For those who are single/not looking what is the main reasons to remain single

[nosferatu]

Awful social skills

 

[EscapeArtist]

awful social skills me too. Also fear of not being worth somebody else's time, and lastly think i'm too ugly tbh

 

[MikeyC]

awful social skills me too. Also fear of not being worth somebody else's time, and lastly think i'm too ugly tbh

I think that's a problem a lot of people here have: not being worth someone else's time. That's exactly how I felt when I was dating my ex, but I know that rationally that was not true. If someone genuinely wants to be with you, the best idea is to just take it at face value.

You're not ugly, either. You're actually quite striking.

 

[wanderingstar]

Romance is easier when it is confined to romance novels/movies/fanfiction/whatever.

I doubt I could get someone I would actually want (cause I'm chubby (working on it)) and I refuse to settle for ho-hum boredom with any old guy who would have me.

I fear, while craving and idealizing romance, any real intimacy and I avoid it reflexively.

I need to get it together and work on myself (not to mention my all too often abandoned creative projects) too much to worry about someone else and their needs.

Relationships, romantic or otherwise, are a lot of effort (or so I speculate) for someone who leaves the house a couple of times a month or so, hates phone calls, and is lazy about replying to emails.

 

[Earthcircle]

I have been without a relationship for such a long time, I really don't have a good sense of what it means to be in one. At this point, it's hard to imagine being in one. The thought seems almost strange in a way. That's all I can say.

 

[MikeyC]

I have been without a relationship for such a long time, I really don't have a good sense of what it means to be in one. At this point, it's hard to imagine being in one. The thought seems almost strange in a way. That's all I can say.

Being in a relationship is a strange concept when you've been out of one for quite some time. I'm sure that if the right girl came along you will feel a bit better about it.

I know you're in your 40's but you never know what could be around the corner.

 

[HiddenErin]

I kind of feel like it is almost unfair to put someone in a position where they have to deal with my issues. Plus from the past experience, it almost seems like people dismiss how challenging someone with serious social anxiety issues can be, and somehow it always seems to creep back into be the breaking point when the infatuation veil is lifted.
Besides after you're alone for a while it seems alright, on some level it seems to be better than the odds of going through heartache if something new doesn't work out.

 

[xylo]

Lasting romantic success is difficult even for extroverts to achieve. The divorce rate is sky-high, and even those who remain together often do so out of habit or for financial security, not out of love or even fondness. There are happy, loving exceptions, but not enough of them -- none of the marriages in my entire extended family would I find acceptable to call my own.

Given the romantic difficulty that the average person faces, a shy, awkward introvert will face much, much more. It might seem unromantic, but even with love there's a cost/benefit ratio, and while I would glean as much (if not more) benefit from a genuine relationship as the average person, the cost for me would be, psychologically-speaking, staggeringly higher.

Now, if the heavens see fit to cross my stars with the right girl, I'm all hers, and I'd be as loyal and loving as anyone could be. But to actively date and seek out such a girl would be for me to play the lottery -- the right girl would be a jackpot, but the odds are against me, and if calculated would show a net-loss-per-attempt. I simply don't have the willpower for that cycle of hope and disappointment. I'd rather deliberately pursue (romantic) solitude, and that's what I've done for almost a year now.

Very well said!

 

[theslowesthand]

There's some main reasons why i've never had a relationship, nor even a single date (& only been with hired women).
The main one is fear of change. So used to living/being almost totally alone, that it would be too much of a shock-to-system. And i my nerves/feelings can only handle people for only a few hours per week.
Another is i guess money (too afraid to waste it).
And my house is not "people-friendly" (as can't make changes in it, as slightest of changes scr*ws me up big-time). So i couldn't handle sby wanting to make changes in my house, and they couldn't handle being inside my house.

But even above the above reasons, is that i've never felt ready for such. Still a fairly long way to go (mental blocks, hurdles, etc), and am in late 30s now. But there's no rush, eh?

 

[MotherWolff]

MotherWolff is too concerned about herself to even have a decent relationship, like many of the other Social Phobians here. There are lots of things that I haven't accomplished on my own that I need to get done. I believe that being intimate with someone would ruin all of that. But I am still wanting a relationship. I guess the question here is,"To be alone, or not to be alone?"

 

[Amitush123]

MotherWolff is too concerned about herself to even have a decent relationship, like many of the other Social Phobians here. There are lots of things that I haven't accomplished on my own that I need to get done. I believe that being intimate with someone would ruin all of that. But I am still wanting a relationship. I guess the question here is,"To be alone, or not to be alone?"

