Depressed because you're single?

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Feathers

Well-known member
A friend in need said:
Well, I guess I was wrong then---

There were far too many illusionary non-fictional stories (that were lies) about people finding happiness from true love. Therfore, I believed that love was a lie and a disease that should have been completely eradicated from existance.

But if you're right, then I had everything in my mind backwards and skewed.

Was I right about love being an incredibly idiotic lie that should be destroyed? Or am I wrong and love is the greatest thing in life?

Now I'm confused.
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You are looking at world 'BLACK or WHITE' - love is 'GREAT and solution to all problems' or 'TERRIBLE and doesn't exist'... when in reality it's usually somewhere inbetween, or can be many different things to different people...

That is typical 'skewed' thinking - depression and such can come from 'black and white thinking' and such..

The world is *NOT* BLACK or WHITE, it's all sorts of colors and all sorts of different and wonderful and less wonderful adventures!! :)
 
A friend

A friend

Well-known member
Mickery said:
Why don't you wait and see. :)
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What do you mean?




Feathers said:
You are looking at world 'BLACK or WHITE' - love is 'GREAT and solution to all problems' or 'TERRIBLE and doesn't exist'... when in reality it's usually somewhere inbetween, or can be many different things to different people...

That is typical 'skewed' thinking - depression and such can come from 'black and white thinking' and such..

The world is *NOT* BLACK or WHITE, it's all sorts of colors and all sorts of different and wonderful and less wonderful adventures!! :)
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Was I being narrow minded?
 
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Beatrice

Guest
Agreed Arthur.

And Kinetik, I completely agree with that! In fact, I think you're exactly right; because with women, it's not just looks, it's not just money, or reputation; yes, those things can make a man MORE attractive, but ultimately she has to feel a spark on some other level. She may not even understand what it is that she loves about you, she just DOES. It's a connection that transcends those material and physical things. Those are all just bonus. But I don't know, just my outlook on it I guess.
 
Arthur_Dent

Arthur_Dent

1
I'll say that you're wrong at saying that love won't work for anybody. Works for some, for some don't. The problem are the absolute affirmations, we can never count of having enough information to make them.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
A friend in need said:
Was I being narrow minded?
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hmm, more like seemed focused on doing the 'missionary' thing: 'Now I've seen the light and everyone must see the light' (I know it from my dad when he found about the healthy food :) he wanted to tell everyone lol)
it seemed a bit preachy and umm, like your own truth is the only truth and nothing else exists.. (I know it may feel that way to you, different people may see things differently though...)
It's like from believeing into one thing you got thrown into the 'opposite', but neither of them is 'completely' right.. Different things and different belief systems can 'work' for different people..

Beatrice, I totally agree with you!! It has to be a 'whole package'!! And something that transcends just the visuals or any 'material' things, yup!

But again, different women are different and look for different things, yup!
 
A friend

A friend

Well-known member
Arthur_Dent said:
I'll say that you're wrong at saying that love won't work for anybody. Works for some, for some don't. The problem are the absolute affirmations, we can never count of having enough information to make them.
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Then how do we stop depression?
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
A friend in need said:
Both, although it seems that this sort of thing can't be countered so easily...
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On a personal level you can do many things... Walking, exercise, nutrition, doing stuff you like, being/communicating with people you like, doing interesting things... overcoming challenges.. Challenging 'unproductive'/unhelpful/skewed thoughts by doing CBT or other approaches, DIY from books/online or with a therapist and/or support group...

As for 'all people' I think it's not very likely that one person could magically cure all depression and misery forever... I wish... :) People need to become aware of the factors and learn to live more healthy... Ideally support structures would be built in schools, kindergartens, communities... So that people could easily get info and support.. and learn more healthy ways of living and thinking and being...
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
fitftw said:
Fight Club is one of my favorite movies ;)
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Yeaaaa! What a great movie :D
Brad Pitt agrees
TYLER-USE-SOAP-FIGHTCLUB.jpg

well, maybe he's just selling soap....



okay, back on topic
I feel bad when I think I'm single. That's why I always try to think about something else. Mostly studies, yes, but it's something. .
 
U

userremoved

Guest
Kinetik said:
I don't blame a woman for saying she wants everything in a man on her dating profile. If I got hit on all the time and was then asked to write down what I'm looking for in a partner, I'd probably write something like "wealthy", "big-bosomed" and "beautiful" myself. It's human nature to be like that, and women are much more like men than we think - it's just that they're put in completely different situations to us.

The thing is though, those wants are all whimsical. It's essentially bluff - or rather, how things would be for women in an ideal world. But all that really matters is how they feel when you're around. That's why it's not important to be an everyday, wholesome guy with a car, an education, and a job. It also doesn't matter if you're a perfect 6 foot, with windswept hair and a buff physique. I don't believe women are interested in your statistics. I do think that you have to be exceptional to her in some way, but it could be in a way that even she hasn't thought of before. One girl I was with liked me because I reminded her of her older brother. I know that sounds weird, but it did make me realize how complex attraction is. However, it also made me realize that there are a million and one ways to find someone attractive. Anyway, I believe that as long as you give her the right feeling, you're golden, because that will trump everything else.

So really, you're never too ugly, poor, stupid, broke, fat or bald to get with someone. If you're unsuccessful with women, all it means is that you haven't scratched enough itches, so to speak. Usually that's a result of inexperience. It seldom has anything to do with your looks or bank account. I honestly believe that if you make a pledge to go out on the weekends, just let loose, have fun, and really make an effort with women to the best of your ability that your outlook will change dramatically. Of course you'll get rejections, but the point is to persevere until you become numb to it. How else will you ever break down that wall between you and the opposite sex?

In any case, I think the internet has made the world seem quite cruel and mercenary. We read someone's profile and think "oh, I can never deliver on all that" and we back off. That's why I say to go out and just practice meeting people. All it takes is that one click with the other person, and that connection will overrule any other bullet point on any list that person writes on their dating profile. The whole trick is to look past the bluff and uncover that person's currency - and that currency rarely has anything to do with money or appearances. I learn more and more that things aren't always as they first seem, and what people say and how they feel are often two different things. We're all quite simple at heart, all we want is to feel close to the person who feels right for us. If you know that and fully realize it, all the superficial nonsense falls away.
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I seriously think you should write a book or something. I agree that when it comes down to it, the reason a lot of us guys here aren't having much luck has more to do with the fact that SA causes us to try less. I'm sure if I talked to every single woman I came in contact with I would eventually find one that clicked with me like you said. But the trick is getting the courage to talk to every single one lol. Plus I'm pretty sure the feelings we give people aren't pleasant ones. It probably goes more into the territory of awkward and uncomfortable. But I don't blame women, I dont wanna be around myself half the time until I have had my coffee.
 
lurknomore

lurknomore

1
Wow, I think that this thread has strayed a little off-topic, and a lot of it I just kind of skimmed through. But a few things caught my eye, like some people (men) here thinking that a woman doesn't have to do anything but wait around for a man/relationship. Now, I have been in a few relationships, but being able to count them on one hand at the age of 32, and not just having opportunities fall into my lap (the relationships I have had were pretty much like that though, but it happens on average once every 5-6 years- and I found I wasn't even that attracted to most of them, even the one I married) does suggest that I do have to do something to get into the dating game... I just haven't figured out what that is yet. :confused:

I am depressed at the moment, and it's not because I'm single... although it's not exactly helping.
 
StupidWiz

StupidWiz

Well-known member
Yes, sometimes I cry because of it. After that, I'll get up and say it to myself that even I must have someone out there waiting for me, so just hold on...
 
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