Have you every had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
- Thread starter Dodger
- Start date
KaileyQuicK
Member
Yes, I have.
I am 16, and I have been suffering from Social Phobia since I was 12 or 13. I dated this guy once, a few months ago. Im not gorgeous or anything, but he really just wanted me for sex.
Then, later I had a girlfriend (I am a bisexual female). I met her online. She turned out to be insane.....
My only friend doesnt know much about my social phobia. Her boyfriend is trying to set me up with one of his friends, and since then, I have been sick to my stomach, crying at night, drinking until I puke, etc.
Why would that guy ever like me?
HE WOULDNT.
Thats how I feel. I dont think that I will ever find the right person.
Dating is so awkward (for anyone) but especially for those of us with Social Phobia. When I went to her house, I spilled some water and I wanted to die (honestly). Then, they wanted me to eat dinner with them, and I was really scared. I dont even eat in front of my OWN parents, how am I supposed to eat in front of hers?! So I ate the damn chicken, and then we went to her room and made out. It was extremely embarrassing and awkward for me. I hated every minute of "meeting the parents."
I am 16, and I have been suffering from Social Phobia since I was 12 or 13. I dated this guy once, a few months ago. Im not gorgeous or anything, but he really just wanted me for sex.
Then, later I had a girlfriend (I am a bisexual female). I met her online. She turned out to be insane.....
My only friend doesnt know much about my social phobia. Her boyfriend is trying to set me up with one of his friends, and since then, I have been sick to my stomach, crying at night, drinking until I puke, etc.
Why would that guy ever like me?
HE WOULDNT.
Thats how I feel. I dont think that I will ever find the right person.
Dating is so awkward (for anyone) but especially for those of us with Social Phobia. When I went to her house, I spilled some water and I wanted to die (honestly). Then, they wanted me to eat dinner with them, and I was really scared. I dont even eat in front of my OWN parents, how am I supposed to eat in front of hers?! So I ate the damn chicken, and then we went to her room and made out. It was extremely embarrassing and awkward for me. I hated every minute of "meeting the parents."
Reholla
Well-known member
Dodger said:
OHHHH 19??! thats a baby, I am 21... and im sure will be a while before i get married...i am going to have to meet a lot more people before that ever happens.
To answer your question, the most boyfriends i had was in my childhood. First was PreK, love at first sight
his parents had a boat and me, him and both our parents would go out on it together. i made a boy cry in kindergarten because he went home and his mom asked him why he was crying, and he said "summer talked to another boy today..."
lol. (please note this NEVER happens now, well no guy is sensitive enough now, but this reaction definitely doesnt happen to me now)
after that the LONGEST relationship i have been in was from 3rd grade to 5th grade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we were serious... its kind of unheard of to be that serious. like we went to dances in the 4th grade- boy girl ones with a DJ. looking back on it im like, mom dad, why were yall so trusting and lenient??! christopher also had his bday party and it was a "couple only" one. he invited my best friends from our class and their bf's and we had "couple time" lol.. intense. we broke up when i moved away. we tried a long distance relationship, then i found out he kissed one of my friends while i was gone, and then he moved too.. now we are friends again on myspace. (as i am with the other 2 boys) lol they are all single now but i know 2 of them have been in on again off again relationships.
ANYWAY back to grown up relationships which are FAR LESS interesting.
all through out HS i was way too busy and honestly no one really dated at our HS, at least none that i couldnt live without being in.
in college i have had guys in and out, but nothing serious.
i am such a relationship person and would love to be "monogomous"
the guys i have dated have been all wrong for me though and wouldnt change us not being together bc we arent right for each other.
2 guys i dated i met through church and our beliefs are very different, we spent so much time talking about what we believe (which is good) but we found out we didnt agree on important things.
then this guy i met in class , i found out he looted in NOLA during hurricane katrina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha hes such a loser... sorry, but he sends really inappropriate texts to me when he has a GF now and im def glad we didnt get more serious. thats why guys you meet in class, you DONT KNOW what their hands have touched/where theyve been..litterally.
