Always have this terrible insecurity gut in me because of my past traumas. And its really stupid too. I have BDD, I overcome it by avoiding photos - its a huge phobia for me to see my face mainly but any other part to. Im getting used to seeing photos of myself from behind that my partner takes. But these random photos like tonight he put on facebook and I told him off- told him to take it off. I truely hate it when he tells me that quote:
" really, really pretty girls are like peices of (swear) to me, so I think you are really beautiful.. "
- I mean I know ignorance. I can see he is coming from a good place - but cant he see that a comment like that is basically compairing me lookwise in a negative way. That with BDD I am going to be thinking about that..
I try to leave all of these things at the door- I dont open the pandora's box and torture myself as I know its all subjective etc. It jsut always gets to me - as the other night he was going on about his truama with this girl he thoguht was the best looking girl ever (told me that ages ago) and yet she stood him up and treated him like nothing. And so, I just see myself as with him - and his mind - like I have to be a less than in looks because thats safe - or something like that.
But, you shouldn't have to be less than in the looks department just because it's safer, or pleases someone else. Just saying, like. You should be as insecure about yerself. I know... BDD. I can relate, myself. I equally hate looking at photos of myself and am insecure as well. Given my freckled, bearded, brown face. Anyway, ye get my point, I hope?
Like I just want a boyfriend that would think that I am really pretty like that- not how he has put it. Its confusing.
Can't you leave the guy and find someone who'd treat you how you'd like to be treated? Just saying. if someone was making me feel insecure about myself to such a degree, I'd probably have stopped being around them as much.
Not saying you should, it's just - going by yer post here and from what you said in past rants on here - I get the impression that you're not happy being with this guy? No offence intended. I'm giving you my opinion based on what you've said.
I mean, that's f**ked up, if ye don't mind me saying? The whole putting other women down in order to compliment you. There's a better, more respectful way to phrase that compliment, without making you feel bad in process.
I know this is an ego rant. So be it.
Don't feel the need to justify ranting. That what this threads for, venting and talking about how ye feel. So, have at it. :thumbup:
