Being hit on

[YellowBird]

if i happen to find someone attractive doesn't mean that he'll like me to,whether i give him a signal or not,just because he's a boy he'll like me?i understand being friends with someone and at some point romantic feelings might emerge,but it's totally acceptable and normal to be rejected.

 

[MrSunday]

I've never been asked out. I like the way I look, but most people think I'm ugly. >_> Oh well...

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

but the good news is that they can be learned

it just so happens there are a few hundred active users of this forum who are female

they could probably help to enlighten those of us willing to ask politely, be patient, and learn from them

But do they know they're doing it? I thought you were referring to the subconscious actions that people do when they're attracted to someone, without them actually being aware of it.

 

[coyote]

But do they know they're doing it? I thought you were referring to the subconscious actions that people do when they're attracted to someone, without them actually being aware of it.

well, true, that happens, too

but maybe they are insightful enough to know what they do, or maybe what other girls do that they know

it probably wouldn't hurt to ask

(i'd be happy to share everything i know on the subject, but you'll have to purchase my upcoming e-book and/or subscribe to the newsletter)

 

[Kiwong]

I particularly dislike that adolescent phrase. I've heard it used too many times.

My anxiety can be confused as this. At first I found it embarassing, to be accused of this by people I have no interest in, who I immediately lose respect for. And then it started to affect my health. Now I can't talk to anyone wearing a ring on their finger. So many names I've been called.

I immediately lose respect for anyone who directs those words at me. Particularly adults of my age, surely they possess enough intelligence to do better.

I can barely talk to anyone in real life, being accussed of hitting on someone gives me more credit for confidence than I have. That word makes me want to vomit, and its use by facile gossips is destroying my world.

I can't go to meetings, interviews for fear of people noticing my anxiety.

 

[MrSunday]

I can't go to meeting, interviews for fear of people noticing my anxiety.

One day, you'll get fed up and won't give a crap what other people think. I'm at that pace now where I really can't be bothered what other people are thinking. >_>

When I came back home after a bad day, I go upstairs to my room. Grab an umbrella and smash my bed with it. It's sounds hilarious but releases all the tensions.

 

[Kiwong]

One day, you'll get fed up and won't give a crap what other people think. I'm at that pace now where I really can't be bothered what other people are thinking. >_>

When I came back home after a bad day, I go upstairs to my room. Grab an umbrella and smash my bed with it. It's sounds hilarious but releases all the tensions.

Nice one with the umbrella, I might try it.

At the moment it takes an immense amount of courage to go out into social situations. Before and after running races is the worst time. I stand their waiting at the start, and I want to be a million miles away from the judgemental mass of humanity around me. It feels like the freaking Spanish inquistion.

Wearing sunglasses does help. I thought of wearing them all the time as a way of protest. Talk to my glass lenses not my anxiety.

 

[Etbow23]

I'm mixed on this. When I was around 16 to like 18 I guess (but especially 16) I was dogged on the streets by random men. I couldn't even stand at the dang busstop for more than 10 minutes without receiving 10 honks and whistles out of the passing cars. A couple of times cars stopped and tried to get me to go in with them. Also I would be harassed at busstops, walking, in stores...anywhere where I was either alone or with a girlfriend. I was really naive and desperate so I probably showed that as well. I was also really nice so if someone said something to me (even if the person was older and it was inappropriate) I would react politely.

Things changed, I gained weight and went through a lot of **** and became in general much more grown up and less easy. And less attractive I guess? It's amazing because I'm 21 now and for the past couple years, I rarely get harassed. I have a car now, so typically I'm not on the streets, but even still. Occasionally someone may say something, like once this customer told me I was a very pretty girl (...) and some person asked if I had a boyfriend, but I'm telling you, that's rare.

Also, I've had my boyfriend for a couple of years too. So I don't know if it's because I'm less desperate/naive, less attractive, older, committed, have a car, or what. I really don't. The weird thing is that I never got asked out in school or noticed, so I'm pretty sure it was just because i looked naive.

But I will say I don't like being aggressively harassed or harassed by creeps. Like the type that will cuss you out if you ignore them (happened to me a few times). It was really degrading (and startled me often times) to be honked at on the streets. I absolutely despise cat calls. I remember once I was walking in the Sierra nevada when i was 16 with my ex stepfather and a couple of redneck construction workers yelled something at me while I was walking with him (in the middle of the boonies) and my stepfather was like 'you know i'm worried about you if you can turn a couple of rednecks on ...' or something like that. And I don't like anything from creepy men. But a nice compliment from a non-creep or acknowledgement/look from a non-creep at least tells me that I'm still somewhat attractive. So I get how you feel.

 

[MikeyC]

I'm mixed on this. When I was around 16 to like 18 I guess (but especially 16) I was dogged on the streets by random men. I couldn't even stand at the dang busstop for more than 10 minutes without receiving 10 honks and whistles out of the passing cars. A couple of times cars stopped and tried to get me to go in with them. Also I would be harassed at busstops, walking, in stores...anywhere where I was either alone or with a girlfriend. I was really naive and desperate so I probably showed that as well. I was also really nice so if someone said something to me (even if the person was older and it was inappropriate) I would react politely.

