, rape and pedophilia could be sent to an island where there are no resources apart from water. There they could live amongst those who think violence is ok. And just let them destroy each other. Perhaps they would have to turn to cannibalism just to eat.

I know that sounds horrific and barbaric, but it seems our current systems systems aren't providing a real deterrent. The media put's their faces all over the tv's and internet, playing right into their hands, giving them notoriety they crave.

The island would be too far away from other land to swim to, or even if they made a raft. The island would have a fully globally funded and dedicated force that surrounds the island and is monitored 24x7.

I know this wouldn't stop 100% of violence, but it would sure stop those few that see current prisons as a holiday camp. I truly believe most people who commit these violent acts cannot be rehabilitated and don't deserve it anyway.

 

[BlueDays]

Really annoyed, angry, full of despair and a sense of hopelessness.

What happened in NZ.. just disgraceful that there are actually people that will commit these kind of atrocities. It doesn't matter what 'side' they're on.
Whether it's islamic extremists, or a white power extremist.. a run of the mill person that commits murder or even Hitler for that matter. History has shown we are an inherently violent species and I can't see it ever changing. It's in our DNA.

So what's the answer? I don't believe there is one. We will go on killing each other for stupid reasons such as the amount of pigmentation in our skin, the shapes of our eyes, the languages we speak and the things we believe - no matter if they are true or not.

Perhaps the answer is to actually weed out these people that carry the violence genes over many generations? Those convicted of violent crimes such as murder, rape and pedophilia could be sent to an island where there are no resources apart from water. There they could live amongst those who think violence is ok. And just let them destroy each other. Perhaps they would have to turn to cannibalism just to eat.

I know that sounds horrific and barbaric, but it seems our current systems systems aren't providing a real deterrent. The media put's their faces all over the tv's and internet, playing right into their hands, giving them notoriety they crave.

The island would be too far away from other land to swim to, or even if they made a raft. The island would have a fully globally funded and dedicated force that surrounds the island and is monitored 24x7.

I know this wouldn't stop 100% of violence, but it would sure stop those few that see current prisons as a holiday camp. I truly believe most people who commit these violent acts cannot be rehabilitated and don't deserve it anyway.

This should have been instigated a long time ago.

But unfortunately it will never be done, because the multinational corporate privately run prisons will never allow their multi-billion dollar contracts with governments all over the world, to end.

Serco etc, have the governments of the different countries they operate their prisons in, on their side, due to their very generous "campaign donations".

 

[Kiwong]

A double rainbow to finish a seascape kind of weekend.

 

[Phoenixx]

So I find I enjoy being around people when it goes well. But then company becomes addictive, and I become more lonely when company is withdrawn

Same here. I never knew how social I could actually be when the people around me actually like me for just me. I am a completely different person at my job than I am at college. At college, I've always been withdrawn and barely anyone has bothered to talk to me. (And I the same to them obviously) I only have about 2 close friends, one I never get to see as she's now in a different program, and then there are a couple girls in class I might talk to occasionally, but that's it. I don't talk to anyone else and I don't have any fantastic networking relationships with professors either. I have been judged in the past for not caring or not paying attention just because I don't talk or ask questions and I never bothered to join volunteering activities because of my anxiety and the fact I had to choose to earn money to pay my bills over participating in clubs and whatever. (To think I could escape that kind of bullshit judgment after graduating high school. Side note, it has completely fucked up my perspective on school as a whole for the rest of my life.)

At work however, I talk to a handful of people every time I'm there. I have good relations with my boss, supervisors, and about 3/4 of the staff, and I'm good friends with 2 people that I actually see outside of work too. I did nothing different in this situation than I did at college. I kept to myself and did my work. That kind of attitude pays off at your job than at school, apparently. People just started randomly talking to me, complimenting me on my work. When I'm gone, they tell me they miss me. They look to me when a supervisor isn't around and I absolutely love the feeling. It really broke me out of my shell, to be honest. Something I didn't think was all that possible.

If people just stopped for a second and said something nice instead of judging introversion so harshly, then maybe we wouldn't be quite so horribly anxious all the time.

 

[Phoenixx]

I'm feeling overwhelmed and lonely today. I've been struggling with my senior thesis trying to get words flowing and information organized. My rough draft is due in exactly two weeks and I only have about 3ish pages done. On top of that I'm doing two 1 hr lectures at two different grade schools tomorrow. I have a video project to do as well that has so much writing to it (diet analysis, designing patient education handouts, report, etc.) that I have to get done by next Friday, plus I have to volunteer at the campus food bank for a few hours that same day. I'm by myself at home for part of the week because my husband had to go out of state for work. Ugh my head is spinning. I just want to curl up in a hole and sleep until spring is here.

