"For my part I distrust all generalizations about women, favourable and unfavourable, masculine and feminine, ancient and modern; all alike, I should say, result from paucity of experience"
Betrand Russell
Betrand Russell
Depressed because you're single?
- Thread starter HeadFace
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Hey James,
I'm glad you're taking this in a constructive way
That's the way it was meant.
As for not being bitter to women in RL or online, hmm... are you 100% sure? In that case, are you just venting here?
It did sound a bit biased... And such attitudes can be sorta conveyed even if you're trying to present a different persona on another site or in RL...
I know it's more difficult for people with sa, I've had it too, even though sometimes it may not look that way.. For any of the women online, even if they may seem confident, you don't know what's 'behind that' too.. some may have sa or other issues or family problems etc.
Also, I wouldn't say 'most women', maybe 'some women' is better.. Or maybe 'most women within a particular age group' (cause this is different with different demographics...) Maybe on OKCupid there may really be a younger and sillier crowd, dunno... If you want a serious relationship with a girl it's probably better to not look at ages below 24 or so... Though some can be more 'together' before that age too.. And I know some couples where she was younger and it went well..
Some girls need to go through some 'heartbreak' by some 'perfect' boys before they learn to appreciate other things than looks and money and cars too..
I'm glad you're taking this in a constructive way
That's the way it was meant.Yeah, I admit(ted just above) that my view of it all is warped too. Many of us have a problem with that, especially people with sa/depression and such.. Then again maybe that's why we have sa & depression.. warped thinking an'all..
No, I'm the first to admit some women are shallow, and some more than others. Some men are shallow too. If someone wants another just for their looks, what kind of quality relationship can it be? (Many such couples can get into trouble at least when they hit middle age and looks start to chagnge, people can have serious crises..)
Again, I agree here.
Well, good for ya. And her.
We're not mind-readers here, you know?
As for not being bitter to women in RL or online, hmm... are you 100% sure? In that case, are you just venting here? It did sound a bit biased... And such attitudes can be sorta conveyed even if you're trying to present a different persona on another site or in RL...
Well, do tell us how it goes!
I know it's more difficult for people with sa, I've had it too, even though sometimes it may not look that way.. For any of the women online, even if they may seem confident, you don't know what's 'behind that' too.. some may have sa or other issues or family problems etc.Well, it's good that you aren't. It kinda seemed that way on quick reading..
Also, I wouldn't say 'most women', maybe 'some women' is better.. Or maybe 'most women within a particular age group' (cause this is different with different demographics...) Maybe on OKCupid there may really be a younger and sillier crowd, dunno... If you want a serious relationship with a girl it's probably better to not look at ages below 24 or so... Though some can be more 'together' before that age too.. And I know some couples where she was younger and it went well..
Some girls need to go through some 'heartbreak' by some 'perfect' boys before they learn to appreciate other things than looks and money and cars too..
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fitftw
Well-known member
I'll just leave this here...
YouTube - When Harry Met Sally: Arguments
and this...
YouTube - When Harry Met Sally(Men&WomenCanNotBeFriends)-Part I
It's a really great movie, except for the happy ending. It starts out awesome and grim, but then Hollywood cuts in and makes it all fake.
YouTube - When Harry Met Sally: Arguments
and this...
YouTube - When Harry Met Sally(Men&WomenCanNotBeFriends)-Part I
It's a really great movie, except for the happy ending. It starts out awesome and grim, but then Hollywood cuts in and makes it all fake.
Perhaps you assume that I feel hate (or bitterness?) because you do. I shall clarify.
When bad things happen to nice people, I feel bad. If I don't know the person, I won't feel miserable, but a bit little bad. Often though, especially on the internet, I see bitter and hateful people who are clearly digging their own holes. If I feel anything toward them it's a twinge of pity. It's nothing close to hate though, and the feeling is forgotten soon after I close the window on my computer. Possibly before.
^ Good quote. And very true.
JamesSmith
Well-known member
You can try to dance around it all you want, but you were clearly angry with what I was saying and then chose to bitterly express your hatred towards me in your previous post.
I didn't assume you felt hatred and bitterness towards me. I knew you felt hatred and bitterness towards me.
Ha ha - no, I guess... It's an illusion that needs to be perpetuated apparently... why else would people marry and have kids?
Do you think giving birth is that much FUN? heheOkay, just kiddin'! I do have faith in new generations to work things out maybe.. Who knows?
