Going to a bar alone?

[miserablecow]

As some others have said...being a regular at a bar etc would help you become femiliar with others there and give you the courage to interact with others or have others come up to you etc.

I've always been with others whenever I've been to a club, pub and bar...but one time I went to a fetish club on my own (had been there before with a couple of friends). I felt very uncompfortable on my own and I almost left after I entered, but stayed till the end, dressed in latex. It wasn't a great place for conversation, but was a great experience for me as I was able to do something on my own without relying on being with others and pushed me to interact with others (including dancing, which I'm rubbish at).

 

[OceanMist]

Didn't go alone, but went to three bars last night with my brother. Interesting experience. The one we stayed at the longest, which was probably about an hour and 15 mins was busy with a lot of people going around.

When I stood with the people my brother knew, it was very weird. I kind of just stood there. I didn't know what to say and was afraid to start a convo with anyone. I was introduced to a couple people but that was literally the only time I talked to anyone. There were a few times where I kind of just wondered off and sat by myself at a table. I did talk to my brother a fair amount, but that was the only person I actually talked to besides intros.

I got in good experience, though. This looks like it's going to tough for me to make friends or get a g/f.

I'm at a point where it's just an accomplishment to show up there and stay there for an hour.

I'd say like half the time I spent there was spent alone. Standing in a group and not talking to anyone made me feel like kind of a creep.

I heard a couple people say that I'm shy, which isn't surprising. Most of the night was just me chilling and drinking, watching other people talk .

 

[JackOfSpades]

It's really hard for me to be amongst groups of talking people and feel comfortable alone. Lately, I've managed to find that mental space where I've been able to be in situations like that and feel comfortable as I am, and not appear "sad" (or feel sad) and unable to be engaged. And it really is a state of mind for me. I think it's an awesome accomplish to do that in a bar like I think you're on your way to and I hope I get there too. Just hang in there, because there are ways of feeling and being that don't give off a "creepy" vibe despite being alone. Always easier said than done, but you just have to find that mental state.

 

[gustavofring]

Good to hear your progress.

I personally can't do this. I would attract way too much unwanted attention with my self-awareness, and I would be eating myself up. I went to the cinema alone recently, and even that was painful. Even though maybe noone even noticed it, Í felt eyes in my back. I reminded myself of when I was a teenager and went to the cinema with friends and there was some older dude in the front row, alone, and how we made jokes about it or frowned upon it. Now I'm that dude. :thumbup:

 

[pop-princess]

If you're a girl going alone to pubs/clubs you get LOTS of attention. I've never really gone out by myself but I've waited for friends alone for some time.

 

[OceanMist]

If you're a girl going alone to pubs/clubs you get LOTS of attention. I've never really gone out by myself but I've waited for friends alone for some time.

Hmm, that doesn't surprise me. A woman alone is seen as vulnerable because a guy doesn't have to battle through her friends just to talk to her. With men being alone, it's quite a bit different from my experience so far.

From my experience lately, the attention I do get is usually pretty negative. I've seen some people snickering at me and there have been a few times where women walked past me and look at me and laugh and say something like, "Oh....he's shy." Then they move on to whereever they were going.

It's kind of like, great (sarcastically). Real popular huh?

Then there was the last time that I literally went alone to a bar, on my way out this girl with her group of loud friends called me a loser.

I mean, this kind of stuff is to be expected. It's actually not that bad, because I know in my mind that at least I'm trying. That's the key thing, right there. I'm going into a hard situation and giving myself a chance to possibly make friends or get a g/f.

In the past I was too scared to do this, and in the past I may have let people calling me shy and a loser get to me so much that I'd give up, but I'm telling myself I'm going back to the bar next weekend or the next time I can go so yeah.

Hopefully I can roll with punches and wind up with a healthy social life of some kind.

 

[OceanMist]

I'd like to add something else. In my own experience, going to a bar is way harder than going on a first date in person with a woman I met in online dating that I've never met.

Some of you may think how is that possible? It just is. The hardest thing for me would be to go to a bar and walk up to women I don't know and try talking to them. That's way harder than the online dating thing. I still haven't done that at a bar. I've done it at parties but not a bar.

There's just something about bars that is so social and mysterious.....it's all these people that I don't know that makes it so hard. Peers too, which is the hardest.