 

[Graeme1988]

Feeling quite good after that argument with my older sister at the weekend, there.

Got my name taken off the tenancy of the family home today, so my Mum’s back to being sole tenant. Had my landlord round, I just had to sign off on it to confirm that I agreed to take ma name off. But I’m still listed as an occupant.

And my oldest sister was in, witnessing this, and she showed the landlord another letter my mother and I got through on Saturday there, demanding £168 of £326 in rent be paid this week. We’ve been advised to get in touch about it, as we cannae hand over the cash at the moment. Otherwise we’ll not have much money to live on.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Nice to hear, Graeme. I'm glad you got some good news about this.

I've got a giant bill hanging over my head and it's the worst feeling in the world.

 

[Graeme1988]

Nice to hear, Graeme. I'm glad you got some good news about this.

I've got a giant bill hanging over my head and it's the worst feeling in the world.

I know the feeling, man. Mum was more worried about than I was. Especially after we just got that £2,000 in rent overpayments back. But our landlord reassured us things would get back to how they were financially in a few weeks. And the money being demanded will be recovered by the council eventually. So, we’ll just have a few weeks where we need to keep track of how much we’re spending, and not spend too much.

Even though I could easily pay off the total amount being demanded using my backdated disability benefit payments. But, neither my Mum or oldest sister would approve of me doing that, as it’s no right that our local council are demanding money we don’t have just now. And it’d be coming outta money I was entitled to. Though, if we’re really struggling, our landlord said we could take out a crisis loan, which we wouldn’t need to worry about paying back, cuz ye don’t have to.

Getting my name on the tenancy was what caused the money issues in the first place. So I’m glad it off for the time being. But if my Mum wishes to put my name back on, it’s easily done.

 

[BlueDays]

Feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride, and I can't remember not being on it.
Life is too damn hard.
The stress is too much, too often, never-ending....

 

[Kiwong]

Ate lunch with 2 ladies from work. My social butterflyness continues.

 

[Kiwong]

Feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride, and I can't remember not being on it.
Life is too damn hard.
The stress is too much, too often, never-ending....

View attachment 4447

 

[LoyalXenite]

Feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride, and I can't remember not being on it.
Life is too damn hard.
The stress is too much, too often, never-ending....

View attachment 4447

I've been feeling like this a lot lately. I think part of it is im so strung out form years of fighting with mental health issues on top of a crappy lot in life in general, that even minor stress overwhelms me now

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, the abridged version would be: Today was a $h!%* day. Ah hate my f…kin’ life. Should’nae huv been born, especially had I knew the life ah wus in for. And what an absolutely, self-centred, inconsiderate, patronising c…%* would turn out to be.

 

[Marc7]

Not great, I try not to think about it too much...

That's good you try not to think about it too much.

No, I was just using my own experience of learning those necessary skills as an example. And, I also had the limitations of my disability to keep in mind while I was learning them. So I had an extra hurdle to overcome in that respect.

Oh.

Positive affirmation... instead of thinking the worse. And not listen to my mother when she’d say something to discourage me or get me down.

Did you mean using positive affirmations? You were persistent, that is good.

I just ask my oldest sister to do a web search and print me off some exercises that would be suitable for getting the strength back in my legs. And I did them for the week whe

Oh, you did them for the week whe?

Oh, after I got my plaster casts off my legs, I couldn’t put my full weight on my legs, meaning I was very unsteady whenever I stood up, or off balance when trying to walk. And I specifically told I wasn’t allowed to put my weight on my right leg, and had to use a walking frame while I had my plasters on. Because my right leg had more done to it when compared to my left leg.

And the physiotherapy team assigned to me hadn’t been told I needed home visits, so it was a week before they become involved in my rehab. As they were under the impression that I was coming to the hospital for my rehab soon after getting my plasters off. But I wasn’t able to stand, let alone walk, so they had to out to my house and try and figure out how things were going to go, once my legs were strong enough and I was more steady on my feet.

So weight bare is weight on your legs without the casts? How did you walk with a walking frame with plaster casts on your legs? Just curious.

Oh.

