How are you feeling?

[FountainandFairfax]

I'm sleepy but I don't want to go to bed because tomorrow's going to suck.

 

[Graeme1988]

it's good you have such positivity!

When you were raised by and grew-up with a family who routinely made you feel like crap - and a mum who sees the worst in everything - like I was, then positivity becomes almost a reaction to all that. Well, that how I see it. But I can be just as negative and cruel as them, only difference is I only do that when really pissed off, and ah don't feel the need to wreck the joint to get what I'm saying across.

Not like me.
I've got a lot 'insida me' I gotta get out.!!

Oh, I can very much relate there. Except, I channel a lotta what's insida me into battering away at my electric guitar for a few hours. Especially if talking it out with my family isn't yielding any positive results.

 

[Graeme1988]

With each passing day, I am slowly losing a wee piece of what makes me, me. Ah feel worse than that time one of my cousins, for reasons I still don't know to this day, just stopped being friends with me.

The only positive change I'm keeping myself alive for is the day when I'm finally free of my toxic family. No more laughing off failed attempts at humour, nae mair being guilt-tripped, lied to or about. Nae mair huvin tae compromise to just to keep everyone else happy. And no more pretend we get along when we clearly don't... :thumbdown:

Hopefully I get a place of my own soon. raying:

 

[defiance]

Like I am being pushed off the edge of a cliff and it is requiring me to use all the energy I have and more just to hold what little ground I have left.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah feel like ma life's been on hold for the past 5 months. There's nae joy to waking up in tha mornings.

Just this f*ckin' never-ending loop of arguments, yelling, and the bathroom door being slammed shut. Cuz that where my older sister goes to cry. I'd huv a degree sympathy for her if she wus'nae such bitch! Who, as of late, has shown that she only cares about herself. :thumbdown:

The sooner this ends the better, really... I dread to think what'll happen if my older sister stays with my mum and I much longer. :crying: :kickingmyself: Though, if she takes her own life, ah wouldnae blame my mother in all honest. Neither me or my sister turn how she'd wanted. :sad:

Ah could really do with several bottles of booze right now.

 

[AtTheGates]

in the mood for some old school death metal.

SO many good riffs ..

If only this album had been produced better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5a-fVunL0A

 

[Graeme1988]

in the mood for some old school death metal.

SO many good riffs ..

If only this album had been produced better.

 

[AtTheGates]

^nice! lol


the album cover is also interesting. It depicts the fall of Constantinople to the invading army of the ottoman empire .

 

[Graeme1988]

^nice! lol


the album cover is also interesting. It depicts the fall of Constantinople to the invading army of the ottoman empire .

Hmmm... :thinking: Ah think you just peak my interest enough to start listening to Bolt Thrower. Liking what I hear on that album there. :thumbup: Haven't listening to any metal bands as of late, aside from the usual names that most metalheads already know.

And, y'know, if played loud enough on pair of headphones metal music drowns out the arguments of a dysfunctional family. :bigsmile:

 

[AtTheGates]

Hmmm... :thinking: Ah think you just peak my interest enough to start listening to Bolt Thrower. Liking what I hear on that album there. :thumbup: Haven't listening to any metal bands as of late, aside from the usual names that most metalheads already know.

And, y'know, if played loud enough on pair of headphones metal music drowns out the arguments of a dysfunctional family. :bigsmile:

lol I hear you there. sometimes a good pair of headphones and some metal will do the trick .


Bolt Thrower is such a great band. one of the better death metal bands of the 90's , IMO . They're actually from the U.K. too.

 

[Marc7]

Tried therapy, but my therapist gave my mother and sisters a free pass for their attitude towards me. Apparently, cuz they treat me like crap doesn't mean they don't love me. :idontknow:

Maybe try a different therapist.

Not really. I mean she's slightly nicer to me. But she still venting to me about how my sisters treat her, rather than asserting her authority as a parent and stand up for herself, like she does with me. :kickingmyself:

The venting to you and her hypocritical ways bother you?

So do I... But my Mum doesn't want to acknowledge that. :sad:

That's messed up :sad:.

 

[Marc7]

Not really. Not as much as I used to be. I haven't even keep up with the latest TV shows that everyone's talking about.

So you don't keep up with sports, news (celebrity or regular), music, or politics?

No need to apologise. :thumbup:

Thank you.

Yeah, kinda, except smaller and more local to a specific community area or region. If that makes sense?

Yea that makes sense it is like a local government.

Pretty much. Very poor in fact

So how was life living there at the time?

No. Thankfully my family moved when I was about 5 or 6 to a more central part of the town, which is nicer certainly. There's still the odd bit of anti-social behaviour, but it's not a frequent. At worst, it's folk verbally arguing after a night out at the pub as they make their way home. Or drunks women loudly singing accapella versions of the latest pop music hits and laughing as they stagger home.

Good! By anti-social behavior you mean people don't talk to each other? Oh that is not as bad as where you were living.

