How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

Sorry that you have to put up with such insensitive and mean immediate family members, Graeme. (((Hugs)))
Do you have any extended relations - Aunts/Uncles, or Cousins you may be able to live with for a while? Just to give yourself a break from the stress they are putting you through?

Yes. But sadly, most of my other relatives - uncles and cousin don't live in Scotland. :sad: So, it'd mean packing up and heading across the border for either Islington in London where one of my uncles and a cousin stays or Cardiff, Wales (or not far from there) to stay with my Welsh cousins.

Plus there's nae guarantee that they'd be able to put me up for however long ah wanted tae stay. Ah do have a couple of cousins that live just a few towns away, but they don't get along with each other - always fighting. So, that wouldnae be ideal for me, either.

Don't whit tae do, like? :idontknow: Being taught how tae self-sufficent and independent doesnae seem to summit ma family are interesting in teach me. They seem more concerned with keeping me subservant n' miserable and a people pleaser.

Some f**kin' existence, eh? Being telt yer selfish, evil wee b@$%@*! for huvin tha nerve to say "No" to what yer family are asking or suggesting, and putting yersel' first. Or being constantly left in the lurch whenever I ask for help. Aye, it's a real joy huvin to pick up the slack cuz yer family won't do the right, decent thing. Unless, of course, they can use this good deed against me in a future argument.

I won't say much other than I get what this feels like all too well and it's f**king misery man. Unfortunately, I too feel like me dying is the only salvation I can get from this nightmare.

I know you can relate, defiance, makes quite sad. Naebuddy else should be going through the same hell as me, man.

 

[Graeme1988]

I find it quite sad and ironic that, earlier this year when I was in for my surgery, my mum promised me that she'd change how she treats me. Yet, here we are, 2 months short of the 1 year anniversary of my surgery and that promise, and she still treats me like a f**kin' child. :kickingmyself:

Hate being the youngest in the family, effin' loathe it. Naebuddy take ya seriously and everything you say is treated like the punchline to a joke you're not in on. :thumbdown:

 

[Graeme1988]

Cannae even begin to articulate the utter frustration, rage and despair ah feel right now. Ah just want this life tae end, tae be honest. There's nae point living when everything I do require me to justify ma reason to my family all the time.

F**k, I'm even allowed to make myself a sandwich, and being legit when ah tell ye that. Cuz that's how much of uptight, domineering bitch my own mum is.

And, aye, yous are probably thinkin' that's no a very nice thing to say about yer own parent. But, believe you me, she's called me far worse. And I just huv to put up with it. Her, she losing the f**kin' rag at the littlest criticism, acts like a bairn flingin' their toys oot the pram. Seriously...

 

[defiance]

Asfklsdjflsdkfjd;slkgjdfl;kghndlkghsdlk;ghsd:kickingmyself::crying:KLASDJFLK;DSGHSLDK;GHDSLK;GJDL;KSGJKFJ:kickingmyself:SFSDFSDGSDCBZBCZBBZXCBVCXZBCXBXCBCVBCVBCVBCVB.ASDLFJSLDKA;FJDS:veryangry:KLAS;JFLK;DSJFDSL;KFJASDL;KGDSLK;JGHDSL;GF..................can't explain it any better than that.

 

[theslowesthand]

When will i start "living" life? Probably never. My habits are just too entrenched. :sad:

 

[defiance]

When will i start "living" life? Probably never. My habits are just too entrenched. :sad:

Exactly how I feel man...EXACTLY. It frustrates the living hell out of me that we can't have this one simple thing that most others probably take for granted.

 

[theslowesthand]

Wasting life. Missing out. Story of my life.
(i've read too much celebrity stuff online today .. but had i not, i'd still feel the same)

 

[Graeme1988]

When will i start "living" life? Probably never. My habits are just too entrenched. :sad:

Wasting life. Missing out. Story of my life.

Exactly how I feel man...EXACTLY. It frustrates the living hell out of me that we can't have this one simple thing that most others probably take for granted.

Yep! I feel the same way, guys. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

I hope this recent pain in my lower back goes away before my next hospital appointment. Since I don't want arrive there struggle to walk upright. :sad:

Also, quite pissed off that my family seem to immediate assume I need help all the time, rather than ask me. :thumbdown:

 

[defiance]

F**king ungrateful sibling man. ARROGANT, STUPID, EGOCENTRIC, BULLIES HIS WAY TO GETTING WHAT HE WANTS...............I CAN'T STAND THESE KIND OF PEOPLE AND YET I AM STUCK WITH ONE..................TAKING MY KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS.

 

[Graeme1988]

F**king ungrateful sibling man. ARROGANT, STUPID, EGOCENTRIC, BULLIES HIS WAY TO GETTING WHAT HE WANTS...............I CAN'T STAND THESE KIND OF PEOPLE AND YET I AM STUCK WITH ONE..................TAKING MY KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS.