Oh my, I know that feelinh. My brain keeps telling me that it would be best to remain alone, freedom - wise, however my heart breaks everytime I see a cute girl or a coouple..

 

[MotherWolff]

Amitush,

I am actually quite jealous of my siblings because they are all married and seem to have pretty good relationships. My heart feels like its going to rip out of my chest when I see a good looking guy too. I feel like a huge contradiction; one day I want a man, and the next I want to be to myself. I just don't know what to choose.

 

[Labyrinthine]

While there are several other reasons, the main reason why I'm not actively seeking a relationship is this need I have to become more content with myself. My self worth is at an extreme low. I can't imagine being a good partner for anyone right now, while I'm constantly being ashamed of myself. Sure, it gets lonely from time to time, but I'm taking the steps towards bettering myself, and being by myself doesn't feel all that bad. I rather like the freedom, actually.

 

[MikeyC]

MotherWolff is too concerned about herself to even have a decent relationship, like many of the other Social Phobians here. There are lots of things that I haven't accomplished on my own that I need to get done. I believe that being intimate with someone would ruin all of that. But I am still wanting a relationship. I guess the question here is,"To be alone, or not to be alone?"

The way I see it: I'm content being single for the most part, but if the right girl came along, who knows what'll happen?

While there are several other reasons, the main reason why I'm not actively seeking a relationship is this need I have to become more content with myself. My self worth is at an extreme low. I can't imagine being a good partner for anyone right now, while I'm constantly being ashamed of myself. Sure, it gets lonely from time to time, but I'm taking the steps towards bettering myself, and being by myself doesn't feel all that bad. I rather like the freedom, actually.

This sounds a lot like me.

Sorry to hear your self-worth is low, Labyrinthine. I hope you can increase that.

 

[DancingDann]

I have always been single. But it's never bothered me at all. And right now in my life i have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship. Probably because i think if you're in one then you have to always think about what they want.

Being on your own means you can do whatever you want whenever you want and you don't have to think "Oh i wonder if he / she wants to do that today".
And i'm for too insecure to be in a relationship anyway, lol. It would take a very understanding man to be with me . Not many men would want to stay indoors all the time.

 

[DevC]

Just came out of a relationship, most of it was feelings related, but couldn't help but feel I was being held back from moving forward ei travelling, career etc, too bad summer has left me too broke to travel and the weather is turning wintery, obviously if she was "the one" it wouldn't have ended.

But now I feel the need to rebound back into another relationship, but I know that's a bad idea, so I should stay single and focus on other stuff for awhile.

 

[miserablecow]

I've always been single, though I have been on a few odd dates,Due to my culture and the religion I was bought up with. I wasn't allowed to even make male friends let alone date them. So, I never really paid attention.

Right now I'm not actively looking, but I would still like to have a relationship.

 

[jaim38]

I'm not looking now because:

1) I'm immature
2) don't know what romantic love is
3) don't have anyone I'm attracted to and want to commit to
4) have so many issues to deal with in my life (i.e. social phobia, trust issues, etc), a relationship would be too much for me
5) I'm usually awkward around guys, especially talkative guys, social guys, and alpha males

 

[xDreamseller]

I dunno, I feel like an optimistic romantic, stuck in a shy introverts body. I always think of awesome little things to do with a girlfriend when I walk past them, like when I see a cool little cafe or am walking around the city at night and see a really picturesque scene. I've always loved the Romeo and Juliet story along with all of those "teen comedies" where the guy always gets the girl in the end and they are perfect for each other.

I guess I'm single right now because I am terrible at any form of flirting. I just come off as friendly/interested instead of actually flirting. That, coupled with my uhh..."list of criteria" (that makes it sound weird, but it's true). I've got so many boxes a girl would need to tick before I could think of being romantic with them on a long term level. Lots of things from their relationship with their family to the way they eat. I know you're supposed to look past each others short comings, but I just don't think I could. That feels like I'm settling and I don't like the thought of that. The truth is, I'm single because I'm too damn picky and there's no such thing as a perfect girl.

 

[Opaline]

I'm not actively looking at the moment. I probably shouldn't be in a relationship right now (apathy, depression, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts generally don't have a place in a good relationship ). That said, it would be hard to say no if a really amazing guy came along who liked me and the two of us really clicked. But I'd probably end up ruining it with my problems.