How are you feeling?

[laure15]

Depressed as f**k! Unmotivated. Constantly patronised and condesended tae aw the time. And, am gettin' really fed up wi' it! But still, am too passive tae even respond, or sayin' anything. Ah just take it whilist kickin' the f**k oot o' masel', mentally speaking, of course! :kickingmyself: :veryangry:
If ye really knew what was going on inside ma heid, and what ah really think. Chances are, you'd f**kin' hate me! And ye would huv every right tae, anaw
Also, ah think ah've got committment issues because folk are always talkin' outta things. Or maybe am just indecisive? :idontknow:

It's ok to be angry at people who condescend you. You should let your feelings out in a safe way.

 

[Srijita52]

:sad: I'm sorry

*BIG HUGS*

Thank you.

Depressed as f**k! Unmotivated. Constantly patronised and condesended tae aw the time. And, am gettin' really fed up wi' it! But still, am too passive tae even respond, or sayin' anything. Ah just take it whilist kickin' the f**k oot o' masel', mentally speaking, of course! :kickingmyself: :veryangry:
If ye really knew what was going on inside ma heid, and what ah really think. Chances are, you'd f**kin' hate me! And ye would huv every right tae, anaw
Also, ah think ah've got committment issues because folk are always talkin' outta things. Or maybe am just indecisive? :idontknow:

I'm really sorry Graeme. I'm here if you need to let it out.

 

[Silatuyok]

I feel pretty bad today.

A few days ago, I received an email from my ex-husband, letting me know that the rabbit we had adopted together years ago had passed away. I hadn't heard anything from my ex in several years, so I emailed him back to give my condolences, and to ask him how he's been. It turns out that he is disabled now from the progression of a disease that he had just been diagnosed with when we were together. He can't leave the house alone, and relies on his long-time girlfriend to support him.

Ugh. I feel horrible about this. I feel like I abandoned someone without any regard to what they were going through, or how it might have affected our relationship. I might as well have left someone because they were diagnosed with cancer, or something.
I didn't leave him because of the disease, and I guess it didn't really seem like a big problem back then. But I can see now how a large part of my discontent could have been due in part to what he was suffering. He had such a sedentary lifestyle, and I couldn't handle that. I was also suffering from an extreme mental disorder at the time, and all I could think of was trying to get the heck out of there so I could try to make my life better (he disapproved of my attending therapy, in addition to being rather controlling in general).

I know I did the only thing I could have for myself at the time, but I still can't shake the feeling of guilt at knowing that he is disabled and I didn't do much of anything to make his life better (which is all I ever wanted for him in the first place).

I don't even know what to reply to his email. How do you make atonement for something that you're not in a situation to fix? ::

 

[neardeath]

a very sick friend cut ties with me and everyone from her past today. She is paranoid and blaming everyone for things they haven't done. I am trying to not take it personally. Wow there are a lot of sick people out there. Me and all my best friends are in total crisis, total chaos. Feels like the end of the world sometimes. No wonder I like being unconscious, or better yet, just be dead.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I feel pretty bad today.

A few days ago, I received an email from my ex-husband, letting me know that the rabbit we had adopted together years ago had passed away. I hadn't heard anything from my ex in several years, so I emailed him back to give my condolences, and to ask him how he's been. It turns out that he is disabled now from the progression of a disease that he had just been diagnosed with when we were together. He can't leave the house alone, and relies on his long-time girlfriend to support him.

Ugh. I feel horrible about this. I feel like I abandoned someone without any regard to what they were going through, or how it might have affected our relationship. I might as well have left someone because they were diagnosed with cancer, or something.
I didn't leave him because of the disease, and I guess it didn't really seem like a big problem back then. But I can see now how a large part of my discontent could have been due in part to what he was suffering. He had such a sedentary lifestyle, and I couldn't handle that. I was also suffering from an extreme mental disorder at the time, and all I could think of was trying to get the heck out of there so I could try to make my life better (he disapproved of my attending therapy, in addition to being rather controlling in general).

I know I did the only thing I could have for myself at the time, but I still can't shake the feeling of guilt at knowing that he is disabled and I didn't do much of anything to make his life better (which is all I ever wanted for him in the first place).

I don't even know what to reply to his email. How do you make atonement for something that you're not in a situation to fix? ::

I don't think you can..........The relationship didn't work out, that's not your fault. It's unfortunate but you have a new person in your life that needs you...and, you need you.

 

[NightTimeForever]

I'm feeling pretty stupid over something incredibly insignificant most people wouldn't bother with. I do fine for a while, then the smallest snag sets me back to square 1.

 

[KiaKaha]

I feel pretty bad today.

A few days ago, I received an email from my ex-husband, letting me know that the rabbit we had adopted together years ago had passed away. I hadn't heard anything from my ex in several years, so I emailed him back to give my condolences, and to ask him how he's been. It turns out that he is disabled now from the progression of a disease that he had just been diagnosed with when we were together. He can't leave the house alone, and relies on his long-time girlfriend to support him.

