How are you feeling?

I feel being sad and down on myself has become so normal for me that I don't even know what being happy and content feels like. I want to be happy for a change, just for once I don't want to wish that I didn't exist.

Kiwong said: ↑

Sorry you feel that way, Srijita, your are certainly not worthless in my opinion. I reckon it's great to have different interests, it shows your individuality, that is a good thing.

Thanks Kiwong.

MikeyC said: ↑

You say the world constantly reminds you that you're flawed and worthless - what do you mean? Who's saying these things?

I don't think you're flawed. I would wager that nobody on SPW thinks you're flawed!

Well it used to be my family and now its basically most of the people around me, classmates and such. Here, if you're not loud/over expressive, ridiculously competitive even if you don't get the context you're considered as spineless, moron, I've been called these things. Being quiet is definitely a huge stigma where I live, people actually are ashamed to be introverted as even psychologists consider it some sort of disease.
And thank you Mikey. ^^

Kiwong said: ↑

4 days only two small bottles of Pepsi Max in that time. Anxiety today was much improved. Less impatient, less angry, less emotional, less fearful, more relaxed, able to talk more easily with people. Drank about 600ml at lunch time and my anxiety increased in the afternoon. No withdrawal headaches, but a massive drop in energy, this also improved today.

Good for you!

Srijita52 said: ↑

I feel being sad and down on myself has become so normal for me that I don't even know what being happy and content feels like. I want to be happy for a change, just for once I don't want to wish that I didn't exist.

Sadly, ah can relate to the not wantin' to exist part. And to some extent, the being down on maself so much, ah've become use to it. Ah wish ah could say somethin' to cheer ya up, but can't think of what to say. Anyway, sorry yer feelin' this way, darlin'. Hope ye feel better soon, huh? :thumbup:

Srijita52 said: ↑

Well it used to be my family and now its basically most of the people around me, classmates and such. Here, if you're not loud/over expressive, ridiculously competitive even if you don't get the context you're considered as spineless, moron, I've been called these things. Being quiet is definitely a huge stigma where I live, people actually are ashamed to be introverted as even psychologists consider it some sort of disease.

Yep, ah got that from ma family as well, especially ma oldest sister. To some extent still do, the "You should be..." speech. Use to hear it from ma dad, too, when he was alive. The f**kin' "Why are you so quiet...? When are you gonna do that accounting course & do somethin' with yer life?" - sorry, that shit's deeply ingrained.

Being loud in country's culture is seen as awright, at football matches. Bein' quiet is seen as weird. Just half jokin', there. :bigsmile: Generally, being loud can feel quite intimidatin'... for me. Because I come across as an aggressive, angry gobshite. Unless am really mad n' yellin' ma effin' head off. In which case, LOUD GETS THE F**KING POINT ACROSS, if y'know what ah mean... :ironicsmile:

But it's a bit harsh to see introvertion as a disease - though, I can kinda understand why that might the case. Since introverted are, wrongly, looked upon with contempt by society. Since yer expected to be this extroverted, loud, assertive, confident person. That not to say introverts aren't confident or can't be assertive - ah think introvert can be. Just not all the time.

Yer not a spineless moron, Srijita, seriously. If that's the case, then I'm a spineless moron as well, for also not being loud, overly expressive or competitive.

And don't be ashamed to be introverted - there's nothin' wrong with that. As long as yer happy, that's all that matters. Remember that, darlin'. Despite what people might say or think of you. Don't change, just to please someone else, or fit their idea of how they think you should be. Pleasing people all the time, just leds to misery n' feelin' unsure of & down on yersel'.

Right that ma first ramblin', rantin' post done today.

Horribly stressed out. So many problems to deal with beyond SA without any support from anyone.

JuiceB said: ↑

Horribly stressed out. So many problems to deal with beyond SA without any support from anyone.

Ah know that feelin', pal. And sorry tae hear about the, lack- uh* (of) - support.

* Just a wee bit o' authenticity, there. 😉 Writin' in auld muther tongue, as if am actually speakin' tae ye.

Talkin' pish, as per usual... Magic, innit?[/I] :ironicsmile:

Kiwong said: ↑

4 days only two small bottles of Pepsi Max in that time. Anxiety today was much improved. Less impatient, less angry, less emotional, less fearful, more relaxed, able to talk more easily with people. Drank about 600ml at lunch time and my anxiety increased in the afternoon. No withdrawal headaches, but a massive drop in energy, this also improved today.

It's amazing what can happen when you don't fill your body with this sort of stuff. I find I'm happier when I eat less chocolate...yet I'm happy when I do eat chocolate. Paradox!

Anyway, if possible, perhaps give up the Pepsi Max for good?

