Being hit on

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
#1
I've noticed most of my friends (on fb and in real life) are constantly being hit on. Most of them complain about it, but they also seem used to it. I even witnessed one of my friends be hit on (by a creepy guy) and he looked at me and said that I was good-looking too, but it seemed like an afterthought.
While I would be uncomfortable with random guys flirting with me, I've noticed that even when I have gone out, this is a rare occurance for me. I don't think I'm bad looking, and I actually view myself as more attractive than some of these people. Usually if somebody does flirt with me, it's somebody I've known for years.
I'm almost insulted that I don't get as much attention (and maybe a little jealous) but also relieved since I'd be very uncomfortable in the situation. Does anyone else feel this way?
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
#2
I think part of what makes some girls get hit on more than others is the way they react/reciprocate to the initial flirting.

It might have nothing to do with your looks but if you shy away rather than playing/flirting back, joking with them, being physical- the attempts to flirt your way will be alot less than someone who actively flirts back.
 

Boby

Well-known member
#3
Well that haven't happen to me,don't wana brag but whenever I get into new groups of people girls flirt me::p: more than with the other guys but after a few minutes are easily turned off by my lack of confidence and social skills in general.
So maybe the same can apply to you ,maybe is more about your character and less about your looks.I know guys are attracted more by the looks but we have our limits to were that goes ,we are not mindless horny animals.
 

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
#4
I'm sure you're right about that. I tend to not flirt back with guys.
However, when going out with a group of girlfriends, the others get hit on when I don't. I am more reserved, so that probably shows even before a guy approaches us.
I think guys who know me are more likely to flirt with me because I'm more comfortable around them.
I still feel a little like I'm not worth someone's attention, which makes me feel a little bad about myself.
 

Gaucho

Well-known member
#5
i don't know when someone flirts with m, maybe they never did, and even less i know to flirt.

well in the subway/bus girls flirt with me now that i think about it lol. but people i know closely i couldn't say.
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
#8
I've been hit on a bit by random guys, as well as by guys I know, and it tends to make me feel uncomfortable, so yeah, I can relate. I don't quite know how to respond most of the time, so I usually just ignore it.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
#9
I'm sure you're right about that. I tend to not flirt back with guys.
However, when going out with a group of girlfriends, the others get hit on when I don't. I am more reserved, so that probably shows even before a guy approaches us.
I think guys who know me are more likely to flirt with me because I'm more comfortable around them.
I still feel a little like I'm not worth someone's attention, which makes me feel a little bad about myself.
I'm the same, I guess I'm too reserved and it seems obvious.
I got hit on one or two times though, it was just plain awkward because I didn't know how to respond, guys found that lame and lost interest shortly after.
 
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YellowBird

Well-known member
#10
i remember once i went out with some girls from my college at this gig,and all of them got hit on by the band members except for me,naturally i'd be glad,because i always feel slimy and dirty after they hit on me and i just hate it,but i already felt inferior next to the other girls and that made matters worst,also i tend to be more juvenile than other girls my age,i don't take myself seriously and i make a clown out of myself,so i suppose that's unsexy for some guys.sometimes it doesn't have to do with looks so much but more with personality and attitude.
 

Waybuloo

Well-known member
#12
i remember once i went out with some girls from my college at this gig,and all of them got hit on by the band members except for me,naturally i'd be glad,because i always feel slimy and dirty after they hit on me and i just hate it,but i already felt inferior next to the other girls and that made matters worst,also i tend to be more juvenile than other girls my age,i don't take myself seriously and i make a clown out of myself,so i suppose that's unsexy for some guys.sometimes it doesn't have to do with looks so much but more with personality and attitude.
That's really personable and put your personality and attitude above your friends.
 

coyote

Well-known member
#14
(the following comment is mostly for the guys on this forum)

i think this thread is a good example of how wrong the idea is that "girls don't have to do anything, guys always have to make the first move, blah blah blah, etc."

guys approach girls who have indicated through non-verbal cues that they are open to being approached - so, in effect, the woman makes the first move

if you're a man who just crawled out from your cave and think that woman should be subjugated, you might believe that every woman you're interested in should fall at your feet just because you worked up the courage to say "hi" to them - and you're probably upset that they reject you (how dare they!).

you might not be aware that the women are actually taking the first step by sending you signals as to whether they want you to approach in the first place.

if you allow yourself to learn the signals, you'll end up approaching the women who want you to, and not approaching the women who don't

thereby making the whole thing much more fun for everyone
 
#15
(the following comment is mostly for the guys on this forum)

i think this thread is a good example of how wrong the idea is that "girls don't have to do anything, guys always have to make the first move, blah blah blah, etc."
I agree.

you might not be aware that the women are actually taking the first step by sending you signals as to whether they want you to approach in the first place.

if you allow yourself to learn the signals, you'll end up approaching the women who want you to, and not approaching the women who don't

thereby making the whole thing much more fun for everyone
I agree with this too, but for a lot of people with SA these signals will be very hard to pick up on. You learn how to pick up on and react to these signals through social interaction, so it can become something of a chicken and egg situation.
 

Boby

Well-known member
#16
i think this thread is a good example of how wrong the idea is that "girls don't have to do anything, guys always have to make the first move, blah blah blah, etc."
It's very true what you say,but usually guys say that because girls are almost always playing safe.If a girl likes a guy she just shows some subtle signs(some guys are completely oblivious to those signs) while the guy has to make a decision if makes a move or not ,he has to deal with the risk of rejection.That's why some people think it's harder for guys.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
#17
I agree with this too, but for a lot of people with SA these signals will be very hard to pick up on.
Exactly. I have a hard time acknowledging the signals if they're obvious!

I don't have the courage to hit on girls at all, so to the girls out there: you won't need to worry about me. I can understand how it would be uncomfortable having a guy all over you, silently praying he will walk away.
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
#18
coyote, once again, makes perfect sense:). It often makes me wonder what (wo)men would think once they realize that. But I also relate to what Mikey says. I hardly (and I mean hardly) pick up on these signs::p:. When I think I am, I always convince myself that I'm just seeing things and that girls are just being friendly. Some signals are more obscure and open to interpretation than others. But that's my fault.

But, as much as I fear women, I do wish for their attention. It feels good to be flirted with; when you aren't, you feel unattractive and your self-worth is hit (well, at least this is true for me). It's a deadlock::p:!
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
#19
(the following comment is mostly for the guys on this forum)

i think this thread is a good example of how wrong the idea is that "girls don't have to do anything, guys always have to make the first move, blah blah blah, etc."

guys approach girls who have indicated through non-verbal cues that they are open to being approached - so, in effect, the woman makes the first move

if you're a man who just crawled out from your cave and think that woman should be subjugated, you might believe that every woman you're interested in should fall at your feet just because you worked up the courage to say "hi" to them - and you're probably upset that they reject you (how dare they!).

you might not be aware that the women are actually taking the first step by sending you signals as to whether they want you to approach in the first place.

if you allow yourself to learn the signals, you'll end up approaching the women who want you to, and not approaching the women who don't

thereby making the whole thing much more fun for everyone
Very good post coyote. I agree with all of it.
 

coyote

Well-known member
#20
...for a lot of people with SA these signals will be very hard to pick up on...
but the good news is that they can be learned

it just so happens there are a few hundred active users of this forum who are female

they could probably help to enlighten those of us willing to ask politely, be patient, and learn from them
 
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