I would hate this. It must've been awful.

 

[lurknomore]

I've never been hit on, at least that I was aware of. People barely even talk to me, much less show any kind of interest. Maybe it's happened and I was just oblivious. I have no idea what someone showing interest in me would even be like. No wonder I feel like an unattractive blob.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm mixed on this. When I was around 16 to like 18 I guess (but especially 16) I was dogged on the streets by random men. I couldn't even stand at the dang busstop for more than 10 minutes without receiving 10 honks and whistles out of the passing cars. A couple of times cars stopped and tried to get me to go in with them. Also I would be harassed at busstops, walking, in stores...anywhere where I was either alone or with a girlfriend. I was really naive and desperate so I probably showed that as well. I was also really nice so if someone said something to me (even if the person was older and it was inappropriate) I would react politely.

Things changed, I gained weight and went through a lot of **** and became in general much more grown up and less easy. And less attractive I guess? It's amazing because I'm 21 now and for the past couple years, I rarely get harassed. I have a car now, so typically I'm not on the streets, but even still. Occasionally someone may say something, like once this customer told me I was a very pretty girl (...) and some person asked if I had a boyfriend, but I'm telling you, that's rare.

Also, I've had my boyfriend for a couple of years too. So I don't know if it's because I'm less desperate/naive, less attractive, older, committed, have a car, or what. I really don't. The weird thing is that I never got asked out in school or noticed, so I'm pretty sure it was just because i looked naive.

But I will say I don't like being aggressively harassed or harassed by creeps. Like the type that will cuss you out if you ignore them (happened to me a few times). It was really degrading (and startled me often times) to be honked at on the streets. I absolutely despise cat calls. I remember once I was walking in the Sierra nevada when i was 16 with my ex stepfather and a couple of redneck construction workers yelled something at me while I was walking with him (in the middle of the boonies) and my stepfather was like 'you know i'm worried about you if you can turn a couple of rednecks on ...' or something like that. And I don't like anything from creepy men. But a nice compliment from a non-creep or acknowledgement/look from a non-creep at least tells me that I'm still somewhat attractive. So I get how you feel.

^I'm sorry, that's both awful and extremly irritating.

I've never been hit on, at least that I was aware of. People barely even talk to me, much less show any kind of interest. Maybe it's happened and I was just oblivious. I have no idea what someone showing interest in me would even be like. No wonder I feel like an unattractive blob.

Same here....

 

[Minty]

A lot of it is body language. I asked a guy friend a long time ago what it is about me that makes me unapproachable and he said, in different words, that most guys interpret quiet awkwardness as bitchy rejection. So my shyness is intimidating. :/

 

[bcsr]

I only hit on shy girls. The nerdier the better.

 

[MikeyC]

I have no idea what someone showing interest in me would even be like. No wonder I feel like an unattractive blob.

Not being hit on and being hit on too much seems to be an issue. What's a good medium?

 

[Srijita52]

Not being hit on and being hit on too much seems to be an issue. What's a good medium?

Maybe not overdoing it and respect the other person's opinion when they don't seem interested? But it depends on the person I guess, not everyone's same.

 

[ikbenrifi]

There is that girl who stared at me at the uni, a friend of mine has noticed and told me, is this a hit on ?
i have no idea what's the next step to do if it really is !

 

[Richey]

This is the reason i do not hit on females that i don't know from being friends with them first, it doesnt seem right and its safe to assume that they would find it weird if you dont at least know them somehow. I just assume they think its weird from the get go. I mean some would take it as a compliment but if you really think about it, it is shallow to think that someone has the right to approach someone for a date based on glances. It is probably different if the guy is James Bond like in his smoothness, that would probably have a higher success rate but in general?..

Anyway. I have been hit on from girls and i never found it creepy, i usually always took it is a compliment. But it never really led to anything substantial because those girls would quickly move on to someone else anyway.

Perhaps the problem is the actual act of "asking someone out" after hardly any interaction is just too forced compared to things happening naturally?

I suppose some people dont care whilst others find it too uncomfortable.

Anyway i am not really involved in that sort of social world anyway now days, so i am no expert.

 

[Ashiene]

I'm sure you're right about that. I tend to not flirt back with guys.
However, when going out with a group of girlfriends, the others get hit on when I don't. I am more reserved, so that probably shows even before a guy approaches us.
I think guys who know me are more likely to flirt with me because I'm more comfortable around them.
I still feel a little like I'm not worth someone's attention, which makes me feel a little bad about myself.

I'd prefer flirting with the quiet, shy ones. The popular, outgoing girls who get so much male attention probably won't appreciate being flirted with as much as those who rarely get any attention. Besides, the quiet, shy ones are those I believe who deserve the much-needed attention. Quiet ones usually have more interesting things to say, but shyness holds them back. I would like to coax them to open up and share.

 

[Ashiene]

Anyway, I have NEVER got hit on ever in real life. I don't approach girls in RL because I always have this fear that if I approach them, they would think I am hitting on them and they would think I don't deserve them at all.

 

[InvisaLady]

I'm 30 and I have never been hit on by a guy. In all honesty it would be great If a few would, it would be really nice to be noticed.