Something-Vague
Well-known member
I cannot speak for anyone else, but I have SA and I married a guy with SA 
Do girls with SA not like guys with SA?
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Odo
Banned
I've always just assumed that when someone says 'girls are choosing the wrong guys' (or vice versa) it's because they're bitter about being rejected and want to tear down the competition as well as tearing down the person who rejected them.
These generalization threads aren't doing anyone any good and always turn into pity parties and echo chambers for frustrated singles who blame whatever they can for their own lack of dating success. If it wasn't SA, it would be something else. Common targets include feminism, modern society, the economy, education, liberals, etc.
SA makes it harder for sure but a negative attitude towards an entire gender is a MUCH bigger obstacle. If you sincerely believe this stuff then it either means that you're probably going to end up hiding your bitterness from every potential SO you come across (which they will probably pick up on eventually if not right away), giving up (which won't get you anywhere) or going into every potential dating situation with a bad attitude that will cause you to come off as troubled in a creepy way.
People in general don't really know what they want until they find it... but in the meantime they think they want what the media/culture tells them to want a lot more than they realize. However when it comes down to it they're still likely to give you a shot if you can catch their attention in ways they weren't expecting or if you can show that you're not just a guy (or girl) looking for a relationship but a real person who isn't too wrapped up in themselves, has done interesting things or at least seriously wants to do interesting things, and is actually fun to be around.
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Marshmallow
Active member
I'm attracted to a guy with SA.
I don't think you should be with someone to avoid being lonely though, that's not a good reason.
I don't think you should be with someone to avoid being lonely though, that's not a good reason.
Razzlecherry
Banned
How about this. Having SA makes it less likely that you're going to be in a social situation. And this time accumulates. More social people are going to be in the presence of other people more often.
The more time you're with people, the more friends you're going to make and the likelier people are going to witness anything but your physical appearance.
People are generally all the same, but we all have our little quirks. Things that interest us, catch our attention, things we value and respect, or things we want to have or do. These are the things that will connect you with another person and if your lives are in a mutually adaptive state, then you'll decide if this is a person you'll want to invest some of your time in.
With SA, or rather the lack of social interaction that may come with it, these odds diminish significantly.
Looks definitely matter, but they especially matter to people who don't have anything else going for them, or in many of our cases people who just don't get out much to actually show who they really are.
I guess.
I don't know what the **** I'm talking about.
Im just going to add this to keep it more on topic:
SA might be holding you back. But it's not stopping you. A woman may be attracted to you, but I don't think SA will have much to do with it.
I was gonna say some things about gender roles and all that, but I know it's a sensitive topic for a lot of people (especially here). Whatever you believe, they do exist and they will continue to exist for some time, keep that in mind.
The more time you're with people, the more friends you're going to make and the likelier people are going to witness anything but your physical appearance.
People are generally all the same, but we all have our little quirks. Things that interest us, catch our attention, things we value and respect, or things we want to have or do. These are the things that will connect you with another person and if your lives are in a mutually adaptive state, then you'll decide if this is a person you'll want to invest some of your time in.
With SA, or rather the lack of social interaction that may come with it, these odds diminish significantly.
Looks definitely matter, but they especially matter to people who don't have anything else going for them, or in many of our cases people who just don't get out much to actually show who they really are.
I guess.
I don't know what the **** I'm talking about.
Im just going to add this to keep it more on topic:
SA might be holding you back. But it's not stopping you. A woman may be attracted to you, but I don't think SA will have much to do with it.
I was gonna say some things about gender roles and all that, but I know it's a sensitive topic for a lot of people (especially here). Whatever you believe, they do exist and they will continue to exist for some time, keep that in mind.
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THeCARS1979
Well-known member
i dont know what to do right now
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Bronson99
Well-known member
No, it is a fact that genuine shyness or genuine SA in a man is an unattractive quality across the board. I have a feeling you know this as well, but are just unwilling to admit it, for some reason. :question:
Bronson99
Well-known member
The idea is to "fake it" then? What about all these people--women in particular--who say that "being yourself" works best?
nodejesque
Well-known member
That is not a fact. Saying so, is a fallacy.
I have to agree wholeheartedly with what Odo posted.
Bronson99
Well-known member
Guess you managed to tease out the "projection," obviously this is a bit of a sensitive topic for one like me.
But still the most I would do to change my statement is say that, if not a fact, it appears to be a "general rule."
Blah blah blah. You assume because i know how life works that i have bitterness in my heart towards women? Are you ****ing serious right now? You'd be wrong actually. Just because i choose to face facts doesn't mean i'm going to turn into Elliot Rodgers. Thanks for the generalization though that people who actually look at things objectively are angry creeps. Maybe that's how you would turn out if you faced facts, but i'm not going to stop speaking the truth because you don't like it.