THEN i thought i found my soul mate.
and now hes in Japan. and i will never see him again.
so thats my love life (for the most part) up to this point. if you read that congratulations to you. and thanks because i dont know how boring or exciting it is. i just like reading about other people.
Reholla
Well-known member
ullala said:I'm turning 26 this month and never had a boyfriend.
Big hugs to all the people on this forum that need a little love, I know how you feel!
THANKS
*HUG back!!!
this is a question to you or anyone else who wants to answer, but does yalls family give you CRAP bc you dont have a steady BF or gf???
mine does and i wish they would mind their own bizz or do somethin about it -- not point out the obvious. I HATE that, i never point out to ppl if they dont have BFs thats so rude and pointless to talk about.
Satine
Well-known member
I have had a few, but the best - the guy I'm with now and with whom I've shared 8 years - I met online via ICQ. By the random pick-a-person function, too!
I wonder also whether you're being a touch too discriminative by saying that you might not find 'the right girl' for you. Surely it's better to see it that every person is a match for you, either a good one or a bad one, but some are better than others. So everybody has a possibility of being a good partner for you, but you have to get to know them to find out.
Worth a try?
I wonder also whether you're being a touch too discriminative by saying that you might not find 'the right girl' for you. Surely it's better to see it that every person is a match for you, either a good one or a bad one, but some are better than others. So everybody has a possibility of being a good partner for you, but you have to get to know them to find out.
Worth a try?
treeline
Member
fearlessvenom said:
haha, I never had any female friends at 17, why is that pathetic? I went to a boys school so whenever I met a girl it never made sense to be friends with them, I always felt distant from them, like they were other people's friends and nothing to do with me. wait till you go to uni or whatever, it'll click into place..... not that my problems are gone, but I've been incredibly lucky and have two really close female friends.. don't know how it happened, but things like that just do. It felt so natural and familiar despite, thinking about it now, NEVER having had a relationship on even the most basic level with a girl. now I'm best friends with some. insane
hah and no never had a girlfriend, but I don't mind, I really hate when people act as if that's an issue in need of resolving or something. I really can't understand it, even on an "experience" level. the amount of people that have kept their school-time boy and girlfriends over to uni is unbelievable. almost everyone I know has them. it's so odd, the way I see it, anyone you're together with at school is most probably the product of that teenage need to have a partner. I'm just waiting till something serious happens with someone I actually can't be separated from, otherwise I don't care if I'm single my whole life. It really doesn't bother me, even if a really nice good looking girl comes my way but wasn't close enough emotionally, it would feel ridiculous to even go out with her in the first place knowing you wouldn't take it all the way into the future with her. hah what a weird depressing view on relationships but I couldn't care less
SickOfLife
Member
Never had a girlfriend and i'm 28. They say for every guy there's a woman. I'm living proof that that is a false statement. I've pretty much come to terms that i'll be single the rest of my life and have totally blocked out love and sex and family.Just wasn't in the cards.
Starry
Well-known member
Wow, it's been a long time since I posted on this forum, but the reason fits in with this thread.
I want to tell everyone who feels lonely because they've never had a relationship not to give up hope!
Back in January 2007, I'd just turned 21, I was certain that I'd be alone forever. I was housebound with agoraphobia, besides the social phobia. I was so lonely and so miserable. Then a man on this forum began talking to me. I developed a huge crush on his so quickly. I was so nervous everytime we spoke. I felt sick and would shake, my heart would race. I noticed things which made me think he liked me.. That made me feel worse. I felt so unworthy of him.
He has helped me through a LOT of mental problems I had - Such as being trapped by guilt associated with religion, hating myself, agoraphobia and much more besides. I can now go out for long walks with him - I can even go shopping! lol I was freed from the lies and traps of religion. I no longer hate myself. I was a shell before, now I'm a person! I was a complete mess but he stuck through and perevered with me. He could have become fed up and stopped talking to me at any point but he didn't.