The bathroom situation is tough for me too. I won't get into that right now, I'll just say I'm pee shy and don't like having people standing near me when I'm trying to pee. The worst are open urinals and troughs.

 

[sullyS25]

When I used to drink I would go to the bar alone all the time but I didn't go to the very popular bars amongst the younger people, I went to the dive bars. The ones where you walk in and they know your name. I still felt anxious doing it but after the 3rd or 4th drink, I felt great and even buddied up to other regulars (some of which were my age).

I dont know man, I'm sure someone has already said this but you dont want to meet a girl in a bar, they are usually so shallow. I'm not saying all of them are but in my experience, the girls I met at bars were scandalous and had serious issues of their own. If you are doing it for the experience that's a great idea but I think it is a really horrible place to meet a potential girlfriend. Especially by yourself. Girls that arent drunks, that are girlfriend material will most likely be with other friends and see some guy at the bar by himself and think two things: he is an alcoholic or a creeper. That sounds harsh but I feel like that's the reality of things.

 

[Agent_Violet]

On to the bar thing. How many of you go to bars alone? A person I spoke with in a different thread said that he went to bars alone and walked up and talked to people a lot. I've gone to a nightclub/danceclub alone before.It was fun I danced alone in a sea of people without a care in the world. A bar is a bit more difficult and I'd rather go to other places to meet people if I'm alone.

Honestly, that made me feel a little bad at the time because I looked at myself and realized that I've been terrified of doing that for years, and is why I've avoided bar rooms and clubs. Are many of you able to do that, to just approach people at a bar and strike conversation? I did it once or twice but I didn't like it.

I have other questions like what do you do at a bar? Are you talking to people all the time? I mean I've been to a few bars before, but I found myself just chilling by myself and watching other people dance or talk. You drink,you talk,you watch sports,you might listen to a live band,you dance a little if it has a dance floor.I'm not a fan of bars at all but I do love dance clubs.

By the way, I technically don't have friends right now, I don't hang out with anyone. Do you guys go to bars solo? If so, what do you do the whole time when you're there? I am concerned about just being the creepy guy who sits by himself and stalks other people's conversations and stares at other people having a good time. Because if I'm not that guy, then I'm just staring at my drink or staring at the wall?best to go later in the night that way every one is drunk and no one cares about the dude drinking alone or the dude getting involved in their conversations.

I guess I have a lot of questions, haha. Feel free to tell me about your experiences or thoughts. I am looking to get a social life and/or dating life. Thought this could be some kind of start?

For a start on dating,a bar is not the ideal place.Try somewhere less predatory like a bookstore,a charity event,animal rescue volunteering,etc.

 

[JackOfSpades]

For a start on dating,a bar is not the ideal place.Try somewhere less predatory like a bookstore,a charity event,animal rescue volunteering,etc.

The reason I'm less enthusiastic about those, is because I feel you're likely to meet a lot of married or committed women. Whereas at the bar, the people are mostly single or looking. Or at least that's the assumption.

Also, if you're that comfortable at the club, why not go to clubs? I'm no dancer so I always feel weird there, but people do seem inviting when I've gone.

 

[Agent_Violet]

The reason I'm less enthusiastic about those, is because I feel you're likely to meet a lot of married or committed women. Whereas at the bar, the people are mostly single or looking. Or at least that's the assumption.

Also, if you're that comfortable at the club, why not go to clubs? I'm no dancer so I always feel weird there, but people do seem inviting when I've gone.

I don't need to go to clubs to meet people,I'm in a relationship.Those were things I did when I was younger.

usually married/committed women are busy with other things...almost all the people i know in rescue are single.

 

[JackOfSpades]

I meant for me to meet people, or the OP if that's why he's going out. I didn't specifically mean you. Sorry.

 

[sullyS25]

I still maintain the single girls that are looking for guys at a bar are shady and shallow

 

[coyote]

I still maintain the single girls that are looking for guys at a bar are shady and shallow

shady and shallow girls deserve love, too

 

[JackOfSpades]

I still maintain the single girls that are looking for guys at a bar are shady and shallow

Are those words interchangeable with "fun"? :lol:
Ssh, I'm only halfjoking

 

[sullyS25]

Yes Coyote, they do deserve love too good point. I guess I've just got to much anxiety as it is to be worrying about getting STD's.

