Do you repeatedly avoid romantic relationships?
- Thread starter Katasura
- Start date
Well, but you are into him, it seems. If you think he is into you, too, then why not be happy together? There's no set rule that the man has to make the very first step. What others - coworkers I suppose - say is irrelevant. People really love spectacular stuff and go as far as making stories up to have more interesting lives.
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Bcuz you have APD you don't look at things the way others do..why look at a woman that much and go out of your way to be around her if you don't like her??? Other men i work with say it can ONLY mean one thing if you are straight!!!!
Unless you're gay (or asexual) you may not get a man's need to be around a woman he's attracted to...and why bother at all unless you want something????
And why get nervous around her and try to please her if you don't care about her or what she thinks of you--thats nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At one point when i gave up on him and made it obvious..he came around MORE made me say hello to him, even if i was looking the other way..he'd get in my face to say hi and wouldn't go away..he could have just let it go at that. It would have been the wise thing to do if he didn't like me.
Its when i start giving him attention that he gets scared and hides for a day or two but then comes back around all pumped up!!!!!!!!!!
Its crazzzzzzzzzzzy!
Unless you're gay (or asexual) you may not get a man's need to be around a woman he's attracted to...and why bother at all unless you want something????
And why get nervous around her and try to please her if you don't care about her or what she thinks of you--thats nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At one point when i gave up on him and made it obvious..he came around MORE made me say hello to him, even if i was looking the other way..he'd get in my face to say hi and wouldn't go away..he could have just let it go at that. It would have been the wise thing to do if he didn't like me.
Its when i start giving him attention that he gets scared and hides for a day or two but then comes back around all pumped up!!!!!!!!!!
Its crazzzzzzzzzzzy!
shybhoy
Well-known member
Chances are he does fancy you, but remember he is AvPD so that means he probably has this fantasy in his head about you being the ideal and perfect (which no one is) so he is more happier to live with the fantasy than to have a little courage and make a go of it because its way to hard for him to do that in real life....AvPD'ers have probably the lowest self esteem out of all mental disorders i mean its chronic so they live in the fantasy they have of situations in their head because its less painful and less chance of hurting or being rejected. I have no doubt this guy likes you but unless your willing to wait a long long time and put in a whole lot of effort then he will continue to live in his head and you will get amazingly frustrated...if you think he is worth it and he may be it depends what you feel for him then you gotta be paitent otherwise you need to let go. i know its not fair on you in a way, but you gotta be very gentle with AvPD sufferers if you want to get to know em.
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Skald
Well-known member
Great point. You should feel lucky that you can get yourself into the situations where you feel you can make that step once you have beat your anxiety. For some of us it's not even on the horizon.
Mack_Berserk
Well-known member
LostInLife
Member
I avoid all romantic sitiuations now. We can all learn a thing or two from this guy.
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dream
Well-known member
I totally can relate. I have been single for 6yrs now i had opportunities but the guys who did like me i wasn't feeling them and a few of them wern't feeling me so and then there was this one guy who i was attractive too but unfornatley he came around when i became depressed and ugly again soo i was terrifed of going out with him so he rejected me as well.I have a strong desire to have somebody to call my own but im emotionally unstable so my love life is on hold but im scared to get involved with anyone i have adapted to the single life for soo long but it would be nice to be embraced with loving arms and all the lovey dovey stuff that comes with it
tired_of_starting_again
Well-known member
The closet thing to romance I have ever had is maybe I'll sort of return of 'look' to a guy, but even that freaks me the hell out. I hate it when guys stare at me, I mean, friendships are hard enough, romance??????? Horrifying.
I am just so convinced that I will be the wrong guy, so sure that I will end up with the shallow loser who only wants one thing. I'm so sure that no actually nice guy would ever want anything to do with a loser like me.
Warped perception huh?
I am just so convinced that I will be the wrong guy, so sure that I will end up with the shallow loser who only wants one thing. I'm so sure that no actually nice guy would ever want anything to do with a loser like me.
Warped perception huh?
I came to this forum because I developed social phobia, but I'm pretty sure I have this as well. I had an extremely painful and traumatic relationship with my mother and I suppose this is the result. I don't really see a problem with it because it's there for a reason, to protect from dangers I've been exposed to in the past. It prevents me from living a more normal life, but at the same time protects me from further emotional pain so it's a trade-off.
I get pretty lonely and have been since I left home 10 years ago and now that I have social phobia as well things are more severe.
I get pretty lonely and have been since I left home 10 years ago and now that I have social phobia as well things are more severe.
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
I never used to avoid relationships, in fact i thought being in a relationship was the best thing ever, having someone to care about you, think of you when you're not there and love you no matter what. I thought that was the best thing in the world.
But i've recently come out of a relationship and i've been left feeling, lost, alone, worthless. And it's not the fact that i don't have a boyfriend anymore that has brought me down, it's the fact that now i have proof that i am no good in relationships, i'm as useless and horrible as i thought, i'm never getting into a relationship again, i don't want to give myself completely to someone else ever again just to be left feeling like i am right now!
But i've recently come out of a relationship and i've been left feeling, lost, alone, worthless. And it's not the fact that i don't have a boyfriend anymore that has brought me down, it's the fact that now i have proof that i am no good in relationships, i'm as useless and horrible as i thought, i'm never getting into a relationship again, i don't want to give myself completely to someone else ever again just to be left feeling like i am right now!
Pink_Paula
Well-known member
Thanks, that actually makes a lot of sense to me. In any other relationship i have like with friends and family i'm fine, but when i'm in a relationship with a guy i turn into a weirdo, i try not to, but it always happens and when the relationship ends it just validates how useless i am!
iamthenra
Well-known member
I would never avoid a romantic relationship... It's the relationship ANY relationship that I am having problems with... Just getting a g/f is incredibly difficult. Maybe one of these days "this" won't bother me as much as it does. But for now....It's a real sore spot and one that causes severe depression...
BoredBoredBored
Member
Absolutely I avoid relationships; I have been doing that forever. It sucks.
fife_girl
Well-known member
im completely the same!! get so frustrated at myself cause i know fine well what im doing but i do it anyway!!
redski
1
I can relate to that.