After 6 weeks of talking online he told me he loved me. I didn't know how to respond. I felt so happy. But also extremely bad. I felt so unworthy of him and was terrified that if we ever met in reality he'd see me for what I considered myself to be - A useless, ugly, pathetic excuse for a human being.
We continued talking though - I struggled through so much anxiety but he helped so much. Then this June he walked all the way from his city to mine. Over 60 miles! I was terrified when he turned up on my doorstep.
The same day he told me that he loved me. The first time in person. We got passed the awkwardness and are so close now.
We love each other very much and are engaged to be married!
Now, my point was; If someone had told me all of that on 1st January 2007, the day after I'd turned 21, I certainly wouldn't have believed them. I'd been alone all my life. I was certain that I'd always be alone. I'd given up all hope. But now I'll be turning 23 at the end of the year and I have someone I love more than anything! And he loves me too.
So, please, don't give up. I won't say that there is definitely someone out there for everyone. Or that you will definitely meet someone. But, if I can, then there is definitely hope for everyone!
But don't think it'll be easy if you do find someone... I've had so much anxiety and stress associated with it all. And we're currently facing a very stressful time in trying to sort out how we can live together since we can't find anywhere to rent that will allow me to have my dogs... But that's all another story.
The point is. Love is out there. Whether we find it or it finds us is another matter. But it IS there. Never give up hope. Just when things seem most hopeless an answer can appear. It probably won't be easy. But it's worth it.
I want to tell everyone who feels lonely because they've never had a relationship not to give up hope!
Back in January 2007, I'd just turned 21, I was certain that I'd be alone forever. I was housebound with agoraphobia, besides the social phobia. I was so lonely and so miserable. Then a man on this forum began talking to me. I developed a huge crush on his so quickly. I was so nervous everytime we spoke. I felt sick and would shake, my heart would race. I noticed things which made me think he liked me.. That made me feel worse. I felt so unworthy of him.
He has helped me through a LOT of mental problems I had - Such as being trapped by guilt associated with religion, hating myself, agoraphobia and much more besides. I can now go out for long walks with him - I can even go shopping! lol I was freed from the lies and traps of religion. I no longer hate myself. I was a shell before, now I'm a person! I was a complete mess but he stuck through and perevered with me. He could have become fed up and stopped talking to me at any point but he didn't.
After 6 weeks of talking online he told me he loved me. I didn't know how to respond. I felt so happy. But also extremely bad. I felt so unworthy of him and was terrified that if we ever met in reality he'd see me for what I considered myself to be - A useless, ugly, pathetic excuse for a human being.
We continued talking though - I struggled through so much anxiety but he helped so much. Then this June he walked all the way from his city to mine. Over 60 miles! I was terrified when he turned up on my doorstep.
The same day he told me that he loved me. The first time in person. We got passed the awkwardness and are so close now.
We love each other very much and are engaged to be married!
Now, my point was; If someone had told me all of that on 1st January 2007, the day after I'd turned 21, I certainly wouldn't have believed them. I'd been alone all my life. I was certain that I'd always be alone. I'd given up all hope. But now I'll be turning 23 at the end of the year and I have someone I love more than anything! And he loves me too.
So, please, don't give up. I won't say that there is definitely someone out there for everyone. Or that you will definitely meet someone. But, if I can, then there is definitely hope for everyone!
But don't think it'll be easy if you do find someone... I've had so much anxiety and stress associated with it all. And we're currently facing a very stressful time in trying to sort out how we can live together since we can't find anywhere to rent that will allow me to have my dogs... But that's all another story.
The point is. Love is out there. Whether we find it or it finds us is another matter. But it IS there. Never give up hope. Just when things seem most hopeless an answer can appear. It probably won't be easy. But it's worth it.
