I hope I'm not getting my hopes up, because I reeeaaalllyyy like feeling this way.
Never get your hopes up. NEVER. The moment you start feeling any kind of pleasure/satisfaction means that it will be short lived. Disappointment is never far. Keep your expectations low - the less you will fall. This is rule number one in life. Dont get your hopes up.
We really need a new rule about encouraging despair in other members. Shame on you!
We really need a new rule about encouraging despair in other members. Shame on you!
Encouraging despair - I prefer to think of it as realism.
But yes Remus you are quite right - it was not a very nice thing to do. Please ignore me self portrait - I hope it all goes well for you. My ramblings are merely expressions of my tried and true realistic despondency which have stood the test of time. For me - it seems, whenever I feel good about anything, I am usually let down massively - for you, I hope that whatever is making you feel good - continues to come your way.
Shame taken, lathered up and smeared all over my body. Trust me to post something to incur the creation of a new rule.
Nothing's going right... but what the f**k else is new?! Cried myself to sleep last night.
Just give up, it's a waste of time. According to my mother. Aye, why not, eh? While we're at it, why not just f**kin' end it all?!
Everything ends in failure for me, anyway. :🙁:
I'm not even worth knowing, to be perfectly honest. Too f**ked-up mentally and emotionally to have friends or even contemplate having a relationship. Because I'm too afraid to get close to people, or trust them, for that matter. But then, emotionally neglect by a parent from an early age will do that to ya. As well as consistant negative reinforcement. I'm still just that same scared kid I was at age 5.
Sorry, feeling really depressed at the moment. :🙁:
Graeme, I'm so sorry you feel that way... Don't listen to your mother, never give up! From your posts on here, I'd say you are worth knowing... You are liked on here. I really hope you feel better soon.
Graeme, I'm so sorry you feel that way... Don't listen to your mother, never give up! From your posts on here, I'd say you are worth knowing... You are liked on here. I really hope you feel better soon.
Emotional as usual. Been exposed to a lot of bad examples of human nature over the past few days - not just in my job where I read about criminal offences everyday, but also on the streets - people shouting at others, cursing loudly, laughing at the misfortune of others... etc etc. Why are people so nasty sometimes?
My job is hard-work at the moment, I have a long and busy week ahead and I'm looking forward to it being over.
I'm tired, under-slept and missing people.
Up at 4:30 am tomorrow 🙁
A bit odd. I had messaged a friend a while ago, that I had gotten out of touch with. She didn't reply for a few days, so I cut my losses. Now she's messaging me and actually said we should hang out soon.
Encouraging despair - I prefer to think of it as realism.
But yes Remus you are quite right - it was not a very nice thing to do. Please ignore me self portrait - I hope it all goes well for you. My ramblings are merely expressions of my tried and true realistic despondency which have stood the test of time. For me - it seems, whenever I feel good about anything, I am usually let down massively - for you, I hope that whatever is making you feel good - continues to come your way.
Shame taken, lathered up and smeared all over my body. Trust me to post something to incur the creation of a new rule.
It's cool. The situation I'm getting my hopes up for is one where I've been let down quite a lot in the past, but I figure I gotta give in at least sometimes.
We talked about what happened with the last one I saw, how the experience was. She lol'd at the things that therapist said to me because it was ridiculous. Honestly, I feel stupid for looking for a different psychologist when I have known this one for over two years, maybe three. Eh... I guess I felt frustrated and took the wrong decision. Fail.
Anyway, I was told that my last diagnosis was most likely wrong. She explained why, we discussed it for a while, and then she said that my major problems right now are agoraphobia and depression. I have SA, but it seems to be a mild degree now. It makes sense because I feel it has gotten better. I don't have as much trouble around people as I used to a couple of years ago. There's something else that keeps me from having a life and it's not a fear of people... We are trying to find out what it is exactly.
Today I've been re-reading old posts I've made when I first joined this forum. I can't believe how f*cked up I was back then. I can't believe I survived it. I don't know if it was the medication, the therapy or both, but I noticed a big improvement.
I still have to find a way to recover myself from the constant fatigue, the lack of motivation, the paranoia, the hopelessness, the fear of leaving my comfort zone... But at least there are other things that have improved and I am happy for that.
I could say I feel good today. Now I hope nothing ruins it. Yes, I might have improved a bit, but I am still a pessimistic derp expecting the worse :😛:
Pretty mad at myself now. I forgot to tell the waitress it was someones birthday. -.-
I looked when they walked in, but they sat at the bar for a while and I forgot, and never double checked. I'm a moron.
So tired. I need sleep... For the past few nights I've woken up a million and 1 times because my sacroiliac joint area aches... It's gotten a little better, but having put up with this for somewhere between 7 and 10 months it's really starting to get to me! Exercising again is probably making it worse... But I need some exercise, just a daily walk isn't enough... Ugh!
If I'm honest, much the same as yesterday. Had a rather depressing, bleak conversation with my mother. Basically, she think she's the reason I've turned out the way I have - negative outlook, low self-esteem and all. Much like herself, really. I said probably because I could not bare to tell her the truth.
Because that'd mean opening up about the emotionally neglect and hateful comments, mostly about men and relationship, which have been projected onto me over the year. Which is quite f**kin' depressing, more so since I remember most of it vividly :🙁: And I'm not really one for opening up about my problems to my family or anyone else for that matter (other than on here).
I think I've lost my passion for learning since dropping outta high school. I mean, beyond a basic understand of the English language, I'm pretty f**kin' stupid - I think that's linked with my cerebral palsy. But then again, I could be wrong...? Sorry if that seems rather despairing of me to say about myself, but it's how I feel.
(Sorry if I've put a downer on anyone's day by reading this. Just needed to vent)
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