Fury & self - pity at the same time. I don't like to go out much, but when I do, I always see that random beautiful girl, that makes me feel, at first, lucky to be alive in a world which such beauty exists in. However, a moment later I am struck with the realization that women with such beauty wil never consider being in a relationship with someone as ugly asme, and that makes me angry...I just want to ditch my diet, order a pizza with many toppings together with a chocolate cake, and eat until I feel that I must sleep..bah
I'm sure there are women that look past superficiality and just like what you have to offer. Okay people can bias on looks, not that it's bad, but there are also many people that look past that.
Plus. I saw your picture. I really think you are gorgeous, if that even matters. You look like a very healthy young man. Plus how compassionate you are towards people makes it even more attractive.
Im feeling extremely alone and I think I feel a panic attack coming on.
:
: I know the moment you're in. Is there anything you can do to keep your mind off being alone? If you feel like you really need support, I can talk to you and other people on here too. So not a good feeling, I know.
Bad night I was supposed to go out but I really just can't be bothered to be around people I have to go out 2morrow though. I look horrible I wish I didn't look so bad and I wish I looked older I feel very uncertain about everything I think my life is going to be very lonely. I am incompetent at everything I think if I do my exams then what, I will not be able to handle the pressure of a career. I hate myself for being such a coward really it is the worst thing about me life in general scares me so much I just hide cos it is too much. There is an article about this girl who needs a lung transplant to live, they really should just kill me and give her my lungs it is not fair for her to die over me.
I think that story is unfortunate and very sad about the girl with the lungs. I think a lot of things extremely sad especially when it applies to someone not being able to live because their body failed them or anything that results in death of a person who didn't deserve it. Everyone deserves a chance at life at least and that even includes you. Stress and anxiety they really are heavy things to deal with, stress is probably the number one killer in humans. It's tough, but that does not make you any less of a person because you have battles. This world can be a weight and do things to us, but you're still beautiful.
It pissed me off today because of something my mom's boyfriend said to me. He calls sometimes because she's on her longass vacation while we work. He called asking if I had anything positive to say about life/what I was grateful for. Uhmm I told him I wasn't feeling so well today so I wasnt sure...he asked how my mom's dogs are (as some may know, i'm taking care of mom's dogs for like 2 or 3? i forget months.) and I mentioned they fought the other day over breakfast and one got a cut from the fight...and he cut me off and asked if I was walking them.
At that point I realized he wasn't really hearing/listening to anything i was saying. I said I hadn't had the chance the past couple days because i'd had so much homework, but my boyfriend did a couple times. He interrupted again...I asked if he was hearing anything I was saying and repeated myself. He said that the dogs need to be walked everyday and thats why theyre grouchy. I said I have been walking them everyday, but spent 12 hours the other day at campus doing a project (I have to use a graphic design program they have on the computers there, so i couldn't do it at home) and have been really busy. He didn't even really care. He said something like "if i were taking care of them I'd be walking them everyday!" Okay so that pissed me off. I told him I didn't feel like dealing with his attitude and said bye. It pissed me off though. He could take care of her dogs, why doesn't he? I'm the one starting full time at a new school. I have been walking them MULTIPLE times a day, and didn't get the chance for like 2 days (tho i think my boyfriend took tehm out) and instead of being sympathetic or asking how my project went, he said that sht
FML.
Also my sisters never respond to my emails. I'm mad right now and almost considering writing an email saying "since you two never respond to my emails, I have decided to simply not send any anymore" but know that would chaotic in the end. I hate my f*cking family.
Sorry that he handled the situation like that. It can be hard for people to understand if they're not in your shoes. My family can be like that too, sometimes you have to go through all this with them and even battle to come out on the other end of it all to where you can look back. I'm so sorry.
My colleagues were laughing today about an ex-colleague who they described as being "really socially awkward" because she didn't say much. See I don't get this, why talk about people in that way, what is the need? I tried to defend her by saying that some people talk more than others but other people listen more than others. I don't know if it changed their opinion at all. I feel like I can be just as awkward at work sometimes... now I'm going to be even more paranoid...
I think what you said was good. You have something to say to them since they don't know about being socially awkward and it makes sense. You can argue with someone who talks good sense.