Not going to say sorry to hear that, cuz I can relate. My family treat me like this as well. And it buckin' sucks, man.

D'they call you ungrateful as well? Mine do all the time, tryin' to guilt-trip me.

Though, just be glad it's only one sibling you've got to deal with who's like this. Ah've got a couple to deal with and a mother who cannae quite comprehend the meaning of the word "No" or the phrase: "Just leave it, don't bother"

 

[defiance]

Not going to say sorry to hear that, cuz I can relate. My family treat me like this as well. And it buckin' sucks, man.

D'they call you ungrateful as well? Mine do all the time, tryin' to guilt-trip me.

Though, just be glad it's only one sibling you've got to deal with who's like this. Ah've got a couple to deal with and a mother who cannae quite comprehend the meaning of the word "No" or the phrase: "Just leave it, don't bother"

He doesn't call me ungrateful but sometimes I feel like his actions are saying just that. My mother, as always, is great to me and I cannot complain about anything in regards to her. She is my only and I mean ONLY reason for living. If anything were to happen to her I'd kill myself without giving it a second thought. I swear if I could be 10% like her I could have easily made something of myself. As for your situation, I truly wish they would just show you the respect and dignity that you deserve because YOU DESERVE IT!!! Nothing more I can say about that really. Oh and I also hope you feel much better before your next doctors appointment. Wishing you a speedy recovery.:thumbup:

 

[State_Of_Trance]

Benadryl makes me feel weird. It's like I'm tired and wired at the same time. Makes it hard to focus on anything, but I guess this feeling is better than letting my allergic reaction to those antibiotics run wild. And the Benadryl does work, make no mistake. Inside of an hour the hives disappear. Still, I wish I didn't need to be high on Benadryl all the time. That way I could actually get things done.

 

[Graeme1988]

He doesn't call me ungrateful but sometimes I feel like his actions are saying just that. My mother, as always, is great to me and I cannot complain about anything in regards to her. She is my only and I mean ONLY reason for living. If anything were to happen to her I'd kill myself without giving it a second thought. I swear if I could be 10% like her I could have easily made something of myself.

Well, at least you've got yer mum, and someone to live for. So, at least, that something, no? :thumbup:

Since yer posts give me the impression, no-one in yer family treats you as you deserve to be treated. Aside from yer mum, obviously. In other words, she doesnae do anythin' to upset or piss you off.

As for your situation, I truly wish they would just show you the respect and dignity that you deserve because YOU DESERVE IT!!! Nothing more I can say about that really.

If only they did, if only...

But they seem to think it's awrite to lie to me, what with me being so f**kin' naive. Oh, and everything I say I funny, so not meant with any great seriousness. I'm a joke, ye see? And any misfortune that befalls me is hysterical to ma family. Cuz me complainin' about anything in the same pessmistic fashion as my mum does - oh, so funny... Just so funny. :kickingmyself:

Hell, even me say the following is treat as a joke line:

"Ah hate ma life, wish ah'd died at birth"​

^ When, despite them choosing to believe otherwise, I genuinely mean this statement. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh and I also hope you feel much better before your next doctors appointment. Wishing you a speedy recovery.:thumbup:

Thanks, that's much appreciated. :thumbup: But a few days rest and some squats should fix ma lower back. As ah don't want to show up to my appointment hunched over and making my consultant think this huv gone to shit in the last 6 months.

 

[Graeme1988]

Feeling a wee bit better today. Got into doing some exercise, but not too much to the point any strain. Finally figure out how to workin' summit on my MacBook which has been puzzling me for months. So, small victories you could say.

 

[theslowesthand]

For people like me ("cursed" since birth with bad physical & mental genetics), there are many ANSWERS, just ZERO SOLUTIONS. So almost 100% hopelessness is what i have to look foward to for the rest of my life, which means there's basically zero motivation to live (numbness at best), and only motivation to die. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Dreading the Christmas and New Year, since my family always try n' peer pressure into sitting at the table with them. Which is awkward, since it's clear we don't really like each other that much. Or don't like them to put it correctly.


Kinda desperate to get back into trying to make music again, ah need summit to rid me of this boredom. :sad:

But I'm also afraid that it could sound crap. :idontknow: Since ma judgement ain't the best, like. And previous attempts to record huv been mediocre to put it nicely.

Not heard back from that Dutch fella who want to do a band collaboration, either.
Doubt we'd have clicked anyway, my tastes and music influences are quite eclectic. :shyness: So, I guess just me by myself...

 

[defiance]

Went out with some friends and instead of feeling better I, as always, ended up feeling worse. This goes back to what I said in another post here and that is no matter what I do I can't be happy. I don't find this existence enjoyable. Just too much stress and agony man......who needs it.

 

[theslowesthand]

Still in the "loop", and not fallen into the "rut" as yet today .. but i'm damn close to it. Question is, is it better to fight it or not (getting depressed) :question: