Help! How to stop an attraction towards another man

[Etbow23]

Okay, so I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years now (3 in September) and I love my boyfriend very much. We have a good relationship, and have talked about getting married one day. But the past couple days I've been feeling this attraction towards this other boy who works at the job I just left. I heard that he had a crush on me, which was apparent because he came to our job on his day off to say bye to me on my last day.

Long story short, we hung out last night, I mean just walked around and stuff and he knows I have a boyfriend, but I felt almost guilty hanging out with him! A couple times, casually, he told me I was hot, which I denied of course but felt wanted which made me feel good I guess. When my boyfriend called me I lied and told him I was by myself even though I wasn't even cheating on him, just hanging out like friends. With other boys that I'm just friends with, I don't feel anything for them if we hang out, but when I hung out with him, I felt myself almost wanting to hold his hand or touch him.

I know this will probably pass, but I need help! I don't want to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend, and I'm wondering if it's normal to feel this way. I suppose sometimes I feel in my current relationship like the excitement is gone, and it's just a routine now. I'm wondering if that's the problem, or just the fact that I felt wanted has gotten me all excited.

Obviously a relationship wouldn't even work with this boy I'm talking about, but I feel like I am emotionally cheating by feeling this obsession with him. Will it pass??

 

[bcsr]

I think you hit it dead on. You've been with this guy for 3 years, and it probably has become routine. It's perfectly normal to feel that way in a long relationship. Obviously I don't know enough detail to give any specific advice, but change some things up.

 

[karl:-/]

Defo don't leave the boyfriend maybe put a bit spice in the life if being in the bedroom or do more active things with each other. Make each other smile like when you met. Relight the love you felt for him nd thn if all else fails go with your true feelings

 

[Daniel089]

Well I won't say forget that other dude because it wouldn't be easy.
Instead of that I say be more with your boyfriend, make him realize how important you are for him. Something will probably make him more important for you.
That's all I can advise...

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

There's no easy way to stop the attraction if it's there. If the guy no longer works at the same place you do, then can't you just avoid contact with him? It would probably be best to not be around him until this feeling passes.

If it passes.

If it doesn't, then you've got a problem. ::

 

[chibiXphantom]

try doing something new with your boyfriend. its normal to have periods where things seem to be routine, which is why you should break the routine in a good way.
i wouldnt hang out with this other guy. especially if you feel guilty about it, its your own warning signal. its ok to be friends, but hanging out might increase your attraction to him.

 

[dragonoth]

I agree with the others - focus your attention on your relationship and don't contact the other guy. It's normal to like feeling wanted by others whilst at the same time loving your boyfriend. The important thing is to not give in to those feelings of attraction, which is what you have done so good job I would say however that you could be leading the other guy on despite him knowing you have a bf. Don't hang out with him again. It's unfair to him and it's unfair to your bf. But I have every faith in you to do the right thing!
The feelings will definitely pass if you keep at a distance from the other guy. The attraction is nothing more than something to boost your womanly ego. It's meaningless. You'll be fine. Take it from somebody who's been pining after another guy's ass for a few months whilst being in a 2-year relationship with someone.

 

[Hoppy]

Hanging out with friends of whatever sex is OK, starting to lie to your boyfriend about it is not.

Good advice from the other people, good luck.

 

[dyingtolive]

the guy who liked u but despite knowing u have a bf is not good. some men are attracted to women with bf's because they pose less of a threat in terms of rejection. just forgive yourself for feeling feelings towards him. its natural and it can happen to anyone.

just decide now if u love ur bf or not, if u try to avoid the confused feelings, u might go subconsciously distancing yourself from him and eventually lead to a break up

Im not relationship expert by a long shot, but hopefully these ideas are helpful

 

[Srijita52]

I agree with everyone too. Its quite natural to feel such way I think, but others have given some great advice.

 

[Jaysonguy]

You don't stop an attraction, you just don't involve yourself in it or act on it.

Everyone is tempted by things, it's up to you to either indulge yourself in whatever you want or pass on it.

If you're attracted to someone of the opposite sex and want to keep your current relationship then you don't involve this person in your life.

 

[Etbow23]

Thanks for the great advice everyone; sorry I'm replying three weeks late but I haven't been able to get online for some time. :/

The good news is that I haven't spoken to the other boy in a couple weeks, and I've basically forgotten about him. I think he felt a little weird about me having a boyfriend, and didn't contact me again really. I mean we're friends on facebook, but we don't talk. I don't know what I was thinking.

 

[Silatuyok]

^Glad to hear it. Sounds like everyone gave you some great advice.

 

[MrSunday]

Thanks for the great advice everyone; sorry I'm replying three weeks late but I haven't been able to get online for some time. :/

The good news is that I haven't spoken to the other boy in a couple weeks, and I've basically forgotten about him. I think he felt a little weird about me having a boyfriend, and didn't contact me again really. I mean we're friends on facebook, but we don't talk. I don't know what I was thinking.

You go girl. Your so fierce. You mastered the art of controlling your perverted side. :/ I'm still working on mine.

 

[Foxface]

Hard to say. If you're feeling attraction to someone else, it means that he is not the only guy in your life, if you know what I mean.

When we find someone, we love/ We shouldn't feel love towards another person, unless they don't mean that much to you, such as the relationship isn't working out/dissatisfaction etc. I could never have feelings for another person if I find someone I truely love. Also, lieing to your boyfriend, not a good thing. It may surface somehow and another, and that's never good. Makes you look guilty. I would be honest with my girlfriend no matter what.

I would say I was hanging out with another girl, and I would tell her about it when I got home. As for having another feelings for another girl, I would be disgusted if that ever happened, unless the relationship wasn't working out, but would never cheat. I'm not saying you did, just saying I wouldn't.

I think girlfriends/boyfriends should be there for each other no matter what. They are the love of your life. I think of a girlfriend who loves me a best friend, understands me like a sibling. I think I said that right.

If I were you. I would talk to him. Say you lied becuase you were scared that he would judge you or you were scared (whichever it was). At least you're being honest, and honesty is one of the biggest things in a relationship. They don't last long if one can't trust the other. I'm sure you would work it out. I wish you luck.

 

[Silatuyok]

^I disagree. It's over, don't tell him you lied. It's perfectly natural to feel attracted to people of the opposite sex, that doesn't change when you are in love with someone. Just move on and learn from the experience.

 

[da_illest101]

Hard to say. If you're feeling attraction to someone else, it means that he is not the only guy in your life, if you know what I mean.

When we find someone, we love/ We shouldn't feel love towards another person, unless they don't mean that much to you, such as the relationship isn't working out/dissatisfaction etc. I could never have feelings for another person if I find someone I truely love. Also, lieing to your boyfriend, not a good thing. It may surface somehow and another, and that's never good. Makes you look guilty. I would be honest with my girlfriend no matter what.

I would say I was hanging out with another girl, and I would tell her about it when I got home. As for having another feelings for another girl, I would be disgusted if that ever happened, unless the relationship wasn't working out, but would never cheat. I'm not saying you did, just saying I wouldn't.

I think girlfriends/boyfriends should be there for each other no matter what. They are the love of your life. I think of a girlfriend who loves me a best friend, understands me like a sibling. I think I said that right.

If I were you. I would talk to him. Say you lied becuase you were scared that he would judge you or you were scared (whichever it was). At least you're being honest, and honesty is one of the biggest things in a relationship. They don't last long if one can't trust the other. I'm sure you would work it out. I wish you luck.

Personally, I would never believe that. Love and attraction is two different things. Some people can love and be attracted to multiple person. I don't believe cheating is right, but I get why people do it. Though if you are commited is your job to find ways to not cheat.

Congrats to you etbow23 for taking care of it the proper way

 

[Foxface]

Personally, I would never believe that. Love and attraction is two different things. Some people can love and be attracted to multiple person. I don't believe cheating is right, but I get why people do it. Though if you are commited is your job to find ways to not cheat.

Congrats to you etbow23 for taking care of it the proper way

So, you're saying that we get a girlfriend/boyfriend becuase we either love them, but not attracted to them? I get someone who is attracted and I love them. I don't know who has a girlfriend or boyfriend who loves but isn't attractive or vice versa. Why would you be a relationship with them?

Attractiveness it was sparks, then you fall in love, if you both like each other.

 

[Foxface]

Thanks for the great advice everyone; sorry I'm replying three weeks late but I haven't been able to get online for some time. :/

The good news is that I haven't spoken to the other boy in a couple weeks, and I've basically forgotten about him. I think he felt a little weird about me having a boyfriend, and didn't contact me again really. I mean we're friends on facebook, but we don't talk. I don't know what I was thinking.

Good, glad it is resolved.

 

[awkwardamanda]

It's good to see this blew over and you didn't go do anything stupid. But that doesn't necessarily mean all is well. If you're in a relationship and you find yourself attracted to somebody else, it's probably for a reason. Simply noticing an attractive person is one thing, but it's a whole other when you actually start to have feelings for them. You've already admitted your relationship isn't what it used to be. You still need to take some time to think things through and figure out what you need to work on or whether it's worth fixing at all.

I was in a similar situation once (less the mutual attraction part). I had been with my ex-boyfriend about three and a half years. There was a guy that started talking to me during class a bit. Nothing flirty at all. Just casual conversation. He just happened to be good looking and I felt really guilty for noticing. I liked talking to him. He seemed like a nice guy and it was so rare that anyone even talked to me. I'm horribly shy and socially awkward to begin with, so it's hard to make conversation as it is, but being attracted to him made it so much worse. I found myself thinking about him. I wanted to talk to him and I felt like I shouldn't. I felt guilty for wanting to have a friendly conversation. Then I felt like a bitch for being so aloof. I didn't want to let myself feel the way I did. I was very conflicted. I even remember thinking that I couldn't just dump my boyfriend because nothing would happen with this guy anyway. A few months later we finally broke up. The relationship had been doomed for awhile. I just didn't know any better at the time. Shortly afterward, I finally admitted to myself that I had a crush on this guy all along. Now it was okay to have a crush though. But I'm way too shy so nothing ever happened anyway. Two more years of school and we never talked again. Just occasionally smiled at each other in passing. That's about as brave as I'll ever get. But it made me realize that when I first met this guy, I wasn't happy with the relationship I was in. That's why I couldn't help being attracted to someone else. Had I been in a better relationship, maybe I could have had a normal, friendly conversation without feeling guilty for talking to someone attractive.