How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
defiance
Well-known member
I feel like a child who just jumped into the deep end of the pool that doesn't know how to swim. I am drowning in my misery. I really wish I had someone to talk to about this. I have been on the brink of balling my eyes out so many times but managed to hold it back. Just anyone who knows this level of pain, anyone who has to fight just to get out of bed in the morning and get through the day. I mean would anyone believe me if I told them what my day to day was like? My past experience tells me that it will not end well if I even start to hint at it so maybe I will just keep my mouth shut:sad:
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
The power that music has over my brain is absolutely beyond my understanding.
I can listen to something and then feel like I can conquer the world. Then I'll listen to something else and all of a sudden life is just a big tragedy. Then I'll put some Bob Marley and feel like I should just grab a beer, sit on the porch and forget all that bullshit while the sun goes down on the vast prairie or whatever.
I can listen to something and then feel like I can conquer the world. Then I'll listen to something else and all of a sudden life is just a big tragedy. Then I'll put some Bob Marley and feel like I should just grab a beer, sit on the porch and forget all that bullshit while the sun goes down on the vast prairie or whatever.
theslowesthand
Banned
I think that's because music involves the right brain (& emotions), and anything within that area cannot be understood logically. But that's where most of the answers to life lie, so i believe.
defiance
Well-known member
Music is truly an other worldly thing. It just hits you in ways that are beautiful and powerful or sad and crushing and everything in between. I like to listen to music that resonates with me which, unfortunately, is mostly depressing music. Lately I have been listening to Asleep by the smiths. Yeah not exactly the best song to listen to when you're in this mental state but wow is it a f**king masterpiece.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
If you want to talk, I'd be willing to listen. Since I've been feeling exactly the same way, as of late. And I can most certainly relate to having to fight to get outta bed in the morning and get through the day.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Nothing seems to go right for me. :kickingmyself: :sad:
defiance
Well-known member
Here is a way I can describe what it is like having these issues. Every morning when I open my eyes I am greeted with depression, anxiety, and other issues as well. Lets say each issue represents a person who stands over me until I wake up to do its damage. It feels like these issues begin to beat the s**t out of me non stop to the point where I feel as if I am almost paralyzed. Then I am forced to wake up after going through that and my day hasn't even started. Your spirit is broken and you have to drag on like it's all fine and nothing is wrong. The worst part is, this continues everyday until you can't take the beating anymore and that's when you just give up and end it all. The human mind.....amazing what it can do isn't it:crying:
defiance
Well-known member
Thank you man. I may take you up on that offer because I feel as if I am going bats**t crazy.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Anytime, man. :thumbup: If you want to PM me, just let me know and I csn free up my imbox here. Or yer always welcome to leave a vistor message on my profile and I'll get back to you when I can.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yep, that is accurate. :sad: I've felt the same for over 10 years now.
But I'm trying to get outta that cycle by getting back into playing my guitar and possibly recording in the new year. I know it doesnae seem like much but when ye huv the anxiety and depression bring ya down, it's nice to have something aside those things to focus on. Just sayin', like, not trying to brag or make you feel bad about your current situation.
Ah mean, I'm having to hide my issues everyday, just keep my family from constantly bugging me. It gets annoying when ye get asked the same question more than once a day.
defiance
Well-known member
Glad to hear you have something going for you man. It always makes me feel a bit better to see people posting positive things on this site as most of what we post tends to be on the negative side for obvious reasons. But yeah when I am ready to talk I will definitely message you and we can just go from there I suppose. In the meantime play those awesome tunes on the guitar and rock on.:thumbup:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well, I've been feeling a wee bit positive, lately. Ah still huv bad days, but overall things have been good. And, considering what I've been through this year, getting orthopaedic surgery done. Something I never got round to put in my wee journal on here, since I was originally going to track my progress daily. But still one more hospital appointment about that before I can say for sure the pain has been worth it.
So there's not much to be feeling negative about for me, guess that's what happens when ye make a life-changing decision.