To JackofSpades, yes, they probably are fun too....Guess it depends on if you're looking for fun or relationship material eh.

 

[Duzmiu]

only ever been to one club and that was aweful, terrible music and spent £70 on drinks and didnt get drunk, left early in the end.

i do like pubs tho, specially with my dad but few years back before it clossed i used to go to this sports bar during my lunch break at collage, went there pretty much every week day, at first i felt weird but they had massive tv's so ild watch them and eventually i became friends with one of the barmaids and ended up spending my time with her talking and flirting, just having a laugh really. in the end they closed down and i never saw her again, shame really was an awesome bar and she was fun to talk to.

ive been to other bars since then but always felt uncomfortable and wasnt very social and most people would avoid me apart from the odd person who would ask if i was alright as i looked misserable or angry, stilll do that now, dunno why i do guess its my defence for when im out so dont get bothered or the local moron start a fight.

if i go to a pub now i usually play pool as it was pointed out by the manager of an old pub i used to go to that the only times i smile is when im either listening to music i like or playing pool



goodluck with your future trips to bars ocean

 

[OceanMist]

[QUOTEsullyS25; When I used to drink I would go to the bar alone all the time but I didn't go to the very popular bars amongst the younger people, I went to the dive bars. The ones where you walk in and they know your name. I still felt anxious doing it but after the 3rd or 4th drink, I felt great and even buddied up to other regulars (some of which were my age).

That sounds pretty good to me. I hope I can make some buddies too, male or female.


I dont know man, I'm sure someone has already said this but you dont want to meet a girl in a bar, they are usually so shallow. I'm not saying all of them are but in my experience, the girls I met at bars were scandalous and had serious issues of their own.

In response to this notion, I want you to consider something. If you look online, you'll see that bars are the number 1 place to meet people in many top whatever places to meet people.

The thing is, where are the most women at that are dating potential? They go to bars.

I think the "bar going" stereotype tends to be off base. Just because someone drinks at a bar, doesn't mean they are shallow or scandolous. Many people just like to have some beers and talk to people, and these are actually the same type of people you'd meet anywhere.

If you are doing it for the experience that's a great idea but I think it is a really horrible place to meet a potential girlfriend.

How so? These women that I want to meet are similar to me. They drink and are out to have a good time. I don't see what the difference is between meeting a woman at a bar and meeting a woman at a church. That may sound crazy but I've known of church going christians that are drunks.

Especially by yourself. Girls that arent drunks, that are girlfriend material will most likely be with other friends and see some guy at the bar by himself and think two things: he is an alcoholic or a creeper. That sounds harsh but I feel like that's the reality of things.

While I agree with what you are saying, and have already experienced that (women thinking I'm a loser), I'd like to say that I don't only go to bars by myself.

Anyway, if I am to continue to go to bars alone, that doesn't mean all women will think I'm a loser and not want to talk to me. It takes a lot of confidence for a man to go to a bar alone and strike a conversation with a woman, and I think many women can respect that courage, if i can find that courage to approach them.

 

[sullyS25]

Well than all the power to you man! I cant tell you what will work for you, I can only tell you what didn't work for me.

I hope you can find a girl that has more in common with you than drinking and liking to go out though.

Youre right, not all women will think your a loser if you portray an image of confidence. But if youre unsure about yourself and such then chances are they will. I think you have a good attitude about this though so i give you mad props.

 

[OceanMist]

For a start on dating,a bar is not the ideal place.Try somewhere less predatory like a bookstore,a charity event,animal rescue volunteering,etc.

Maybe I didn't say this earlier, but I'm not starting dating, I've already been dating for the past year. I've been on dates with at least 10 different women.

Tbh, I'd be more comfortable approaching a woman at a bar than at a bookstore. There is a better chance of a woman at a bar being in the process of looking for a man to date whereas at a bookstore more people go there to buy books and such.

Plus, at a bar I get a chance to get drinks in me and she'll hopefully have drinks in her which can make things easier for both parties as far as anxiety goes.

Plus, the quantity of women to select from is far greater at the bars than it is at a bookstore or animal rescue volunteering.