How are you feeling?

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Feeling drained . It was a long day ...especially when we did inmate count before lunch . We had some guys who didn't want to go back into their area (called a "pod"). They argued with me and my partner and started yelling . It got really intense and then when they finally went to their bunk beds on the top level of the pod, one of them said " I got a Shank for yo a$s". Idk which one of them said it but when I heard it , EVERY hair on the back of my neck stood up. I reported it to the sergeant and she's going to look into it . Last night on night shift (which I was NOT present for becasue I have day shift ) an officer was punched in the face... so considering THAT, I took the threat very seriously . Although most likely , whoever Made the threat was just BSing .

My friend who's a corrections officer eventually had to prove himself by pulling an unruly prisoner out of his cell and reading him the riot act, upon which the prisoner cowered like a puppy. Granted, my friend is a 285-pound competitive weightlifter in his spare time, so it may be a little bit easier for him, but I don't think how big you are really matters (hardly any of the other guards are even close to his size); anyway, I think eventually you're going to get tested and have to prove you aren't afraid to be in a physical altercation. Once they know you aren't a "punk," or whatever the vernacular may be, things seem to go a lot smoother. They're criminals, so they want the path of least resistance, once they know a guard isn't scared to give it back, they just go on to the next. Just think of them as barking dogs, eventually you'll settle-in and you won't be rattled by anything anymore.
 
Last edited:

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I can understand why he was abusive towards yer mum. She drove him to it. :question:

I came to that same conclusion, myself. Just based off how my mum tends to nag me a lotta the time, and how she's very controlling, as far what I can & can't do. Even when I've decided something for myself. And I did wonder if this was how she treated my dad? Since I look exactly like my dad.

Though, my mum's side of story doesn't give that impression. But I don't believe I've told the whole regarding her relationship with my dad. AI never had the guts to bring this up whenever me and my dad were left to chat by ourselves, during his visits to the house. It just like felt an awkward thing to discuss.

Or is just purely coincidence that, she's dour, pessimistic and downbeat around me; and we're talking depressing enough to make ye want just slit yer wrists for some excitement. But she's ever the optimist, happy and upbeat with my older sisters, niece, or anyone in the family who's not me for that matter? :idontknow: :kickingmyself:
 
Though, my mum's side of story doesn't give that impression. But I don't believe I've told the whole regarding her relationship with my dad
Of course you haven't been told the full story. Yer mum's gonna keep stum about much of it, as she's at fault - she's gonna blame him for absolutely everything, just like she blames you for everything. She has to protect her man-sized ego.

Or is just purely coincidence that, she's dour, pessimistic and downbeat around me
There is one possibility that i've just realized now, that she mirrors your emotional tone, or that is, your low moods affect her quite a bit. :question:
(I know that my mum isn't all negative/pessimistic nowadays, since i stopped being negative around her)
 
Last edited:

AtTheGates

Banned
My friend who's a corrections officer eventually had to prove himself by pulling an unruly prisoner out of his cell and reading him the riot act, upon which the prisoner cowered like a puppy. Granted, my friend is a 285-pound competitive weightlifter in his spare time, so it may be a little bit easier for him, but I don't think how big you are really matters (hardly any of the other guards are even close to his size); anyway, I think eventually you're going to get tested and have to prove you aren't afraid to be in a physical altercation. Once they know you aren't a "punk," or whatever the vernacular may be, things seem to go a lot smoother. They're criminals, so they want the path of least resistance, once they know a guard isn't scared to give it back, they just go on to the next. Just think of them as barking dogs, eventually you'll settle-in and you won't be rattled by anything anymore.

barking dogs . lol. I like that analogy. thats pretty much what my partner was saying afterwards (he's been there almost a year) . he's about 300 pounds and I'm only 175 so I'm glad he was there to back me up. lol . but generally when something like that happens , they're just BSing with their threats and dont intend to do ANYTHING..then the next time I see them its just water under the bridge . depending on how you handle the situation, they'll understand that you dont mess around and stop trying you..a few of them have already stopped trying to get to me .all I had to do is go like "what did you just say?!" when they talked crap to me then and they're like "I didnt say anything , it wasnt me" and now they dont bother me anymore .

I let them get away with minor things that I technically COULD write them up for (insignificant stuff like hanging clothes in the wrong place, being in the bathroom during count, etc) but yelling at an officer and making threats is something I won't tolerate .

so yes, a few of them already know what the deal is but there are still a handful of them that I might have to continue with..


might have to write some of them up today if they try me again....hopefully it'll just be a quiet day though and I can help some inmates with requests . I prefer those kind of days .








the area I work in is a new arrival dorm with 4 separate pods, and bunk beds on two tiers.
 
Last edited:

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
barking dogs . lol. I like that analogy. thats pretty much what my partner was saying afterwards (he's been there almost a year) . generally when something like that happens , they're just BSing and dont intend to do ANYTHING..then the next time I see them its just water under the bridge . depending on how you handle the situation, they'll understand that you dont mess around and stop trying you..a few of them have already stopped trying to get to me .all I had to do is go like "what did you just say?!" and they're like "I didnt say anything , it wasnt me" and now they dont bother me anymore .

