How are you feeling?

Restless. Why do all my potentially good ideas come to me while in bed? :oh:

Drained, confused, extremely saddened. Trying to push through though that never really leads anywhere positive anyhow. I can't stop thinking about death...death death death blah blah blah. I don't want to think about these things but well easier said than done. If miracles exist, then send one my way please.

defiance said: ↑

Drained, confused, extremely saddened. Trying to push through though that never really leads anywhere positive anyhow. I can't stop thinking about death...death death death blah blah blah. I don't want to think about these things but well easier said than done. If miracles exist, then send one my way please

Death is a big part of life. It's happening every single moment to all manner of things, including ourselves. I think it's good not to fear death, but still respect it.

Have you tried listening to any healing/meditative/etc audio? Perhaps it could help with the repetitive thoughts (ocd?). I'm listening to a track now, as i'm dreading going to town today, so i'm needing to chill-out somewhat, and it's helping.

theslowesthand said: ↑

Death is a big part of life. It's happening every single moment to all manner of things, including ourselves. I think it's good not to fear death, but still respect it.

Have you tried listening to any healing/meditative/etc audio? Perhaps it could help with the repetitive thoughts (ocd?). I'm listening to a track now, as i'm dreading going to town today, so i'm needing to chill-out somewhat, and it's helping.

I have gone the healing/meditative route and it did me some good but it, unfortunately, never lasted more than a minute or two. Though I still practice it here and there when I can motivate myself to do it. The thing that worked best for me was listening to some zen music while staring at the night sky and observing all those beautiful stars and the moon. On a side note I need to stop listening to the smiths asleep song :bigsmile:. Not exactly the most cheerful of songs if you know what I mean :bigsmile:. But man can Morrissey write a song that just hits home.

I'm just angry...and I want to hurt the people that made me angry. But I can't.....I just can't.....I have to bottle it up and let it kill me from the inside slowly.

I get this strong feeling that really good things are coming my way in the next couple of days. Hell it's could be me being delusional because I want to be happy, but hey what's a couple of days you know. I'll wait it out and see what happens.:idontknow:

defiance said: ↑

I get this strong feeling that really good things are coming my way in the next couple of days. Hell it's could be me being delusional because I want to be happy, but hey what's a couple of days you know. I'll wait it out and see what happens.:idontknow:

I hope good things do come yer way, I really do.
Since you deserve good things to happen to you. :thumbup:
Stay positive. 🙂

Graeme1988 said: ↑

I hope good things do come yer way, I really do.
Since you deserve good things to happen to you. :thumbup:
Stay positive. 🙂

Thank you man. I hope good things come your way as well. Hell I hope GREAT THINGS COMES THE WAY OF EVERYONE WHO IS SUFFERING IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. That would be the greatest miracle of all.

Really want to escape the town I live in. It maybe another 5-10 years before I can retire. Living around strangers that long is an eternity.

I need a replacement brain. As this one i've got is "had it".

theslowesthand said: ↑

I need a replacement brain. As this one i've got is "had it".

If you find a place that takes care of that issue, send me a link and I will buy a dozen.

well...an argument broke out...culprits my sibling and that man I am biologically related to...I refuse to call him by the D word. The victim again, thought it wasn't directed towards her, was my Mom. I hate these 2 *******s sooooo much. They are not the worst people in the world by any means but I hate them... I really do. Why you may ask...well because they are dumb and egocentric. I can't do anything to cheer up my Mom and that makes me feel more useless. I just want to die is how I feel right now if I am to be honest. How a wonderful woman like her can end it in a situation with 2 a**holes and a child like me is truly beyond me. She deserves so much better. It's just not right man....I don't know what I can do.:crying:

defiance said: ↑

well...an argument broke out...culprits my sibling and that man I am biologically related to...I refuse to call him by the D word. The victim again, thought it wasn't directed towards her, was my Mom. I hate these 2 *******s sooooo much. They are not the worst people in the world by any means but I hate them... I really do. Why you may ask...well because they are dumb and egocentric. I can't do anything to cheer up my Mom and that makes me feel more useless. I just want to die is how I feel right now if I am to be honest. How a wonderful woman like her can end it in a situation with 2 a**holes and a child like me is truly beyond me. She deserves so much better. It's just not right man....I don't know what I can do.:crying:

I thought my family were bad. Dumb? Aye. Egocentric? F**k yeah! But at least they know not to piss me off. I mean, I'm only ask for them to respect me and stop browbeating and shaming me everytime ah say "No" to summit or disagree.

Your situation seems way more dysfunctional, which make yer posts all the more heartbreaking to read. :sad: Cun you and yer mum not, like, leave 'em? Just asking cuz ah'd imagine, if your mum is anything like mine, yer mum hates when fights break out between you, yer dad and brother.

Sorry if I'm being a bit of a nosy b@$%@*! here, but I'd suggest if ye can bare to move out. You and yer mum should just go. Find somewhere else and get away from yer current situation.

I mean, that what I'm desperately wanting to do myself, but only because my family huv held me back.

feeling angry at myself because i cant overcome social anxiety

Graeme1988 said: ↑

I thought my family were bad. Dumb? Aye. Egocentric? F**k yeah! But at least they know not to piss me off. I mean, I'm only ask for them to respect me and stop browbeating and shaming me everytime ah say "No" to summit or disagree.

Your situation seems way more dysfunctional, which make yer posts all the more heartbreaking to read. :sad: Cun you and yer mum not, like, leave 'em? Just asking cuz ah'd imagine, if your mum is anything like mine, yer mum hates when fights break out between you, yer dad and brother.

Sorry if I'm being a bit of a nosy b@$%@*! here, but I'd suggest if ye can bare to move out. You and yer mum should just go. Find somewhere else and get away from yer current situation.

I mean, that what I'm desperately wanting to do myself, but only because my family huv held me back.

Although these kind of arguments don't happen that often, when they do it just sucks man. I wish I could get away from people like these and make my Mom happy all the time. But sadly what we want and what we end up getting is not always on and the same. I can't even begin to put into words how bad I want to commit suicide right now...I feel so hopeless and just paralyzed by fear even as I am writing this. It's not so much because of what happened last night, though that kind of added to it. It was a reminder to me that I can't help in any way. Again not just help in that situation but in general with important things like working, driving, and other social stuff. So to make a long story short...I JUST WANT TO F**KING DIE ALREADY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.:crying:

Frustrated.

Very angry.
The ownership of land is a truly evil invention. :veryangry:

Huvin a bit of a mid-life crisis as far as what to do with my life. :idontknow:
Since I'm not really skilled or good at much, if anythin', y'know? :sad:

Been to a wedding. I see people around me who form relationships with others. Fall in love, make friends, get married. Me- I am so broken I struggle to talk to family.

Kiwong said: ↑

Been to a wedding. I see people around me who form relationships with others. Fall in love, make friends, get married. Me- I am so broken I struggle to talk to family.

Same here, pal. The very same. That why I've stop going to family gathering all together.