Mainly because, aside from the walking frame I brought home from the hospital, I didn’t have anything in my house that was similar to those parallel bars that are commonly used in the rehabilitation of leg injuries or surgeries. And there was only so many exercises I could do with my legs while laying on top of my bed.

Oh okay, that makes sense.

Kinda... I was back up on my feet within 3 months, that was in April of 2016. And I only got my surgery done in January of that same year. But my rehab was scheduled from February through to July. As I was expected to be off my feet for 6 months.

You were walking within 3 months as well? Why kinda?

When I was 12, I was told I’d likely be wheelchair bound by my mid-20s. I’m not in a wheelchair, currently. But I do use one when I’m going somewhere where, if I was to walk about for long periods, my legs would get sore.

That's good you don't have to use the wheelchair all the time.

Yeah, it’s only because she can’t boss me around as much now. And I think she’s finally realised that I don’t really need her, it’s more a case of her needing me. She did try and talk me out of getting my surgery done back in 2016. But she made the mistake of making it about her, telling I shouldn’t get it done but not giving me reasons why, when the final decision was mine to make.

Why can't she boss you around as much, because you proved to her that you're independent? Why does she need you more?

It’s okay, no need to be sorry. Just reply whenever you feel like doing so. Don’t feel that you have to respond right away when I reply to you.

Thank you Graeme, I'm glad you understand.

 

[Graeme1988]

That's good you try not to think about it too much.

Did you mean using positive affirmations? You were persistent, that is good.

Aye, positive affirmations is what I meant. Though, easier said than done if you were raised around people who were and are constantly negative, as I was.

Oh, you did them for the week whe?

Sorry, I must’ve hit post before finishing that point. Those exercises my oldest sister printed off for me were done for the week when I’d just got my plaster casts off and was still fairly weak, physically, and need to build my leg strength back up if I didn’t want the surgery to have been a waste of time. And my rehab was yet to start by that point as well... so we kinda took things into our hands. Just to get things going...

So weight bare is weight on your legs without the casts?

No, it’s just I’d have to get use to putting my full weight on each leg when I was walking you. Something I found difficult before having my operation. And I couldn’t do it while I had the casts on, as my legs weren’t full healed until towards the end of February 2016. Plus, after getting the casts off my legs were still and couldn’t move much. Having been in plaster for over a month.

How did you walk with a walking frame with plaster casts on your legs? Just curious.

Hopping on one leg, and using the frame to support my upper body, basically. As I couldn’t let my right foot touch the ground as it was too weak. And if I‘d put any weight on it while it was still healing, there was a good chance I could fell injured myself. That said, it was quite amusing at first though, having to hop about. Then I got the hang of how far I need the frame in order get from the living room couch to my single bed that was at the opposite end of the living room.

You were walking within 3 months as well? Why kinda?

Because, when I went for the consultancy meeting after saying I wanted the surgery done, and I had everything explained to me as far what the surgery entailed. I was expected to be off my feet for a full 6 months at the most. And when I had my operation done, 6 months was still the estimated amount of months I’d be off my feet. So, me being able to get up n’ about within 3 months came as a bit of a surprise to the surgeon who did my operation. Considering I had multiple operations done on my legs at once. I guess she thought, because I’m quite a big lad, I’d need longer heal up and get back on my feet.

Why can't she boss you around as much, because you proved to her that you're independent?

Pretty much. And I’ve proved I’m not as incapable to doing things myself, despite having a disability.

Why does she need you more?

Because she’s getting older. And I’m the only one that’s been there for her, I don’t treat her as badly as my 2 older sisters do. I don’t berate her for not being able to do something, like I’ll get annoyed about it, sure. Even swear about it outta frustration, especially if she just making excuses so as to get outta helping me. But I don’t argue about it, my older sister (the youngest of the two) is particular known for doing that a lot. And she refuses to shut up about it, like she go on for a good 15 minutes up to half an hour at times. It’s irritating to listen to... and know you can’t get involved because that would just cause another argument.

Thank you Graeme, I'm glad you understand.

No problem, Marc.

 

[Graeme1988]

My insomnia has returned, so huv’nae really slept much lately. And I’m still mair than a wee bit annoyed with the family drama that occurred the other day. If am feeling pissed off enough to long for the day when ah snap, I dread to think how my mother must be feeling, constantly stuck in the middle.

It’s great life when ya don’t even get a word of thanks for doing something for a certain member o’ yer family who, technically speaking, does’nae deserve even that... amount of kindness. But yer forced to help them just to avoid causing an argument if you refuse.