Do you repeatedly avoid romantic relationships?
- Thread starter Katasura
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stand_up
Well-known member
I never avoided romantic relationships, because I forced myself to get use to hurt or rejections. Being hurt or rejected taught me how to value other people's feelings and treat other people the way I would have liked to be treated before...
I believe that good guys/girls do ALWAYS come last,.... but get the best in the end.
I don't believe that anyone has no qualities at all.... We all have something that another person out there appreciates and seeks for.
I believe that good guys/girls do ALWAYS come last,.... but get the best in the end.
I don't believe that anyone has no qualities at all.... We all have something that another person out there appreciates and seeks for.
iamthenra
Well-known member
Oh doo tell! When is my princess going to come? When I am 50... 60??? 70???? When? Sorry, I am a bit pessimistic when someone tells me that" Don't worry, she's out there, and you will find someone..." Well, I am 40+ years old, and YES I know it sounds OLD... I remember when I was a young lad of around 18 or so, thinking to myself: "Man being 40 would be such a drag... being all old and stuff..." Well...now I am 40. I am still the nice guy that I was when I was 18... 10... 20....30....35.... My personality has not changed. I would welcome a romantic relationship with the right person. I am not so desperate that I would just throw myself at any woman. She has to be the right lady. I've never had that chance yet... Now that I am having to go back to school, maybe I will meet Mrs. right? I have not totally closed that door just yet, but my age is getting a bit out of hand, and if I don't meet someone soon, I fear that I will never find someone to be my wedded wife... To finally complete "me", to add to my life something that I have always wanted since I was very little.... I have wanted to be loved, that is something that my folks never showed me. The only things I get "love" from is my niece, nephew and my dog....
Oh, and BTW, the OP was banned back in 2008......
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
Best safety lies in fear.
stand_up
Well-known member
Sorry didn't mean to make everything sound like a fairy tale, it wasn't my intention. Our lives are more complicated than that... Everyone is in a different situation and we only know ourselves. Just that in the midst of it all, I am just sick of accepting automatically that I come last all the time. ... Maybe there's a little space for resiliance....and self-strengthening under all this... Who knows....maybe and maybe not. Both are possible.
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That is certainly true, but it doesn't make the search for a romantic partner any easier. In fact, as soon as you deviate from mainstream society, the number of people for whom you may have qualities declines drastically.
I have qualities, but only someone most similar to me could recognize and appreciate them in a useful way. The alternative interpretation is that I have no qualities at all.
stand_up
Well-known member
I think we underestimate society sometimes. While we may blame much of society for the judgemental culture, Many of us already judge other people even before we get to know them, or even introduce ourselves to them....
Example: "she/he is really hot and attractive... But she/he wouldn't go for me,.. because she/he is shallow and would only go for someone who is more socially popular, good looking, smooth, confident and maybe materialistically better equiped etc that I am."
Sometimes we automatically place our qualities on the floor and step on it ourselves... We automatically place ourselves in the "reject" category and reason that "that is just the way it is, I've tried my best" .......We declare being the victims in society before we even give ourselves a genuine chance to prove (to ourselves) that we are not.....
People in society can be shallow, can be bad.... but not society as a whole.
We end up visualising more negatives than there really are about it.
Of course not all of us feel this way. "we" was just used to describe the possibility that there ARE some of us who think this way but not everyone.
Well I know for sure I use to think this way,... but I'm trying to make a stand for myself.
Example: "she/he is really hot and attractive... But she/he wouldn't go for me,.. because she/he is shallow and would only go for someone who is more socially popular, good looking, smooth, confident and maybe materialistically better equiped etc that I am."
Sometimes we automatically place our qualities on the floor and step on it ourselves... We automatically place ourselves in the "reject" category and reason that "that is just the way it is, I've tried my best" .......We declare being the victims in society before we even give ourselves a genuine chance to prove (to ourselves) that we are not.....
People in society can be shallow, can be bad.... but not society as a whole.
We end up visualising more negatives than there really are about it.
Of course not all of us feel this way. "we" was just used to describe the possibility that there ARE some of us who think this way but not everyone.
Well I know for sure I use to think this way,... but I'm trying to make a stand for myself.
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2
2bhappy
Guest
I also can't muster up the courage to even approach a girl. If a girl flirts or even speaks to me, I assume she's making fun of me. The concept of a girl actually liking me is impossible for me to understand, that's how insecure about myself I am. I'm terrified that I'll talk to a girl and start flirting with her and she'll reject me, not just reject me but be insulted that I even tried to flirt with her.
2Crowded
Well-known member
No I dont really avoid them..they just dont ever present themselves anymore, probly because I dont feel worthy of one because I dont think a normal person would want anything to do with me in my condition....but in the past they have never went right for me & I always end up being the one that cares the most & end up hurt badly in the process...so I dont have much faith anymore that there is someone out there for me & that anything would turn out different than it did for me in the past.
Cynic
Well-known member
Well why wouldn't she? Why shouldn't she? She is merely following the laws of nature. and it is natural to go for the best you can get, and if you really are bottom of the heap then she won't want you. That isn't shallow. It is perfectly natural. You won't go for a Lada if you can afford a Ferrari.
LycraPantiies92
Well-known member
stand_up
Well-known member
Very true. To go for the "best" you can get. That "best" can refer to:
1. The looks and outside appeal of someone's appearance,...
or
2. Someone's inner qualities and character.
Cannot a good looking, hot and attractive person take a risk and get to know someone better? (number 2 above) Surely these people exists. Not all good looking people fit in the same "shallow" category.
And when people think "yeah those people exist, but most people in this world we meet are not great like that". I can tell you that is a generalisation we make up in our minds.
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Well, i am crazzzzy about a VERY love shy man who is avoident at times and i have been told by MANY people how very pretty, yet compassionate and sweet girl i am..and smart as well!!!!! I can't do anything else to make things easier, it actually gets worse when i try to get close..he is so withdrawn and so scared he can't handle me..he stares alot, watches me--people have caught him looking alot--he will do things for me when i ask but he's a nervous wreck around me!!!!!
So don't say there are noooooooooooo attractive, sweet, good women out there who will give these men a chance..some of them don't want it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So don't say there are noooooooooooo attractive, sweet, good women out there who will give these men a chance..some of them don't want it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TooShyShy
Well-known member
Then he should stop purposely saying hello to me everyday, stop walking by my post at work over and over again and stop making a point of ME having to see him!!!!!! I don't need to say hello to him everyday--we don't talk really so why make a point of it??? And he always initiates that bcuz i won't!!!!!!!!
Maybe thats the issue more HE needs to get a life...lol...isn't that part of APD too? Trying to do something new with yourself..more exposure so you aren't so afraid all the time?????
Maybe thats the issue more HE needs to get a life...lol...isn't that part of APD too? Trying to do something new with yourself..more exposure so you aren't so afraid all the time?????
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Your overly emotional reaction is typical of someone with a fixed delusion.
Well, I do think that.
There's no reason not to stare if you are worth staring at.
There's nothing wrong with saying hello. In fact, it's worse not to say hello to coworkers.
I guess you are looking too deeply into the AvPD explanation. He may just find you superficially attractive, but that's it basically.