How are you feeling?

[theslowesthand]

Yep! Same here. Also, I think I've lost my ability to actually genuinely care about the people around me, in other words, family? I guess that's what happens when ye live with a parent who never stop f**kin' complaining about things, and is always more critical of you than you are of them? :kickingmyself:

But are they more critical of you, than you are of yeself? Perhaps they are touchin' a nerve when they criticize? Obviously they push yer buttons, nae? :question:

 

[PugofCrydee]

Not great. But then how am I supposed to feel at being called stupid by my own mother? Then she tries to f**kin' backtrack on this very statement when I ask how I'm stupid. Which is something she always does whenever she's challenge her opinions. And not just by me, either :kickingmyself:

Is this how my family see me: a dumb crippled c*** incapable of, not only looking after himself, but making the right decisions as well? :sad:

Does your country have any support programs for disabled people Graeme?
Like, here in Australia there are various programs that are designed to support disabled people who wish to live independently.

 

[Graeme1988]

But are they more critical of you, than you are of yeself? Perhaps they are touchin' a nerve when they criticize? Obviously they push yer buttons, nae? :question:

Obviously! But it's a pretty raw nerve. I mean, my mum has been constantly reminding that I'm essentially useless, since the onset of adolescence. And doesn't really want me to have the life I should have now - happy and independent. Otherwise she's the one who becomes useless.

As for being critical of myself, I guess you put that down to being expected to live up to family expectations, and always being made to feel guilty for doing things on my terms. Also, my mum constantly tells me I'm wrong whenever I decide something for myself. If I ask why she thinks this, no explanation is given. Or she's yell at me to, quote: "Do whatever tha f**k you want, you know better than me!" :idontknow:
Is it normal for a parent to react like that? Because my mum does it with me, frequently - even when I ask a simple question.

Does your country have any support programs for disabled people Graeme?
Like, here in Australia there are various programs that are designed to support disabled people who wish to live independently.

There is, but you have to go through a shit load o' bureaucracy afore ye get any help. I've been trying to see about getting a new non-electric wheelchair since September last year, still haven't heard back from my occupational therapy about it.

Plus, my mum always been firmly against the idea of me being independent. Since she refuses to even discuss it, properly. And whenever the topic is breached, her argument is always the same:

"But, that's not what I want. Ah wouldn't cope with ye"​

And every point I make in favour of me being independent is met with the manipulative, emotionally BS. Forget the fact that we haven't gotten along well since I turn 16. Or how I'm always blamed for shit that was actually her fault, not mine. And I'm always the one apologising when she does something to piss me off, like telling me to do something, then changing her mind as soon as I agree to whatever she wanted done in the first place. :kickingmyself:

 

[defiance]

My life is a fatal car crash in slow motion:kickingmyself:

 

[theslowesthand]

Also, my mum constantly tells me I'm wrong whenever I decide something for myself. If I ask why she thinks this, no explanation is given. Or she's yell at me to, quote: "Do whatever tha f**k you want, you know better than me!" :idontknow:
Is it normal for a parent to react like that? Because my mum does it with me, frequently - even when I ask a simple question

I wouldn't think that's normal, but i can't say for sure. But i do know it's not healthy, and "normal" is supposed to be healthy, ain't it?

 

[Graeme1988]

I wouldn't think that's normal, but i can't say for sure. But i do know it's not healthy, and "normal" is supposed to be healthy, ain't it?

'Tis aye... Sorry, I've got nothing else to say.

I feel quite depressed, lately. :sad: I feel this constant pressure to be social from family. As well this pressure to live up to their expectations. Kinda worried I'm just going someday, at forever being told what to do (and I don't mean that in nice way). :kickingmyself:

 

[MollyBeGood]

Annoyed. Someone said they'd light a candle for me in church tomorrow. I think they need to start a fire is more like it. What does a bloody candle do? When did a candle being lit really get things to change? Ahh, I know how nice of her to even offer I am so awful...yeah yeah...going to hell yep. sure.

 

[theslowesthand]

Just had a fairly moderate rage explosion, at a group of roadworkers doing work outside my home, for the Nth f*cking time recently. Been enduring their noise, right outside, since about 9.30 am. The last straw, now afternoon, is when sby turned loud/bassy vehicle radio on (WHY for f*cks sake, do car stereo's have BASS TO KILL????!!!! h. So i put a heavy-metal cd on my stereo, turned volume up to max, bass on superwoofer mode, turned a speaker around - and began BLASTING them. Give the noisy f*ckers a taste of their own medicine. Shouting blue murder & all kinds of obscentities (eg 'just do your business and then **** off!!!') outside my house at them, as well as smashing cans, popping empty milk packets, etc. Seeing just how much bullshit i can give them, before the evil from their tiny, common/"normal" brains starts seeping out (also seeing how much i can take). I heard a bit of laughter, & sth like 'talking to yourself' (ridiculing me; so i laughed back, and shouted 'nah, i'm talking about you!') - so clearly, as per usual, it doesn't take much at all to collapse their fake/perfect "house of cards", to reveal the insidiousness that is inside the god-forsaken demons that they truly are (& inside almost all "normals" on this planet).
Neighbour sitting in chair, smugly contemplating the "funny" events taking place. F*ck her.
I know they're just doing their job, and didn't mean to anny me, but when when i start getting riled-up, the truth matters not, but i start believing in (mainly) lies (my own lies about them & their intentions) - that is i become paranoid, and that is when i am in danger of my rage coming to the surface (or my "Mr Hyde" as i like to call it). God, i feel like a complete crazy/mental nut-job, when i do things like this!!
I think things have been "getting" to these past few days, DEEP sh*t, PROFOUND sh*t, LIFE s*it.

