How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
truffleshuffle said:
Although I don't seem to cry "not much of a cryer" I seem to be getting more depressed than usual for some reason.
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Oh, sorry to hear that, mate. I think I'm finally startin' to grief for my father, strangely. So I guess that examples why I've been crying more frequently than usual.

Just been thinking about him, lately. Which is weird, since we didn't exactly get along. :idontknow: I think it's regret more than anything. Ye know, the fact we never really talked much, and many things that should've been said with regards to the way he treated me most of the time, were left unsaid. :sad:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
LostNAlone said:
i feel like sitting in the corner of a dark room and crying...but i have no idea why...
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Aw, sorry to hear that you're feeling that way. Sadly, I can relate.

Hope you feel better soon, though.
hug-green.gif
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
BlackPuma said:
It's just so many things. I'm just feeling very suffocated and trapped.. It severely gets on my nerves. One of those situations that can't be suited, resolved or ignored.
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ah, I know what you mean. Sometimes time (having to wait a loooong time) is the only way those situations will go away. Frustrating that time seems to go so sloooooowly when we need it to go fast huh?:sad:
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
BlueDays said:
ah, I know what you mean. Sometimes time (having to wait a loooong time) is the only way those situations will go away. Frustrating that time seems to go so sloooooowly when we need it to go fast huh?:sad:
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All you can really do is try to keep it together. Tomorrow will be better, when everything is calmer.
 
Psychedelicious

Psychedelicious

1
rtyuughgtyu

I feel disgusting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, really. I’m always ugly but sometimes I don’t even look like a human. I can’t explain it, but I just can’t believe I look so bizarre, almost grotesque. Everything seems so out of place, the face especially. Although lately I’ve found my whole body disgusting too. My features are so weird, they’re uneven, or not the right size, especially my abnormally large nose. My face is also extremely round and chubby and has no definition whatsoever. It looks more like the face of someone who weighs at least 50 pounds more than me. Losing weight won’t make it better, it’s just a terrible shape. Even with that it’s the nose that is really the problem, it makes my whole face look weird, and doesn’t add to the negative features it already has. I really really wish I could stop obsessing about this so much. I’m so insecure, it’s disgusting. I can’t look at anyone without feeling horrible about myself. I don’t want to compare to every single person, I can’t keep doing that. It absolutely poisons me. I can pretend not to have this problem, but that doesn’t make it go away. I feel annoying for even mentioning this, it’s just so pathetic. Sorry, I just saw a picture of me and it was so disgusting ugly I got overwhelmed by the reality of how gross I really am. Ranting over, please don’t reply to me…
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Re: rtyuughgtyu

Psychedelicious said:
I feel disgusting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, really. I’m always ugly but sometimes I don’t even look like a human. I can’t explain it, but I just can’t believe I look so bizarre, almost grotesque. Everything seems so out of place, the face especially. Although lately I’ve found my whole body disgusting too. My features are so weird, they’re uneven, or not the right size, especially my abnormally large nose. My face is also extremely round and chubby and has no definition whatsoever. It looks more like the face of someone who weighs at least 50 pounds more than me. Losing weight won’t make it better, it’s just a terrible shape. Even with that it’s the nose that is really the problem, it makes my whole face look weird, and doesn’t add to the negative features it already has. I really really wish I could stop obsessing about this so much. I’m so insecure, it’s disgusting. I can’t look at anyone without feeling horrible about myself. I don’t want to compare to every single person, I can’t keep doing that. It absolutely poisons me. I can pretend not to have this problem, but that doesn’t make it go away. I feel annoying for even mentioning this, it’s just so pathetic. Sorry, I just saw a picture of me and it was so disgusting ugly I got overwhelmed by the reality of how gross I really am. Ranting over, please don’t reply to me…
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I'm going to reply anyway because you are seriously gorgeous.
 
takeheart

takeheart

Well-known member
Feeling stressed out right now. I’m better off dead as far as I’m concerned. Anyways I’m leaving the site for some time and I will be back in 2013…
 
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U

user deleted

Guest
superTn said:
Feeling stressed out right now. I’m better off dead as far as I’m concerned. Anyways I’m leaving the site for some time and I will be back in 2013…
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Sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I know sometimes it feels like we're better off not existing at all rather than live the life we're living. If you were dead, though, there's no opportunity for anything to change. Hard as it is, it's better to be alive than to bow out of life completely. I hope things get better for you soon.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I've kinda been up an' doon, as of late. I mean, in terms o' ma moods. Though, mostly, I've been depressed as f_ #k! Doesnae exactly help things with the weather being f**kin' dour, and miserable as well. But then, that's Scotland fur ya!

