I have this issue too, really bad. I can't even handle guys sometimes because I'm so afraid that they'll do something to me first or they're already thinking bad things about me so I become distant, disconnect from everyone else really and just sit in my own silence but I have to really push myself to break out of that because as much as it scares me, I don't like being alone.
I have never had a relationship with any member of the opposite sex. I'm just too afraid of the intimacy and too shy to try and make a move. I lost out on probably the most beautiful female (not in looks), because of my shyness and avoidant ways. I'm just too scared. The last thing I would want is for a girl to say: "Ooh, gross why did he have to like me?"
Why would you think a woman would be upset bcuz you were interested..give yourself a chance..maybe she likes you too.
Having regret over losing the chance with a beautiful woman (inside and/or outside) is a shame..and very, very sad she may have felt the same way and wondered whhhhhy you rejected her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just wish someone could explain this to me once and for all...
I don't even get the chance to avoid romantic relationships.
And that presents a problem: when the time comes, due to the lack of opportunities, I don't know if I should indeed avoid certain relationships and welcome others....
lol...i listen, i just don't understand it i guess..fear something you want more then anything in the world???? I too have fears WE ALL DO i guess for some its just more intense, and that's a shame, it truly is
I repeatedly avoid all kinds of relationships. I've never actually had the chance for a romantic relationship because no one I've ever been attracted to has been attracted to me back & the people who have asked me out are people I'm not attracted to. But even if someone I liked asked me out, I would still say "no" & avoid the relationship because I'd be too scared to go through with it. Sad & pathetic, at my age, but true.
I am 36 and never had a girlfriend, convinced myself that relationships were BS anyway, in the last year or so it has begun to haunt me. I feel as though I am an unlike-able freak. Yet I do have friends a small few. I can't open up to anyone. I worked at same company for 7 years but never made one friend. I cannot think of anything remotely interesting to say to anyone. Conversations simply die.
Does anyone else have a similar story or any advice?
I've always seemed mute and wierd to girls I've liked, and it has only gotten worse every time Ive failed to do anything about it or tried to tell them.
At one time a girl actually fell for me, but I was anxious and afraid that I might neglect her alot because she lives in another city - so I didnt open to her and gone she is.
I avoid people generally, but I haven't many opportunities to avoid romantic relationships specifically. Simply, nothing special has happened in that area for a long time. I am an average person physically and intellectually, but this disorder decreases my social value, and unfortunately it is important for most of the people to be interesed in relation with someone. Hardly anyone pays attention to shy persons, such is my long term experience. And my current circumstances just are not appropriate, I am stucked with home-work-home kind of life.
Of course, I've always expected from others to take the initiative. It has rarely happened, and then I was missing opportunities, but I've never turned down someone directly. I've worked for some 8 years and for me socializing with collegues is the problem too. Generally, I am trying to be kind to everyone, but as if I am just unable for close relations with others. I am sad I can't make close friends and I appreciate friendship even more than romantic relationship. I am a champion in pushing people away, though I don't want that. It comes from the fear of being hurt by others and I haven't overcome it yet.
So far I haven't met a person who could tolerate my shortcomings. If I would meet such person who suits me and who would accept me such as I am, I think even me couldn't be so foolish to turn the chance down.
REBT helped me to cope with daily tasks and worry less about my effectiveness, but for socializing and close relations with others I'm almost a hopeless case.
I suppose that's the only thing we can be persistent in practicing social skills, attempts to gain new friends and finding more activities that suit us.
I hope that can be overcome through persistance and hard work on it, but a little luck would not be bothered.