Feeling thankful. My brother's partner was here, I feel uneasy when people visit my home so I am thankful she's gone. For awhile I was afraid she would join us for dinner.
Honestly...? Am effin' miserable. Depressed as f**k! Full of self-doubt and self-hatred.
Sick of constantly being obligated to please people. Being f**kin' guilt-tripped intae stuff aw the time. :kickingmyself: But then am just too nice, ain't I? I mean, I find maself thinkin': Just shut the hell up and agree, don't start... Don't rock the boat. :no:
Ma opinion isnae valid, anyway... since I tend to quietly disagree whilist reluctantly agreein' and giving in. Because when yer outnumbered 3 tae 1 in the family household, the sensable thing tae do is keep quiet. One man's opinion is invalid in a group argument with women. Nae offense, ladies.
And since me tellin' ye tae eff off isnae in ma nature - along with standin' up fur maself, sayin' "No" and being maself. Or, maybe, I've become so passive over the years that I just "hint" at tellin' people F**k the f**k off! :oh:
i will get very drunk today and will party, going out alone. i just hope not to end in the hospital like i did a few times.
Well, be careful with just how drunk you get, especially if you don't want to end up in hospital again. I'm not sayin' "drink responsibly", that'd be ironic coming from me (being Scottish an' all) :sarcastic: Anyway... just don't get so drunk that you end up doing something really stupid for a dare :idontknow: or starting fights.
I would rant but.... meh, it's no worth it. Who cares what I've got tae say, anyway? It doesnae matter since I always end up feelin' like: :kickingmyself: :oh:
I would rant but.... meh, it's no worth it. Who cares what I've got tae say, anyway? It doesnae matter since I always end up feelin' like: :kickingmyself: :oh:
:sad: Sorry. I read about before. You're a good person Graeme. You're so not irrelevant because you're a male.
:sad: Sorry. I read about before. You're a good person Graeme. You're so not irrelevant because you're a male.
Before...? :thinking: Oh, aye, do ye mean that rant from earlier today? Yeah, well... that particular rant pretty much sums up how I've been made to feel over the year by my mum and 2 older sisters. Ye know... emasculated.
I don't know, I just feel my voice is never heard (if you'll forgive the selective mutism pun). Maybe it's because I'm the "sensible one of the family" - sounds more patronising than the italics make it seem. I mean, if that's what am supposed to be, then f**k know what that says about the rest o' my family? Or is because I have a bit of common sense and logic now and again, and am quite outspoken when it comes to doing what you to do, despite what other people (including family) might think. But then for me, that's always a losing battle.
Anyway, thanks for the compliment, Nathália. :thumbup: I know that I'm not irrelevant because I'm male. Even if I do, sadly, feel like that, sometimes.
At least I'm getting a good paycheck out of it but my life's a revolving door right know. I need to change some things around before it gets more depressing.
Sickening. My brother's partner is visiting AGAIN. She only left yesterday night and now barely noon she is back again. Can't they go else where to date. Arrrgghhh. Its annoying I hate visitors. So now I have to spend my precious Sunday rest day hiding in my room again. And to think I did that yesterday. So basically the entire weekend gone and tomorrow facing yet a whole week of work again. Sigh *shakes head* Really can't understand why can't they just date elsewhere!
missing my ex. longing to be back in his arms. i miss his scent, his presence, haunting the streets hand in hand, his ridiculous stories, his empty cigarette boxes, reading in bed together.
but he is poison. he is a heart destroyer. i could reconnect with him and experience elation... but the potential and likelihood is there that in time my heart would be crippled all over again.
he sent me a song he wrote for me the other day with a brief message which included the L-word. and the song is really good, but what does it mean? is it a gesture of love? or is it a gesture of boredom? after what i have endured i cannot distinguish. maybe i am stupid because i need things sky-typed, spelled out to me in big, bold capital letters. maybe this makes mine a greedy heart. a friend said, "wishful thinking is love's worst enemy." so, i've taken heed. as much as i want him back, i just can't.
i feel rather alright. my friend passed out beside me and its the first time i've seen him for weeks, and im listening to tracy chapman, my father's old favorite singer, and eating rosemary gluten free crackers with humous, trying to sober up a bit. Officially sober. Somehow, a good night. 🙂 At least right now, little things rule my life, and It's awesome..
well, that's how i felt a few minutes ago, anyways.. damn mood swings
Lonely, lonely & more lonely. Also so much frustration & unhappiness. My mind and body are so tired but can't get to sleep. Must be all that noise outside.
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