Am also beginning tae really, that I cannae fake being happy, can't pretend. That's just no me.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
happy
stress-free
relaxed
inspired
motivated
alive

why? because i had four days off in a row. it's been almost a year since i've had this much time off. i have not felt this happy in a long time. i feel myself again. human.

i hate my job. they treat you like a slave and laugh in your face at the idea of any slight change. i've worked there for a year and still will not be allowed to take time off for another 6 months. that is a year and a half probation. not the typical 3 or 4 months. everything about that place is absoutely inflexible. i am their slave in an environment that stresses me out so bad:

- no windows
- bad fluorescent lighting
- bad music on repeat (like guantanamo torture)
- no privacy. open office with people on all sides of me. people expect you to be involved in their conversations across the room and sometimes they don't. so you always have to kind of listen to see if they're talking to you.
- noisy. constant printers, loud constant conversation across room, bustle, repeat music.
- crowded.
- no internet even though it is needed for the job. i always have to ask someone else to access the internet for me to print out certain things for my job. so, why do the favorites have internet access? it's not that i want to slack off but it would be nice during breaks.
- supervisor 8 feet away. yes, she stares and it is frickin rude. i don't know if it's because she is from a different culture and doesn't realize how rude it is, or what. i'm able to tolerate it now but it is hard to ignore.

my family is proud of me. for what? conformity? because i have endured something i loathe so much for so long? what is that to be proud of? what kind of accomplishment is that? i am inching closer to obtaining health benefits (another 6 months away) and in over another year i will be eligible for a 401k. after selling my life, soul, and happiness away?

i want to be freelancing. i want to work smarter, not harder; which i feel can only be accomplished by working for myself. the thing is i don't know if i can pull in this much money alone... and what about health insurance?

sigh. i need to stop and enjoy the rest of this day.
 
1BlackSheep

1BlackSheep

Well-known member
dottie said:
happy
stress-free
relaxed
inspired
motivated
alive

why? because i had four days off in a row. it's been almost a year since i've had this much time off. i have not felt this happy in a long time. i feel myself again. human.
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Me too! It feels sooooo good to have this amount of time off!

i want to be freelancing. i want to work smarter, not harder; which i feel can only be accomplished by working for myself. the thing is i don't know if i can pull in this much money alone... and what about health insurance?
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Well, hopefully this will be somewhat easier than it used to be with all of the healthcare reform changes. I left a long-term job that I was very unhappy at to pursue other interests and once my COBRA insurance ran out, I saw first-hand how difficult it was to get heath insurance! Unless you have zero health issues and have a perfect BMI, you wouldn't be accepted at any price. Thanks to a law enacted by Obama, I was able to get insurance (although it was very expensive). With the new healthcare insurance exchanges, there should (hopefully) be more options going forward. I know people knock ObamaCare, but I for one was grateful for the changes made. I think it will promote entrepreneurship, because people won't feel as forced to stay at jobs just for the health insurance. Hopefully you will be able to break free someday soon!
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
1BlackSheep said:
Well, hopefully this will be somewhat easier than it used to be with all of the healthcare reform changes. I left a long-term job that I was very unhappy at to pursue other interests and once my COBRA insurance ran out, I saw first-hand how difficult it was to get heath insurance! Unless you have zero health issues and have a perfect BMI, you wouldn't be accepted at any price. Thanks to a law enacted by Obama, I was able to get insurance (although it was very expensive). With the new healthcare insurance exchanges, there should (hopefully) be more options going forward. I know people knock ObamaCare, but I for one was grateful for the changes made. I think it will promote entrepreneurship, because people won't feel as forced to stay at jobs just for the health insurance. Hopefully you will be able to break free someday soon!
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thanks for sharing your experience! what do you do now? see, i have very mixed views on obamacare but this is what makes it alluring to me. you give me hope!

in the mean time, i am going to read up on freelancing. i used to work from home in a very casual way. what i mean by this is... it was not officially a business, although i ran it like a business. i didn't advertise and yet i was recognized. what i did really caught on. i've been featured in national publications. i was approached to be on television (not really a big deal, but it was kind of cool). when i started it, i had no idea that it would be as successful as it was. that is when it became like... am i going to transition this into a real business or am i going to get a job? i got a job because i didn't know how to transition it into a real business, i needed more financial stability, and wanted health insurance.

so, i had success in my grasp but did not know how to really attain it and take it to the next level. i recognize my talents and potential, that is why i am so bitter about my job.

at this point, i am going to read up and educate myself in my own time how to take it to the next level. i can't give up. i am tired of feeling a shade or two away from suicidal monday through friday.
 
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