For those who are single/not looking what is the main reasons to remain single

[twiggle]

I rely on my independence too much. Not saying that there's nobody out there who wouldn't let me have that whilst in a relationship with him, but my past experiences have been quite offputting. I have felt like somebody's possession rather than their counter-part.

It all goes to show how damaging it can be in the wrong relationship. It's so important that the person is right: good, healthy and equal relationships DO exist, but so do a lot of unhealthy ones.

I tried dating recently but the whole thing just felt artificial and forced. I've worked out what would work for me and that's getting to know somebody as a friend before things develop into anything more - not just pursuing things with randomers. So if I'm looking for anything now, it's a wider social circle. Even if I don't find a new relationship from that, I'd have made new friends, and then I can meet new people etc... like the snowball effect.

 

[Chess]

1) Still struggling to come out of my shell, and that requires a lot of time and energy to be devoted to myself and not to someone else's wants and needs.
2) The only ones around who are interested are of questionable character, and until I've made more progress on #1 I'm stuck with #2.

 

[Bo592]

I would beat myself up about nobody liking me but I never ask any girl out yet so how do I know. I would love to be with someone but fear is keeping me this way.

 

[laure15]

Here are my reasons:

1. need to resolve personal issues first
2. still feel immature, need to gain more experience and grow
3. school + finding a job comes first
4. don't have anyone I'm particularly interested in

 

[The Lost]

Freedom, and fear of getting close to someone.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

I don't look for anything because I don't want ti be disappointed when I realise no-one wants me.

 

[Amitush123]

I don't look for anything because I don't want ti be disappointed when I realise no-one wants me.

I think like you most of the time..and I am sure we're both wrong

 

[Felgen]

Right now, it's because I'm in college and getting my degree. Relationships will have their time later.

 

[Lonelykitsune]

Dunno really. Havn't actually seen anyone who I'd want as a boyfriend so far. And I've never had sex and the idea of it doesn't even interest me at the moment.

Plus you need to be very open and trusting in relationships and I'm just not.

 

[Duzmiu]

hmm il'd have to say it started as being insecure. ive only dated 2 people in my life and both of them cheated on me so trusting someone was a big issue for me. nowadays it's because i dont go out anymore so i dont meet any new people, trust is still a bit of an issue tho and i probally give off a bad vibe,
ive been told i look like a miserable f**ker when im out. dunno why i do, my sister thinks its so no-one talks or come's near me, which would make sence, most people would rather stand then sit next to me on a bus.
i get my peace so keeps me somewhat happy

 

[knowledgeofself]

I don't want a relationship, not now, maybe one day but I have a lot of issues i'd like to resolve and having another person in my life could just complicate and make problems worse for me.

 

[oddOne]

I think having a relationship with someone with SA would be better. They would know exactly what you're going through and they would understand. And you'd both probably have a lot in common. The problem is actually finding someone with SA. Haha.

Being able to relate to each other’s perception of the world is critical. This is true for any sort of relationship, but it’s especially the case for the “romantic” type. However, as you pointed out, people with SA often actively avoid human contact. Eh…

 

[JRT]

Life is more simple being single, you can do what you want without having to think of another person.

Less expensive too, you don't have to spend a fortune going to cineam, meals out etc...

I';ve had a few bfs ,was engaged once but im so much more happier being single.

 

[Bustn Justin]

I need to figure out who I am and what I want first.

 

[MNM322]

I am so unsure of myself, I would be horrible as a GF.

 

[MotherWolff]

I want a relationship but I think it would be an epic fail because I don't have a whole lot to give in the first place and I wouldn't know how to receive from a man who is interested in me. I have one guy from France who has the hots for me(I always seem to attract foreign men, not American men). But I'm so scared that when he finds out what kind of person I am(having social fears) he'll totally lose interest in me. God I just don't know what to do in that department.

 

[MNM322]

no guys wanna be my friend, let alone more... so whatever, i give up

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I posted this a few days ago in another thread which subsequently disappeared, presumably for good reason. I'm posting it again here because it seems appropriate. I wish to note, however, that I'm presently in a much better frame of mind than when I first wrote it. Fear not; this too shall pass.

The women who interest me are either too young, too beautiful, too successful, or too something else—in short, way out of my league. I can't imagine they'd want anything to do with an old toad like me.

There are other women available, naturally, usually of lesser refinement and fewer teeth, and on the rarest of occasions one will express an interest in this mangled wreck, but even I retain some standards.

For some reason, I seem only to attract women who smoke, whereas I have absolutely no tolerance for that indefensible habit. I have dated a few smokers in my time, but I've had my fill. I am done kissing ashtrays. Also, as a "reformed" inebriate, I know it to be in my best interest not to keep company with women who drink or use drugs. The field narrows further. Eliminate those who are unable to communicate clearly in English, in particular the local hillbillies for whom the most appalling grammar seems a point of pride, and there's virtually no one left.

If any remain at all—desirable, available, and not aloof—I don't know who or where they are or how I might meet them. Even if I did, I'd still be myself: the same repugnant little troll with the same awkward manner and the same repulsive form. Why would I wish to stoop so low as to be with a woman who is willing to stoop so low?

 

[Aletheia]

Why would I wish to stoop so low as to be with a woman who is willing to stoop so low?

This has undermined my love life more than I care to admit: "what's wrong with him that he wants to be with me?"

I recognize that I'll be unable to maintain a healthy relationship until I develop a healthy self-respect. Which is my main reason to remain celibate.

 

[MikeyC]

This has undermined my love life more than I care to admit: "what's wrong with him that he wants to be with me?"

I recognize that I'll be unable to maintain a healthy relationship until I develop a healthy self-respect. Which is my main reason to remain celibate.

Yeah, this is a big problem of mine, as well. I had lots of thoughts of this last year with my ex.

Self-respect is difficult to obtain but it can be done.