Srijita52 said: ↑

Well it used to be my family and now its basically most of the people around me, classmates and such. Here, if you're not loud/over expressive, ridiculously competitive even if you don't get the context you're considered as spineless, moron, I've been called these things. Being quiet is definitely a huge stigma where I live, people actually are ashamed to be introverted as even psychologists consider it some sort of disease.
And thank you Mikey. ^^

I think that sort of explains most places in the world: if you're not known and putting yourself out there, you won't get as many opportunities as the person who is doing all those things. Australia is the same, since we are a first-world country jostling for jobs with our peers. Being called "spineless" and a "moron" is pretty ghastly, though. :thumbdown:

Feeling kind of let down. I didn't do so well on a team assignment.

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said: ↑

Good for you!

Thanks Marie. 1.8 litres what I normally drink I drank in a week.

It's amazing what can happen when you don't fill your body with this sort of stuff. I find I'm happier when I eat less chocolate...yet I'm happy when I do eat chocolate. Paradox!

Anyway, if possible, perhaps give up the Pepsi Max for good?

My philanthropic work is never done, when it comes to eating charity chocolates at work!

I will try to give it up, right now I'm trying to moderate its use. 3 years ago it really helped when I stopped drinking caffeine.

FOOD. Foodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfood. I've been hungry nonstop since I was able to keep the stuff down after 3 days.

Bottling up ma emotions lately, because ah cannae deal wi' them. :sad: Keepin' quiet for the sake o' the family. Best tae keep the auld sweary, motor-mouth shut. If am honest, feelin' quite insecure aboot masel', quite vunerable, y'know...

Also, startin' tae hate the fact that am expected tae sayin' somethin' funny in family social settings. Ah f**kin' hate that, so ah dae! Me, wi' the bult-in sun tan, Caledonian accent & Tartan men's skirt. Just expected tae say summit off-the-cuff, on the spot - because apparently am hysterically funny. Personally, ah think am shite at tellin' jokes - not nearly as funny as everyone thinks.

Sorry... just feelin' really down on masel' at the moment. :sad:

@#%%@#%!#%%! I think I missed a delivery. I ordered something off of Amazon but didn't expect it to arrive today. My mom was out so it's just me and my brother. Normally, I don't open the door when I'm home alone or with my brother. My brother never opens the door for anybody. Anyways, I was on the computer when I heard the doorbell and several knocks. I became stiff and scared. I couldn't wait for whoever was at the door to leave. I hate it when people knock too much. When that person finally left, I was so relieved. My brother, who was next to me, couldn't care less of course. Minutes after he/she left, I went to the door and peeked out. I saw something taped on it. I think it was a delivery slip. Darn! I was kinda scared to open the door.

jaim38 said: ↑

@#%%@#%!#%%! I think I missed a delivery. I ordered something off of Amazon but didn't expect it to arrive today. My mom was out so it's just me and my brother. Normally, I don't open the door when I'm home alone or with my brother. My brother never opens the door for anybody. Anyways, I was on the computer when I heard the doorbell and several knocks. I became stiff and scared. I couldn't wait for whoever was at the door to leave. I hate it when people knock too much. When that person finally left, I was so relieved. My brother, who was next to me, couldn't care less of course. Minutes after he/she left, I went to the door and peeked out. I saw something taped on it. I think it was a delivery slip. Darn! I was kinda scared to open the door.

Weird, how ah get that same anxiety aboot openin' the door as well, with Amazon purchases - especially if ah've got to sign for the item. :ironicsmile: So, yer not alone there, Jaim, darlin'. 🙂 Don't worry, those delivery slips from Amazon usually say to collect the item at the post office. Or the post might bring it around again, tomorrow... ? :idontknow:

I ate too much plastic candy. :sad:

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Weird, how ah get that same anxiety aboot openin' the door as well, with Amazon purchases - especially if ah've got to sign for the item. :ironicsmile: So, yer not alone there, Jaim, darlin'. 🙂 Don't worry, those delivery slips from Amazon usually say to collect the item at the post office. Or the post might bring it around again, tomorrow... ? :idontknow:

The slip says they will redeliver on Monday, so I have to wait til then. I also have the option of letting them know that it's ok to leave the package on my door if no one's home.

Capsaicin said: ↑

FOOD. Foodfoodfoodfoodfoodfoodfood. I've been hungry nonstop since I was able to keep the stuff down after 3 days.

😮

What happened? Were you sick? You couldn't eat for 3 days? Damn :/

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said: ↑

I ate too much plastic candy. :sad:

Plastic... candy? Like actually plastic? Or like... plasticky in texture?

Kiwong said: ↑

My philanthropic work is never done, when it comes to eating charity chocolates at work!

I will try to give it up, right now I'm trying to moderate its use. 3 years ago it really helped when I stopped drinking caffeine.

Ha, those charity chocolates. I know those. Freddos for $1? Yes please. 🤭

Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said: ↑

I ate too much plastic candy. :sad:

Next time eat edible candy!

^ That's just...no.