There's a few definitions of that word. But in terms of describing a person as posh, it just mean they're more upper class compared to someone from a working-class background. But then my mother and one of my cousins think I'm posh purely because I know what the word "genre" means. This and the fact I know how spell "big words" makes me "posh" in their eyes.
Nevermind if I didn't do that well in school.

So posh is middle class and rich right? I'm guessing it means educated too?

Tried that multiple time, the response won't show up after I've tried it and hit the enter/return key on my keyboard. Even after I refresh the page. Could be a web browser issue?

Anyway, I'll be getting a new laptop in a few days, so I'll try and respond to you then okay? And the chat doesn't seem to work when I'm accessing this form via my tablet device.

I got your response and I responded back. Thank you for sending again by trying a new method.

 

[Marc7]

Didn't go well, huh? :sad:

It went okay but it was very anxiety provoking. And I felt emotional or bad the next day.

 

[Graeme1988]

Maybe try a different therapist.

That would mean filling out another referral form at GPs office, and waiting a few months. Plus, I don;t know how much therapy would help me when a good percent of why I'm anxious and depressed is due my family constantly arguing about dumb sh!t, never getting along and always disappointing me whenever I do pluck up the courage to ask for their help, or them outright berating me for even daring to ask. As if doing so is burden to them.

And yet, ironically, anytime they ask me to do something, I do it. But then that's the only time they're ever genuinely nice and grateful toward me.

The venting to you and her hypocritical ways bother you?

Well I just wish she'd tell her daughters what she's telling me. Rather than lump in with them, every time she says "You lot treat me like sh!t!". Given that I'm nowhere near as bad as my sisters. Like if I get angry at my mum about something she said or did, I'll get mad in that moment. She'll talk back to me, I'll swear at her. But then I'll say sorry and move on. My sisters can spend half an hour being mad at our mum, and really berate her. After which I'll get it and brunt of her anger than should be direct at them.

But, no, my mother will never treat my sister as she does me. Cuz the youngest of the 2 sisters takes criticism that feckin' personally, she sees it as bullying, rather something to learn from and change. Oh, and despite being an adult, she reacts like a teenager to an criticism that she perceives as negative. Throwing a loud tantrum - crying, slamming doors, shoutin' n' swearing. And, generally, not listening. :thumbdown: :kickingmyself: It's the main reason why I rarely if every attempt to strike up a conversation with her, and pretty much ignore her.

 

[Graeme1988]

It went okay but it was very anxiety provoking. And I felt emotional or bad the next day.

Oh, at least it went well despite yer anxiety. Well done for getting through it. :thumbup:
And I can definitely relate to feeling bad the next day, or being very critical of things you might've said or done.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

My knee aches, I really should start exercising and working-out again. I need to lose at least 50 pounds, or 70-75 pounds ideally.

 

[Kiwong]

My knee aches, I really should start exercising and working-out again. I need to lose at least 50 pounds, or 70-75 pounds ideally.

Maybe walking would help. Easy on the knees, and a surprisingly good at shifting fat.

 

[PugofCrydee]

My knee aches, I really should start exercising and working-out again. I need to lose at least 50 pounds, or 70-75 pounds ideally.

Riding a bike is great too. Plus you just ride on by those uncomfortable things like people on the sidewalk, groups of people etc..very easy on the knees too.

 

[grapevine]

I feel like nothing matters anymore, like Ive given up. I just cant take rugs anymore - he is so self absorbed he cant even see what he is like. So many things are cringe worthy. Ive been stuffing my face with foods id not eating in years - lollies and so on - binging because I feel like my basic needs in this relationships arent met at all and yet Ive and still do all of the lifting. Its like Ive self abused myself. And now Im doing it with food. I am dumping him in January/Feb next year. from now I am working out how its going to happen on my end. But atm Im so depressed and cringed with his stuff.

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel like nothing matters anymore, like Ive given up. I just cant take rugs anymore - he is so self absorbed he cant even see what he is like. So many things are cringe worthy. Ive been stuffing my face with foods id not eating in years - lollies and so on - binging because I feel like my basic needs in this relationships arent met at all and yet Ive and still do all of the lifting. Its like Ive self abused myself. And now Im doing it with food. I am dumping him in January/Feb next year. from now I am working out how its going to happen on my end. But atm Im so depressed and cringed with his stuff.

Sorry to hear yer feeling depressed, grapevine. I can I kinda relate, as I've came to the same realisation about my own mother and older siblings. I mean I felt that how they've been for years. It's just recently that everything I've internalised about them has been proven right.

But, apparently, I'm the one who's full of himself. :sad: Just because they can't stand that when I argue with them ah end up being right, most of the time, cuz I bring up valid points rather than getting overly emotional and aggressive like they do. :idontknow:

I'm also planning to cut contact with 'em next year, once I get word from my local housing department that they've found me a place of my own.