NightTimeForever
Well-known member
No I haven't had a gf, I've had women's friends come p to me, tell me I'm cute, hot, whatever...I just didn't respond, first b/c I was depressed b/c of family stuff. After that it was b/c of the lack of experience. I wish I could find someone with SA, even if it were mild, maybe they'd understand. Still, I'd need to be attracted to them, I wish I could turn that part of me off, but it's pointless lol.
Hoth
1
Starry said:
If you love him, inform him of the existence of bicycles and buses. :? (Great story, though.)
In reply to the topic: I've yet to make a friend in meatspace, so a date would be a bit farfetched. I'd have to be as lucky as Starry. Making a few [meatspace] friends would be plenty good enough for me though, a relationship isn't required for happiness.
Argamemnon
Well-known member
Even if I found the most beautiful and nicest girl in the world I would not become happy. As long as negative way of thinking, anxiety, lack of confidence persists and dominates my life, having a partner wont make those feelings go away.
Sad-Kitten
Well-known member
I had an odd experience with the only sorta girlfriend I've ever had. Some of my friends that also happened to be friends with her found out that i kind of admired her and ganged up on me and practically forced me to ask her out. It ended in disaster as i had no idea what to do in a relationship and lost several good friends to it.
ullala
Member
My parents are very weird in that regard. When I was younger they thought I was too young to have a boyfriend or to have sex, which they never discuss, btw. Then I got depressed and was in a black hole for like 3 years and it just wasn't an issue.Reholla said:
Now i'm working again, still no bf at 26 and last week suddenly my dad was like 'shouldn't you find yourself a bf and get married and have babies?'. I swear I was about to KILL him lol. All my life they never gave a crap about boyfriends and now they find me a freak for not having one.
LonelyLeaf
Well-known member
Yes..I used to have a girlfriend, but I isolated myself from her and quit seeing her because I had developed extreme SA and agoraphobia and depression at that point in time..I should have explained it to her..I regret that, because she was a good friend...another reason was that I also happen to be gay (yes, as if all the other stuff wasn't enough!) and I had difficulty accepting this and extreme embarassment of having to tell her, so I took easy way out and just quit seeing her without explaining..which was a mistake and I feel guilty...I wish I could go back and make the right choices..but alas..
Satine
Well-known member
LonelyLeaf said:Yes..I used to have a girlfriend, but I isolated myself from her and quit seeing her because I had developed extreme SA and agoraphobia and depression at that point in time..I should have explained it to her..I regret that, because she was a good friend...another reason was that I also happen to be gay (yes, as if all the other stuff wasn't enough!) and I had difficulty accepting this and extreme embarassment of having to tell her, so I took easy way out and just quit seeing her without explaining..which was a mistake and I feel guilty...I wish I could go back and make the right choices..but alas..
You could always write her a letter?
lyricalliaisons
Well-known member
Re: Kinda depressing
I look perfectly "normal"... which is part of the reason people who know me find me so hard to understand. If I had three eyeballs sticking out the side of my head, things might be different lol.
Also, I do know (online, I mean), someone who has SA/phobia pretty badly but has still managed to fall in love & has a great relationship with his wife... though it took him a while. He's like fifty & has been married for around 7 years, I think.. but still.. he gives me hope. (I'm almost 27.)
You shouldn't let the posts on this thread worry you. You're
very young , as long as you get treatment.. can still live a fairly normal life.
Totally true.... everything you said.twinsquirrel9 said:
I look perfectly "normal"... which is part of the reason people who know me find me so hard to understand. If I had three eyeballs sticking out the side of my head, things might be different lol.
Also, I do know (online, I mean), someone who has SA/phobia pretty badly but has still managed to fall in love & has a great relationship with his wife... though it took him a while. He's like fifty & has been married for around 7 years, I think.. but still.. he gives me hope. (I'm almost 27.)
You shouldn't let the posts on this thread worry you. You're
very young , as long as you get treatment.. can still live a fairly normal life.
Nihilipilification
New member
fearlessvenom said:
21 here, and same situation... Used to have female friends at a younger age, until depression kicked in and killed almost all my friendships.