Do you repeatedly avoid romantic relationships?


Well-known member
yes i have always avoided romantic relationships..i remember in high school during my first romantic relationship that i simply was not a normal person..obviously before i heard of APD..i simply wasnt able to be affectionate and my sex drive was low so no point in forward to now and im 34 and even if i wanted a romantic relationship i couldnt sustain even if i devoted all my energy to it(which isnt much) simply could not last unless it was the most understanding and needy woman on the planet..
I have avoided about 4 or 5 different opportunities with relationships. The main reason was I was too afraid of having to commit with someone for an extended period of time. I had needs that I needed met but at the sametime insecurities got in the way of it.

I worried of how my friends would think about the girl I was with or how they would think about me with a specific girl. Also fears of embarrassment for myself or my partner were rampant.


Well-known member
I begin to feel that I should just get out of it, because I can´t live up to most people´s expectations.

I hate expectations because I hate disappointing people. But everybody has them.

I don't know what it is about intimate relationships, but it's not so much starting them as staying in them that I find difficult. And it's the expectations that I think are the problem, my own expectations really. I can never convince myself that I'm the girlfriend my boyfriend wants me to be. I always fret that he needs me to be a good hostess and the life of the party and that I'm letting him down. In my spare time I should be an Olympic figure skater or something to impress all his friends, except I'm not.

By the eighteen month mark it all gets too much and I more or less sabotage the relationship. I've done this over and over ever since I was a teenager, and I haven't found a way to break the pattern. Knowing what I'm doing doesn't stop me from doing it.

Doesn't help that I find people exhausting. Even lovers. Especially lovers.


Well-known member
I keep them close enough that I can tell them some secrets, but not far enough that I can't reach out and neutralize them if I ever should.

Neutralize, that's an interesting choice of word, makes me think.

It may be that part of the reason that online interaction feels safer is because if things do go horribly cone shaped, I could always create a new profile and start over. And I wonder if my relationship sabotaging is a (dysfunctional) way of staying in control.

Not to mention I don't have anything to contribute in a relationship; I don't have a job, a car, or money.

That's making things even worse these days, that I'm not the catch I once was. I'm no longer a "success". It's exacerbating my tendency to think, "What the hell is wrong with you, that you want to be with me?"
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not actually Fiona Apple
Now long after I hit puberty, I started to actively and intensely avoid anything that may lead to a romantic relationship. At the time, I felt there was something imperfect about me that could possibly become known through dating, and did not want to get involved until the problem was fixed. I considered myself a very likable person, and was very nervous someone would start to like me, and I wouldn't know what to do about it. So I stopped talking, to save the chance of my shining personality to attract someone to myself. (I was a slightly more humble than that sounded, but to get the point across).

Over time, that no longer became a worry for me, more important issues came into my view that I had to deal with. By then this had become second nature, and I would say still is. Most of my avoidant behavior I believe may be rooted in this.

While I am not perusing them right now, I don't know if I would say I'm avoiding them really either. They're just not in the picture for me right now, I don't think. Romantic relationships are like tigers for me, odds are I'm not going to see one but if I do I'll sure as hell start running the opposite direction if I do.


Well-known member
Well I don't think I have ever had the opportunity for anything like that, and I really don't think I ever will. I don't think that anyone would ever even want me in the first place. I can't even imagine that, I'm so gross. I probably wouldn't even believe someone if they said they liked me, or I just owuldn't even notice it. I'm oblivious to things like that.

I cannot be close to ANYONE. Everything is a secret. I'll hide everything from everybody, and will never let anyone know anything about me. There isn't really anyone close to me, or can I imagine someone being so, so I don't have any to push away. I think it's more them not coming in the first place, because I'm really hostile and not appealing towards others.

I don't know how to have a relationship. What to do, or how, or anything basically. I Guess I want it but I just don't know. I am so detached and distant from anyone and everything that I feel like I can never even come up to their level. I just can't understand things the way they do. I can't trust anyone either. I think they are lying, setting me up, saying things about me, or have some secret plan etc etc. That's why people tend to avoid me at all costs. Just not an approachable person I guess.

This post is so much like me.
especially if i start to back off HE COMES BACK EVEN go figure that one out.

Guys love a challenge, the more you act aloof and not interested, the more they will try
I started to avoid intimacy and relationships early on, but had relationships anyways. NOT COMFORTABLE, always ended up doing stuff I didn't want, and becoming consumed by the other. I prefer to be alone, relationships take up too much energy for me. I used to be addicted to relationships with opposite sex when I was young, now I don't want one and don't want anyone touching me. I don't like dating. VERY UNCOMFORTABLE> I can't stand all the BS. I've been rejected, I've rejected and I've been in very long relationship. NOT VERY HAPPY! Lost myself. Now long distance relationship is the best LOL! Please some of you posting are perfectly fine but you don't think you are. REALLY! Work on loving yourself. Make alist it's tough but try to come up with somethings you like about yourself. You are a Child of GOD there fore highly favoured and loved. You are beautiful, not ugly. I know it! You are a child of the universe, you are here for a reason and it is not to be miserable! (not all the time anyways ;)


New member
I've been trying to overcome this for some time. Having someone I love with all my heart reject me is extremely painful. I'm afraid of the eventual end of the relationship before it even starts. In my mind, every relationship will fail or end. Eventually one of us dies of old age (in a never ending relationship) or the relationship fails and we separate. I don't want to go through this pain anymore.

When I do a cost benefit analysis of having a relationship, the costs outweigh the benefits to me. I see a relationship as excess responsibility. Now, not only do I have to manage my own emotions and life, which is a fulltime job with mental illness, but I need to be concerned about someone else's well being on a daily basis.

I am a good looking guy, hard working and successful. I don't exactly have a problem finding a girlfriend, but I have the issue of not wanting anyone close to me. I'm tired of being torn apart and used by the ones I love. When it happens continuously I look in the mirror and blame myself, even when it's farthest from the truth. As a result I isolate and feel comfort in doing so. No one else can hurt me when I'm alone.

It gets lonely and depressing at times for sure, but I find these emotions easier to cope with than the anxiety, fear, insecurities and discomfort of a romantic relationship. Healthy things like exercise, playing guitar, fishing, hiking, etc. can basically cure my lonely, depressing emotions. I'm now 30yrs old and have been single for 5 years and my last relationship was painful and unhealthy. I've been taking a lot of counselling and classes over the years. I've tried growing out of this, facing my fears and have gone on dates, only to end up crying for a few days in a row and aborting the idea. I can't go through with it.

I came on here to vent a bit, write out my thoughts. I get tired of explaining my situation to family and friends... it seems like they forget what I've already been telling them for years and not really understanding my condition. I know my parents would love grandchildren (and they remind me regularly), so inside it feels like I'm failing them for being myself and wanting to live alone. I feel pressured. It's nice to relate to people on here. These thoughts have been stirred up because I've been seeing a lot of good looking, smart, healthy women lately and it hurts. I want a girlfriend but it's so painful and hard to overcome. I would like to give my parents grandchildren, and have a child of my own. I realistically don't seeing it happening though. it's just a hard thing to accept some days.