There are some people looking at it more real too, even among the older generations...
It's not all negativity either, some people are perfectly happy SINGLE *or* non-single!!
hehe James, can you guys just kiss n make up?
- noo, I mean shake hands, look manly, and make up?Nathanial, he totally needs to read your post about that woman seducing you, where did you post it??
James, learn from the master!! 
A friend
Well-known member
Ha ha - no, I guess... It's an illusion that needs to be perpetuated apparently... why else would people marry and have kids?
Okay, just kiddin'! I do have faith in new generations to work things out maybe.. Who knows?
There are some people looking at it more real too, even among the older generations...
It's not all negativity either, some people are perfectly happy SINGLE *or* non-single!!
I don't know...I haven't seen any happy couple in the past.
coyote
Well-known member
It comes back to the Golden Rule, really
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
Some people seem to think it means "Treat people the way other people treat you."
It doesn't.
It means you should treat people the same way you would like to be treated.
Women are people
If a man treats women with the same respect, dignity, love, and caring with which he would in turn like to be treated, then he will find an abundance of women who will do so.
On the flipside - if you treat women with utter disdain and disrespect, then you will surely be treated the same way by them.
Which would you rather have?
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
Some people seem to think it means "Treat people the way other people treat you."
It doesn't.
It means you should treat people the same way you would like to be treated.
Women are people
If a man treats women with the same respect, dignity, love, and caring with which he would in turn like to be treated, then he will find an abundance of women who will do so.
On the flipside - if you treat women with utter disdain and disrespect, then you will surely be treated the same way by them.
Which would you rather have?
Well, maybe your next task is to find a few - online, in books, or in RL...
I did find some in RL only at/after Uni, when some of my friends married, they have really good hubbies and they get along well!!
Also some of the elderly ladies that I volunteer with said such lovely things of their husbands and marriages...
It was really a treat to listen to them!!('They all prevented me to marry him and told me I'd be sorry,' one said. 'But I was NEVER sorry.' I was like, Whoa... And they were poor and many times almost broke/living in poverty, experiencing adversity etc too.. That is why I love these old people, they do shed perspective on life, and it's great to learn from them..)
I don't blame a woman for saying she wants everything in a man on her dating profile. If I got hit on all the time and was then asked to write down what I'm looking for in a partner, I'd probably write something like "wealthy", "big-bosomed" and "beautiful" myself. It's human nature to be like that, and women are much more like men than we think - it's just that they're put in completely different situations to us.
The thing is though, those wants are all whimsical. It's essentially bluff - or rather, how things would be for women in an ideal world. But all that really matters is how they feel when you're around. That's why it's not important to be an everyday, wholesome guy with a car, an education, and a job. It also doesn't matter if you're a perfect 6 foot, with windswept hair and a buff physique. I don't believe women are interested in your statistics. I do think that you have to be exceptional to her in some way, but it could be in a way that even she hasn't thought of before. One girl I was with liked me because I reminded her of her older brother. I know that sounds weird, but it did make me realize how complex attraction is. However, it also made me realize that there are a million and one ways to find someone attractive. Anyway, I believe that as long as you give her the right feeling, you're golden, because that will trump everything else.
So really, you're never too ugly, poor, stupid, broke, fat or bald to get with someone. If you're unsuccessful with women, all it means is that you haven't scratched enough itches, so to speak. Usually that's a result of inexperience. It seldom has anything to do with your looks or bank account. I honestly believe that if you make a pledge to go out on the weekends, just let loose, have fun, and really make an effort with women to the best of your ability that your outlook will change dramatically. Of course you'll get rejections, but the point is to persevere until you become numb to it. How else will you ever break down that wall between you and the opposite sex?
In any case, I think the internet has made the world seem quite cruel and mercenary. We read someone's profile and think "oh, I can never deliver on all that" and we back off. That's why I say to go out and just practice meeting people. All it takes is that one click with the other person, and that connection will overrule any other bullet point on any list that person writes on their dating profile. The whole trick is to look past the bluff and uncover that person's currency - and that currency rarely has anything to do with money or appearances. I learn more and more that things aren't always as they first seem, and what people say and how they feel are often two different things. We're all quite simple at heart, all we want is to feel close to the person who feels right for us. If you know that and fully realize it, all the superficial nonsense falls away.
The thing is though, those wants are all whimsical. It's essentially bluff - or rather, how things would be for women in an ideal world. But all that really matters is how they feel when you're around. That's why it's not important to be an everyday, wholesome guy with a car, an education, and a job. It also doesn't matter if you're a perfect 6 foot, with windswept hair and a buff physique. I don't believe women are interested in your statistics. I do think that you have to be exceptional to her in some way, but it could be in a way that even she hasn't thought of before. One girl I was with liked me because I reminded her of her older brother. I know that sounds weird, but it did make me realize how complex attraction is. However, it also made me realize that there are a million and one ways to find someone attractive. Anyway, I believe that as long as you give her the right feeling, you're golden, because that will trump everything else.
So really, you're never too ugly, poor, stupid, broke, fat or bald to get with someone. If you're unsuccessful with women, all it means is that you haven't scratched enough itches, so to speak. Usually that's a result of inexperience. It seldom has anything to do with your looks or bank account. I honestly believe that if you make a pledge to go out on the weekends, just let loose, have fun, and really make an effort with women to the best of your ability that your outlook will change dramatically. Of course you'll get rejections, but the point is to persevere until you become numb to it. How else will you ever break down that wall between you and the opposite sex?
In any case, I think the internet has made the world seem quite cruel and mercenary. We read someone's profile and think "oh, I can never deliver on all that" and we back off. That's why I say to go out and just practice meeting people. All it takes is that one click with the other person, and that connection will overrule any other bullet point on any list that person writes on their dating profile. The whole trick is to look past the bluff and uncover that person's currency - and that currency rarely has anything to do with money or appearances. I learn more and more that things aren't always as they first seem, and what people say and how they feel are often two different things. We're all quite simple at heart, all we want is to feel close to the person who feels right for us. If you know that and fully realize it, all the superficial nonsense falls away.
A friend
Well-known member
Some men have trouble believing that when they're harmed emotionally by one of that gender.
I was like that too, after being treated poorly by the girls at the schools I went to, I loathed every single female human being to the point where people thought I was homosexual.
I don't hate women anymore, but I'm doing what I can to keep love out of my life, and I'm trying to protect people of both genders from being murdered by that curse as well.
Let me show you something right here:
Someone told me this meant "A WOMAN FOR EACH MAN".
LIES This bible verse only pertains to Adam.
Like I said, human beings are not meant to have love, be in love, etc.
We can be happy by ourselves! We don't need to have someone sleeping in our beds to enjoy life!
hmmpf Tino & fiftw!!! LOL!!
'people' is a linguistic category that encompasses both female and male specimens and probably all the shades inbetween too
((hugs)) Coyote!! Yup, you said it right!!
Don't be too 'good' too soon with diamonds, pearls and such, or stuff you might resent later if it turns out you guys are not for together... get to know her well first, if you're at all compatible..
Would you like it if she would be giving you all that and then sulked and accused you of things??
Most girls don't like guys completely without a backbone, some diplomacy/negotiation/communication skills are a bonus tho!!
(Okay, give me the diamonds anyway!!)
'people' is a linguistic category that encompasses both female and male specimens and probably all the shades inbetween too
((hugs)) Coyote!! Yup, you said it right!!
Don't be too 'good' too soon with diamonds, pearls and such, or stuff you might resent later if it turns out you guys are not for together... get to know her well first, if you're at all compatible..
Would you like it if she would be giving you all that and then sulked and accused you of things??
Most girls don't like guys completely without a backbone, some diplomacy/negotiation/communication skills are a bonus tho!!
(Okay, give me the diamonds anyway!!
)Why don't just allow people to find happines in any way they fell like finding it?
There's no biggest lie than an absolute truth
I've know a couple people who have beeen happy for decades for being in love with their partners, but I won't go around proclaming that love is all around and everyone is destined to be happy forever after.
There's no biggest lie than an absolute truth
I've know a couple people who have beeen happy for decades for being in love with their partners, but I won't go around proclaming that love is all around and everyone is destined to be happy forever after.
A friend
Well-known member
True, there is no way to stop people from making mistakes all the time.
Well, I guess I was wrong then---
There were far too many illusionary non-fictional stories (that were lies) about people finding happiness from true love. Therfore, I believed that love was a lie and a disease that should have been completely eradicated from existance.
But if you're right, then I had everything in my mind backwards and skewed.
Was I right about love being an incredibly idiotic lie that should be destroyed? Or am I wrong and love is the greatest thing in life?
Now I'm confused.