Years ago, I was very depressed, down at rock bottom, at the lowest point in my life. I felt like a loser, believed I was a loser, and stayed home for many months straight without going out. I lost all motivation and disliked people, especially interacting with them. I was on this forum a lot as well. It was only this and last year that I've started making progress. Last year, I started going out more, forced to take offline classes. This year, I started putting on makeup, caring about my appearance, and even joining TM. I made sure I get out of the house every week.
I made a lot of progress over the years, looking back. But recently, I could feel my mind going nuts and risk falling back into depression. I don't want to improve so much, only to reverse my progress back to square 1. I am at a critical juncture of my life. I risk losing the self esteem and confidence that I've gained over the months, I risk losing control of my mind, I risk not getting a job, I risk not driving well, I risk a lot of things. I'm serious here. I need a job to pay bills and loans, if I space out at work I will get fired. I also need to get the care that my family needs. I'm sorry, but I can't obsess over every single negative thought in my head. I need to focus and be positive.
