How are you feeling?

theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
What the f*ck will I do for the rest of the night?. Haven't a clue. Almost run out of (engaging) options. Listening to doom metal (Lord of Putrefaction) is helping a bit to kill the time; just got 3-4 hrs more to kill-off tho. I need to find more time-fillers/time-killers - which can satisfy my very restless self.

Edit: Only 1-2 hrs left to kill-off. Usual chemicals not working. Damn ye, damn ye!
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Just tired... Tired of living. Tired of being gawk at like a circus freak. Tired of having always hide how I'm actually feeling behind the fakest of fake smiles. Tired of having to justify my reasons for doing something for myself - equally pissed off with how that's considered selfish of me for some reason? :idontknow: Tired of constantly having to do the things myself whenever I ask my family for help. Tired of being told I'm wrong all the time without explaination - I just am, apparently. :kickingmyself:

Most of all I'm sick of the stupidity, immaturity and sexist BS that I'm forced to tolerate on a daily f**kin' basis. I don't think I'm actually meant to be happy. :sad:
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
:kickingmyself: :veryangry: :sad: :crying:
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I know man...I know....I am in the pits of hell too. Personally, I am so done with this sh*t that I want something to happen to me this year so I don't live to see 2018. I can only hope that it will be fast and painless.
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
part of the downside to working in the new arrival dorm is sometimes when a new inmate comes in he doest know that I dont put up with sh!t from ANYONE. I dont play around , i dont joke around, I take the job fvcking seriously and I'm not there to be anyone's buddy or let them get away with anything they want....but some of the new guys dont realize that so I have to let them know how things are going to be and its completly against my nature to be aggressive like that ....but sometimes it HAS to be done...I hate it.



other than that its fine though...one of my favorite things to do is write down whatever an inmate says when they are trying to argue with me...so I can put it all in quotes when I write him up. lol
 
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Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
AtTheGates said:
part of the downside to working in the new arrival dorm is sometimes when a new inmate comes in he doest know that I dont put up with sh!t from ANYONE. I dont play around , i dont joke around, I take the job fvcking seriously and I'm not there to be anyone's buddy or let them get away with anything they want....but some of the new guys dont realize that so I have to let them know how things are going to be and its completly against my nature to be aggressive like that ....but sometimes it HAS to be done...I hate it.



other than that its fine though...one of my favorite things to do is write down whatever an inmate says when they are trying to argue with me...so I can put it all in quotes when I write him up. lol
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What's the worst an inmate can get for being written up? Solitary confinement?
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
I feel like garbage, like something you'd scrape off your shoe, pathetic. At the rate I'm going, I doubt I'll live out the year, and that's probably a good thing.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
KASDJFKLDSJGKLDF;GDFKL;GHDFKLGJDFGLK;DHJLK;DJFDKSL;G:kickingmyself:JASDGKL;DSJAGK;LDSHGDSKL;AFLJSGLKS;GJSDFL;JG;:crying:JAKGLDSJLKG;DJS;GKLDSSLK;JLK;DJL;DSKGJFSDKL;GJDFLK;GJDAFLK;GJDSFLK;GJDFSLK;GAJDFGDFGDFGF:kickingmyself:ADSJFLKDSGJKLSDGJDSKFLGJDFKLHKLGJDF;G:crying:

My mind on a daily basis.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
KASDJFKLDSJGKLDF;GDFKL;GHDFKLGJDFGLK;DHJLK;DJFDKSL;G:kickingmyself:JASDGKL;DSJAGK;LDSHGDSKL;AFLJSGLKS;GJSDFL;JG;:JAKGLDSJLKG;DJS;GKLDSSLK;JLK;DJL;DSKGJFSDKL;GJDFLK;GJDAFLK;GJDSFLK;GJDFSLK;GAJDFGDFGDFGF:kickingmyself:ADSJFLKDSGJKLSDGJDSKFLGJDFKLHKLGJDF;G:crying:

My mind on a daily basis.
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Same as me, then? :giggle: Sorry, don't take that as me making fun o' you, now.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm getting kinda fed-up with living, don't really see the point anymore. My mum treats me like I'm invisible, just ignores me. Maybe I should just go? She's far happier without me, anyway. And I'm sick of the way she speaks to me in that passive-aggressive tone whenever I ask her to do something for me or ask her a simple question. F**kin' done with it! And she wonder why I swear at her for this and tell to grow and stop acting like a f**kin' spoiled brat. :veryangry: Tired for help and never getting it. :kickingmyself: For a family who like to say they couldn't live without me, they sure don't half like making me feel like I don't matter to them. :sad:

Yet, somehow, I'm the bad guy. It seems it doesn't matter what I do, it'll never be good enough for them.
 
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defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
I'm getting kinda fed-up with living, don't really see the point anymore. My mum treats me like I'm invisible, just ignores me. Maybe I should just go? She's far happier without me, anyway. And I'm sick of the way she speaks to me in that passive-aggressive tone whenever I ask her to do something for me or ask her a simple question. F**kin' done with it! And she wonder why I swear at her for this and tell to grow and stop acting like a f**kin' spoiled brat. :veryangry: Tired for help and never getting it. :kickingmyself: For a family who like to say they couldn't live without me, they sure don't half like making me feel like I don't matter to them. :sad:

Yet, somehow, I'm the bad guy. It seems it doesn't matter what I do, it'll never be good enough for them.
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For the most part, I can relate to what you have said here. It is utter bullsh*t man. I am beyond done with life as well Graeme and I would welcome my end anytime this year.
 
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Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
db8b9def8369dd0d9573a3312822deec.jpg
 
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Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
defiance said:
So true..oh so true. Another one that is somewhat funny yet serious is "Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me... I Quit." I don't remember who said it thought.
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lol, I know that one too. My old supervisor told me once "Hey, any day above the grass is a good day" umm...I'm sure it would be for me too if I were earning 70k a year like you.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
"Winding down" after going to town yesterday. It tends to make a gigantic muddle of out-of-control thoughts & feelings (that is, it makes me "crazy"!), esp on the day, afterwards. So i end up being stressed AND bored! :thumbdown:
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Not great. But then how am I supposed to feel at being called stupid by my own mother? Then she tries to f**kin' backtrack on this very statement when I ask how I'm stupid. Which is something she always does whenever she's challenge her opinions. And not just by me, either :kickingmyself:

Is this how my family see me: a dumb crippled c*** incapable of, not only looking after himself, but making the right decisions as well? :sad:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
defiance said:
I don't feel real anymore. I'm so numb that I just don't feel real anymore.:kickingmyself:
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Yep! Same here. Also, I think I've lost my ability to actually genuinely care about the people around me, in other words, family? I guess that's what happens when ye live with a parent who never stop f**kin' complaining about things, and is always more critical of you than you are of them? :kickingmyself:
 
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