Ah cannae take this anymore... Ah'm done. Ah'm jist tired huvin tae pit on the brave face everyday. An' suppress every thought, just tae please those around me. Anyway, sorry it hud tae come tae this... But ye never cared how ah feel anyway. :sad:
Aye, it's strange tae know people think highly of you or love ye an' yet you don't or can't feel tha same way in return.
Anyway, enough o' ma problems. You gonnae be okay, spring? 🙂
Its something I don't know what to say , its like I can't appreciate my feelings or someone's else. I may misunderstand people, can't exactly know what they are trying to tell or what they feel for me.
I am trying to be okay. Better now then when I wrote that.
My brother is studying a master's degree in computer science and was rejected from night work at Coles.
Don't give up, mate! 🙂
Yeah... I've been rejected from Walmart and fired from a convenience store among other things. The only criteria to be hired at these kind of jobs is social aptitude. Once you get a degree it gets a bit easier since the people who are hiring you are more educated and are looking for specific skills.
Upset. I hate when it feels like the anger is just bubbling up in my stomach when I get upset. I might go try to walk it off on the trail near my house.
Its something I don't know what to say , its like I can't appreciate my feelings or someone's else. I may misunderstand people, can't exactly know what they are trying to tell or what they feel for me.
I am trying to be okay. Better now then when I wrote that.
I can relate. Though, it's good tae hear you feel a wee bit since you wrote that yer previous post in this thread. 🙂
Ah think I might off myself. I'm too much of burden to those around. My family are unwilling to appreciate me. Might as well, right...? Ah mean, ah can't see a vision of my future where I'm genuinely happy, so what the point of my existence?
Like I will never stop loving a certain someone who didn't return that love. Like I'll just have to accept my feelings and learn to live with them, rather than wishing the feelings would dissipate. Sigh.
I've realized I must've been a horrible person in my past life. I think I was a slave trader and someone who abbandoned the fiance in the altar or something like that.
I feel really awful too. My parents put a lot of time and money into me. I did really good in school, but in real life I kept screwing up. I tried hard for seven years and have nothing to show for it. Each weekday is ugly for me. It reminds me that I'm a disappointment.
I'm not part of anything- I use to be okay about this, but as time goes by it feels much worse to be alone and have nothing to do. I realize I have failed as a human being.
I feel really awful too. My parents put a lot of time and money into me. I did really good in school, but in real life I kept screwing up. I tried hard for seven years and have nothing to show for it. Each weekday is ugly for me. It reminds me that I'm a disappointment.
I'm not part of anything- I use to be okay about this, but as time goes by it feels much worse to be alone and have nothing to do. I realize I have failed as a human being.
I still feel sad, I miss my dog. I still think she's there every time I open the door, but all that's left there is an empty blank space. We had to put her to sleep a few days ago, and no matter how old a pet is it still absolutely sucks. She was 16 and I got her when I was 6, so I had that dog almost my whole childhood. I think she suffered a stroke or seizure or something. I'm not exactly sure what it was but it was terrifying. I heard the most horrendous screaming noise and saw my dog thrashing around. My heart starting racing and I felt myself transitioning into that dreadful panic mode. After that horrible scream and sudden thrashing movements I never heard another sound out of her 🙁. I couldn't get her to eat, drink, or walk after that. I know we HAD TO put her to sleep because I can't imagine the torture she was going through, and I couldn't stand to look at those sad sad eyes. If I had left her on her own she would have starved to death, and that would have been so unimaginable cruel to allow to happen. She was 16 and had a very good life, but I still really miss her 🙁.
On top of all this my Grandma is slowly dying, and I was close to her. I always visited at least once or twice a week. About a week ago they said she had 2 days to two weeks MAX to live, soooo it won't be long :/. I've been visiting as often as I can, but she is just so sick. Luckily her mind and memory are still 100% intact, and she is very sharp mentally which makes it a LOT easier to talk to her when you visit. Though her physical energy and health are deteriorating like mad. It's all a lot at once for me. The dog thing was very unexpected, when at that time I was already expecting an old relative to die soon. Having to wait for someone you love to die is absolutely agonizing.
This year hasn't had such a great start thus far lol, and January just ended! I had to put my dog to sleep, and have been waiting around for my grandmother to die. Not to mention having to deal with A LOT of ridiculous family drama surrounding this. In addition to quitting my part time job, and still having to deal with my normal OCD, social anxiety, and depression on a daily basis, this year kinda sucks so far. All that other stuff really goes on the back burner for now, since dealing with family is my priority right now. Sorry for the long vent, but I sure hope the rest of the year gets better. 🙁
I still feel sad, I miss my dog. I still think she's there every time I open the door, but all that's left there is an empty blank space. We had to put her to sleep a few days ago, and no matter how old a pet is it still absolutely sucks. She was 16 and I got her when I was 6, so I had that dog almost my whole childhood. I think she suffered a stroke or seizure or something. I'm not exactly sure what it was but it was terrifying. I heard the most horrendous screaming noise and saw my dog thrashing around. My heart starting racing and I felt myself transitioning into that dreadful panic mode. After that horrible scream and sudden thrashing movements I never heard another sound out of her 🙁. I couldn't get her to eat, drink, or walk after that. I know we HAD TO put her to sleep because I can't imagine the torture she was going through, and I couldn't stand to look at those sad sad eyes. If I had left her on her own she would have starved to death, and that would have been so unimaginable cruel to allow to happen. She was 16 and had a very good life, but I still really miss her 🙁.
On top of all this my Grandma is slowly dying, and I was close to her. I always visited at least once or twice a week. About a week ago they said she had 2 days to two weeks MAX to live, soooo it won't be long :/. I've been visiting as often as I can, but she is just so sick. Luckily her mind and memory are still 100% intact, and she is very sharp mentally which makes it a LOT easier to talk to her when you visit. Though her physical energy and health are deteriorating like mad. It's all a lot at once for me. The dog thing was very unexpected, when at that time I was already expecting an old relative to die soon. Having to wait for someone you love to die is absolutely agonizing.
This year hasn't had such a great start thus far lol, and January just ended! I had to put my dog to sleep, and have been waiting around for my grandmother to die. Not to mention having to deal with A LOT of ridiculous family drama surrounding this. In addition to quitting my part time job, and still having to deal with my normal OCD, social anxiety, and depression on a daily basis, this year kinda sucks so far. All that other stuff really goes on the back burner for now, since dealing with family is my priority right now. Sorry for the long vent, but I sure hope the rest of the year gets better. 🙁
That's definitely a lot to deal with. I hope the year gets better for you too. I wouldn't apologize for venting, with all of that on your plate it's understandable that you'd want to let it out somehow.
Yesterday was my birthday; I had a pretty good day. Today went pretty well, too, until in the past hour or so I got two good kicks to the gut in rapid succession. Now I'm very angry and upset (in a fearful, stomach-churning, heartbroken sort of way), and I feel that I have no more reason or desire to live. How much of this lousy, screwed-up world is one guy supposed to take?
I have more shit wrong with my van and I can't afford to even get another one. Otherwise I wouldn't have a crappy van that needs something fixed right after i've already fixed something. Wasting money. I already don't make shit. Because I'm worthless and no matter what happens my life/luck just goes to crap.
I'm worried and scared about my future because I'm not motivated to do anything constructive. I think I have chronic fatigue syndrome. Plus I think of this girl I like everyday and it hurts because I can't have her even if I tried :sad:.
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