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Speaking from my own experience, it's hard for someone who has SA (like me) to date someone who is outgoing and vice versa. My ex-boyfriend was a mildly nervous person, but was pretty outgoing and had no trouble socializing with others. Thankfully for me, he was mostly a home body, but he did like to go out on the weekends with friends and family - that was very hard for me. I was always a nervous wreck leading up to the event and even though he tried to comfort me, I could tell he was annoyed (especially over time when I didn't get better).
It eventually got to the point where he was always making excuses for why I didn't go: "oh, she wasn't feeling well" or "she had something she had to take care of" - I always ended up at home alone watching Netflix by myself worrying and feeling guilty for not going until my boyfriend came home at midnight (or later). Not to mention it got really lonely - my only friend was out having fun and I was alone because I have no friends other than him (I didn't want to keep bothering him with texts saying: "Hey Babe, when are you coming home?" either).
He felt guilty for leaving me at home too and bummed when I didn't go out with him (sometimes I would just suck it up and go). Even though his friends were some of the nicest people I have ever met and his family was nice to me - I still felt nervous, awkward and like an outcast. This caused a lot of strain between us and was one of the contributing factors to our breakup.
So, to answer your question, yes - I wouldn't mind dating a guy with SA. I feel like there would be a lot more understanding between us which could strengthen our bond and maybe we could help build each other's confidence and perhaps make life better/bearable for each other. Also, it would be really nice to not be the only sweaty and weird person in the room.
It eventually got to the point where he was always making excuses for why I didn't go: "oh, she wasn't feeling well" or "she had something she had to take care of" - I always ended up at home alone watching Netflix by myself worrying and feeling guilty for not going until my boyfriend came home at midnight (or later). Not to mention it got really lonely - my only friend was out having fun and I was alone because I have no friends other than him (I didn't want to keep bothering him with texts saying: "Hey Babe, when are you coming home?" either).
He felt guilty for leaving me at home too and bummed when I didn't go out with him (sometimes I would just suck it up and go). Even though his friends were some of the nicest people I have ever met and his family was nice to me - I still felt nervous, awkward and like an outcast. This caused a lot of strain between us and was one of the contributing factors to our breakup.
So, to answer your question, yes - I wouldn't mind dating a guy with SA. I feel like there would be a lot more understanding between us which could strengthen our bond and maybe we could help build each other's confidence and perhaps make life better/bearable for each other. Also, it would be really nice to not be the only sweaty and weird person in the room.
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I am probably the bitterest person on Earth,and no,it isnt because of rejection,why people always assume that?
I had a lot and lots of chances,I just dont want to be with a person who rewards and likes cheaters,lying and bad people in general or are a cheater themselves,and I have never seen someone like that outside of my family,I would rather be alone.
I had a lot and lots of chances,I just dont want to be with a person who rewards and likes cheaters,lying and bad people in general or are a cheater themselves,and I have never seen someone like that outside of my family,I would rather be alone.
I didn't fully understand your last sentence but regarding your first sentence i agree. Like seriously, why do people think that i'm angry at others? I know how the world works and i'm not upset for people acting they way they should in this world. That is maybe the only consoling thing about my life, knowing that things makes sense. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry that I am in the position i'm in. People just tend to set me off because they remind me of my position. No normal person could possibly understand where I am coming from, and i expect that and don't blame them, but it still pisses me off. The fact that I know where I stand in this world makes me go insane. My life is like a horrible nightmare. If I didn't have SA i believe i would actually be a very enjoyable person to be around. It is very hard to be nice and funny around others though when I am miserable and people are my trigger. I feel like my ****ing life is on the line so when people don't understand my situation it boils my blood. It is hard for me to joke about my situation and it is definitely hard for me to listen to ignorant people give me advice. I just wish things didn't have to be like this.
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Btw, i think it is good to have threads like this @ Odo. You obviously don't realize that accepting a depressing fact is better than lying to yourself. My outlook on women might sound negative, but i don't actually harbor negative feelings towards women. The reason I don't is because I realize this is how they are supposed to be. It is completely natural for most women to be picky and go for dominant males. It makes perfect sense when you think from an evolutionary perspective. So how can i be mad at them? I love women, i am just mad that i can't have any. My question from the beginning was if SA girls are different. I figured there might be a possibility that SA girls would overlook their evolutionary programming because of their SA. I do realize that SA girls have it easier in society than SA males though, so maybe the majority of SA girls haven't been pushed enough to get to the point where they are able to bypass their natural instincts. Anyways though, at the end of the day i can't be angry at people because of my problems. Like I said, it actually really makes me feel better knowing that things make sense, no matter how ****ed up the facts are for someone in my scenario. If we can't have threads about things that are frustrating for people in our situation then how are we supposed to figure out how to view these frustrations in a better light? Whenever i view rant threads i notice that yeah, the majority of people with the same problem as the OP aren't probably going to be able to help, but there also might be those few people who have the wisdom to provide a positive thinking cycle to the situation and because of the circumstances i think that is worth it. If we weren't allowed to post these threads then the odds of us finding those few people with that wisdom would significantly drop. ESPECIALLY for people with SA. If i wasn't to post this thread then maybe someone who hates women because they have misdirected anger would never be able to re-evaluate their thought cycle. I know for a fact that there are a lot of people with SA who are misanthropes for this exact reason. If they don't get help then how are they supposed to rethink things? They will just keep getting worse unless they get lucky and somehow have their thinking re-evaluated in a better light. If there weren't threads that addressed these types of issues then people with SA would basically be left to pull themselves out of these negative thinking cycles by themselves. Obviously it is pretty unlikely that you are going to be able to change your thinking by yourself, considering that is how you think. Anyways, it is really common for guys with SA to have misdirected anger and it would be a tragedy if they were never helped and they did something irrational. I'd rather vent and have a fellow brother with SA point out to me a better way to view things than continue to anguish in my mental hell when things could be more bearable. The only reason i have even become this self aware is because i had a therapist i could talk to back when i was younger, or else i'd probably be much more ignorant and troubled than i am today. All in all, people need others to talk to in order to re-think things no matter how "bad" the subject is. It is actually so much more important when the person is troubled and has a negative thinking cycle about something for them to be able to discuss it, because if they don't the results could be devastating.
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Rule 1:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/site-rules-26653/
play nicely.
A difference of opinion is not a personal attack.
Back on topic please.
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/site-rules-26653/
play nicely.
A difference of opinion is not a personal attack.
Back on topic please.
In my experience, being yourself will only work if you have attractive traits. The idea is to fake it if you have to. Guys with lower confidence do not have much chances, if they show their true feelings. If they be themselves, then it does not work. And the dating world is full of fakings, hiding weaknesses, really. And I guess that is part of the process.
Opaline
1
Oh look, another dating thread
I used to hold a rigid view of "what" men and women like as far as confidence level goes and the behavior that stems from it. And, on the whole, I do believe more confidence = more attractive ability for obvious reasons. HOWEVER, over the years I've seen people attracted to other people of varying social ability and confidence, and I have been attracted to all different levels as well. And actually, being a woman with SA, super confident men tend to intimidate me.
I also think you can be attracted to certain things about someone to the point where something like SA is just something you accept about the person, or even want to offer support for. I've seen others in relationships where rather than an insecurity being a dealbreaker or complete turnoff, the girl wanted to support and help him with it and accepted that he's a human being with struggles, not a performance act meant to always say/do the right thing or never show weakness.
I don't know, just my own experience.
I used to hold a rigid view of "what" men and women like as far as confidence level goes and the behavior that stems from it. And, on the whole, I do believe more confidence = more attractive ability for obvious reasons. HOWEVER, over the years I've seen people attracted to other people of varying social ability and confidence, and I have been attracted to all different levels as well. And actually, being a woman with SA, super confident men tend to intimidate me.
I also think you can be attracted to certain things about someone to the point where something like SA is just something you accept about the person, or even want to offer support for. I've seen others in relationships where rather than an insecurity being a dealbreaker or complete turnoff, the girl wanted to support and help him with it and accepted that he's a human being with struggles, not a performance act meant to always say/do the right thing or never show weakness.
I don't know, just my own experience.
FriendlyShadow
Well-known member
To be honest, I'd rather have a guy who is shy and who doesn't enjoy leaving the house too much. I wound't care if he had SA since obviously I have the condition myself so I don't see it a problem. I wouldn't be comfortable around a guy that was extremely polar opposite of me or is an adventurous/outgoing kind of person and is only with me to take advantage of my shyness.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
Isn't the answer to that question exactly the same as : "does (guys/girls) like (girls/guys) with (insert flaw here)
SA is kind of a flaw as is low self-esteem, ugliness, being unsmart, stuttering, etc. It's something that is mostly annoying at first but may become attractive (or at least unapparent) to some people who would see it as a part of your personality, if the rest of your personality is interesting enough.
SA is kind of a flaw as is low self-esteem, ugliness, being unsmart, stuttering, etc. It's something that is mostly annoying at first but may become attractive (or at least unapparent) to some people who would see it as a part of your personality, if the rest of your personality is interesting enough.
theoutsider
Well-known member
To be honest, I think expecting most women to admit they go for dominant men is a little like asking a roomful of them if it makes a difference if a man is rich or not when it comes to dating/marriage. Most will say, absolutely not and probably only 10% (and that number may be high) will come out and admit it. It's obvious when we see the astounding amount of rich, otherwise undesirable guys, who coincidentally find love with gorgeous women that money (like dominance) is a factor that many do find desirable. You will always get a nice, politically correct answer when you ask the question or state the fact bluntly and many will label you a j.erk for even bringing the topic up.
To add to the opinions of this topic, I'm a guy who has run into a few women with SA who seem more comfortable and able to let their guards down around me. I think it may come down to how comfortable you are around them as well. Relationships are always a two way street.
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