Ugh. I feel horrible about this. I feel like I abandoned someone without any regard to what they were going through, or how it might have affected our relationship. I might as well have left someone because they were diagnosed with cancer, or something.
I didn't leave him because of the disease, and I guess it didn't really seem like a big problem back then. But I can see now how a large part of my discontent could have been due in part to what he was suffering. He had such a sedentary lifestyle, and I couldn't handle that. I was also suffering from an extreme mental disorder at the time, and all I could think of was trying to get the heck out of there so I could try to make my life better (he disapproved of my attending therapy, in addition to being rather controlling in general).

I know I did the only thing I could have for myself at the time, but I still can't shake the feeling of guilt at knowing that he is disabled and I didn't do much of anything to make his life better (which is all I ever wanted for him in the first place).

I don't even know what to reply to his email. How do you make atonement for something that you're not in a situation to fix? ::

I don't think you should feel guilty - but I can understand why. As you said you didn't leave because of the disease - the relationship ended for other reasons. Perhaps it is mere compassion that because you knew this man you are feeling for his suffering? If that is the case - you should not feel bad about anything in the past - you should feel good that you care enough to have thoughts and empathy about his condition - so much so that you had to make a post about it.

 

[Opaline]

Add me the list of unhappy people on here today.

I hate my life. Yeah I have food, clothes, shelter, and 20 hours of minimum wage work per week. I still hate it. I hate it because ever since I was a very small child I've been anxious and insecure. I know it's bad, I know it needs to be fixed, but I DON'T KNOW HOW. How do I fix it??? And then I read stories of people who have tried therapy and said it didn't help. If that doesn't help, then what will? I can't even put into words how frustrated with everything I am. I feel like the only way to really illustrate it would be to literally smash my head against a wall over and over again. I seriously have so much repressed misery that if you put me in a padded room full of objects and let me go at it, I'd spend at least an hour throwing **** and screaming and just getting all my negative energy out. I'm TIRED of feeling worthless and like people don't like me (forum activity notwithstanding), I'm tired of sabotaging myself with my own negative thoughts. Will I ever have real friends I feel comfortable with? Will I ever have a real boyfriend I really truly like, who likes me? Will I? Because IF NOT - why bother? Really, why bother. I don't want to bother with life if it's going to be this way forever. I feel so hurt and so angry. And apparently feeling this way makes me self-absorbed, too. Oh well, can't be much worse than what I already am.

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[Silatuyok]

I don't think you can..........The relationship didn't work out, that's not your fault. It's unfortunate but you have a new person in your life that needs you...and, you need you.

I don't think you should feel guilty - but I can understand why. As you said you didn't leave because of the disease - the relationship ended for other reasons. Perhaps it is mere compassion that because you knew this man you are feeling for his suffering? If that is the case - you should not feel bad about anything in the past - you should feel good that you care enough to have thoughts and empathy about his condition - so much so that you had to make a post about it.

Yeah, you guys are right. Just the fact that he is contacting me and willing to converse with me via email is a sign that he has moved on from our past and doesn't hold it against me. Besides, he's getting married this autumn, so it's not like he's wallowing in lonely misery. But I put him through hell with my BPD, and I still feel a lot of guilt from that. I've been working through my feelings today, though, and I'm in a better place about it. Maybe this will be the closure I've been needing.
Thanks

 

[MikeyC]

Depressed and I've no idea why.

When you don't know why you're depressed, that is the worst. I hope it passes, or already has. *hugs*

I feel pretty bad today.

A few days ago, I received an email from my ex-husband, letting me know that the rabbit we had adopted together years ago had passed away. I hadn't heard anything from my ex in several years, so I emailed him back to give my condolences, and to ask him how he's been. It turns out that he is disabled now from the progression of a disease that he had just been diagnosed with when we were together. He can't leave the house alone, and relies on his long-time girlfriend to support him.

Ugh. I feel horrible about this. I feel like I abandoned someone without any regard to what they were going through, or how it might have affected our relationship. I might as well have left someone because they were diagnosed with cancer, or something.
I didn't leave him because of the disease, and I guess it didn't really seem like a big problem back then. But I can see now how a large part of my discontent could have been due in part to what he was suffering. He had such a sedentary lifestyle, and I couldn't handle that. I was also suffering from an extreme mental disorder at the time, and all I could think of was trying to get the heck out of there so I could try to make my life better (he disapproved of my attending therapy, in addition to being rather controlling in general).

I know I did the only thing I could have for myself at the time, but I still can't shake the feeling of guilt at knowing that he is disabled and I didn't do much of anything to make his life better (which is all I ever wanted for him in the first place).