Bathed in sweat, from the heat, stress, craziness & beer
Can i go outside again today, do i dare?
People suck shit
That's the sum of it
They drive me into crazy places
Make me pull crazy faces
The past tortures the present
And the present is full of dissent
But the storm is over, tornado gone
Now i'm back to gentlemanly Dr Jekyll, gentle as a swan
Still generally teetering on the edge
At times the edge of the ledge
Suffering the inner torment that doth dredge
When will all this end?
I want no more, to my life, for crappy sh*t to append
When will i ascend?
Where will i go?
How will i grow?
How will i know?
At the end, what will i have to show?
...
(PiP, Poetry in Progress ... < SUSPENDED >)

 

[theslowesthand]

Annoyed. Someone said they'd light a candle for me in church tomorrow. I think they need to start a fire is more like it. What does a bloody candle do? When did a candle being lit really get things to change? Ahh, I know how nice of her to even offer I am so awful...yeah yeah...going to hell yep. sure.

To be fair, that is their belief system. And they believe lighting a candle (& i'd presume thinking some positive stuff about you) will help. I mean, who's to say whether it can help? With religion, i'm at the point where i believe that it's just another belief system, and is no truer than any other belief system. The main thing is believing in the belief system or religion. The imagination (& belief) is a powerful thing (i can attest to that, since my serious episode of hallucinations 2 years ago). What you believe is a good as true (to you).
Speaking of candles, i never really believed in spells, and are sceptical, but several years ago i cast a "death spell" using black candles, and a few years later he (my neighbour) almost died from a virus - so i dunno what to think. Maybe, just maybe, things like candles & spells & prayers work in subtle way, who knows.
I'll probably see you there then? I'm no saint, i've dabbled in things i shouldn't have, i think i've had evil done to me in my childhood (spells casted, etc)

 

[Hot_Tamale]

Beyond annoyed. The restaurant I work at closes at 9 pm on Sundays and the last 2 people didn't leave until almost 9:30...I hope they had a good reason for staying that late.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Annoyed. Someone said they'd light a candle for me in church tomorrow. I think they need to start a fire is more like it. What does a bloody candle do? When did a candle being lit really get things to change? Ahh, I know how nice of her to even offer I am so awful...yeah yeah...going to hell yep. sure.

I can really relate to your post Molly. It's like 'I'll pray for you..' Praying is just wishing really hard. Prayer is also one's way of doing nothing but pretending to really give a crap.

Also, memes like 'Pray for France/Belgium/Germany' etc etc (the terrorist attacks).

Don't pray. It's what has caused this mess in the first place.

 

[JJ999]

Angry, depressed, tired! :kickingmyself::crying:

Had row with mother about house being untidy-says if don't want live here can go-knowing I have knowhere to go to!

Cannot get job as unless your uber confident they don't want to know. Also I cannot work 12hr shifts! My course I am currently on has given me too many assignments at once to do too!Modern courses at too fast!

 

[JJ999]

At least you have a girlfriend! You won't if you tell them your grief all the time and wallow in self pity although I am a bit too I suppose at moment. Join clubs/societies/groups! Go learn something/go somewhere! make your life more interesting! I find the more I just sit at home the more depressed I get. Talking to maya here!

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything important. I've been getting a lot of messages from my broker that require a coherent, thoughtful (and timely!) response, but I just can't wrap my head around his questions long enough to formulate a reply. It's getting to be a problem because I don't want to be rude to the guy and his staff, and neither do I want to let things slide any more than they already have. It's almost time to start the annual taxfest, too, and that's going to require every scrap of focus I can muster. Anybody else having trouble like this? Any suggestions? I need my brain back! :crying:

 

[Graeme1988]

Tired of this back and forth with my mum. She'll agree to summit if I ask her to help me do something, then change her mind seconds later. :kickingmyself: :veryangry: No wonder I have confidence, trust and commitment issues. My own mother can't even settle on a decision when asked. h:

 

[AtTheGates]

Angry, depressed, tired! :kickingmyself::crying:



Cannot get job as unless your uber confident they don't want to know. !

That's not entirely true . I have extremely low self-esteem/ confidence but I do have a job . You just have to fake it sometimes ..meaning: carry yourself better, dress better, ect, and people won't be able to detect that you have low confidence

 

[rascalamight]

I was going to drop out of university because of social anxiety but I've found a solution and it seems to be working, so I'm going to stick it out! All I do is drink a third of a bottle of vodka before class, & I find I'm relaxed and able to contribute in class discussions!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[rascalamight]

Vodka or Gin.


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[GraybeardGhost]

I'm beginning to think there's something seriously wrong with my brain, like a tumor or something. This doesn't feel good.

 

[theslowesthand]

I was going to drop out of university because of social anxiety but I've found a solution and it seems to be working, so I'm going to stick it out! All I do is drink a third of a bottle of vodka before class, & I find I'm relaxed and able to contribute in class discussions!

Success!!! :bigsmile: :thumbup: