Do you repeatedly avoid romantic relationships?

TooShyShy

Well-known member
#21
thats how i feel somedays that he just follows me around, paces around me in circles, tried to be close but yet keep a safe distance so WHAT DO I DO i want him to come to me WHICH HE WON'T but i also don't want to scare him if i approach...get what i mean?

let me add that i do talk to him when i see him if he's alone, sometimes its work related, sometimes just to say ''whats up..'' he can do that sometimes as well..when he can handle it..and he does say hello EVERYDAY even if he has to walk by 2 or 3 times before he gets the nerve up HE KNOWS MY SCHEDULE BY HEART SO HE KNOWS WHEN TO COME OUT OF HIS OFFICE he makes a point of always saying hello to me sometimes over and over again ITS A BIG DEAL TO HIM if we run into one another through out the day so he always tries to say something...

unless he's feeling down then he keeps his head down and won't say hello but i guess he feels badly bcuz the next time he sees me he won't leave until we make contact of some sort..he will do the walking back and forth until he says hello thing.

he sometimes will just hang out when he knows i'll be around when he can handle me; cafeteria, office, etc. somedays he does it all day other days he can't come around without looking terrified...like i said he knows my schedule...its the same everyday so it depends on how he is feeling so i go by that!!!

he only gets really scared if like you said things get close between us or he feels panicked by it.
 
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Havocan

Well-known member
#22
Yeah, it's an extremely complex and difficult situation, and it needs closure and explanation from both sides. It'll only worsen for both if it continues, so I think that card idea for Valentine's is a good initiative, but it may be enough for him to freak out a little before he hopefully {and most likely} realises that there's nothing dangerous or horrific about this, just the good, old love.

He actually needs to come to you, not the other way around or you'll only end up scaring him away from you. Perhaps that if he knew you wouldn't embarrass, ditch, laugh, reject or scoff him but simply like {and love?} him then he'd gather the guts he needed to approach you, for he now sees you as a scary person rather than a kind one.

I just wish I was him, really, since he's struggling with the exact same issues as I am^^.
 

TooShyShy

Well-known member
#23
i wish i could talk to him like this..i just get so scared and i worry that hes ok with it...and can handle it..i wasn't like this before...
 

rand0m_guy

Well-known member
#24
I also think the Valentines card is definitely a good idea. Otherwise it's just gonna go on and on. As to what to write in it though, that's your call...

If I think of something that I wouldn't mind reading being as my mindset is probably similar to him, I'll edit this post.

I know it must be frustrating, but you're just going to have to bear in mind that however frustrating the situation is for you, it's going to feel much more annoying for him.
 

TooShyShy

Well-known member
#25
What would you guys like to read from a girl you liked for a long time..tat you go out of your way to say hi to and look at during the day???

Tell me pleeeeez....
 
#26
What would you guys like to read from a girl you liked for a long time..tat you go out of your way to say hi to and look at during the day???

Tell me pleeeeez....
A message which does not sound like 'she's just being friendly', does not sound generic, and has a phone number on it.
 
#27
its the gesture, who cares what it says...some people have difficulty expressing in words
Did I say I would want a sonnet? Just something that could not be misinterpreted as a friendly (platonic) greeting or pity card for the office loser would be preferable, assuming the card is supposed to express interest. I have low self-esteem most days and would assume an ambiguous card is 'just being nice, she probably gave this to everybody..' and I think most social phobes would feel similarly.
 
#28
how can you grow if you cannot fess up to your own fear
I think, maybe, the point is that a lot of us social phobics don't grow. The fear is irrational and we know this but that's what makes it a phobia. We know it's irrational but it doesn't matter. Like people who are afraid of bugs. It doesn't matter that most bugs are harmless. If they're afraid of bugs, that's just how it is.
 

TooShyShy

Well-known member
#29
Thats a shame bcuz in the end it is all what you tell yourself and what your belief system is..it sounds so simple but yet its not.

In the end its all about how you truly feel about yourself..and what you need to do to change it and for different people that could mean different things.
 
#30
Thats a shame bcuz in the end it is all what you tell yourself and what your belief system is..it sounds so simple but yet its not.

In the end its all about how you truly feel about yourself..and what you need to do to change it and for different people that could mean different things.
Once again, that is why it is a psychiatric disorder. Because it isn't that simple. It isn't rational and you can't reason it away. If your problem can be reasoned away as simple as that, it probably isn't a phobia. If there's anything worse than having this problem, it's the fact that so many people don't understand the scope of it.
 
