Do you hate being called Shy??
- Thread starter Johno
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tweetebird
Well-known member
I hate it too. I also hate being called quiet...These are comments made with obvious ignorance to just how negative they are to the receiver. Most people know enough not to casually point out people's physical flaws in social situations, but apparently it's still acceptable to point out interactive shortcomings.
worrywort
Well-known member
yea I dread those words too. I guess because it touches a nerve. My social problems are the deepest, most painful part of my life. The area that brings me most shame. As soon as people comment upon it, it's like they've seen right through me, and all my most shameful secrets are exposed.
FriendlyShadow
Well-known member
Hey guys. I can definitely relate to all of you. There have been numerous times i have been told I'm too quiet, I'm shy, and even someone told me in a sarcastic tone that I was a great conversationalist. Well, to me personally i don't think it's right. In fact, i don't think it's fair either. The same thing affects a loudmouth person as well. Some examples like this would be like "Wow, you talk too much", or "Do you ever shut up?" I think people who do such things, aren't considering the other people's feelings at all. Now, I'm not saying that all outgoing, talkative people would go far as to flat out tell somebody that they're quiet/shy. I do believe that there are talkative people who are nice and friendly to others(hopefully). I'm saying certain loud mouths have the nerve to just automatically assume that if a person doesn't talk much, then they think it's alright to just flat out tell them that they are quiet, disregarding their feelings. Gladly, I'm not one of those people that would ever do that. Not if it's my family, friends, loud people, or heck, even people who are like me. I don't need to go to that extent because it just shows I have respect for other people's feelings. Plus, I love how if I can still have like a small communication with people, I'm still called out as quiet.
. It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean instead of calling out a person who's quiet/shy, rather try to to get to know that person better. So, to some of the more verbose people who are reading this, just know this: Realize that not all people are going to have the same fun, bubbly, personality as you do. Also, realize a person who is quiet/shy already knows that and doesn't need to be told so. That's all I had to say.
. It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean instead of calling out a person who's quiet/shy, rather try to to get to know that person better. So, to some of the more verbose people who are reading this, just know this: Realize that not all people are going to have the same fun, bubbly, personality as you do. Also, realize a person who is quiet/shy already knows that and doesn't need to be told so. That's all I had to say.
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OceanMist
Well-known member
The best way to let them know how it feels is to say, don't be so loud. No, that was just a joke, don't say that, it's rude.
I've been called shy so many times I'm used to it. I kind of just go with whatever they say about me being shy. It's true I'm shy, yadayada. Yes, I was born this way.
I've noticed people will respect you more if stay calm when they call you shy. Don't act like it bothers you. When you look non-bothered you look confident and more approachable.
I've been called shy so many times I'm used to it. I kind of just go with whatever they say about me being shy. It's true I'm shy, yadayada. Yes, I was born this way.
I've noticed people will respect you more if stay calm when they call you shy. Don't act like it bothers you. When you look non-bothered you look confident and more approachable.
Iluv
Well-known member
I don't hate it but I don't like it. It really depends whether they mean it as an insult (which I don't find being shy a bad thing!) Or they're just mentioning it to be captain obvious. But I had a few people say it rudely like "Talk more, you're too shy" And I'm only thinking to myself Oh you'd rather not want to hear what I think about you. LOL.
THeCARS1979
Well-known member
No those words wont bother me.........
SilverSky
Active member
^ That's about how I feel. It really touches a nerve with me...I feel instantly angry or ashamed, annoyed at them for saying anything. Just let me be. I just want to be myself and not have to constantly be talking and loud and in the limelight like some people like to be.
People try to be sarcastic "Wow you talk a lot!" or say other things to point out that I'm quiet. But it's like the 100th time it's been said, it's hard now to force a laugh and act like it's funny because it's not. What if I made fun of someone with another disorder? Would that be ok to make fun of someone not walking because they're in a wheelchair? No. I know it's different but in some ways not so much. I am socially crippled, yet getting made fun of is ok. People probably mean well...but I wish they'd just let it go.
electric pepper
Member
Hey guys. I can definitely relate to all of you. There have been numerous times i have been told I'm too quiet, I'm shy, and even someone told me in a sarcastic tone that I was a great conversationalist. Well, to me personally i don't think it's right. In fact, i don't think it's fair either. The same thing affects a loudmouth person as well. Some examples like this would be like "Wow, you talk too much", or "Do you ever shut up?" I think people who do such things, aren't considering the other people's feelings at all. Now, I'm not saying that all outgoing, talkative people would go far as to flat out tell somebody that they're quiet/shy. I do believe that there are talkative people who are nice and friendly to others(hopefully). I'm saying certain loud mouths have the nerve to just automatically assume that if a person doesn't talk much, then they think it's alright to just flat out tell them that they are quiet, disregarding their feelings. Gladly, I'm not one of those people that would ever do that. Not if it's my family, friends, loud people, or heck, even people who are like me. I don't need to go to that extent because it just shows I have respect for other people's feelings. Plus, I love how if I can still have like a small communication with people, I'm still called out as quiet.
One time at work, i was in the upstairs stock room, and it was just me and the stock room manager he was doing paper work and stuff on the computer, i was just picking tickets and cleaning. he turns round to me and in a really sarcastic voice goes stop making so much noise your so loud. i wanted the ground to swallow me up. they all call me at lerch at work out of the adams family as well, i just want to get on with work and then go home. at our christmas party as well our manager introduced me to people as alex who doesnt say much.
redhead042
Active member
People always sat to me smile, I hate it -.-
electric pepper
Member
yeah hate that as well, hate my teeth makes me feel insecure, i feel if i do smile everyones gonna comment on how my bad my teeth are.
Azael
Well-known member
I remember in Highschool, it was year 10 (UK), and in class we were to right a sentence about each person in class. Mine was almost exclisively, "Too quiet". That was the mantra back then. In my school report, my head of year wrote, "Marcus obviously doesn't feel the need to speak unnecessarily". I hate having my "shyness" pointed out, but in hindsight, it was better that way. The term shy is something that everyone can understand to some meaningful extent. Adding to it by saying 'painfully shy' would perhaps be more accurate though. I just wouldn't want to throw psychology terms like 'Avoidant Personality Disorder' around because it carries very strong negative connotations. To simply say that I'm shy is enough as far as I'm concerned.
OceanMist
Well-known member
It's just one giant double standard. If we told an outgoing, loud person sarcastically "Wow, could you be any more quiet?" they'd probably get mad. I've noticed there is a problem with society, it's somehow okay to make fun of a shy person but it's all the sudden insulting to call someone who is loud, loud.
Like it's okay to tell me "You are too quiet. You need to talk more." Then it's not okay to tell a loud person, "You are loud. You need to talk less."
It is what it is. I guess I've just learned to get used to it cuz I've heard it so much. Something important that I've learned from somewhere is that we can't control what others say about us. People gonna say what they gonna say, gonna do what they gonna do.
Like it's okay to tell me "You are too quiet. You need to talk more." Then it's not okay to tell a loud person, "You are loud. You need to talk less."
It is what it is. I guess I've just learned to get used to it cuz I've heard it so much. Something important that I've learned from somewhere is that we can't control what others say about us. People gonna say what they gonna say, gonna do what they gonna do.