I don't even know what to reply to his email. How do you make atonement for something that you're not in a situation to fix? ::

As others have already mentioned, don't feel guilty. You did what you thought was right at the time, and this new information about his debilitating disease can be blamed on you. You can feel for his pain, because you two do have a history together, but to feel guilty for something that was completely out of your control isn't healthy. Don't forget that you were going through traumatic mental pain yourself. Imagine if you'd stayed? You'd be a full-time carer who probably wouldn't have improved mentally from then.

 

[MikeyC]

Yeah, you guys are right. Just the fact that he is contacting me and willing to converse with me via email is a sign that he has moved on from our past and doesn't hold it against me. Besides, he's getting married this autumn, so it's not like he's wallowing in lonely misery. But I put him through hell with my BPD, and I still feel a lot of guilt from that. I've been working through my feelings today, though, and I'm in a better place about it. Maybe this will be the closure I've been needing.
Thanks

As I type my spiel, you write this. He holds no grudge, so it's all good. Glad to hear you're already feeling better. :thumbup:

 

[Silatuyok]

Add me the list of unhappy people on here today.

I hate my life. Yeah I have food, clothes, shelter, and 20 hours of minimum wage work per week. I still hate it. I hate it because ever since I was a very small child I've been anxious and insecure. I know it's bad, I know it needs to be fixed, but I DON'T KNOW HOW. How do I fix it??? And then I read stories of people who have tried therapy and said it didn't help. If that doesn't help, then what will? I can't even put into words how frustrated with everything I am. I feel like the only way to really illustrate it would be to literally smash my head against a wall over and over again. I seriously have so much repressed misery that if you put me in a padded room full of objects and let me go at it, I'd spend at least an hour throwing **** and screaming and just getting all my negative energy out. I'm TIRED of feeling worthless and like people don't like me (forum activity notwithstanding), I'm tired of sabotaging myself with my own negative thoughts. Will I ever have real friends I feel comfortable with? Will I ever have a real boyfriend I really truly like, who likes me? Will I? Because IF NOT - why bother? Really, why bother. I don't want to bother with life if it's going to be this way forever. I feel so hurt and so angry. And apparently feeling this way makes me self-absorbed, too. Oh well, can't be much worse than what I already am.

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I know exactly how you're feeling, I've been there before, many times. It sounds like you are depressed, and sometimes you just have to ride it out, even if that takes years. Besides, it's times like this that you need to be self-absorbed, so don't let anyone make you feel bad for that. Do whatever you need to for yourself.

 

[Silatuyok]

As I type my spiel, you write this. He holds no grudge, so it's all good. Glad to hear you're already feeling better. :thumbup:

Thanks Mikey. erfect:

 

[MikeyC]

I seriously have so much repressed misery that if you put me in a padded room full of objects and let me go at it, I'd spend at least an hour throwing **** and screaming and just getting all my negative energy out.

You know, as crazy as this sounds, this could actually work. Buy some cheap-ass cups and plates, go into a safe area, and just smash all of them. That would be great. I call it...Smash Therapy™.

I'm tired of sabotaging myself with my own negative thoughts.

So am I, and I'm sorry this happens to you, too.

PM me anytime, Opaline. Things do get better, even if you can't see it now.

 

[MikeyC]

I was feeling good, but now I'm feeling unbelievable.

I got a belated Valentine's Day card in the mail from my lady friend in Melbourne, saying how I'm amazing and she's glad she met me. Nobody has ever done that for me before. I'm ridiculously happy. Almost in-tears-happy.

 

[Opaline]

Thanks Mikey and Marie.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm sooo nervous! I've to go to my first school reunion today. I never liked that school, its where I got bullied most. It was absolute hell for me. I'm just going because of some of my friends I had there. Kept dreaming about it whole night. Wish me luck!

 

[Opaline]

I'm sooo nervous! I've to go to my first school reunion today. I never liked that school, its where I got bullied most. It was absolute hell for me. I'm just going because of some of my friends I had there. Kept dreaming about it whole night. Wish me luck!

I think you'll be okay. I don't know how old you are but after a few years I would think/hope that people would have changed enough to not continue such behavior at a high school reunion. But then I've never gone to one, so I don't have any experience.

Good luck, Srijita.

 

[Srijita52]

One hug for Opaline and one for Marie. I hope both of you feel better real soon.

I was feeling good, but now I'm feeling unbelievable.

I got a belated Valentine's Day card in the mail from my lady friend in Melbourne, saying how I'm amazing and she's glad she met me. Nobody has ever done that for me before. I'm ridiculously happy. Almost in-tears-happy.

Yay! That's so great Mikey! And thank you.

 

[Srijita52]

I think you'll be okay. I don't know how old you are but after a few years I would think/hope that people would have changed enough to not continue such behavior at a high school reunion. But then I've never gone to one, so I don't have any experience.

Good luck, Srijita.

Its been 3 years since I've left that school. I'm more worried about the social interactions, I know I've loosened up a lot since highschool but I still act really awkward specially around them. Thank you.