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#31
Yes, I avoid it, like the plague. When guys flirt with me I get so shy and awkward. I don't know how or dare to respond which leads to a dead end. I know people often perceive me as frosty and stand-offish because of this but I can't help it.
 

Ubersonic

Well-known member
#32
Yes I avoid romantic relationships. I use a tactic I call "being weird". It's awesome because I don't even have to think about doing it!
 

TooShyShy

Well-known member
#33
Okayy then, but deep down inside do you WANT the relationship...would you be in a loving, affectionate relationship if you could??? Or is it all too scary for you to ever really want one..or be intimate and a part of something real?

Are you afraid of the physical part of it; touching, being touched..being loved?????
 

gale

Active member
#34
TooShyShy we really want an intimate relationship and that includes the physical part of it,to touch and being touched kissed and being kissed etc.,but because of this fear which feels very real the relationship we want seems almost impossible.
 
#35
Deep down i wish instead of having social phobia, i wish i had pickle or mustard phobia instead. It sucks i know, i can relate to what your feeling.
 

TooShyShy

Well-known member
#36
gale-

Well, that is so sad to me...the fear is so unrealistic but yet in your mind (anyone who suffers from this) it seems so terrifying and impossible..some days i see that in my shy guys eyes..he looks away and shakes his head when i walk by and keeps his head down until i walk away but yet then when he sees me the next time (knowing i am hurt) he goes out of his way to say hello and "hang out" where ever i am..he just can't make the move :( so sad.

This is why i hope my valentines day card (and chocolate) will show him how i much i like him and don't want to give up..after he reads what i have written i can't imagine he will have any more confusion about my feelings for him. I just wonder if that will be enough being his issues are so deep and very hard for him to control.

Wish me luck..tomorrow is the big day.
 
#37
gale-

Well, that is so sad to me...the fear is so unrealistic but yet in your mind (anyone who suffers from this) it seems so terrifying and impossible..some days i see that in my shy guys eyes..he looks away and shakes his head when i walk by and keeps his head down until i walk away but yet then when he sees me the next time (knowing i am hurt) he goes out of his way to say hello and "hang out" where ever i am..he just can't make the move :( so sad.

This is why i hope my valentines day card (and chocolate) will show him how i much i like him and don't want to give up..after he reads what i have written i can't imagine he will have any more confusion about my feelings for him. I just wonder if that will be enough being his issues are so deep and very hard for him to control.

Wish me luck..tomorrow is the big day.
Wow can you believe this? I'm actually nervous for both of you :confused:

Hope it goes well, your guy is so lucky to have someone like you.
 

gale

Active member
#38
You know what nacke I wish im as lucky as that guy.But you know based on my own personal experience that romantic chapter will end but i di hope that it'll last longer enough for the lucky guy.what a lucky guy.
 
#39
I have avoided them off and on my whole life.(Mostly off). Being shy, I never knew how to talk to women. High school was hell, and any girl I got up the courage to ask out said no.
There was a girl in college who liked me and I didn't even know it. Once we did hook up, we dated for 3 months. I was the exact opposite of her. She was a social butterfly. Well, she broke up with me.
As I have dated over the years, things have just never worked out. When I was young, I tried so hard to be someone else and it never worked. I think most women couldn't handle the fact that I was quiet. It was always the "Its not you, its me" game.
I have had 3 relationships in the last 10 years, and all of them went bust. I know that I was just not meant to have anyone in my life.
I am 49 years old. One thing that I did learn years ago is to just be myself. If a lady can't accept me for who I am, its her loss.(Sometimes when your depressed, its hard to really believe that).
I just can't do it anymore. Its just too much work, and too damn stressful.
 

Perfidion

Well-known member
#40
It's the "beaten dog syndrome". If an animal is hurt repeatedly, eventually it will lash out or shrink away from anyone, no matter how seemingly harmless their intentions may be. And it's a relentless cycle. Nine times out of ten, even when a woman makes it clear she's interested in me, I'll spurn her advances because I know that as soon as she discovers what I'm really like, she'll discard me like a disposable razor. This has happened over and over again, and I get so thoroughly sick of people saying, "You've got to get back on that bike, man." If you keep falling off the damn bike, eventually you'll end up in intensive care.

My last budding relationship lasted a whole 14 days. 14 days! That's a record even for me. I haven't had a relationship that short since high school. And you know what the worst part of all this is? Even when you explain to them in laborious detail just what sort of person you are, and exactly what happens to you when you're placed in stressful social situations, they nod and smile and seem all sympathetic... but they just don't get it. The expression of crushing disappointment on their faces once they discover the true depths of my weirdness is soul-destroying.

Okay, that's quite enough of my pity party for now. Carry on.
 
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