I let them get away with small things that I technically COULD write them up for (like hanging clothes in the wrong place, being in the bathroom during count, etc) but yelling at an officer and making threats is something I won't tolerate .

so yeah, a few of them already know what the deal is but there are still a handful of them that I might have to continue with..


might have to write some of them up today if they try me again....hopefully it'll just be a quiet day though and I can help some inmates with requests . I prefer those kind of days .

That sounds like a good plan, you're keeping a level head and maintaining perspective.

This will probably be you in a couple of weeks:

shawshank-redemption-clancy-brown-1.jpg


:D
 

AtTheGates

Banned
That sounds like a good plan, you're keeping a level head and maintaining perspective.

This will probably be you in a couple of weeks:

shawshank-redemption-clancy-brown-1.jpg


:D

haha..Idk about THAT....im too nice but then again maybe thats my achilles heel.



hopefully ill be able to put the rest of them in their place in the next couple weeks though.



btw thats a great movie . Tim Robbins was also good in Jacobs Ladder...it kind of reminded me of a more recent film called vanilla sky
 
Last edited:

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Of course you haven't been told the full story. Yer mum's gonna keep stum about much of it, as she's at fault - she's gonna blame him for absolutely everything, just like she blames you for everything. She has to protect her man-sized ego.

Uh-huh! I know that for a fact, because when I mentioned a past disagreement between us, my mum instantly shift all the blame onto me. And said I brought the argument on myself. Apparently, being disabled, I have to just let people do things for me, even when I don't ask them to


There is one possibility that i've just realized now, that she mirrors your emotional tone, or that is, your low moods affect her quite a bit. :question:
(I know that my mum isn't all negative/pessimistic nowadays, since i stopped being negative around her)

How's that? When she's the one constantly being negative. I just listen to her and agree, since she hates when she told she's wrong. She constantly discouraging from doing what I want to do, because she's not keen on it. I mean, my recent tattoo and operation last year had me almost in tears trying to explain to how it's always about her. Everything's being a pointless waste of time is another nihilistic gem. Or her endlessly compaining about how her life is shit. How men are useless, etc. Yet, if I point out the irony of these statements, she goes in the huff.

But whenever I complain about my life, I'm told to not be so dour, and life's what ya make it. Just saying, like, I rarely say anything negative or pessimistic. If I do, it's more a learnt habit from having to listen to my mum find fault in nearly everything.
 

defiance

Well-known member
If I was alone right about now, I would attempt suicide. I am so...F**KING SICK OF THIS......OH SO SICK OF ALL OF IT.................FML:crying:. But nope ILL JUST PUT ON MY FAKE SMILE WITH MY FAKE CHARM AND CARRY ON LIKE ALL IS WELL....LIKE I ALWAYS F**KING DO.
 

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
If I was alone right about now, I would attempt suicide. I am so...F**KING SICK OF THIS......OH SO SICK OF ALL OF IT.................FML:crying:. But nope ILL JUST PUT ON MY FAKE SMILE WITH MY FAKE CHARM AND CARRY ON LIKE ALL IS WELL....LIKE I ALWAYS F**KING DO.
Believe it or not I was once in yours shoes too. Three years ago I had a 2 hour a day job for the YMCA and didn't do much else during the day except for apply for the occasional better paying job. My parents were getting a little pissed off with me like I know you say yours are right now. I made a life changing decision when I lost my job at the YMCA to go back to school and now, 2 years later, I'm about to graduate. Has it helped any with my anxiety and depressive state of mind? I can't say it has to a large extent but it has given me prospects for the future whatever they might be. People in the world are generally self centered and egotistic so no one can make that life changing decision for you, but once you decide what its going to be you'll end up feeling better just like I did.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Lethargic. Or, to put it another way, ah could give a f**k! :kickingmyself:

Caught between carrying on living, or killing myself. :thinking: Getting to the point where I'm sick of hearing excuses being made for why my mum won't do something when I try to motivate her. Cuz that's my job now, encourage this short, fat-arsed, old woman to follow through on things when she says she needs to get things done. Instead of complain. Which, according to her, makes me a naggin' c**t. But, when she does that to me - which she does constantly - she's only trying to help me. :eek:h: And, still, every decision or suggestion I make is dismissed as "stupid". :veryangry:
 

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
"Come nightfall, he will sally forth under cover of darkness to claim the royal bounty."

or

"Waiting for it to get dark so I can run to Burger King."
 
Right now i'm feeling "neh". As in, 'Neh, just another dumb day'.
Or 'Neh, i guess i should post something'
It's a made-up term, being neither overtly positive nor negative.
 
Last edited:

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I feel like a smashed mirror. I cant make sense of my emotions at the moment. I want to live but I want to die. I hate but love. I see the good in others but the bad too. I feel... disjointed.. dislocated.. fractured.. I cant stand how the people on this earth are. society is just f*cked.

I wish I could wipe almost everyone out and start again. If I could I would.
 

Mikazuki1590

Well-known member
Very lonely feeling with a hint of depression. Just been watching anime and try to get lost in the character's worlds and forget about this one, but then, the episode ends and I'm back in this one.
 

AtTheGates

Banned
Very lonely feeling with a hint of depression. Just been watching anime and try to get lost in the character's worlds and forget about this one, but then, the episode ends and I'm back in this one.


same here pretty much. I just recently beat dragon age inquisition, its DLC's AND the witcher 3, including all the DLC's




I need another gigantic game world to get lost in.
 
Last edited:
Top