Nae bother. My inbox for messages is almost full (92%). Once I've saved or deleted some, yer free to send me a PM. :thumbup:
Definitely! Once I get done converting half my bedroom into a recording studio, I'll be ready to rock out.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well, my mum being negative, pessimistic bitch - again! What else is new? So, I'm huvin tae put up with that. I'm huvin to put with the perpetual disappointment of being let down by family at every turn.
Why is it, I ask so little of them, and yet, my family still manages to disappoint me in a huge way. Ah mean how is that even... Urrgh!! :kickingmyself:
But somehow it's me who's the bad guy when I refuse to do what they want or say. Hate the fact I was raised by a bunch of bitchy, hate-filled feminists, add religion tae the mix and boy! Ye cun see why I'm such an angry, miserable b@$%@*! can't you? :veryangry:
Why is it, I ask so little of them, and yet, my family still manages to disappoint me in a huge way. Ah mean how is that even... Urrgh!! :kickingmyself:
But somehow it's me who's the bad guy when I refuse to do what they want or say. Hate the fact I was raised by a bunch of bitchy, hate-filled feminists, add religion tae the mix and boy! Ye cun see why I'm such an angry, miserable b@$%@*! can't you? :veryangry:
defiance
Well-known member
It troubles me that no matter what I do, I can't be happy. Depression, anxiety, fear, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts are all I feel on a daily basis. No matter the efforts I put forward it's all for nothing. It just hurts worse than any physical pain I have ever felt. It so soul crushing man. Holy s**t is it ever soul crushing:crying:.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Must I constantly justify every single f**kin' thing I do? But, naw, my family need tae always huv the last word on everything, related to me. Cannae just accepted it and leave it at that. Nope!
And they say I'm a control freak?! I'm no the yin causing a huge fuss over someone - me - NOT wearing slippers. :kickingmyself: Nag, nag, nag!! Urrgh... f**k my life!
C*%#$ The lotta o' them! :veryangry: Hate living like this. Always on edge, fearful. Wondering who's it gonnae be the day? Which one of the psycho bitches is gonnae try n' provoke me, knowing they'll get away with it?
Constantly huvin to supress and bottle that rage n' frustration that dwells within. Having to doing everything by yersel' cuz no-one is willing to help when asked.
Plastering on a fake smile and say I'm fine in response to usual question of my well-being
When the truth is:
Death would be a welcome relief from this never-ending torment. :sad:
Because ah cannae put up with this for much longer, I really can't. :crying:
And they say I'm a control freak?! I'm no the yin causing a huge fuss over someone - me - NOT wearing slippers. :kickingmyself: Nag, nag, nag!! Urrgh... f**k my life!
C*%#$ The lotta o' them! :veryangry: Hate living like this. Always on edge, fearful. Wondering who's it gonnae be the day? Which one of the psycho bitches is gonnae try n' provoke me, knowing they'll get away with it?
Constantly huvin to supress and bottle that rage n' frustration that dwells within. Having to doing everything by yersel' cuz no-one is willing to help when asked.
Plastering on a fake smile and say I'm fine in response to usual question of my well-being
When the truth is:
I'm broken inside. Barely keeping it together. Smiling to keep from breaking down in tears.
Death would be a welcome relief from this never-ending torment. :sad:
Because ah cannae put up with this for much longer, I really can't. :crying:
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BlueDays
1
Sorry that you have to put up with such insensitive and mean immediate family members, Graeme. (((Hugs)))
Do you have any extended relations - Aunts/Uncles, or Cousins you may be able to live with for a while? Just to give yourself a break from the stress they are putting you through?
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
I love it when people underestimate me, bites em in the a$$ everytime!
Yep, feels good seeing them fall flat on their faces! Really great.
Yep, feels good seeing them fall flat on their faces! Really great.
defiance
Well-known member
I won't say much other than I get what this feels like all too well and it's f**king misery man. Unfortunately, I too feel like me dying is the only salvation I can get from this nightmare.